Who needs a gun when you can have... a horse? This is silly, but I dunno. I just wanted to write dumb boys as a cute family.

A quick note: This fic doesn't have a set pairing, but there are ambiguous/unrequited queer relationships and such. Nero's not related to anyone in this AU, so there's no real incest in the context of the fic, but if you're uncomfortable with the idea of that sort of thing, this probably won't be your jam. Mostly because Dante is a terrible flirt, and water is wet.

I'd only ever seen Fortunan armor attached to bones. Demons tended to hoard the plating because it was so shiny - all white, ornate, and not remotely suitable for battle. I'd always wondered about the practicality of it, considering I'd never seen a live Fortunan soldier.

Not until today at least.

Couldn't say the armor wasn't pretty with the sunlight glinting off it, but it sure wasn't going to help the poor bastards fight off a swarm of Blades. The couple dozen soldiers were being herded like sheep, crowding against each other as the damned lizards circled them. They all had their swords drawn and were shaking in their boots. Even they knew that armor wouldn't hold up against claws the size of their forearms.

"Am I supposed to save them?" I asked Ebony, who danced between his hooves to show his displeasure. He never liked when I made him stop near demons, but he tolerated it with the Blades down in the basin, their sights on a different target.

I was all about saving civilians from demons or just killing demons in general, but Fortunan soldiers were not supposed to be this far north. They'd surpassed the border and then some. If they were on our land with ill-intent, I wasn't eager to rush in and play hero.

But I wasn't going to let a bunch of stupid humans die, and I couldn't pass up an opportunity to fight so many demons. I'd only picked off stragglers all day.

"I can hear them now," I sighed as I stepped down from Ebony. "'Dante, why did you get involved with Fortunan soldiers?'" Rebellion snapped from its holster. "'Dante, why didn't you stay with your retainers?' 'Dante, why aren't you listening-?'"

"Hold formation!" one of the men on horseback said as I started down the grassy slope. None of the men on the outside had moved, but the second man on horseback was dismounting.

"I can handle this!" the second returned, sounding like someone who was about to get eaten by demons.

I quickened my pace as he forced his way through their line with his sword drawn. Definitely going to be eaten by demons. "Come on, you bastards!" he said. Blades did love a challenge.

The nearest one leapt at him, its claws clanging against his sword instead of ripping into his chest. Score one for the idiot, I guess.

With a roar, Idiot swung hard, throwing the demon off. The Blade wriggled in the air, attempting to right itself. It landed on its back just in time to meet my sword jammed through its chin. "Nice one!" I called to Idiot as the Blade writhed toward death.

I thought I heard him scoff behind his helmet as he rushed another Blade. It hissed at his approach.

"You come here often?" I asked, cleaving through another one that tried to launch itself at me.

Idiot ignored me, opting to jam his sword into the Blade's clawed hand so he could kick it in the face. Maybe not the most effective move, but I had the feeling I liked this guy.

The rest of his merry band weren't faring as well. The Blades were backing them toward the river with each strike. The men's swords might as well have been sewing needles for all the use they got out of them.

"Your plan seems to be going well," I said as Idiot wrestled his foot free of the Blade's mouth. Another stalked toward his back.

"Shut up!" His sword came down on one beast's neck just as the other went for his.

He was lucky I didn't mind the insult. In three quick strides, I stepped between them and jammed Rebellion up into the belly of his newest attacker. "That's no way-" I whipped the demon off the end of my blade, "-to talk to your savior."

Even through the mask of his helmet, I could tell he was glaring at me with murder in his eyes. "I don't remember asking for your help."

"Then you should really get on that because you need it."

Before I could show off some more by taking care of the Blade racing toward him, he turned and sliced his sword across its open mouth, cutting it a wider smile. It gargled its pain until another clean strike finished it off.

Despite the kid hardly reaching my chin, the falchion sword he wielded was about the size of Rebellion and twice as flashy, yet he swung it as easy as a standard broadsword.

"I don't need your help," Idiot said without turning back to me. "You should leave. I won't take responsibility if you get killed." He sounded like when Vergil tried to talk all smart at 13 - overly deep voice, obnoxiously formal, and clearly younger than he wanted to let on.

