Disclaimer: I do not own Agent of Shield.
Written for tabzy18, who won my Birthday Giveaway gift of a fic.
May appreciated tricks and pranks as much as the next person (or perhaps more than the next person if the next person was Ward). Particularly if it took skill to pull it off. Not just anyone could sneak into Couslon's office and unstick every single item in his prized collection just to stick it on the ceiling. May hadn't been 'caught' exactly, but she knew that Couslon knew it was her. She hadn't objected when he asked for her help to get everything down.
May knew the moment that Couslon suggested Lady Sif have a drink with them after their mission that he was up to something. She wasn't sure what, but he was definitely planning something. The bar on the bus wasn't good enough; instead Couslon insisted that they go to a 'real earth pub'. Sif had agreed, not really seeing a reason not to. So the whole team filed into the tiny pub while May waited outside.
Soon enough, may was greeted by a familiar face. She may not have ever worked particularly closely with Agent Maria Hill, but she had spoken to her on several brief occasions and her record and close association with Director Fury spoke for themselves. That Couslon seemed to trust her was enough for May.
Maria nodded at her and glanced at the door to the pub. "Phil said your team was in the area, but I didn't realise that the whole team would be on leave."
May just opened the door for Maria. She hadn't realised they had been 'in the area'. The three hour long flight Phil had ordered just before starting a particularly long debriefing with Lady Sif seemed to indicate otherwise as well. As did the New York plates on Maria's car. They were in Philadelphia, at least a two hour drive from New York.
If May's lack of response disturbed Maria she didn't show it. Instead she just walked calmly into the bar and instinctively headed towards the shadowy back corner – all the better to hide an Asgardian warrior who had refused to remove her battle armour. Phil stood up the moment she approached.
"Maria, what are you doing here?"
"I was … in the area. It's been too long Coulson. Someone has to make sure you haven't completely undermined Fury during your latest mission."
'In the area' indeed.
Coulson gestured towards the table. "I see you've already seen Melinda tonight. The rest of the team is here as well as is our guest Lady Sif, who helped with our last mission, as I'm sure you know."
Maria did know, but she was still surprised to see Lady Sif. From what Thor had implied, it wasn't exactly usual for Asgardians to stay on Earth longer than they needed to, at least not anymore. Thor was of course, the exception and even he had limited experience on Earth due to the fact that he still spent most of his time in Asgard.
Maria slipped into the booth next to Coulson and May sat next to Lady Sif.
Coulson spent the rest of the night guiding the conversation so that Maria and Lady Sif could talk to each other as much as possible. He also spent a fair amount of time glaring at May as she too manipulated the conversation, though it wasn't like she was being sublte about her attempts. At least not to Coulson, Lady Sif seemed to have no idea that any power play was happening and not be completely honest, May wasn't sure what Maria was aware of. Though she erred on the side of caution and assumed Maria at least knew that she and Coulson were playing some sort of game.
The night ended in the car park with Maria shaking Coulson and Lady Sif's hands before climbing into her car. Everyone else started to pile into the two SUVs to head back to the bus. Coulson guided lady Sif into the back seat of one of the cars, muttering something in her ear. She nodded slowly and gave him a considering look and settling in the back of the SUV with Skye and Simmons, who were giggling while holding each other up. Fitz was pushed into the front seat where he almost immediately fell asleep. May slipped into the front seat to drive them back to the bus.
The conversation in the back seat started out as quiet muttering, but Simmons had ever been very good at controlling her volume when drunk.
"No!" Simmons said with a loud whine. "It's rude to ask a woman's age."
"I am confused. Why would Agent Coulson tell me to then?"
May flicked her eyes to the trio in the back just in time to see Skye attempt to pat Lady Sif's knee only to end up patting her own. Challenging a Norse god to a drinking contest hadn't been the best idea she'd ever had.
"You don't need to ask her. I'll just hack into her file once we get back to the bus and tell you how old she is."
Lady Sif seemed happy enough with the idea and sat back content. May just rolled her eyes.
When they finally rolled up to the bus, Simmons and Skye quickly scattered out of the SUV and ran up the stairs to Skye's room to retrieve her laptop. May lowered the seat Fitz was sleeping on. He would have a killer headache in the morning and a few aches from the uncomfortable sleeping position, but he deserved that for trying to match lady Sif and Skye drink for drink when he knew he had no stomach for the stuff. By the time May had finished settling Fitz down for the night (with a bucket and a blanket, she wasn't completely heartless) Lady Sif was wandering back out of the plane.
"You're leaving." May stated as she shut the SUV door.
"Yes. It seems Skye has already fallen asleep and will not be able to help me on my endeavour to figure out Maria Hill's age."
"What did Coulson say exactly?"
"He suggested I consider dating Maria. I believe this is meant to yield some form of information that I may find useful, but I am unsure what form it could take."
"It is possible." May said lightly as she walked Lady Sif down the ramp and to the field the bus was parked in. "But I think it would be more likely that he was hinting at the idea of you asking Agent Hill out on a date. Courting her, so to speak."
Lady Sif frowned. "Admittedly that does make more sense. What a strange turn of phrase. You humans certainly are inventive with words."
She shook her head and walked further into the field before disappearing in a flash of light. May headed back u the ramp, closing it behind her. On her way back to her own bed she found Simmons and Skye slumped against each other with Skye's laptop open in front of them. May peered at it before deleting Skye's search and shutting it down. Even drunk, Skye had managed to hack into the lower secured of S.H.I.E.L.D's personal files.
/-/-/-/
It wasn't often that May found herself with a day off. It was even less common for her to find herself with a day off where she could actually visit and spend the night in the apartment she owned. May didn't even know how Lady Sif managed to find her considering the almost constant moving that was involved with her job, but after the thunderous knocking on her front door, May was not surprised to find Lady Sif standing on her door step looking at her somewhat annoyed. Actually, she was surprised that lady Sif was annoyed. It was four in the morning; if anyone had the right to be annoyed it was May.
"Agent May. I find myself in need of your assistance."
"Is someone following you?"
"No."
"Trying to kill you?"
"No."
"Have you killed someone?"
"No. I don't understand these questions. I am more than capable of defending myself and disposing of a body if the need arose."
"Of course. Is the world about to end? Is there something from another dimension coming to consume us?"
"No! My you have quite the imagination."
"I wish." May muttered. The world ending was not as rare an occasion as she would like to think. "In that case, what is so urgent that you need my help at four in the morning?"
Lady Sif blinked slowly. "Is that early? I can come back. What is considered a social polite time to ask for assistance?"
May gritted her teeth. She wouldn't be able to get to sleep again anyway. She stepped aside.
"No. Now will have to do. Come in."
"Good. How do you ask someone out on one of these 'dates'?"
/-/-/-/
By the loud pounding on her apartment door may knew who she would find on the other side. At least it wasn't four in the morning.
"Lady Sif."
"Agent May. I need your assistance. How do you ask someone to a second date?"
Coulson would be insufferable for the next week at least. He hadn't even done anything.