After watching the pathetic ending for All Stars, a twisted idea occurred to I'll Cover Angel and Collins and she asked me to write this. And so here is what I came up with. If it's dark where you live, you might want to wait until dawn before reading this.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Total Drama. Also, I've never been to Nunavut.
It was just a normal sunny day during the southern-Canadian midsummer. Canadians were busy engaging in everyday Canadian activities; particularly speaking like Americans, writing like Britons and doing everything else, depending on their individual personalities. With the occasional news worthy events, celebrations and atrocities aside, it was just a normal day for the average Canadian. That was until they looked up at the sky and witnessed something that they've never seen before. In fact, it was even something even the Americans, Chinese, Indians, Russians, Brazilians and Japanese have never seen before either. It was something no one on this whole planet has seen before in their entire lives.
Up in the air was a cluster of eight orange balloons; all of them big enough to fit a human being. This did in fact surprise the Canadians. Nevertheless, most of them shrugged it off and thought nothing of it. They assumed this all had something to do with Izzy. After all, ever since Izzy was born, the quantity of paranormal phenomenon has increased dramatically in every corner in Canada. The phenomenon have even caused every other country in the world to fear Canada; this has even caused every other planet in the universe to fear Planet Earth, but especially Canada. So there was practically no reason for the Canadians to fear an invasion or a large-scale manmade disaster.
However, what the Canadians did not realise was that Izzy has had nothing to do with the balloons. They did not even realise that inside those human-sized balloons were in fact human beings. This was what prevented the balloons from propelling into space. Instead, the balloons were heading north. The further north these balloons travelled, the colder the external conditions surrounding them became. Additionally, the external pressure declined. As a matter of fact, it declined to a point that by the time the balloons reached Baffin Island in Nunavut…
*POP*
*POP*
*POP*
*POP*
*POP*
*POP*
*POP*
*POP*
Courtney, Duncan, Jo, Lightning, Lindsay, Sam, Scott and Sierra fell a full mile and a half to the surface of the ocean. Obviously, to fall at such a velocity into the water would be like landing on concrete after falling from the CN Tower in Toronto. Nevertheless, as a consequence of cartoon logic, the only implication for the fall of the eight former All Stars competitors was the sheer shock of falling into the frigid Hudson Bay waters.
"ARGH SHIT THIS IS FUCKING COLD!" Courtney shrieked.
"Tell me about it," Jo mumbled.
"Aw… I wanted to keep flying," Lindsay moaned.
"And end up in the even colder North Pole? Forget it!" Jo snorted.
"At least I still have my Codycam!" Sierra chirped.
"'Codycam', or CAMERON, is not here!" Scott rolled his eyes. "He was shot down along with Alejandro, Heather and Gwen so they'd be helpers for the Gary-Stu-Mary-Sue couple in the finale!"
"WHAT?!" shrieked Sierra. She did a headcount. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHERE'S MY CODYCAM!"
"Get over it, it's just Cameron!" Jo snapped.
"NO! I CAN NEVER GET OVER IT KNOWING THAT I MIGHT NEVER GET A CHANCE TO HAVE SEX WITH MY CODYCAM!" Sierra wailed.
"He doesn't like you! GET OVER IT!" Courtney shouted.
"Whoa, calm down princess," Duncan cut in.
Courtney punched Duncan in the face. "Don't ever call me that again! Not only are you a cheater but you are a writer's pet as well!"
"Hey, it's not my fault I make the fans go wild," Duncan glared.
"Yeah? Well just cos ya have half the Total Drama fandom on Fan Fiction Net are objectifying you doesn't mean they all love you," Jo mused. "Now let's get on dry land quickly before we get hyperthermia!" she commanded.
"I don't see any dry land," Scott claimed.
"Uh, there's a dock a few metres from where we're situated…" Sam pointed towards a dock.
"Oh," said Scott.
"Seriously, did you just go full retard while I was gone?" Jo snickered. "I'm beginning to think even Lightning is smarter than you."
