If you can't see something, is it real? You can't see God, yet there's millions of people who remain faithful to Him. You can't literally see that someone is in love, but then again, maybe you can. Actions speak louder than words ever can, right? You can see hate too in every malicious act towards people, but we as humans prefer focusing on the romantic ideals of life. At the end of the day, love always conquers all and everything is well. If it's not well, it's not the end.

But I don't want an end to this. I don't want something to come and ruin my happiness. The more I gain the more I have to lose, and I don't want to lose anything. If I'm going to lose my spot in my career, that's more than likely going to be on me, my own fault. But I can't control him. I can't make him stay if he wanted to leave, and that simple fact has brought me down the more I'm forced to face it.

When you're a child and you want something, you absolutely need it. Even if it's a cheap one dollar toy, or that new doll, or that shiny bike, it consumes your tiny brain. Maybe habits don't change. I tried suppressing the admiration he made me feel, because feelings that strong are just borderline ridiculous, but there was no denying that Jonathan Good made just about everything look like a work of art. He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. The wrestling world is on the verge of being in the palm of his hands, I could just see it. I only realized once it was too late that he had me there too. Too dangerous of a predicament for someone who had everything going for them, and that applied for both of us.

He told a story with everything that he did, and that was all I had strived to do my entire career. Make people really think, get them talking, make them feel something, anything. He did it so easily. He was beautifully wild, and I couldn't keep my eyes away. But now, I had to put an end to it before something out of my control put an end to it and the pain would be too unbearable.

Jon was frowning at me after I got the words out. It deepened and deepened, just like my heart as it sunk to my stomach.

"Whaddya mean, Lily? What are you talking about?" He demanded. "You told me you could feel it too, and you know what that –it- is, don't make me spell it out. L-O-V-E, that's what you told me." If he had a fur coat, he'd be bristling, getting worked up.

I do. I pushed the thought away, forcing my expression to stay firm.

"We can't be together."

"Why? Because if it's about your brother again, I don't care. He can grow to like it." I opened my mouth, but he just continued. That was going to be the ultimate problem here; once Jon started it was hard for my resolve to stay strong. "This is just you and me, you and I, and what we feel. What, you want to hear me say it? I love you. Alright? I'll tell you however many times you want to hear it, in front of whoever, whenever you need to hear it. I'll sing it to ya if that's what you need. I don't understand," He broke off from his rant, beginning a mini pace. I stood fighting my inner feelings and trying to focus on the lie in my head.

"We'll only hold each other back. We can't have a relationship right now." My tone was business-like and I wondered why he hadn't rolled his eyes at my behavior yet. His eyes were only locked on mine, not letting me go.

"Then when?"

"I need to focus on my career, Jon. And so do you."

"Lily-"He reached out and grabbed my hand, gentle but firm. I cut him off, but allowed my hand to stay in his, letting myself enjoy the electric feeling coursing through my body.

"Jon, this is the way it has to be. You've got to let me go," I told him firmly. He searched my eyes before he stepped closer and closer, invading every inch of my personal space, making me focus on nothing else but him.

"You've gotta let me go first." I tried to deny it, the look he was giving me, I tried my hardest but those damn eyes got me again and my breath hitched. It was like the gate of my inner turmoil had opened and replaced the nonchalant expression I had had on my face. I turned away from him, however, I couldn't force myself to walk away completely. How ironic, how fitting.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Jon's voice had lowered and softened, and my heart jumped when he grabbed my shoulder, massaging it as he waited. "Why are you hurting yourself over this?"

"Loving someone…it's like leaving your heart out in the open. There are things in life we can't control. What if you decided you didn't love me anymore two years down the line?" I waited with my back still to him.

"I've already loved you for two years, what's two more. What's 10, 20, hell, what's fifty more years? I still won't ever get enough of you." Two years? Ever since we were in FCW? I turned to look at him in surprise. He was watching me earnestly, waiting. "You know, caring about someone isn't a crime." He told me.

"It's dangerous like a crime." I replied softly.

"I've never been a guy to shy away from danger, and neither have you, kiddo. It took me a long time and a lot of convincing when I was younger that caring about people and making friends is okay. But you were all I needed to be convinced that I could actually love someone." I stared at him, speechless. Why did I have to know someone like him existed? Damn it, damn it, damn it, I just wanted to be with him.

But I was supposed to be the next big thing in this company. Revitalize the Diva's division. It had to be me.

"I want to be with you," I finally admitted. There was no point in keeping up with this lying charade; I had been at it for months and he knew I was lying about my feelings all along. "But…I want to be something great. And I want that more. It's all I've ever wanted, all I've ever known." He stared at me, eyes narrowing, before he began shaking his head in sharp quick movements that grew more exaggerated

"I remember when I first got to know you, really got to know you, not just sleeping together. I used to be so impressed with you, I used to just sit and watch you and think, 'man, now that is one ambitious chick, she knows what she wants, she's a go-getter, and she gets what she wants.' I didn't think you were the type of girl that settled for one thing instead of the world. True ambition is wanting and getting it all. True strength is balancing everything on top of the wheel."

"Some people lose their balance and then they lose it all," I argued. "Losing you would be too painful-"

"You wouldn't lose me, Lily, I would be a constant in your life but you still don't want to realize it!" He snapped, cutting me off. "For some reason you just can't wrap your head around the fact that there's a man that loves you. Can I promise you that we're going to make it to the end? No, but no one can do that, and anyone that promised that kind of BS doesn't have an ounce of common sense. Can I promise you that we'll work and compromise through problems? Yes. But first, you've got to figure out what you want. You're only holding yourself back." He turned away from me abruptly and walked down the hallway. I turned away, cursing under my breath.

If you keep lying to yourself about the way you feel, do you start to believe the lie or do those feelings only push to the surface with even more vigor?