Chapter 1
What was it about Christmas that turned everybody into such idiots?! Wario huffed as he turned away from the window, marching into his bedroom and throwing open the door of his closet. There was no reason to have snow in Diamond City! The weather was perfectly fine just the way it was!
He lifted up another discarded shirt, and there were his regular blue work shoes. He grabbed them and stormed out of his closet, grumbling as he went over to his bed and plopped down on the edge of it. He wasn't about to waste his money buying winter clothes when as soon as Dr. Crygor turned off that stupid machine, it would all melt away and Diamond City would be just as warm and sunny as it ever was! Hopefully that would be right after Christmas. Wario laughed as he pulled on his other shoe. Maybe something would happen to it before then that would keep it from working. It would serve the old man right, interfering with Wario's technology!
He pushed himself up and headed towards the front door, his stomach turning at the imaginary sensation of cold wind and freezing snowflakes seeping through his clothes. He roughly shoved it away as he grabbed the doorknob. He was a man! He could handle this!
He opened the door and nearly slammed it again as a blast of freezing cold wind chilled him to the bone. Gritting his teeth, he forced one foot in front of the other as he stepped outside and slammed the door shut behind him. His fingers already stinging with cold, he pulled his house key out of his pocket and turned to lock the door. He was going to have a serious discussion with Dr. Crygor the minute he got to WarioWare, Inc.!
By the time he got into the city proper, Wario was so numb he half-expected to see ice crystals forming on his clothes. Too bad ice crystals weren't worth anything. And was it just him, or were all the usual Christmas decorations like lights wrapped around the trunks of palm trees and giant fake candy canes even more obnoxious than usual? Suddenly something slammed into his stomach so hard it forced the air out of his lungs, and the next thing he knew his eardrums were being ruptured by some screaming kid.
The sled struck something hard, and Wario was spinning through the air, icy cold snow sinking its teeth into him as he landed flat on his back in a snowdrift. Slowly, the world around him turned red as he pushed himself upright, his blood boiling so hot it nearly blocked the cold.
"Umm...Mister?" a whiny voice next to him asked. "Are you okay?"
The kid it belonged to flinched away as Wario turned to him, his stupid little mouth gaping in horror at what must have been a very terrifying expression. Wario growled somewhere deep in his throat, images of the Abominable Snowman popping into his mind. Selecting the scariest one he could think of, Wario did his best imitation and roared at the top of his lungs.
The kid shrieked again and scrambled to his feet, slipping and sliding on the icy sidewalk as he took off down the street, screaming for his mommy.
Smirking, Wario stood up, threw back his head, and laughed. Served that little brat right, thinking he could run over Wario!
A piece of wood sticking up out of the snowdrift caught his attention. Raising his eyebrows, Wario grabbed hold of it and pulled. Out came the sled, cold and slightly wet but otherwise none the worse for wear. Wario's smirk widened. No use in letting a perfectly good sled go to waste!
Setting it back down on the street, Wario aimed it in the direction of WarioWare, Inc. and taking a deep breath, he began to run and push it down the street. The wind whipped harder as he picked up speed, but this would be much faster than walking to work! At last he jumped up on it and sat back as the sled went whizzing down the street towards the familiar yellow building, the big purple 'W' on the front of it gleaming proudly in what little sunlight was poking through the clouds. But where did all these people come from?
"GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU KNUCKLEHEADS!"
The pedestrians screamed and did as Wario demanded, jumping out of his way like Cheep-Cheeps jumping up out of the water. Some of them moved slower than others, and Wario had to use some skillful maneuvering to keep from hitting them, but Wario found himself laughing as the sled slid to a stop in front of his company; what would the trip home be like?!
Feeling somehow warmer inside, Wario hoisted the sled up over his shoulder and started up the front steps toward the double doors. He could keep the sled until this whole snow business blew over, and then he would sell it for a nice profit!
Speaking of profit, he could almost see his employees now, hard at work on whatever microgames they were making—microgames that were sure to make him a lot of money! He pulled open one of the doors and stopped dead in his tracks. There were his workers, all right; standing around in the break room with steaming mugs of hot chocolate!
Were his eyes deceiving him? They must be! Wario didn't tell his employees they could put up a Christmas tree and decorate it, or hang wreaths and garlands everywhere! Was that a buffet table?!
"Hey, look, everybody!" An all-too-familiar high-pitched voice grated on Wario's ears.
Oh, no. Not him. ANYBODY but HIM...
The crowd of Wario's workers parted and sure enough, there stood Mario in a Santa Claus outfit, white beard and all, with a stupid smile on his stupid face.
"It's Wario!"
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" The whole room burst into cheers and applause, and Wario's head began to pound in time with their noisy clapping.
"And a Hop-Hop-Hoppy New Year!" Mario apparently couldn't resist adding, doing a fancy little jump each time he said the word 'hop'. "Woo-hoo!"
Once again, the world turned as red as Mario's Santa Claus suit, and if Wario could shoot fire out of his eyeballs, he would roast the little idiot to a crisp.
"NO!"