I would have gone to help the rest of his group, but they'd swapped tactics. Cavalry guy had control now, and had rallied the men into fighting back. I could have helped, but admittedly, I was too amused by this stupid kid.

Jamming Rebellion into the ground, I leaned my elbow against the hilt. "Alright, yell if you need me then," I said. A couple Blades circled me, hissing and waiting for a chance to take me by surprise. They were welcome to try.

The kid just ran up to Blades with all the finesse of a filly, hacking as he went. He was lucky the lizards weren't graceful either, so his plan mostly worked out for him. At least, it worked until one of them whapped him with its tail hard enough to smash him to the ground.

His breath left him with a choked wheeze, so he didn't actually yell, but the other soldiers did. The air filled with startled cries and gasps.

"I'll count it," I said, pulling Rebellion free and racing to his side. He'd let go of his sword when he hit the ground - always a bad move - so he was pawing for its hilt as the Blade reared back its claws to cleave through him. Its strike met Rebellion instead.

"So how's not needing help working out for you?" I asked as the demon turned on me.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!" He reached his sword and threw an awkward sweep from where he lay on his back. The lack of power in the swing left the sword stuck in the Blade's neck, its blood pouring down onto him.

The other soldiers were all still yelling, asking if the kid was alright. As though they'd gotten over their fears, they were all trying to skirt around the remaining Blades to get to him.

Despite what Vergil said, I wasn't stupid. Well, not that stupid. Those soldiers wouldn't fret over just anyone.

"What's so special about you, kid?" I asked as he struggled to regain his feet. His breaths came in weighted gasps, echoing behind his mask until I reached down and plucked the helmet off.

Now the soldiers were all screaming at my back. The kid - and he really was a kid - looked up at me in shock with eyes blue as a morning sky. His hair matched his his armor in white that shone in the sun.

I plastered a grin on my face despite the questions twisting through my head. "You look familiar."

Blood poured from a cut on his hairline, soaking into his hair to stain it red. He said nothing, his lips pressed tight, but his eyes darted through an array of emotions. The determination he decided on led him to raise his sword, but by that point, I'd already made my decision as well.

I didn't think I hit him too hard, but he went limp as soon as Rebellion's hilt tapped the side of his head.

Now the soldiers were threatening me with all sorts of inventive deaths. They seethed with rage, demanding I step away from the kid. I didn't make any friends when I tossed him over one shoulder. Even the kid voiced his anger with a slurred, "You put me down you...goddamn…ugh." But I wasn't leaving without answers, and I had a feeling asking wouldn't get me any.

Ebony thundered over at my whistle, though he snorted in upset when I dropped the kid over his back.

"Relax, I won't hurt the kid… more," I said to the nearing soldiers as I climbed into the saddle. "But you know you're in Capulet, right?" They must not have realized it because several hesitated and glanced around. It seemed like as good of a time as any to kick Ebony into a run. Shouts followed me, but they were left to contend with the remaining Blades. The cavalry guy must have tried to give chase because I glanced back to see his horse reared back against one of the Blades.

All the while, the kid was grumbling and trying to right himself. I held onto the plating at his back to keep him from slipping off and meeting Ebony's hooves.

"You're gonna fuckin' die," I made out at one point. "I'll kill you, you stupid… dumb. Where's my sword?" His hands kept slipping on the horse's side when he tried to push himself up, but it was for the best. Ebony slowed his gallop for a moment to turn and bite the kid's ear. "Ow! I'll fight you too!"

"I guess I did hit you too hard," I said. "Or are you always this eloquent?"

"I'll kill you," he hissed. "Let go of me."

"Why? So you can go and get killed by more demons?"

"I was doing fine," he said about as clearly as a drunk.

"Sure you were. So what were you Fortuna boys doing on our land?"

"Whose land?"

I was losing him. "You're in Capulet," I said.

"No we're not. This is Fortuna."

"Ah yes, because Fortuna is known for all its rolling hills and farmland."

He seemed to consider this for a moment, or maybe he'd blacked out again. Finally, he responded, "Fortuna has…hills."

