TITLE: Live For Real
AUTHOR: Love's Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L. M.
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc. I only wish Spike were mine. Lyrics to "Old Friend" and "How I Feel About You" belong to Rancid and lyrics to "Winners," "Hide," "20,000 Seconds," "Believe," and "Live for Real" belong to K's Choice.
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.
RATING: PG for all its fluffy goodness.
SPOILERS: Into the Woods, season 5.
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction?
SUMMARY: Spike runs into a drunk Buffy, wackiness ensues. The way ITW *should* have gone.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yeah, so, it really sucks, but I needed some good old-fashioned B/S fluff. It's a cheer-up fic for me.
Spike entered the crowded bar, his head spinning with thoughts of the Slayer. It had been two days since he'd taken her to see Riley's extracurricular activities and he hadn't seen her since. All he could think about was how much she must hate him. He was mad at himself for putting her through more pain, but he couldn't stand by and watch Captain Cardboard waste her affection. He shook his head, trying to escape the thoughts of her, if only for a few hours.
The bar was a real dive and it attracted all kinds. On the bad side of town, past all the cemeteries, it was a great place to come for an escape. Definitely not for the younger crowd, he only came to this bar when he really wanted to get away from the Scoobies. He could always drink at the Bronze, but here no one knew anything about him, except the bartender.
"Ah, Spike," said bartender said, as the blonde vampire took his normal barstool, "Long time."
"Too long, mate. The usual."
The barkeep placed three shot glasses on the bar and took out a bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold, filling them. "Rough day?"
"Rough century..." Spike mumbled mostly to himself. The bartender walked away, noticing the Brit wanted to be alone. Spike knocked back the first shot in front of him, savoring the taste. Leaving his seat for a second, he walked over to the jukebox and put his money in. He chose a few good Rancid songs and walked back to his seat, singing along and bobbing his head to the rhythm, trying to cheer himself up. "Good morning, heartache, you're like an old friend, come to see me again..."
It wasn't long after he took his second shot that the bartender walked back over to him. "From the extremely tipsy young lady at the end of the bar." As he spoke, he refilled Spike's first shot and pointed at the small blonde, who was waving a bit too enthusiastically at him.
"Bloody hell."
It was Buffy. And she was drinking. He'd heard the stories about her and alcohol. It was never good, especially in his bar. His bar, as in to get away from her and her twit friends. He collected the two full shots and walked down to where the Slayer sat, still singing along to the punk song. "Testify my love for you and I know it runs deep through your body too..."
"What're you doing here, love?" he asked when he reached her, "Drowning yourself in-" he looked at her drink of choice, "- tequila. Well at least it's a good brand."
"Yeah well, I'm in the not wanting to think place. You know?" She asked, slurring her words.
"What do you think I'm doing here? Playing bingo?" He took in her appearance. She was beautiful in a tight blue tank top that left nothing to the imagination and brown leather pants. Her hair was up in a simple clip and a small twig resided over her left ear. She seemed to have stumbled upon this place after patrolling. "And aren't you a bit young for drinking? It's a shame to see such an upstanding young Slayer in *my* bar..."
She simply looked up at him happily and said, "The bartender likes me. He says I'm pretty and it's okay if I have a drink. Everyone here likes me," then turned back to her bottle.
"I can imagine," Spike looked around the bar and saw how all the men were staring at her, probably thinking the same thing: how drunk does she have to be to leave with me? "So why are you buying me drinks? I thought you'd never want to talk to me again."
"What makes you say that? I have to have someone to beat up." She smiled at him as though she had no cares in the world and he started to worry for her sanity. Before he could question her further, she spoke again. "Before you ask anything else, please keep in mind that I'm not wanting to think about what you want to ask about so its probably not a good idea to ask about it. I'm ignoring it for tonight."
"Right, pet. Ignoring it completely." Spike liked this idea. "So we can sit here and drink together and just not fight?"
"Yup," she nodded dramatically and he could tell she'd had a few too many. "You can be my drinking buddy." She laughed at this as if it were the funniest thing anyone had ever said.
