Once upon a time there was a small, peaceful village that lay in the northernmost section of New York State. A secret society existed in this village, called the Phantom Cats. The official club uniform changed slightly over the years, but at the time of this story consisted of a tight jumpsuit, a headband with pointed ears, a matching long tail, and a pink ribbon tied about the neck with a small bell. The meetings took place in the Town Activity Hall where the members would… well, no one knows what they did, really. It was a secret society, after all.
All of the fairytale heroines and villainesses who lived in the area were members of the Phantom Cats, so our story opens with Cinderella striding jauntily down a village sidewalk, the costume tail swinging behind her, the bell about her neck jingling lightly, and the heels of her glass boots clacking sharply. These marvelous boots were a gift from her fairy godmother. They were supremely comfortable, but more importantly, showed off her petite feet and ankles without requiring her to go barefoot. Still, Cinderella was not entirely happy.
"If only Nana could conjure up things that last beyond midnight besides glass footwear," she grumbled, thinking longingly of the expensive sports car and various other gifts she had received one night long ago from her fairy godmother that had vanished at the stroke of twelve, as related in Knotty Cinderella. "These boots are marvelous, really, but I can't help but feel a bit cheated in the gift department."
She kept one eye ahead and the other on her tablet. She frowned, not completely happy with the speech she'd written. She was running for President of the Phantom Cats, and the big debate was that evening. Her opponent was one of her ugly stepsisters, Elspeth. (The other ugly stepsister was called Margaux, but she doesn't make much of an appearance in this story). Cinderella scrunched her face in concentration, wondering how she could improve her speech, but since nothing came to mind, she switched the device off and gave a loud sigh.
"If only a charming prince would give me a ride!"
He wasn't a prince, but The Wolf definitely had charm. "Hey, baby." He drew his Mustang convertible alongside her, its powerful motor purring like a tiger. "Care for a lift?"
"Sure, Wolfy!" Cinderella slid into the passenger seat, fitting as neatly as a foot in a boot. She clicked her seatbelt. "I'm off to a meeting of the Phantom Cats."
"Sure, I'll get you there," he agreed.
"You can't come inside, though, Wolfy. It's for women only." Cinderella glanced at the back seat and noticed a burlap bag with several coils of rope poking out. "Wolfy, have you been tying up damsels again?"
"Who, me, baby?"
"That's really got to stop," she scolded him.
The Wolf was so astonished at such a bizarre idea that he couldn't think of anything to say.
"Um, Wolfy, I think you took a wrong turn back there," Cinderella said. "The meeting's in the Town Activity Hall, just like always. You're going the wrong way."
"No, baby," he said. "It's been moved to my cabin in the woods."
"Well, if that's the case, why hasn't anyone told me?"
"I don't know, baby. Why don't you ask?"
"I'll do that." Cinderella punched in the number for Goldilocks, the current president of the Phantom Cats. (Before going any further, it's important to clarify any images you may have of certain fairytale characters. All of the damsels who appear in the Knotty Fairytale Series are adults, looking and acting completely grown up). Cinderella frowned, receiving Goldilocks's voicemail. "I wonder why she isn't answering?"
"Maybe she's all tied up," The Wolf suggested.
Cinderella gave him a withering look and tried calling Rapunzel, the club Vice-President, and then Secretary/Treasurer Thumbelina, and finally Hansel's sister, Gretel, who wasn't a club officer, but just a good friend.
"I don't understand why no one's answering," she said, "but I can't come to your cabin tonight, Wolfy. Some other time, maybe, but right now I need to go to the meeting. If I miss the debate, they'll surely elect Elspeth president. Please turn around."
"I am taking you to the meeting," said The Wolf.
"If you're going to lie to me, then I'm leaving." The Mustang stopped at a stop sign, and Cinderella hopped out. "Thanks for nothing, Wolfy. Now I have to walk farther than ever to get there!"
"I keep telling you baby, the meeting's been moved," said The Wolf, and then, seeing her walk away without answering, reached behind to the burlap bag. With a lazy motion, he tossed a lasso out, dropping it neatly around Cinderella's trim figure and pinning her arms against her sides!
…..
"Sorry about this, baby," The Wolf said a few minutes later as he fastened Cinderella's seatbelt for her. "But I've got to get you to the meeting, and you keep trying to go the wrong way."