He may have been right. I'd never been to Fortuna. Biting back a laugh, I slowed Ebony to a halt and hoisted the kid up enough that he could see the castle in the distance. We were still a good hour out, but the gray towers were visible on the horizon. "Does Fortuna also have Capulet's castle?"

He must have blinked a dozen times in a half-second. "You brought me to Capulet? What the fuck? You kidnapped me for Capulet!?"

"Are you always this slow, or is it the head wound?"

Instead of an answer, he took a page out of Ebony's book, latching his hands onto my arm and turning to bite me. The thick fabric of my sleeve saved me from any real damage, but it was enough to make me let go of him. That gave him the chance to push himself off Ebony's back. Though he landed on his feet, they didn't hold him long. After two stumbled steps backward, he met the Earth again.

"Well, aren't you full of surprises?" I said.

He responded with a groan. That must of been the last of the fight in him because he remained dazed and limp as I tied his still-armored hands together and righted him in the saddle. "No," he said as I took my seat behind him. He frowned down at his hands as though he'd just noticed the rope. "No…" He frowned harder when my arms wrapped around him to grab the reins. "No. No. No."

"You doing alright?" I asked, kicking Ebony back into a trot.

"No."

"Not sure what I expected. I'll probably need to get you to a doctor. I half-expected you to heal on your own, but that doesn't seem to be happening." Wounds and healing and all that weren't my specialty. Maybe Lady could help after she finished trying to kill me.

"Stop touching me," the kid said.

"You don't like it?" I rested my chin against the top of his head, smirking. "I think it's romantic."

"I'll bite your fucking nose off."

I decided it was best not to lean to close to the kid while he was in a mood and righted myself. "So… We haven't introduced ourselves-"

"What do you want?" he said over me.

Good question. I wasn't so sure myself, but it seemed fair to let the kid have a moment's honesty. "Just some answers, I suppose."

He said nothing after that, even when I tried to prod him with the occasional joke. When we made it to the castle gates, he ducked his face away from the guards as though they might recognize him.

"There you are, Your Highness," one of the guards greeted. The kid's shoulders went taut, and I realized I never had introduced myself. "Your retainers came back without you-"

"I'm fine," I said with a quick wave of my hand. "Could you take care of Ebony for me? I need to go have a quick talk with my dad."

After stepping down from the saddle, I tossed the kid over my shoulder again. "Hey-hey!" he snapped, kicking his feet. He must have gotten some energy back.

The guards stared in stunned confusion as I gave them a lazy salute and started off toward the castle's interior. The kid fought like a pissed cat all the while. I had a feeling he could have done something about it if not for his injury. As things were, all he could manage was, "I'll kill you. I'll kill you, you bastard. I'll kill you. Put me down. I'll kill you right here."

"Wouldn't recommend that in my castle," I said.

He went quiet again, but his attempts to wriggle free doubled.

Truthfully, it wasn't my castle. I preferred it that way. The men it rightfully belonged to looked up from whatever boring document the day had brought as I smashed open the door to the study.

"I'm back!" I greeted with a smile.

Vergil looked annoyed I'd managed to return alive, and Dad looked somewhere between "I'm going to lecture you for three hours" and "Please explain the furious child you're carrying."

"Son, who is that?" he asked at length. It looked like the latter won out.

I leaned forward enough to drop the kid to his feet, though I had to grab him by the arm to keep him from falling again. He was quick to wrench himself away.

"I don't know," I said. "I found him."

"He's wearing Fortuna armor," Vergil said, wearing his usual scowl. "What did you do, Dante?"

"You found him?" Dad added.

Both of them lost their masks of calm control as they noticed the kid's appearance. A thousand questions flickered behind their eyes. We all matched - blue eyes, white hair. The kid noticed the oddity as well. He looked from my father, to Vergil, to me. As he opened his mouth to question me, Dad spoke. "Son. Explain."

I didn't have much of an explanation, but I offered my story top to bottom with the kid's occasional muttered growls of "Stop calling me kid," and "You hit me on the head, you ass."

Vergil shook his head as I finished with why I'd nabbed the kid. "He's undoubtedly someone of import," Vergil said, "but that means this will certainly have some sort of fallout. It was foolish of you to take him like that."