For twenty minutes, they sat there in silence and drank. Buffy met Spike shot for shot, but neither spoke. Spike would randomly sing along as different songs he'd requested came on and every time he did this, Buffy looked highly amused.
"The only thing different is the way I feel about you...." He sang absently and as his words trailed off, he looked over at the drunken Slayer beside him. She was looking at him a little too longingly and he could tell what she was thinking.
Spike looked at her indecisively, trying to decide what to do. He couldn't just leave her here like this and he couldn't exactly take her home with him. If he left her here, she'd just keep drinking and if he took her to his place like this, he might not be able to resist. His alcohol-fogged mind had conveniently left out the third option of taking her to her own home.
Deciding that she would be safer with him than with the other barflies, he tried to get her to stand. "Come on, love, its time to go." He held her up, her arm around his neck, and they attempted to walk a few steps.
"I'm all jell-o-y," she said, having a hard time standing, "Jell-o-y...that's a great word."
As she continued to muse about her new word, Spike gave up and picked the petite blonde up, carrying her out the door.
"Looks like your night's lookin' up, eh, Spike?" he heard the bartender yell after him.
"Right, mate, because babysitting is so much fun," he mumbled to himself as he made his way to the De Soto.
***
The two blondes entered the crypt a short while later, one carrying the other, this time like a baby, and not for the first time, Spike was thankful he'd gotten rid of Harmony. Buffy seemed to have fallen asleep in his arms, still clinging to his neck. As he approached his bed to lay her down, he felt something tickling his neck. He looked down to see a not-quite-asleep Slayer laying light kisses there. He almost dropped her then, but caught himself just in time. Walking the last few steps, he laid her down, trying to get as far away from the temptation as he could. But when he laid her down and tried to pull away, she wouldn't release his neck from her grip.
"Slayer, don't." He tried to pull from her arms, but she wouldn't relent.
"Come on, Spike. I know you want to." She ran one of her hands across his cheek, and he relished in the small act, but he knew he couldn't do anything with her.
"I can't Buffy, don't you understand?"
Suddenly she looked very hurt and very depressed, dropping her arms to her sides, and turning her head. "Of course I understand Spike. You're just like all the others." He saw a tear make its way down her beautiful face and he cringed. "You don't want me."
He actually laughed out loud as he heard that, startling Buffy as well as himself. "Is that what you think, love?"
"Well, what else could it be?" Now she seemed mad. Maybe laughing hadn't been the best idea, he mused. "I'm laying here on your bed, all needy and willing and you don't want me."
He struggled to suppress a smile. "It's not like that. Actually I want you very much." He couldn't stifle the smile at her look of shock, "But not like this. We are both very pissed and I want to remember every bit of you." He looked away from her eyes. "Besides, if you were sober you wouldn't want this."
There was a very uncomfortable silence and Spike suddenly felt the need to be anywhere else. He stood and looked down at the stunning girl lying on his bed. "I just remembered I have somewhere to be. Sleep this off, alright?" Without letting her speak, he was out the door.
He wasn't ten feet from the crypt before he realized he left his car keys and his smokes. He kept walking, though, not allowing himself to go back for anything. He was seriously banking on the fact that Buffy wouldn't remember any of this in the morning.
***
The next morning, Buffy woke with a headache. Her mouth was dry and her eyes just did not want to open. All at once, she remembered where she was and she sat straight up in bed. "Oh shit." Her head was pounding as though there were a team of clog dancers in there. She looked around, not seeing Spike at all, then looked down at herself. She sighed in relief at the fact that she was still fully clothed. She gathered her things and left the crypt, wondering where its occupant was.
On the way home, she tried to recount what had happened the night before. She remembered getting all mopey during patrol and stumbling on that dive behind the cemetery. She remembered Spike showing up and singing to some punk band she'd never heard of. She remembered Spike carrying her out of the bar over his shoulder, and the bartender saying something about his night looking up. Buffy shook her head, trying to clear it of the idea that she and Spike had done anything. She wouldn't have...would she? She did go into that bar thinking it wouldn't suck to have a ride home. Even if it wasn't her home they went to. She really had been trying to drown her sorrows, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something had happened between them.
She walked in her front door, pushing all those thoughts from her mind and heading straight for her own bed. All she wanted was a few more hours of sleep.
