Let the truth be told, I really don't know what I'm doing. I have like zero ideas, so I went digging, perhaps a little to deep, into the world of fanfics, and got a few ideas that I bunged together into a caboodle of nonsense. This is a one-shot, leave a comment and let me know if you want it to continue, this is a Philip x Reader, meaning, if it says Y/N, insert your name instead. I don't own Hamilton.

TRIGGER WARNING! Suicide! This isn't meant to hurt/trigger anyone. (Doesn't include detail, just a warning)

It was Christmas time. A happy time for everyone, sure. But for you, not at all. It's been three years, but the image of his body was crystal clear in your mind.

You shuddered thinking about it and fell onto your bed. The door was closed, your dad and sister have stayed in their rooms, leaving only when necessary, avoiding each other. You haven't been in or near the garage since.

There was a knock at your window. You look up. It was your boyfriend, Philip Hamilton.

You slowly got up and opened the second floor window. You helped Philip off the tree and into the room.

"Hey babe," Philip said.

You force a small smile. You stand away from him and hold your arm.

"Y/N, what's wrong," Philip asked. You haven't told him yet.

You shake your head and sit on your bed and lean against the headboard. Your legging covered legs pulled up against your chest.

"C'mon, somethings wrong, you're never this quiet." Philip sat down facing you. He reaches for your hand which you let him take. "Tell me,"

You sit there for a minute. You've been with Philip for almost nine months now. You know you can trust him, but you've never talked to anyone about your brother before. You lost your mother shortly after your brother, it was a lot.

You swallow. "Have you seen all the news articles from three years ago? About Henry Y/LN?"

"Yeah, he died by his own force, why?" Philip asked.

"He was," you look away from Philip as tears flood your eyes, "he was my brother," you choke and pull your hand from Philip and cover your face.

Philip gasps. "What? Why didn't you tell me?" I could have helped you ignore it."

You shake your head and let Philip wrap himself around you. "You don't understand. I came home from school, Henry had a half day, so I got home after him. I walked in through the garage " You cry harder, the image of Henry hanging from the ceiling flashes in your head, your shoulders shake, and Philip rests his chin on your head.

"He was hanging from the ceiling by one of dad's ties." you gulp and let yourself be held by Philip for a while.

"All he said in his suicide note was that he messed up at school, and that if he didn't do this, we would all die. The paper was tear-stained and the handwriting messy. He said he did this to save me." You lose control of your sobs and reposition yourself and tightly hug Philip, and cry into his chest.

"Shh, shh," Philip whispers.
"I don't understand!" you cry.

"Shhh, baby it's all in the past," Philip cradles you and whispers sweet nothings.

When you're done ugly-crying, Philip wipes the tears from your eyes. "Is there anything I can do?"

You think for a moment. "Call your mom,"

Philip looked confused. "Why do you want me to call my mom?"

You smile and look up at him. "I want you to spend the night." You say and reach up to kiss his chin, as he had pulled you into a lying position on his lap, so that is all you can reach.

"Of course," Philip pulls out his phone with one hand and the other strokes your hair. As he talks to his mom, you can hear her familiar voice coming from the phone. "Thanks, love you bye," Philip hangs up and sets his phone aside. "I'm yours tonight,"

You smile and put a hand on the back of his neck, you push his neck down, gently, until his lips reach yours.

You completely forget about your pain and sorrow that had drowned you, now, your mind is on Philip. Everything he had done for you, the comfort he offered when your sister tried to run away. The fact he fought your ex, Joseph Alston, after school when he sent threats your way. And today, as your world fell remembering Henry. You tear yourself away from Philip and curl up into a ball at his knees. You cry and shake uncontrollably. Philip was startled at the sudden change.

"Y/N?" Philip hesitantly places a hand on your shoulder. "Did I do something wrong? Do you want to be alone? Should I go home?" Philip looked scared and hurt.

You want to tell him no. You want to tell him to stay with you. You want to tell him what you're feeling. But you can't. You're shaking so hard, and can't stop. You slowly, and painfully, move your hand and rest it on his. You're shaking makes it hard to see clearly.

"Are you ok?"

You manage to shake your head 'no' and you feel Philip slip away from you, the bedroom door opens and Philip runs downstairs. You hear a faint "Jeff? JEFF!" as Philip yells your father's name. You become less and less aware of your surroundings with each passing minute. You can't quite tell, but you think Philip comes back with your father.

You black out.