"Sha-LIGHTNING!" Everyone paused and turned to look towards Lightning, who was swimming away from the dock.
"Hold on to that thought for a minute," said Jo in monotone. "LIGHTNING! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!" she shouted.
"NAW-UH! NOBODY TELLS THE SHA-LIGHTNING WHAT TO DO! SHA-LIGHTNING!" Lightning shouted back.
"Let's get him!" Courtney hissed at Jo. Jo nodded. The two swam after and caught up with Lightning. They grabbed him and dragged him all the way to the dock, followed closely by Sierra, Sam, Scott, Duncan and Lindsay. They all reached the dock within the next five minutes.
"Well, we're in Iqaluit now," Jo panted.
"What's Iqaluit?" Lindsay asked. "Are we in the Middle East?"
"We're still in Canada, Lindsiot," an annoyed Courtney corrected her. "Iqaluit is the capital and largest city of Nunavut."
"What's Nunavut?" asked Lindsay.
Courtney sighed relentlessly. "Nunavut is the largest yet least populous territory of all provinces and territories in Canada," she groaned.
"Oh," said Lindsay. "What is Canada again?" she asked.
Courtney face-palmed. "Forget it, Lindsay."
"Hey, I can't say I'd blame her for not knowing about Nunavut," Scott shrugged. "Nunavut is the most boring part of Canada. There's nothing up here."
"Excuse me, I've been to Nunavut four times in my life so far prior to going here," Courtney glared. "It's not boring."
"Yeah, but I bet you've been to other places more often," Duncan smirked.
"True, but can you blame me? There's only 30,000 people in an area the size of Western Europe," Courtney protested. "Let's just shut up and find somewhere warm to dry off."
And so the gang made their way through the town of Iqaluit, searching for a hotel or a B&B to stay in. None of them had any money on them, but they assumed that because they were on a popular TV show someone would pay for their stay.
The search for shelter was cut short, however, when the group noticed a putrid smell that made their stomachs want to vault out through their mouths. The smell was familiar too. In fact, they had to deal with that odour only half an hour ago.
"HEY GUYS!" Owen beamed, appearing from around a corner, having farted only a few seconds ago.
"OWEN!" everyone else responded. However, it was not a pleasant response. Courtney, Jo, Duncan, Scott, Sierra, Sam, Lightning and even Lindsay were glaring daggers at Owen.
"You bastard!" Courtney shouted at Owen.
"No, my parents were married before having me," Owen corrected her.
"Don't you correct me!" Courtney scolded at him. "We woke up and found ourselves trapped in oversized balloons that smell exactly like your farts you fat fuck!"
Owen was shocked and hurt by what Courtney said. "That's not very nice!" he gasped.
"Well tough!" Courtney glared. "You trapped us in confined spaces that smell worse than a dead corpse covered in shit and you quite possibly drugged us beforehand yet you still expect us to be fucking nice to you?!" she screamed.
"Chris said he'd give me a chocolate bar if I did that!" Owen protested.
"Seriously? Over a bar?" Duncan sneered. "Why couldn't you just go shoplifting like I normally do so you could have all the bars you want? You have no excuse for putting us through Hell! We're no longer friends."
"I was hungry!" Owen wailed.
"You're always hungry, Owen!" glared Jo.
"C'mon, let's go to the police," said Sierra. "Let's teach him a lesson." Everyone except Owen was in agreement and headed off to go find the local police station. Owen began to panic. He was too young to go to jail.
"WAIT!" he shrieked, but none of his former friends were going to change their minds. Left without any other option, Owen jumped and landed on the ground in ball position. He proceeded to roll towards the group and run them over, knocking all eight of them unconscious. He stood up, picked up their bodies, stuffed them in his pants and headed home.
There was no way Owen was going to let them abandon him.
No way whatsoever.
And that concludes chapter one. Next chapter should be up later this month.
Until next time!