***
Spike had spent the night in his De Soto, outside the cemetery walls. He couldn't drive anywhere else without his keys, but he kept his windows blacked out just for this type of thing. He slept fitfully in the back seat, having dream after dream of the Slayer looking up at him with those big hazel eyes, pleading with him to want her. Sometimes the dream ended with him giving in and just taking her, others ended with a stake and dust. He woke at sundown and decided he had to see her, to make sure she was okay. He first went by his crypt to make sure she'd gone, which she had. He then made his way over to her house on Revello, practicing his words on the way.
"Hey, Slayer, just wanted to make sure you weren't too hung over to patrol...Good evening, Summers, enjoy the tequila? So, Slayer, did we learn our lesson about alcohol *this* time? Hey, Buffy, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
***
Buffy woke up again at around six o'clock, her first thought involving aspirin and her second involving a shower. After taking the pills, she made her way up to the bathroom, thinking. She'd had dreams all day long about Spike and not in the sense of killing him. In the sense of sleeping with him. Her mind had conjured up all kinds of things that they had done in a drunken stupor, or that he could have done with her unconscious body. The weirdest part was that some of these dreams didn't repulse her. Some of them had actually excited her.
She shook her head, turning the water on as hot as she could stand it and getting in. The water felt wonderful on her tired body, washing away all the alcohol and ache. She simply stood under the almost scalding stream of water, letting it flow over her. It was so searing that she became tired and dizzy, but for a few minutes she was blissfully free of thought, and she didn't get out of the shower until it started to go cool.
When she finally got out, she pulled a clean towel around her and headed back to her bedroom, dreading patrol. She wanted to just close out the world where she might run into Spike and sleep until forever. She walked into her room, heading straight for her CD player, put on a K's Choice disc, and hit shuffle. The sound of an acoustic guitar filled the room as she went to her dresser and pulled out underclothes.
**If I could put you in a frame, I'd draw you smiling,
With a cigarette in your mouth and your hands reaching out for something,
If I could...
If I could wear all your clothes I'd still be different.
And if I had your speaking voice I'd never whisper...**
Buffy decided after a few lines that that was not the song she wanted to listen to. Cigarettes and nice voices were the exact things she was trying to avoid. She hit the next button, and went over to her closet.
**Watch me, I'm coming closer, I am the mood you're in tonight,
Pretty poser, perfect Armageddon Bride.
I am a circle, it feels right, I am the one who swallows light.
Multiplying parasite, perfect features, perfect sight.
You who thought you had it all, lost your leaves before the fall,
You should have killed me, you should have tried...**
Laying a green halter and a matching mini skirt on her bed, she quickly changed the song again. Shaking her head, she began getting dressed.
**20,000 seconds since you left, and I'm still counting,
And 20,000 reasons to get up, get something done, but I'm still waiting...**
"Urgh!" Buffy ran over and pressed the stop button. Somehow, every song reminded her of what she didn't want to think about, so she went to change the CD to something with less meaningful lyrics. She stopped, however, remembering one song that would hopefully change her mood.
**Bravely I look further than I see,
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now,
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is,
And there's something right in front of me and I
Touch the fingers of my hand
And wonder if it's me
Holding on and on to
Theories of prosperity
Someone who can promise me
I believe in me**
Buffy sang along to the song at the top of her lungs, enjoying the small affirmation of self that came with it. At the end of the song, fully dressed, she turned off the CD player and turned to grab her jacket. She saw a small flash of movement outside her window and she froze. Without any way of knowing, she knew it was him. She'd seen the flash of blonde and black that could only mean Spike. She forced her worried look away, replacing it with annoyed and went to the window. The small blonde looked out and saw the blonde vampire walking swiftly away from her house, with an almost imperceptible smile on his face.
'Oh no you don't,' she thought, getting mad at what he must have seen.