Wario let the sled fall to the ground with a thud as he stormed across the room and jabbed his finger in Mario's chest.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
Mario's eyes widened, and his smile slipped off his face like snow slipping off a rooftop.
"I-I came to invite you to the Christmas party!" He dug around in the big Santa bag he had slung over his shoulder and pulled out a light pink envelope with a darker pink ribbon tied around it like a present.
"WHAT CHRISTMAS PARTY?!" Wario snatched the envelope out of Mario's hand and tore the ribbon off, catching a strong whiff of peaches as he ripped open the envelope and pulled out a fancy white invitation trimmed with dark pink and holly designs. Written with green ink in fancy cursive handwriting were the words:
Dear Friend,
Her Royal Highness, Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom,
cordially invites you to attend a
Christmas Celebration
at her Castle on the evening of December 25th at 6:00
"The one at Princess Peach's castle." Mario craned his neck over the invitation and tried to peek into the envelope. "There should be a map in there, too, with a bunch of different directions mapped out on it, but you probably already know how to get to the ca—"
"Yeah, yeah! Shut up!" Wario waved his hand, and the annoying babbling stopped. Mario was frowning, but he would just have to get over it. Wario remembered how to get to the castle; the question was, did he want to go? "Will there be presents?"
"Uh, yeah." Mario reached into his Santa bag and pulled out a clipboard and a pencil. "That's actually one of the things I was supposed to ask you. See, the princess is doing this Secret Santa thing where we take down the names of everybody who wants to be involved, and then tomorrow night we're going to cut them out and put them in a big hat and shake them around and around!" Mario shook his clipboard around enthusiastically, and it took all of Wario's strength to keep his hands from reaching out and grabbing the thing and whacking Mario over the head with it. "Then, we draw the names out randomly and give them to people, and whoever's name you wind up with, that's who you get to pick a gift out for from this big pile!"
Mario spread his arms wide and smiled like a kid showing off his latest mud pie to whoever would look at it.
"Doesn't that sound like fun?!"
"No." That strangely warm feeling returned as once again that stupid smile slid right off Mario's face. "Not unless I'm the one getting all the presents!"
"Wario!" Mario's arms fell to his sides like limp noodles as he stared at Wario with his mouth hanging open. "You can't get all the presents! There wouldn't be any left for anybody else!"
"Good!" Wario smirked at the horror on Mario's face. "There don't need to be any presents for anybody else!"
"Wha...yes, there does!" Mario straightened up and frowned deeply. "That's the whole point! To give something to somebody else to make them happy!"
UGH. Wario rolled his eyes as far back in his head as he could and blew one of his signature raspberries.
"I don't care about making anybody else happy! I only care about ME! ME, ME, ME!"
Wario laughed as Mario's grip tightened on the clipboard and pencil. What did he think he was going to do?
"Aww, don't listen to him, Mario!" Mona came up out of nowhere just then and placed a hand on Mario's shoulder. "He's just being a greedy punk, as usual!"
The eighteen-year-old glared at Wario, and he raised his eyebrows and glared back. She had a lot of nerve, talking to her boss like that!
Mario relaxed, and it was as if all the Christmas spirit had been squashed right out of him. Even his Santa Claus hat seemed to droop more than it was supposed to.
"Well, you're invited if you want to come." The hero of the Mushroom Kingdom's voice was mercifully quieter and less cheerful now. "Waluigi is, too."
He reached into his Santa bag once more and pulled out another envelope, which Wario promptly snatched.
"I don't suppose Waluigi would want to be a Secret Santa, either?"
"Probably not." Wario shrugged. Who could tell with that weirdo?
"Well, if he does, I guess we could always write his name down tomorrow." Mario turned to the rest of the crowd. "I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow night?"
Wario rolled his eyes again as everyone agreed they would go to the party. What losers. Then again, he might just go for the free food...wait a minute. There was going to be a PILE of presents at that party, and if how often Bowser kidnapped the princess was any indication, the castle must not have very good security...
"WOO-HOO!" The return of the big-mouthed, too-happy idiot blasted Wario out of his thoughts. "Great! I'll see you all then!"
"Bye!" Everyone waved as Mario finally ran towards the door.
"And Merry Christmas!" Santa Claus Mario called as he left.
"Merry Christmas!"
At last the building was quiet, and Wario could let his ringing ears rest. Suddenly jazzy, big band Christmas music filled the air, along with the rumbling chatter of workers who were standing around doing nothing when there was work to be doing!
"And what do you all think you're doing?!" Wario glared as hard as he could at everyone. "GET BACK TO WORK!"
"But Boss!" Mona set her cup of hot chocolate down on a table and put her hands on her hips. "It's Christmas Eve!"
"I SAID GET BACK TO WORK!"
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Author's Note: Apologies if my attempt to use a single line break failed; I have to use a mobile phone to write and upload, so yeah. :P This is an idea I've had for a while now, and I wanted to see how it would pan out. Next chapter hopefully coming soon! Also, credit for cover image goes to the original artist, and I do not own the Mario series!