"Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune..."

- "Carry On My Wayward Son", Kansas

Gus knew, dammit, he knew, that him and Shawn up in a car together for long periods of time was not bound to end well.

But when they'd gotten the call for the case, somebody private calling and asking for help in San Francisco, Shawn's immediate look of glee had been hard to put down.

"Road trip," he'd said.

"No. Absolutely not," is what Gus said back.

"But come on!" Shawn whined, making a pleading face. "We can take the blueberry. Please?"

Gus opened his mouth. And closed it the second he realized his efforts would be futile. "You know what? Fine," he said.

Which was how he and Shawn had ended up in the Blueberry for the past hour and a half.

And Shawn was already beginning to get on his nerves.

Shawn considered, albeit briefly, that the third snow cone may have been a mistake. Maybe.

"Dude, have you ever really thought about antlers?" Shawn shifted positions and grinned, "more specifically, antler velvet..."

Was that a twitch he saw forming next to Gus's eye? He must be trying to hold back his laughter. Or maybe he was annoyed. Maybe.

Shawn considered, albeit briefly, that if he stayed quiet for the next few moments, Gus might be a bit less annoyed with him. But if he wasn't funny for Gus, what was he?

There it was again, that niggling doubt: if he stopped annoying Gus, would Gus completely dismiss him? Forget him?

"No but dude, is that what velvet was made from? Would people wear antler dresses? And if so, would they be called head dresses?" His eyes lit up a bit. "Gus, that could be a sitcom..."

Definitely a twitch. Not forgotten yet.

Gus rolled his eyes at Shawn's question. Head dresses, honestly. He should've said no to the first snow cone.

He watched Shawn out of the corner of his eye, trying to determine what he would do next.

Alright, the head dress thing was pretty funny.

He wasn't going to let Shawn see him laugh about it, though.

You might think that Shawn loves the moments he makes Gus burst into laughter the most.

But those aren't his favorite. He loves, more than anything, those moments where he knows that Gus wants to laugh, but he is holding it back.

Shawn just loves pushing him over the edge, he loves pushing and pushing until Gus can't take it anymore. Until his resolve crumbles and bursts into laughter, like a tap opened to the max. And if you would ask Shawn he would assure you that there is absolutely no analogy to be drawn there. Of course not.

And that is precisely what happened this time, just as they were driving past the gas station. Shawn, under the influence of a sugar rush he had kept going since the age of six, slapped the back of Gus's seat with a, quit frankly, shameful amount of flair and whispered: "Gus, juice for the blueberry..."

Gus couldn't help it. He burst into laughter.

Say what you will about Shawn, he thought, but his sense of humor is fantastic.

He tried to hide his laughter from Shawn as he pulled into to gas station.

"Well," he said, "Let's put some juice in the blueberry."

For a moment Shawn had to turn his head to hide his blush, because Gus's laughter was like... hot chocolate with those tiny marshmallows on a very cold day and the perfect pastrami sandwich, all rolled into one.

And then he was moving again, always on the move. Moving constantly keeps the attention on him and keeps the painful thoughts of 'in love with your best friend' to a minimum.

So, as Gus started to fill the car up, sun reflecting of his smooth, dark skin (damn that cocoa butter cream!)... Shawn gulped and flew up.

In answer to Gus's small, and adorable, quizzical frown, he simply shouted: "Juice for the-" he had a word that resembled blueberry two seconds ago. He knew he had one. He gave up and simply waved vaguely at the air between them, "us..."

He felt the blush crawl up his neck, and this time he wasn't quick enough to hide it.

Gus put the pump back and stared strangely at Shawn.

Shawn was still blushing, which was in and of itself interesting. Shawn never blushed. Ever. (Well, there was that time in the third grade, but Shawn had sworn him to secrecy.)

He frowned at him. "You okay, Shawn?"

He walked back to the driver's side and hopped back in, waiting for Shawn's answer.

Shawn had a witty response on the tip of his tongue. He was going to say something about a conspiracy that is busy making all the candy canes slightly smaller every Christmas. He was going to jump out of the car and run toward the Seven-Eleven while throwing a few obscenities in Gus's direction.

All the usual stuff he did to hide his feelings. Bury it all with comedy, because what else was there to do?

But something made him stop.

It was the closest to an epiphany he ever come. He was on his way to answer when a movement caught his eye. He shifted his gaze just in time to see an elderly couple excting the store. And the woman looked a lot like Juliet might in thirty or so years.

He felt an involuntary shudder. He didn't want that to be him. Because he wanted Gus by his side in thirty or so years. He loved Gus.

Which is why he scraped together all his courage, removed his thick veneer of mental immaturity he used to cope, and looked his best friend straight in the eye.

"No Gus, I am not okay. And I haven't been for a very long time..."

Gus stared at Shawn.

He didn't know what to say. This wasn't how Shawn normally acted. Normal Shawn would have said another wise-crack. Normal Shawn would've tried to make him laugh.

Normal Shawn wouldn't have looked so terrified, and like he was about to cry.

Gus opened his mouth. And closed it again.

He finally said what seemed like would make the most sense. "Is it your dad? Jules?"

All Gus knew was that there was something wrong with his best friend and he would move heaven, Earth and hell to fix it.

No Gus.

No, it is not my dad.

No, it is not Jules.

"It's you. It's always been you."

He sounded almost exasperated.

He saw the confusion on Gus's face. Why was Gus confused?

Wait, did he say that last one out loud?

Here was his chance, he could backpedal, he could start singing and act like nothing ever happened, and it would work.

But Shawn Spencer was very, very done.

So he leaned forward and kissed Gus, his heart beating a mile a minute. Nothing earth shattering. Just a quick peck on the lips- so why did he feel his entire universe rupture with sensation?

And when he leaned back he saw Guss's expression, eyes wide in shock, and his heart raced even faster.

TBC...

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Panic and Grizzly