***
Spike had really meant to go knock on her window and talk to her about what had happened, or rather, assure her that nothing had. He really didn't want her to stake him because of what he might have done. Instead, he had seen her just as she walked back into the room, with only a small towel around her, and he found himself unable to move away from the window. He watched as she picked a CD and as she blushed and changed the song every time something that remotely dealt with him came on. From the cigarettes in the first song and the 'you should have killed me' in the second, to the romantic twinge in the third, he couldn't help but notice the trend. As he walked away, he told himself he was hearing things and maybe she just didn't like those particular tunes. But the slight flush of her skin right before she would change each song threw him off and he couldn't help but smile. There had to be more to it.
He made his way back to the cemetery not even looking over his shoulder, so lost in his memories of hearing her sing and watching her dance to the last song, of watching her change and put on make up and do her hair. He was amazed how the littlest details of her grooming had fascinated him. When she turned towards the window for the first time, he lost his nerve and left, trying to avoid giving her another reason to stake him.
So wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't hear her run up behind him, but he felt the smack to the back of his head, when she caught up to him.
"Bloody hell, woman, what was that for?"
"Enjoy the show, Spike?" She looked at him with such irritation, but underneath it all, Spike noticed her skin was still a little flushed. Using this to his advantage, he smirked at her.
"Oh, yeah, love, it was bloody brilliant." His tongue slipped out and licked his lower lip, as he looked her up and down appreciatively. "Almost as good as last night." He winked at her and turned to leave.
"EXCUSE ME?"
He took out a fag and lit up, taking his time turning to her and answering. "Think about it, Slayer. We run into each other in a bar, we drink a little too much, we leave together, and you wake up in my bed." He walked back over to her and turned the charm on full blast. He turned his smoldering blue eyes on her, and she could see all the heat and desire of a lover in them. "What do you think happened?"
He watched as color drained from her perfect features. He hadn't meant to mess with her like this, but it was just too rich. She was standing there in front of him, mouth hanging open, and mind struggling to comprehend. When he saw her start to panic, however, the fun wore off, and he decided to come clean. Well, mostly.
"Take it easy, pet. Nothing happened." He paused, deciding a little fun was okay. "Well, not that I can remember."
Buffy was getting angry. "Well did we do anything or not? I'm having a hard time thinking you were completely innocent last night." She was glaring at him now, so he just glared right back at her.
"You know what? I have no idea if anything happened. We were both very pissed, I wouldn't be surprised if we shagged all night and neither of us remember."
Buffy took note of his tone, a little too angry and a little too eager. He sounded as though he wanted to believe what he said as much as he wanted her to believe it. And something about what the bleached vampire had just said bothered her...it sounded familiar but she couldn't place it. She looked up at his face, bathed in moonlight, and suddenly it hit her.
'Not like this. We are both very pissed and I want to remember every bit of you. Besides, if you were sober you wouldn't want this.' He'd said it last night, when *she* had come on to *him*.
Spike noticed Buffy turn bright red, and suddenly she turned and started away, without a word. "What'd I say now?" He muttered to himself as he walked after her, not wanting to end his contact with her so quickly.
***
When Buffy realized he was following her, she began to run. So he didn't remember either? Well, she wasn't about to admit that she had tried to get him into bed. She wasn't about to tell him that he turned her down because they were drunk. She wasn't about to inform him that he had been a perfect gentleman. Now that the one memory had returned, they all flooded back. From her buying him drinks, to her kissing his neck as he put her to bed. From her accusing him of not wanting her, to his sad look as he admitted he did. And finally, him walking out, leaving her alone to sleep it off.
Not for the first time, Buffy found herself wishing she didn't live on a Hellmouth. If she hadn't become the Slayer, she would probably be attending UCLA with her normal boyfriend and their normal life. Not UC Sunnydale, with one boyfriend who had run off to play in the jungle and the other who was the Undead English Patient. Her heart skipped a beat and she started shaking her head. "I did NOT just refer to him as my boyfriend. I did NOT."
Spike stopped short at Buffy's words. He'd almost caught up to her, even though she was running, and he could tell she was really upset at something. He assumed she just thought the worst had happened between them and was embarrassed about it, but when he'd overheard her talking to herself, he had a different idea.
This time, even he didn't miss the smile on his lips.