Cinderella swung her head in agitation, causing the bell on her neck to ring like an alarm. She wanted to ask why, but cloth in her mouth held by a bandana knotted around the back of her neck kept her from asking any questions, or indeed, saying anything at all. Ropes swirled about her body, restraining her arms and legs. The final coil of rope wrapped about her glass boots, circling the shafts and running down under the arches.
"Why are you doing this to me, Wolfy?" she tried to ask. "If I don't get to the meeting, my ugly stepsister will be elected president instead of me!"
The Wolf either didn't understand her or wasn't inclined to respond, but before he could put his car in gear and pull away from the stop sign, she received an answer from an unexpected source. "Well, well, well!" The tinkling of a tiny bell accompanied those words. "It seems a naughty little kitten has had her claws blunted."
"Hey, baby," The Wolf said as Desdemona Delaware, otherwise known as Cinderella's wicked stepmother, strode towards the Mustang. She was dressed in her Phantom Cat outfit with boots not of glass but rattlesnake skin.
"I'm very pleased to see you've done your part of our bargain, Wolfy," she purred. "Here's the money I promised you."
"Hey, thanks, baby," said The Wolf.
Cinderella gave a squeak of anger. The Wolf was really just doing her wicked stepmother's dirty work! She knew all that talk about moving the meeting was just a lie, and, surprisingly enough for The Wolf, not even a very good one. She shot him a look of accusation, not that it seemed to impress him in the slightest.
"Now, you are going to keep her tied up until the meeting's over, right?" Desdemona asked.
"Sure, baby, just like we agreed," said The Wolf.
"Make sure you do, Theodore," she said, using The Wolf's true name just to show how serious she was. "I shall be most displeased with you if she gets loose of these ropes before midnight."
"Baby, when I tie someone up, they don't get free until I let them go."
Cinderella knew from experience that wasn't an empty boast. "Help, somebody, help!" she screamed, despite the gag.
Surprisingly enough, someone heard her muffled cries. "What's going on here?"
"Oh, no," Cinderella groaned. She'd hoped for a charming prince, but it was just her friend Gretel's brother, Hansel, his policeman's cap at a jaunty angle.
"Hey, pal," The Wolf greeted him. He couldn't drive forward, as Hansel was standing right in front of his car, although something in his expression suggested he was considering doing so anyhow. "Just taking Cindy for a spin."
Hansel twirled his nightstick. "I don't think she wants to go with you."
"Mpfff," Cinderella said in agreement.
"Hansel, this does not concern you," Desdemona said, her voice frosty as the Arctic wind. "Step aside please, so Theodore and Cinderella can go along their way."
"Don't take that bossy tone with me," Hansel replied. "I'm an officer of the law and you need to speak to me with respect."
"Well, I see someone's full of his own importance," Desdemona said.
Hansel gave The Wolf a look that was a mixture of loathing and triumph. "I've been longing to settle the score with this character, and this is my chance. I'll run him in for kidnapping, and if you don't watch yourself, I'll arrest you too, for aiding and abetting, or whatever the correct legal term is."
Desdemona tapped her boot with impatience. "Well, this is getting us nowhere fast. However, you do catch more flies with sugar than spice, or something like that. Elspeth, dear, could you come here, please?"
"Yes, Mother."
Cinderella frowned as her ugly stepsister stepped out of the shadows, also dressed in the Phantom Cats outfit, with shiny, black, knee-high boots.
"Wooooooooo!" shouted Hansel, his jaw dropping open and his tongue hanging out. He stood still, unable to say anything else.
Cinderella watched him in disbelief. "He must only be pretending," she decided. "No one could find Elspeth the slightest bit attractive, much less go all gaga over her!"
"Elspeth, we need your help," her mother told her. "Hansel is making difficulties for our little operation. As he seems rather taken with you, could you lead him away so we can get on with things?"
"Eww!" Elspeth shuddered. "No way! Get Cindy to do it. She's supposed to do all the yucky chores."
"Elspeth, your stepsister is currently…" Desdemona stopped herself just in time before saying "…tied up right now." She took a deep breath. "You know we can't use her for this."
"Well, then, get Margaux to do it," said Elspeth.
"Your sister isn't here," said Desdemona with ill-disguised impatience. "Which I find rather curious, incidentally. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, Wolfy?"
