Anything you recognize does not "technically" belong to me... Drats.

The Jerk Theory:

(A theory, often proven correct time and time again, that) Girls don't really want the nice guys. Nice guys are just too... nice. Soft, and mellow. Like a pillow! Or doormat. Doormat is good. After all, they get the same treatment as nice guys.

Girls want a jerk. Someone who tells it to them straight, who don't mind getting a little dirty to get what they want, ESPECIALLY if what they want is you. Dirty is irresistible.

Jerks are dirty, so jerks, by connection, are irresistible.

Super irresistible.

~Two Years Ago~

Killian walks up to the door. The door that opens into the house of his girl. The girl of his dreams.

Milah.

He knocks, coughs into his hand, and smiles, holding a beautiful white corsage.

The door flies open, to reveal Milah gracefully descending the steps, smiling at him, and it's so perfect, she's so perfect, this moment is so perfect and his smile widens in admiration and -dare he say it- love for this perfect girl and she's smiling back and-

"Ah, hey bro!"

...Neal?!

What is Neal doing here?!

Milah gasps -like she hadn't seen him right in front of her and smiled at him. "Oh, Killy, didn't you get my text?"

Killian feels his mouth open and close, like a poor fish, drowning in oxygen.

She smiles sympathetically. "Well, Neal and I were nominated King and Queen, so I just thought it made sense to go with him!" She smiles up and Neal, who grunts and smirks at Killian.

I am not a drowning fish, I am not a drowning fish, ah, Neptune, I'm a drowning fish.

"Oh, don't worry, Killy!" Milah says brightly. "I realized that the text was terribly short notice, so I arranged for Regina to go with you!"

Milah's eighth grade sister, retainers and bony elbows and all, shows up at Milah's side, and gives a forced smile.

Needless to say, the corsage dropped to the porch floor, as Killian the fish continued to drown.

This is the day that Killian Jones: Nice Guy, realizes that it is time to become every girl's dream come true.

Killian Jones: Jerk.

T'sup.

Hahaha just kidding. I'm not fly. I'm a fangirl. I don't even know what fly is.

Anyhoo, I saw Jerk Theory for the first time in forever today, and as I was watching, I kept thinking, "Holy crap, I swear this is Emma and Hook."

So I decided, WHAT THE HEY?! HECK YEAH I WILL WASTE MY SUMMER ON FANFICTION!

So I will!

I hope you enjoy it, and just for clarification and sanity's sake, the family relations from the show are NOT accurate to the story, so Milah dating Neal isn't incest, I swear.

Thoughts?

Concerns?

Sudden and Not Well Thought Out Desires to donate millions of dollars to a little charily called "Me"?

Have a lovely day Munchkins :)

Hugs and Kisses,

~Mrs Killian Jones: Pureblood.