The Spirit Carries On
By
AlexandraKhayman
Disclaimer: I do not own Andros, Ashley or the lyrics from the song. Disney and Mr. John Petrucci (who I respect, a LOT!), respectively, own them. Oh! Almost forgot. Of course that there is no 'Nicholas', nor 'Victoria' in this story… just think about Andros and Ashley while you're reading it! Oh… Review please!
Summary: After the death of the love of his life, how will Andros hang on?
Nicholas:
Where did we come from?
Why are we here?
Where do we go when we die?
What lies beyond
and what lay before?
Is anything certain in life?
The cemetery was empty, or so it seemed. "It's better this way." – He thought. The last time he had been there, a year before, he had felt the same way… Angst, cold, as if all happiness he had ever felt had been drowned from him. Well, it was true. Since that awful day, when Ashley had been taken away from him, he had been invaded by sadness and regret. Damn, he was only twenty-six years old; he wasn't supposed to feel like that! His whole life was in front of him, he just had to take it… but he couldn't. No, not without her!
During those seven and a half years they had spent together, Andros had taken one thing as a certainty: Ashley was his, forever, and no one could tear them apart. Well, it was somewhat true because all people that had tried to break them apart, like her parents, his parents and other Terrans, had been unsuccessful. Their love was unbreakable. At least he thought so, but a twist of fate had proved him wrong. He knew that, somewhere, Ashley would be staring him, waiting for him to come back, to be close to her, as close as he had ever been.
"Why is this still so hard to face?" – He wondered, as he was walking between the graves, feeling the grass crashing below his feet. Everyone had told him the same: it was going to be hard, but he was young, he was going to surpass it. Well, a year had passed since then and he was still feeling the same sorrow, as if his heart had been ripped of his chest and thrown against a wall.
They say, "Life is too short,"
"The here and the now"
And "You're only given one shot"
But could there be more,
Have I lived before,
or could this be all that we've got?
When he reached her grave, Andros stopped and stared at the inscription. He had never thought that someday he would be staring at the grave of his beloved fiancée. "Ashley Marie Hammond…" – He read – "Born in 1980. Dead in 2005."
He leaned his face down and saw a little flower that was growing near the tomb. Andros himself had brought a bond of yellow lilies with him. He knelt beside the grave and put them down on top of it. Yellow lilies always had been Ashley's favourite flower. Those cute little flowers had always illuminated their house, once so full of joy and laughter and now so empty and silent. Andros felt a shiver going through his spine. "God, how I hate this place!" – He thought.
Funny thing, he had thought the same thing the first time he had been on Earth. However, when he had met the Turbo Rangers, his point of view had drastically changed. Ashley and the other Rangers (but mainly Ashley) had taught him how to enjoy and appreciate that planet and he liked it so that he had chosen it as his home. He remembered how they had dragged him to Earth, to fix the Megaship, in their first day as Space Rangers.
(Flashback)
"So, where do we star to look for Zordon?" – TJ asked.
"We start by fixing the Megaship… she's not ready to make a long distance voyage. But I don't have the equipment we need here." – Andros informed.
"We can go to Earth." – Cassie suggested – "They will help us at NASADA!"
(End of Flashback)
A smile passed across Andros' face when he remembered how reluctant he was to order DECA to set the course for Earth. "I was so dumb back there, Ash. How did you fall for me?" – He asked.
He touched the grave, trying to be closer to her, and kept speaking to no one – "Zhane and Karone are getting married next week. Hard to believe uh? My sister and my best friend getting married… Do you remember when I almost ruined my friendship with him because you had become friends with each other? When he woke up, I got so jealous. I almost lost him. I guess that I was so afraid of losing you to him that I didn't even think about how I was treating him…" – He sighed.
The only answer he received was silence. A deep death silence.
If I die tomorrow,
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on
Andros looked up, to the sky. It was a cloudy day and it will be raining soon, for sure. He ran his fingers through the dates craved in the stone – "I hope you're okay, over there… You know what I remembered the other day?"
His memory brought him the image: Ashley's face when he had appeared in the Megaship, after the Countdown.
(Flashback)
"Hey… you okay?" – Cassie asked.
"I miss him… so much!" – Ashley sighed, and leaned her face down, trying not to cry.
"DECA, set a course for Earth!" – His voice had echoed in the silent room.
Ashley turned around and saw him, standing there, with his hands behind his back and a shy smile on his face.
"Andros…" – She ran to his arms and he held her tight, wishing to be like this, forever.
(End of Flashback)
Andros reached for the collar of his shirt and pulled out his locket, the one with his and Karone's picture inside. Now, hanging on the chain, there was also a silver ring.
"Remember this ring? Well, it took me a lot of time to find the perfect ring. It had to be simple but meaningful and lovely. You loved it, didn't you?" – He asked – "Oh great, now I'm waiting for a grave to answer me…"
He stared at the crucifix for a moment. He wasn't much of a religious human being, but how he had prayed, wishing that this situation was only a nightmare, a bad, bad dream. How he had wished to be the one driving that damn car. How he had wished to have been able to tell Ashley how much she meant for him. They had lived together for almost eight years, under the same roof, sharing the same house and he had only been able to say those three little words twice: the day when they had first made love, when he had whispered those words to her ear and the day when he had asked Ashley to marry him. Of course, he had always loved her, since the beginning, but he had been afraid. Afraid of losing her, as he had lost Karone, when they were kids. He couldn't help it, it was his nature, to be like that.