"Perhaps," Dad offered, "but I do understand your reasoning. I'm not happy to learn Fortuna's soldiers were on our land. Technically, we are within our right to respond." His eyes darkened like a sudden storm. "Fortuna and I have an agreement about this."

"We were in Fortuna!"

Dad's brows shot up as he looked to the kid. It was the first time the kid had properly stood up for himself since we arrived. Either the blood loss was getting to him, or he was brave enough to talk back to a king.

"We were at the basin," I said again. "That's Capulet land."

"Indeed," Dad said.

The kid's eyes darted back and forth as though at war with his thoughts. "No-no, he said that was our land. He said there were demons we needed to clean out."

I couldn't help but butt in. "Did a good job with that, didn't you?"

Dad quieted me with a glance before turning back to the kid. "Who ordered this?"

The kid sank his teeth into his lower lip and hid his gaze in the corner of the room. He must have said too much.

"It was the church, wasn't it?" Vergil prodded. "Likely they were attempting to swipe some land away from us."

"Yet the men they sent seemed untrained in fighting demons," Dad countered. Their eyes were locked on the kid, who couldn't have looked guiltier if he'd tried. "And most importantly, who are you? You are someone notable, aren't you?"

"No," the kid said in a whisper, eyes still glued to that corner.

"Give up, Kid," I offered. "Lying to my father never works out."

"Did you bring his sword?" Dad asked.

My hand came up to meet my forehead. "Ah damn, I left it. It was pretty too. All ornamental and flashy. No one else had one like it."

Kid's shoulders were up by his ears. I had a feeling he wanted to snap at me, but he kept quiet. I guessed Dad wanted the sword to see if it had a crest on it showing the kid's house or rank. Soldiers tended to dress alike so leaders wouldn't stand out. The kid's armor wasn't notable, but his sword certainly had been.

"This leaves two possibilities," Dad said. "Either you're a high-ranking church official, which I doubt considering your age and fighting ability, or you're that mythical prince I've heard so much about."

I snorted a laugh. "Ah yes, their magic angel prince."

Even when I'd heard that as a kid, I knew it was nonsense. Our messengers had burst into our dining hall at breakfast, gasping quick apologies for the intrusion. "Fortuna's royal family is dead," they'd reported. "The church is saying it must have been an assassination."

Dad took another bite of potatoes as he considered this. Despite his calm demeanor, I could see a war behind his eyes. Mom stared down at her food, her hand across her mouth as though it had made her sick. I didn't know enough at the age of seven to understand what was wrong, but I could tell that damage had been done.

"Who's next in line for the throne?" Dad asked.

"The church say the King and Queen's newborn son survived the attack."

My father so rarely showed annoyance that I was left stunned when he clicked his tongue. "Naturally." He seemed to spit the word. "Even if that is true, the boy won't rise to power for some time. I'm certain they would delay giving him the crown. The church will have total control until then. They would undoubtedly train the boy to be their puppet as well."

The messengers looked hesitant to continue, glancing between each other until one swallowed and spoke up. "The church is also saying the child is...blessed."

Dad looked dizzy for a moment, like he'd taken a blow to the head. "Blessed by what? They worship a demon." Him, actually. They worshiped him. Time had erased that fact, but it still irked Dad to no end.

"They said the child was blessed with divine power from their god. He is beyond human."

"Of course," Dad sighed. "Of course. They need to draw attention away from the murders and keep the faith of their people."

Vergil spoke up, his eyes sharp with questions. "But if it's all lies, won't they get caught?"

"Yeah!" I added, not wanting to be left out.

But neither Mom nor Dad responded, their eyes far off in some worry. I never understood it, but I guess I never cared to. As long as Fortuna didn't bother us, I didn't care what they did.

Thankfully, I wasn't inheriting the throne, so I didn't have to care.

Vergil did, though. As did my father, and Dad wasn't laughing at his own joke as he stared down the kid. But he had to be joking. This kid wasn't the prince. There was no prince. Even Vergil rolled his eyes at the idea, or he would have rolled his eyes had he not taken all those etiquette classes seriously.

"Father, the boy is likely the son of some church official, given rank through nepotism." He was bringing out the big words today. "The 'prince' is nothing but fabrication by the church."