The Wolf smiled nonchalantly, but didn't answer.
"Wooooooooo!" Hansel said again, continuing to stare in admiration at Elspeth.
Cinderella shook her head in disbelief. Hansel was acting as if Elspeth had stepped out of the pages of a pin-up artist's portfolio, rather than having escaped from a particularly grim freak show. "Am I the only person who can see how ugly she is?" she asked herself, recalling that Elspeth and Margaux both often got this sort of reaction, especially when they wore their cat outfits.
"Well, I can't do it," said Elspeth. "I need to get to the meeting."
"Just walk him around the block so Wolfy can move his vehicle and then we can be lose him," said Desdemona, not worrying about speaking openly since she realized Hansel wasn't paying any attention to her anyhow.
"But what if someone sees me with him?" asked Elspeth.
"Elspeth!" Desdemona said, a warning note in her voice.
Elspeth rolled her eyes, but she took Hansel's arm. "Come along!" she ordered.
"Are you taking me to heaven, angel?" he asked, finally finding his voice.
"My rule about that is, never on a first date," she answered.
"Well, that's got rid of that pest," Desdemona said in satisfaction, watching as Elspeth led Hansel along like a lost little puppy-dog. "On your way, Wolfy."
Cinderella screamed for Hansel to come back, but his eyes and ears were only for Elspeth. The Wolf restarted his engine, and roared away with her still bound and gagged next to him.
…..
The forest was quiet and peaceful as a cathedral, but Cinderella was in no state to appreciate its idyllic beauty as Wolfy spun his Mustang to a stop in front of his cabin. "Here we are, baby," he said. "Plenty of parking for everyone to attend the meeting."
Cinderella made an annoyed noise. Although the glade had room to hold many cars, it was empty except for the Mustang. Was The Wolf really going to continue with the pretense that the meeting had been moved to his cabin?
She glanced at the immense wooden building in awe. It seemed too large to be called a cabin. A mansion might describe it better, or even a palace. "It's a pretty place to host our meetings," she thought. "Maybe I can see about getting them moved here once I'm elected club president. Since I don't have a car, Wolfy would have to drive me to all the meetings, so that would work out nicely too."
She frowned inside, suddenly remembering that she wasn't likely to be elected president if she didn't get herself to the current meeting somehow. Why was The Wolf going along with her wicked stepmother's plans? It didn't seem like him at all! Admittedly, Wolfy enjoyed tying up damsels quite a lot, sometimes even taking money from villainesses to do so. She recalled an incident with Gwyneth "Snow" White, in which her wicked stepmother, Millie-Helen White, had paid Wolfy to get Snow out of the way in a dispute over her inheritance. So, maybe it was quite like him after all, she realized.
"Let's get you inside, baby, so the meeting can start," said The Wolf, standing her beside his car.
"You can stop pretending the meeting's still here, Wolfy," she fumed, even though she couldn't form the words properly.
The Wolf kicked open the door to his cabin and then turned around to notice Cinderella was wiggling her feet, inching down the driveway.
"Baby, you keep going the wrong way," The Wolf said.
"Wolfy, please, I've got to get to the meeting!" she tried to say.
The Wolf slung her over one shoulder. Faint tintinnabulation reached her ears as he carried her down a hallway. The Wolf opened another door and turned around so she could see the great ballroom.
Cinderella gasped in surprise.
"I told you the meeting had been moved here," he said.
All the Phantom Cats (with two important exceptions) were present. The three club officers sat in a row in the front, with President Goldilocks in ropes that were neither too tight nor too loose, but just right. Vice-President Rapunzel had her long hair in braids that looked just like ropes, so The Wolf had used them instead to bind her. Secretary/Treasurer Thumbelina was tied with thread to a tiny chair that looked as if it had come from a doll's house. The ordinary members sat scattered around the room, all bound and gagged as well. It would take too long to mention them all, although Cinderella's eyes did fall on a few: Snow White and her wicked stepmother back-to-back and tied with the same ropes, and her friend Gretel near a snack table with a large gingerbread house in the center that she was eyeing with hunger.
"I had a hard time convincing everyone the meeting had been moved," The Wolf explained, "so I had to take some extreme measures. Hey, baby, looking good," he added, pausing as he walked by Cinderella's other ugly stepsister, Margaux.