***
Almost an hour later, Buffy had made a half-hearted attempt to patrol, but her mind wasn't on it. All she was really thinking about was how to avoid Spike for the rest of her life. She knew she'd lost the blonde vampire, but the idea that he could catch up to her any minute was beginning to worry her. She didn't want to go home, for fear he'd be there waiting. She didn't want to stay in the cemetery; afraid he was still searching for her there. She knew that Willow, Tara, Anya and Xander were all at the Bronze, but he would surely look there for her. Making a quick decision, she headed towards the club, hoping he wouldn't approach her with all the Scoobies hanging around.
***
It was close to midnight when the Slayer and the gang left the Bronze. They'd danced until they were all exhausted and Buffy felt marginally better, having not run into Spike at all. They all went their separate ways, and Buffy finished her walk home alone. She began to think that she had completely overreacted to the whole situation with the British vampire. He was really old, after all, and had probably dealt with more than one drunken girl before. It was probably a very small deal to him, having an inebriated female proposition him. He had also probably made a drunken fool of himself once or twice, so he would understand. All she had to do was hope he didn't remember, and if he did, blame it on the alcohol.
She was glad she'd settled the whole issue and was back to thinking about what a good time she'd had at the Bronze when she walked into her house. All the lights were off, which meant her mom and Dawn were in bed already, so she was really quiet as she made her way to her bedroom.
When Buffy opened the door to her room, she stared around, completely shocked. Thick vanilla candles were alight all around her room, on her dresser, desk and bedside table, warming the space. Suddenly the quiet was broken as her CD player sprang to life, playing a different K's Choice CD. She couldn't help but smile at the choice of song and she began to look around the room for Spike. She knew he was behind this.
She didn't see him come out from behind her door, but she felt his hands take hold of her hips and pull her against him. Before she could speak, his mouth was kissing her neck gently, stealing her words. She felt herself melt, leaning back against his muscular form. His breath was cold on her skin and she felt herself shiver as he ran his tongue up her neck. He stopped at her ear and paused a second to gather his courage before speaking.
"Do you still want this?" He felt her tense at his words, and immediately berated himself. He had debated for the last hour or so whether to speak at all, but decided he wanted to hear her say she wanted him.
He was still scolding himself when she turned around and looked up at him, a look of confusion furrowed her brow. "You remember." She'd meant it as a question, but she already knew the answer.
"Yeah, love, I do. Every detail." He tried to look away from her, embarrassed, but she kept capturing his eyes. "In fact, its been haunting me all day long. Seeing you there, on my bed, just as I'd always pictured it."
"But you walked away. Why?"
She was looking directly into his eyes with an intensity he'd forgotten she was capable of. He wanted to tell her why, wanted to tell her he loved her, but he found himself unable to speak. Instead, he finally broke their gaze and shook his head. "I don't know."
Buffy knew better, though, and put a hand against his face, guiding it back to look at her. The way the vampire leaned into her touch confirmed everything she'd been thinking for the past two minutes. Spike loved her. She found that she wasn't as repulsed by this as she should be, maybe because of his small act of chivalry the night before.
"Yes you do. And so do I." She smiled a little at his surprised expression. "Say it, Spike. I want to hear you say it."
It took him a moment to convince himself that this wasn't one of the dreams he'd had earlier that day. "I couldn't take advantage, pet." He saw acceptance in her eyes, and he took an unneeded breath. "Buffy, I love you."
Her smile widened and she said simply, "Thank you," before leaning up and kissing him full on the lips. Spike was still a little surprised and didn't react at first, but once he realized that she was really kissing him, he responded with all the hunger and passion he could muster.
The song played on repeat as they both fulfilled the dreams they'd had about each other that day. They relished in each other's bodies and company, never considering what everyone else would think, never caring. Talking and laughing like long-time lovers, it was dawn before either fell asleep, and when they did, they slept comfortable in each other's arms.
**Life has always been a pretty song
and pretty loud
You're so beautiful
Why is it fading out
I don't want to live forever
But as long as I do
I'd love to live for real
Now the boy who dried your tears
Is crying all the time
Now the joy I've had for years
Has left me for a while
I don't want to live forever
But as long as I do
I'd love to live for real
With you I might get there
With you I might start to feel
With you I will get there
With you I will live for real
I will breathe the air, I'll dance
And you will wonder why
It's because you made me see
This chance was moving by
Because I'm not going to live forever
But as long as I do
I'd love to live for real
With you I might get there
With you I might start to feel
With you I will get there
With you I will live for real
When a cloud becomes my head
Play your music loud instead
and we'll dance until
the both of us are dead**
The End
AUTHOR: Love's Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L. M.