The kid's gaze snapped up like the lash of a whip. "Then who kills the demons at the festivals!?"

Vergil's expression didn't change under the kid's fiery glare. "The festivals? You mean when they bring the supposed-prince out masked and give him a low-level demon to kill for a crowd? Anyone can kill a demon. You don't need divine power to do it."

"They aren't low-level!" the kid said.

"Regardless, why mask the prince each time if not to falsify his identity?"

"It's a masque festival! Everyone wears masks!"

I could sense something building from the kid. It felt like water steadily filling the room, a massive, smothering pressure that would shatter at any moment. Dad must have noticed too because he stood from his chair, about to say something.

The kid's hands shot to the wound on his head. He seemed to stare at nothing, but he kept on in a snarl, "If they saw my face, they'd know who to kill. Just like my parents. They'd kill me too, those bastards. Have to stay hidden. Have to…"

All at once, the pressure vanished as the kid's eyes rolled back and he collapsed to the stone floor.

"Huh," I said. "So he is the prince?"

"Dante, why didn't you catch him?" Dad said in his usual lecture voice.

"Don't blame this all on me. Vergil could have teleported over."

"You were within arm's length of him," Vergil said with a shrug. "But that's beyond the point. If this boy truly is their prince, it seems Dante has started a war."

"Why is everything my fault today?" I asked, crossing my arms. "He was on our land. If anything, they started the war."

Dad's eyes were still locked on the kid. He seemed to be working out a puzzle in his head. "These are odd circumstances," he said at length. "I will investigate further and hope Fortuna does nothing rash. In the meantime, we will need to look after this boy properly. He is royalty, after all. He must be treated respectably."

Stepping out from behind his desk, he knelt at the kid's side and snapped the rope around the kid's wrists apart. The kid didn't react. Must have been out cold this round.

"You really think he's royalty?" I asked as Dad scooped the kid up into a carry. Kid probably would have been furious about it had he been conscious.

"He looks nothing like Fortuna's former king or queen," Dad said, still frowning at the boy's face. Kid almost looked like a different person without all the anger twisting his expression. "And he's certainly not divine, but I do not doubt that he thinks he is royalty. If there is one thing that damned church is good at, it is tricking the foolish and naive."

I put on a wry smile. "Are you sure he's not yours?"

Dad didn't seem to appreciate the joke, stealing my smile by shoving the kid into my arms. "You'll be in charge of looking after him since you brought him. Ensure he is well taken care of. See to that head wound."

With that, he stepped around me and left the room.

"Wait, me?" I said to the empty doorway. "He hates me. What if he tries to kill me? Shouldn't one of you-"

Vergil brushed past me as well. "If he tries to kill you, you'll have most certainly done something to deserve it."

"Love you too, Brother," I called to his back.

He tossed a lazy wave over his shoulder. "I'll be rooting for him."

I had such a supportive family.

Looking down at the kid, I wondered if he'd always been so pale. Taking care of his wound would need to be priority one since the cut on his forehead had cracked back open. Priority two was a bath.

The guards at the gate said my retainers returned before I did. Not surprising. They tended to get fed-up with me when I ran off on my own. That meant I would need to tread lightly if I wanted help fixing up the kid.

"Hey, Lady," I called, knocking on her door with my foot. "Don't shoot. I have an innocent."

The door snapped inward to reveal my favorite murderous human, her crossbow leaning on her shoulder. "I could have hit you without causing him harm," she said, frowning as her dual-toned eyes swept over the kid. "Why does he look like you?"

"Still working that out," I said. "Hard to get answers out of him while he's zonked out. I was hoping you could help me make him less corpse-y."

"Does he have demon blood?"

"Maybe."

After a tense few seconds in which she was likely deciding whether to kill the kid or me or both, she took a step back so I could enter the room. "Put him on the floor."

I figured the pretty-boy prince wouldn't mind not being allowed on her bed while unconscious, so I settled him on the rug. "Take off his armor," Lady added before kicking open the chest at the foot of her bed.

"I'm not really the kind of guy to do that while-" An arrow whizzed past my ear.

