Disclaimer: I do not own Guilty Crown
[note] Please read the Author's note at the end!
"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."
―Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
Influx Phase 1: Despair
Voices and pain.
That was all Shu could comprehend in his current state of mind.
"Someone get help! There's someone trapped under the rubble!" A person yelled, making Shu groan slightly. There was an unknown pressure on him and it felt… suffocating, to say the least.
"Inori…." He croaked. His voice felt foreign to him – it was too scratchy to pass off as anything, as he tried to fumble his entrapped hand for the warmth of his lover, but all he could feel was her lingering presence.
"Inori… Inori…. Inori…." He tried to scream, as sobs started to choke him with the grief that overcame him. Where was she, when he needed her the most? The person who was a constant by his side? He wanted her more than anything else.
He felt someone try to lift the object of oppression, with a few more people joining in the quest.
"Haul it up in the count of three! Get a vehicle to bring him to the nearest medical facility!" The person yelled, clearly the leader.
Another person with a soft voice leaned over and whispered: "Stay with us alright? Don't fade away just yet."
That was the last thing he remembered before his mind blanked out and if possible; his world looked even darker with the lack of comprehension for his surroundings.
~*~+~*~+~*~+ Influx of Emotions +~*~+~*~+~*~
The brunette groaned as he woke up, every inch of his body spiking with an unknown source of pain.
Yet, nothing could compare to the emptiness in his heart as he remembered the incidents that had come to pass.
Take it.' She had smiled angelically at him, the smile that had soothed him so many times. He reached out in wonder to the complex bands that she had formed, changing it into one anew.
That had been his undoing.
She had smiled as if it was meant to be – the words she had declared "Stay with me" seemingly losing its meaning as she faded away to the beyond and the crystals that encased him like a tomb shattered around him as if breaking him from the sins he had condemned himself with and… Fell.
She had done one thing he never knew those designs meant – giving him her lifespan and took his as her own fate.
Fat tears started to roll down his face and he screamed of the loss of his Inori. His songbird that no longer ceased to exist in the world he had decided to sacrifice himself for. He desperately tried to feel for the wires that was attached to him and yank it off to join where she had went to, but before he could, something bombarded upon him.
"Shu… Shu!" Familiar voices shouted at him, as he felt himself being yanked back onto the bed as people embraced him.
Their warmth felt like it was nothing, because his stone cold heart could no long be defrosted.
He had tried to open his eyes, but no matter what he did, only darkness would greet him.
Like how empty his world felt.
The remnants and the constant reminder of what she had done.
The consequence he had never wished for.
"Inori is gone… She's gone forever…." He choked out numbly which made them hug him even tighter.
He used his able hand to touch his eyes that no longer function the way it should. "I can no longer see…. It's all gone… Ripped away." The despair and anguish overwhelmed him as he started to wail, trying yet again to rip off the wires that supported his life span.
He didn't want to live in a world where she no longer existed, his world forever bleak and with not a hope of light being able to shine through. What was the meaning of his life without the pillar of support that he had relied on for so long? The very being that kept his sanity when humanity had lied him awaste?
Forever; she had promised, but it was only composed of moments that only remained in his memories, and he feared that he might come to forget it. He didn't want to forget it – every touch, word and gesture she ever said or did. Yet he knew it was inevitable.
Time was cruel and would eventually swallow them up; overlaying them with new ones that would degrade the old. New experiences would soon change him and the pain would fade, the existence of his Inori would probably lessen. It moved on - just not the way he wish it did.
With time he would heal. He didn't want to be healed. He didn't want to be here. He would have been better off dead, didn't she realize?
"Shu… stop trying to beat yourself up for something you couldn't control…" Ayase tried to convince him. "You are alive for a reason… maybe she wanted you to live the life she could no longer live."
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" He had screamed as he tried to push her away, streams of tears still rolling down his eyes. "Please… please get away from me…" He covered his unseeing eyes as if in disgust with himself, or perhaps the reality that mocked him with every breath his took.
He would not – he refused to accept his fact. He refused to live a world where he could not be next to the love of his life.
"Shu, stop being an idiot!" Tsugami demanded and he felt a light slap on his cheek before a piece of cloth wiped away some of his tears.
"You had been prepared to lose your life there… we all knew. Inori wanted you to live. She will never be forgotten… because you're the legacy of her love. The thing that remains in reminder that she existed. That the chaos existed."