I used to be frightened of dying I may never find all the answers
I used to think death was the end
But that was before
I'm not scared anymore
I know that my soul will transcend
I may never understand why
I may never prove
What I know to be true
But I know that I still have to try
"There are so many things I never get to tell you Ashley… Can't you see I'm miserable without you? A year, Ash, a year has passed since that day… look at me! I've never been the same and I won't be, ever again, you know it! I can't do this anymore Ash!" – He whispered – "I need you here. I've always needed you here, with me! Why did you leave me?" – He got up, not taking his eyes off her name, that was now shinning, brighter then ever – " Why did you go out when there was a storm like that? Why didn't you listen to me and stay at home? That was a very selfish attitude, Ashley, and look what you got, for just thinking about yourself… Look at this!" – He was now screaming and took a picture of them both from his jacket and stared at it for some seconds. It had been taken some weeks before the accident, at the beach, on TJ's birthday and a little while after he proposed to her. His left arm was around her waist and her right arm was around his neck. Her left hand rested on his chest and their faces were close to each other's, smiling.
"This picture and all the others that we took, this ring…it's all I have left! All of this are just memories Ashley. All I have is this…" – He reached for the ring – "And what can I do with this? NOTHING!!! You didn't have the right to left me here, not that way, not that moment! You know I'll always love you, but what does that matter? You're not even here!" – He calmed down a little bit and repeated, almost in a whisper – "You're not even here…"
If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on
He leaned his face forward and cried. For the first time since the accident, Andros let his emotions take him and cried. After a few minutes, he wiped the tears away, hoping to be feeling a little relieved. Well, he was clearly wrong. It was still there… all of it! The regret, the pain… the love! He couldn't stop loving Ashley, no matter how hard he tried. They were bound to each other, forever. And, deep down in his heart (or what was left of it), Andros knew that they would see each other again, someday.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped. "Hey… it's me." – A soft voice told him.
He turned around – "Karone…"
"I looked everywhere for you: at work, at home... I figured you would be here."
Andros nodded – "I had to come..."
"I've been watching you for a while… Andros, you can't be like this for the rest of your life. You need to…"
"To surpass it? Was that what you were going to say?" – He interrupted. "I can't do it, Karone. I love her. After all this time, I still love her, more than I loved her when I proposed. I can't forget her… it's not possible."
Karone took a deep breath before asking what everybody had wanted to ask since Ashley's death – "Have you tried?"
He looked at her, with a coldness that frightened her. Then, with a very serious tone, he spoke – "I did. Really, I swear I tried, but I just can't! I want to forget her but it's like she just doesn't allow me to do that."
Karone sighed. It was so hard to see her brother that way. They had been separated for so many years, but since she had returned to his side, they had become great friends, real siblings. And Ashley… she had become her best friend and Karone knew that she was Andros' support in the hard times, in life. She had been shattered too, with her death, but she had overcome it… but he hasn't, clearly.
"Come on… I don't like to see you this way…" – She hugged him, trying to comfort him.
"And do you think I like to see myself like this? I'm a total shadow of what I was…. And I hate this!" – He murmured – "I don't know what to do, Karone… I really don't!"
"Don't worry honey… Everything will be fine, you'll see!" – She caressed his stripey hair, which was now, longer than ever.
"I've been more sure about that than I'm now." – He confessed.
After a while, Karone pulled back from the embrace and said – "Let's go home."
Andros nodded. She put down the bound of flowers she had brought with her – "I miss you Ashley… so much!" – She whispered.
She got up and reached for Andros hand – "Come…"
Victoria:
"Move on, be brave
Don't weep at my grave
Because I am no longer here
But please never let
Your memory of me disappear"
They walked away from the grave and left the cemetery. They got into the car and Andros drove off.
During the trip, none of them spoke. When they reached Karone and Zhane's house, Andros turn off the car and removed the seat belt.
"Karone, I want to thank you for…"
She cut him off – "Schh. Don't be silly, Andros. You're my brother and I love you so much, that I can't stay here, watching you destroying yourself, and do nothing! I had an idea… Staying here isn't bringing any good for you. Why don't you go and travel for a while? Or go back to Ko-35? You need to be away from this place for some time…"
Andros hugged her again – "Yeah, maybe I'll do it" – An idea had passed through his mind – "Thank you. Thank you for being here."
"I'm always here, big brother…. Always!" – She kissed his forehead and repeated – "Always!"
She opened the door and left the car. Andros turned the motor on and drove to his house. He parked the car, entered the house and dropped the keys. He removed his jacket and ran upstairs to put his plan on practise. He reached for a notebook, a pen and the most important of all… He opened the closet and climbed the shelves to grab the box where he had hid it.
He went downstairs again and sat on the floor, in front of the couch. He started writing a note on the notebook. When he finished, he saw a picture of 'his' team, on their Rangers' time. The vision of how they would react when they see the step he was about to take came to his mind, but Andros soon waved it away.
"They will understand… I hope!" – He convinced himself.
He put down the note on the coffee table and took the object out of the box. He stared at it for some minutes, twisting it in his hands.
"It will be over. We'll be together again Ashley!"
He lifted it up and, two minutes later, a deafening sound was heard in the whole neighbourhood.
Nicholas: If I die tomorrow
Safe in the light that surrounds me
Free of the fear and the pain
My questioning mind
Has helped me to find
The meaning in my life again
Victoria's real
I finally feel
At peace with the girl in my dreams
And now that I'm here
It's perfectly clear
I found out what all of this means
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on
A/N: I've written this and now I'm wondering… does this make any sense?