"Hard to see if he has any other wounds when he's covered in metal," she said as the crossbow went back to rest against her shoulder. "I'll get some sterilized water. If it's a proper head wound, there's not much I can do about it, but if he does have demon blood, it's not like it'll be a problem. Either way, I guess we'll just clean him up and check for anything that needs tending. But when I get back, you're telling me what the hell's going on." After yanking a bowl from the chest, she snapped it shut with another forceful kick and stormed out.

That left me to contend with the armor. Easier said than done considering the kid was smothered in the stuff. No one in Capulet bothered with it. Demons were quick and could pierce metal easily. Armor just weighed you down. Fortuna's armor in-particular had so many ornate details that half the weight was probably from all the feathery detailing. Kid looked like a duck with all those white feathers.

Getting it on must have been a pain in the ass too because taking it off was like one of Vergil's logic puzzles. "How many buckles?" I grumbled after managing to pry off the plating on his left arm. "How many locks and snaps and straps could you need? I'm glad I've never tried to take one of you bastards to bed, or I'd never get any."

The chest plate wasn't any easier, and Lady returned to find me wriggling him free of it. "Now's not the time to make a show of it, Dante."

"Well, you know me." I cracked a smile through my annoyance. "I'm all about that foreplay."

Though she rolled her eyes, Lady gave up a snort for my joke. The bucket dropped a hair from the kid's ear before she set to work not-so-gently scrubbing the dirt and flaking blood from his face. "So who's your small clone?" she asked.

"Vergil?"

With her usual glare, she shoved the rag back in the water and wrung it out about how I imagined she wanted to twist my neck.

"You mean the kid? I dunno." Reaching across him, I grabbed the wrist of his other plated arm. "He might be Fortuna's prince or something."

She didn't react at first, didn't seem to notice I'd spoken. She kept scrubbing at that cut until her head snapped up. "Where's the joke?"

"Honest."

Her eyes narrowed, so I mimed an X over my heart.

I couldn't say I expected the snickering fit that erupted from her. Lady only ever laughed at my expense. "Holy shit!" she wheezed. "This is him? Fortuna's angel boy? He's demonic!"

I still wasn't so sure. I'd felt something from him, some pulse of energy, but it wasn't demonic. I doubted it was divine either, though.

"He's not your father's bastard child too, is he?" she asked. "That would really be the cherry on top."

"I wouldn't make any bets on that." That didn't seem like something Dad would have done twenty-odd years ago, but maybe I just didn't want to believe it. As I finally managed to unlatch the top clasp around his arm, a vise snapped around my wrist.

"What are you doing?" the kid said in a voice that rasped enough to be a growl.

"Trying to get rid of all your damn chastity belts." I found it hard to keep my smile when I looked down to find fear in his eyes. "We're just checking you for wounds," I clarified. "The armor was in the way."

But his arm still wrenched from my grasp, his bare hand undoing all my hard work with a deft flick of his fingers. Lady let him sit up without complaint, but her eyes seemed to be trying to dissect him. He appraised her for a half-second before turning back to me.

"Where am I?"

"In my room," Lady said. "I don't think you should be the one asking the questions here, Your Highness."

The kid froze, taught as a pulled bow string.

"Yeah, I think the blood loss made you tell all," I said, "though I never did get your name."

He seemed poised to make a break for it at any moment. "You don't need it."

Putting on my best smile, I placed my fingers under his chin and leaned in close with a wink. "Then should I call you mine?"

He jerked back, his expression screwed up with bafflement. "What? I don't want your name!"

"Well, it's a good thing he's pretty," Lady said.

I shrugged. "I can just keep calling you kid."

I could almost see all the deaths he was planning for me behind those seething eyes. "Nero," he spat. "My name is Nero."

"Well then it's a pleasure, Nero. I'm Dante." I offered a hand that he looked at as though it were poisoned.

He seemed to have instantly rethought his decision to give up his name. Once again, he tried to puff himself up like a hissing cat. "Fuck off!"

"I like him," I said to Lady.

She rolled her eyes. "God, you would."

(Did the name Capulet come from the fandom? I'm just going with it.) This is just a little test, so let me know if you'd be interested in seeing more of it, I suppose.