Margaux blushed at the compliment as Cinderella sighed inside, wondering how her stepsister couldn't realize The Wolf was just being polite. He passed by a few other bound damsels and then stood in front of the three officers, all of whom were trying to say something. "In order to save all this trouble next time, I propose that in the future all meetings of the Phantom Cats be held in my cabin," he said. "Any objections?"
The Phantom Cats all looked at one another. Some nodded in agreement, some looked unsure, and a few tried to object, but, being gagged, couldn't make their feelings known very well. "As there are no objections, that's what we'll do," The Wolf decided.
"Next comes the speeches from the candidates. Elspeth isn't here, so we can skip hers, and Cindy's all tied up, so I'll read hers for her." He flicked on her tablet. His mouth opened in astonishment and he flicked it off again. "On second thought, we'll skip her speech too."
Cinderella sputtered indignantly into her gag.
"Now for the voting," said The Wolf. "Perhaps we'd get on better if you were all untied." He untied Goldilocks, who in turn untied Rapunzel, who then untied Red Riding Hood. Not surprisingly, she wore her famous red cloak over her cat outfit, even though that was against the rules. The freed damsels continued untying the others, until only Cinderella remained bound and gagged.
She looked at The Wolf expectantly. What was he waiting for?
"Sorry, baby, but I promised Desdemona that you'd stay tied until midnight, and that's hours away yet," said The Wolf.
"Oh, Wolfy, can't you let my sister free?" pleaded Margaux, coming over.
Cinderella eyed her stepsister suspiciously. Why was she asking The Wolf to free her? It had to be for some wicked reason. She turned her head away haughtily, trying to show she wanted to stay tied up, thank you very much!
"Nobody has to let my mom know you let her loose early," Margaux continued.
"I'd let her know," Millie-Helen White announced. "Us wicked stepmothers have to stick together!"
"Sorry, baby, you see how it is," said The Wolf. "Don't worry about it, though. I'll fill out her ballot for her. Hey, Cindy, who did you want to vote for, your sister Elspeth?"
Cinderella stared at The Wolf in disbelief.
"Relax, baby, I'm only teasing. One vote for Cinderella." The Wolf checked the ballot paper and handed it over to Goldilocks who, along with Rapunzel and Thumbelina, were busy tallying the votes.
"The results are in," Goldilocks finally said. "I noticed quite a few of you abstained or turned in blank ballots. That's a shame, really, throwing away your vote like that, since what you're doing in effect is allowing other members to decide for you and basically undermining the whole democratic process which I feel is…"
"Hey, baby, how about announcing the winner?" The Wolf hinted.
"Of the Phantom Cats who actually bothered to vote, Elspeth receives forty-one votes." Goldilocks studied the sheet in front her. "And Cinderella receives forty…" she coughed "…two votes. Congratulations, Cinderella!"
"For all that I'm president of the club, all I can do is stay in this one spot and not do anything," Cinderella fumed, wiggling a bit as the various members came forward to congratulate her. "But I only won by one vote! It's a good thing Elspeth and Desdemona aren't here, or I would have lost!"
She thought about that for a minute. "So there wicked plan completely backfired on them! Still, after what they did to me, they deserve worse than missing the meeting and not winning the election. It would be nice if their evil deeds came back home to them, somehow…."
…..
"Hansel, let us out of here!" Desdemona ordered.
"Mother, be quiet!" Elspeth hissed. "You know he won't respond if you talk mean to him." She cleared her throat. "Oh, Hansel, sweetie, I'm sorry about earlier. Won't you please let us out of this nasty old jail cell?" She wrapped a hand around an iron bar and shivered; it felt as cold as despair to her touch. "I honestly don't know how we became separated on our walk earlier, but I'd like to get back to it, and, you know, I've been thinking about my rule regarding first dates and maybe I've been a bit too strict."
"No, that's not going to work." Hansel turned the key in the door. "You're under arrest for being accomplices in kidnapping!"
"Well, what about The Wolf?" Desdemona demanded. "He did the actual work."
"All we did was pay him to do it," Elspeth added.
It was Desdemona's turn now to hiss. "Daughter, be quiet!"
"I'd arrest him as well, only I realize now that Cindy would never press charges against him." Hansel started to walk away, but turned his head back and concluded, "I'll bet she'll feel differently about you two, though!"