A/N: I'm sorry... No, I'm not.
Sherlock Holmes was a great man with a great penis. If this were a Harry Potter fanfiction, I might even say it was a platform of nine and three quarters. But never mind that.
Because of his great penis, he was invited to the most prestigious of events, The Cock and Ball Gala. The only unfortunate thing was that he needed to get out of work to attend it.
So Sherlock decided that the best way to do that was to get a doctor's note. So he knocked on Watson's door. "John? I need a doctor's note to get out of work tomorrow."
Watson opened the door. "You need a doctor's note? Well come in then we better have a thorough examination first."
"Will that really be necessary?" Sherlock asked.
"It's standard procedure, Sherlock. I'd expect you to know that," John said. "Now strip naked. Except for your socks."
"Why not my socks?" Sherlock said.
"Because it's hot!" Watson said. "I mean, stand procedure, really."
Sherlock did as he was told giving Watson ample time to see his platform of nine and three quarters.
"Quite nice," Watson said, appreciatively.
"What's nice?" Sherlock said. "Am I ill?"
"Oh, very," Watson said licking his lips.
"Am I going to die?" Sherlock asked.
"Not if you follow my instructions to a T," Watson said. "Your penis appears rather swollen, it must be infected. I'll just need to suck the infection out."
"Suck the infection out? Are you sure that's sound medical advice?" Sherlock asked.
"Oh, absolutely," Watson said. "Now sit on the bed." Sherlock did as he was told and Watson got down on his knees and "sucked the infection" for a bit.
Sherlock was rather hard but had an expression of pain on his face. "That feels... funny. Oh!"
Watson got up. "Well it appears that isn't working. We'll have to take more desperate measures."
"Are you going to have to amputate?" Sherlock asked terrified.
"God, no!" Watson said. "I just have to umm... use a non-infected penis to rub out the infection."
"That sounds painful," Sherlock said.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that. It's actually quite pleasant," Watson said. "Now, I'll just strip naked."
"And you're sure this is absolutely necessary," Sherlock asked.
"One hundred percent," Watson said, grabbing his own penis and Sherlock's and rubbing them together in some sort of evocative dance.
That was when Mrs. Hudson walked in. "Boys, I made you a spot of tea!" Then as she saw what was happening she dropped her tray and the tea cups fell shattering to the floor. "Well, I'll just... come back later."
"It's nothing," Sherlock said. "Just combating an infection."
"Right..." Mrs. Hudson said.
Watson rubbed a little more, unperturbed by the disruption. Sherlock erupted into an orgasm and shouted, "Goodness, heaven's what was that?"
"That means your infection is gone," Watson said. "Now if you just rub out my infection?"
"How would I do that?" Sherlock asked.
"Well just take your hand, like this," Watson said strategicallly placing Sherlock's hand. "Now rub it up and down."
Sherlock shook his wrist back and forth and Watson moaned pleasurably. As Watson came Sherlock pulled his hand away. "Eww, that infection is sticky."
"Yes, well then. I'll write you that doctor's note then," Watson said, scribbling something down on a piece of paper.
"Thanks!" Sherlock said.
The next day, Sherlock went to hand Lestrad his doctor's note. "Sherlock you can't be serious," Lestrad said. "Did you read this doctor's note?"
To Whom it May Concern
Sherlock is a great man, with a great penis and he will not be attending work today. As he works for free I gather this won't be a problem.
Sincerly, John Watson
"Fine, Sherlock you're off the hook this time!" Lestrad said.
THE END (FOR NOW)
A/N: Should I write a chapter after this where Sherlock takes John to the Cock and Ball Gala? I think so. Review if you liked it.