WELL GREAT MOTHER THERESA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ I FINALLY GOT TO THIS. I actually started this whole thing 2 months ago, but then I shoved it in the depths of my school folders and totally forgot about it. Then, when I woke up at 4:12 AM this morning I decided to clean it out and I found a paper labeled, "25 Things Scotland Should Never Do". I was feeling really guilty about the how I couldn't find enough time to be on here so I felt like finishing this. I know it's not 50 things and the humour is crap, but I at least hope you'll find this amusing in even the slightest of ways… Pairings contained in this chapter: Kirklandcest.

1. I will not play the game "Truth or Dare", especially if England is attending.

2. Because if I choose dare, NO MATTER WHAT, those bastards will all dare me to kiss my brother.

3. …..Truth is for pussies.

4. If someone brings new tobacco into the room, I will not create a flash mob with Cuba, Netherlands and the South American countries just to get it.

5. I will not bitch slap Ireland for ordering me vodka instead of Scotch.

6. I'll slug him because my brother should know that Russian alcohol is hazardous to my vitals.

7. I shan't ask England to make a gender-bent version of me.

8. I'll be so attracted to that beauty that I'll lead her up to bed and fuck.

9. Wait. Is that incest or selfcest?

10. I will not smoke in non-smoking areas.

11. Because I didn't choose thug life. Thug life chose me.

12. I will not tell Wales that everyone at his place is a whore.

13. Because "Hoe" happens to be a common Welsh surname.

14. It is forbidden for me to make my own parody of "The Fox" and call it "The Scot".

15. ...What Does The Scot Say?

16. "Feckin' ENGLAND."

17. I will not start bar fights no matter what the occasion.

18. Even if it my opponent happens to be the following:

19. France.

20. England.

21. The author of this story.

22. One Direction.

23. You.

24. And finally, I, Alistair McDougall, will never ever touch/grab/grope/tap/stroke any one of my brothers' asses.

25. Except England. Is butt is so adorable that he's so an exception.