As the raven-haired girl said that, the old memories of everything flooded back to him even harder as started to cry even harder.
'Shu.' She had gasped as her hands touched his – crystal on skin alternatively. She had rested her head on his shoulder as if it was her safety. 'Stay with me. I'm on your side. Okay?'
Had he been given more time he would realized this – they matched one another. They had partially crystallized faces and limbs, one with sight and the other with it; and yet both incredibly stupid when it came to decisions.
But he was fine with it – it made them both human. That moment, they weren't the King and Queen of the Void or Adam and Eve with the guilty crown; they were just Shu and Inori. Humans in love.
'Inori, let's go together.'
In that moment, it seemed perfect, flawless almost.
They'd be free from the tragedy dictated upon them when they had first came in contact with the crystals, free from what they should or should not be.
It would end with them. No more lost Christmases or the renewal of Voids, the world would be as simplistic as it used to be, with things that didn't confuse or infuriate. It would be better. The world needed normalcy, even anything.
It was selfish to take her along but he wanted her with him. He didn't want to leave her alone.
He made the choice for her. And then she made a choice for him too.
"Please live the world she no longer could… I'm sorry for asking you for such an ambitious thing Shu." Ayase muttered and he felt her squeeze his hand. "The person you became with her is worth continuing to exist."
"And maybe when you meet her with Gai and Mana, you can tell her all about it. The life of Tokyo that was renewed. The place you fought so hard for its freedom. Love her enough to let her go. She would have wanted that." One of them pleaded.
"There's nothing to those words. All I can feel or remember –"He said as he reached out towards the invisible space before him "Is the lack of her presence, the lack of light without her and the voice that will never grace my ears ever again."
"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO LIVE WITH THAT?" He shouted, making them flinch at his words as he backed away to the end of his bed, only to nearly fall off the structure that supported his weight.
His friends reached out towards him in alarm, catching him in time before he fell.
"How do you expect me to go on like that…? Please just end my misery… Let me join her…" He spoke, the intensity of his heartache filling the room.
His friends watched at the sidelines, their hearts breaking for the man who could no longer find his ground due to the amount of pain in him. They knew no words could comfort him and only time could remedy for it, but even time left scars upon one's heart that no one could heal. It was his fight with his inner demons and they didn't know how their words could penetrate such a strong wall that had formed around him, encasing him in despair.
"I can't promise to bring you back Inori." Ayase's voice shook with her sadness and conviction for her friend. "All I can promise is that we'll be here with you to lessen the pain and tell you that you're not alone. But I absolutely cannot let you die because Inori wouldn't have wanted that."
"She's never really gone." Tsugami added, before pressing her hand against his chest. "She will always be in here, the special place in your heart that only she can reach."
"And because we owe you our lives… we will help you heal. Rather – we will make it easier because that's what friends do." Another chimed with what seemed like perfect synchrony that was rehearsed.
"Can you leave me to myself for awhile then?" He choked, knowing that they wouldn't allow him with any foolish attempt to leave the world. "I'd like to be alone. I can't stand being with so many people when the truth still suffocates me."
They looked at one another for confirmation, before nodding.
Tsugami then placed a device on his hand. "We found this broken device in your apartment when we were looking for a spare change of clothes for you. We fixed it. Apparently, it's something that Inori would like you to have."
Shu glance his sightless eyes towards her direction, and for the first time, everyone saw how much he was hurting. The eyes that used to hold so many emotions in a spectrum had seemed lifeless and dead, only filled with what he could remember and the bleakness of his life.
"Can you help me put it on then?" He had asked softly. "I'd like to listen to it."
She just nodded simply and bit back her tears as she placed the device correctly onto his ears and press play. She then brought his hand over and muttered where the buttons to the commands were, before she pushed Ayase out and left him to his solitude.
The moment the door shut, was when he truly cried to the extent he nearly couldn't breathe.
A/N: I'm going to admit this; I was crying as I wrote this chapter and crying as I thought of other ideas. I'm sorry if I didn't portray it well enough. There are only these many ways I could think of to convey the emotions he may have felt, and I'm grateful to have a chance.
I'm not going to say I'm the best fanfiction writer out there and probably many people have thought of ideas like this. But if it impacted you as much as it did to me, tell me in the reviews about what you thought. That's all I ask. Perhaps, I'll even add another chapter to this.