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc. I only wish Spike were mine. Lyrics to "Old Friend" and "How I Feel About You" belong to Rancid and lyrics to "Winners," "Hide," "20,000 Seconds," "Believe," and "Live for Real" belong to K's Choice.
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.
RATING: PG for all its fluffy goodness.
SPOILERS: Into the Woods, season 5.
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction?
SUMMARY: Spike runs into a drunk Buffy, wackiness ensues. The way ITW *should* have gone.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yeah, so, it really sucks, but I needed some good old-fashioned B/S fluff. It's a cheer-up fic for me.
Spike entered the crowded bar, his head spinning with thoughts of the Slayer. It had been two days since he'd taken her to see Riley's extracurricular activities and he hadn't seen her since. All he could think about was how much she must hate him. He was mad at himself for putting her through more pain, but he couldn't stand by and watch Captain Cardboard waste her affection. He shook his head, trying to escape the thoughts of her, if only for a few hours.
The bar was a real dive and it attracted all kinds. On the bad side of town, past all the cemeteries, it was a great place to come for an escape. Definitely not for the younger crowd, he only came to this bar when he really wanted to get away from the Scoobies. He could always drink at the Bronze, but here no one knew anything about him, except the bartender.
"Ah, Spike," said bartender said, as the blonde vampire took his normal barstool, "Long time."
"Too long, mate. The usual."
The barkeep placed three shot glasses on the bar and took out a bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold, filling them. "Rough day?"
"Rough century..." Spike mumbled mostly to himself. The bartender walked away, noticing the Brit wanted to be alone. Spike knocked back the first shot in front of him, savoring the taste. Leaving his seat for a second, he walked over to the jukebox and put his money in. He chose a few good Rancid songs and walked back to his seat, singing along and bobbing his head to the rhythm, trying to cheer himself up. "Good morning, heartache, you're like an old friend, come to see me again..."
It wasn't long after he took his second shot that the bartender walked back over to him. "From the extremely tipsy young lady at the end of the bar." As he spoke, he refilled Spike's first shot and pointed at the small blonde, who was waving a bit too enthusiastically at him.
"Bloody hell."
It was Buffy. And she was drinking. He'd heard the stories about her and alcohol. It was never good, especially in his bar. His bar, as in to get away from her and her twit friends. He collected the two full shots and walked down to where the Slayer sat, still singing along to the punk song. "Testify my love for you and I know it runs deep through your body too..."
"What're you doing here, love?" he asked when he reached her, "Drowning yourself in-" he looked at her drink of choice, "- tequila. Well at least it's a good brand."
"Yeah well, I'm in the not wanting to think place. You know?" She asked, slurring her words.
"What do you think I'm doing here? Playing bingo?" He took in her appearance. She was beautiful in a tight blue tank top that left nothing to the imagination and brown leather pants. Her hair was up in a simple clip and a small twig resided over her left ear. She seemed to have stumbled upon this place after patrolling. "And aren't you a bit young for drinking? It's a shame to see such an upstanding young Slayer in *my* bar..."
She simply looked up at him happily and said, "The bartender likes me. He says I'm pretty and it's okay if I have a drink. Everyone here likes me," then turned back to her bottle.
"I can imagine," Spike looked around the bar and saw how all the men were staring at her, probably thinking the same thing: how drunk does she have to be to leave with me? "So why are you buying me drinks? I thought you'd never want to talk to me again."
"What makes you say that? I have to have someone to beat up." She smiled at him as though she had no cares in the world and he started to worry for her sanity. Before he could question her further, she spoke again. "Before you ask anything else, please keep in mind that I'm not wanting to think about what you want to ask about so its probably not a good idea to ask about it. I'm ignoring it for tonight."
"Right, pet. Ignoring it completely." Spike liked this idea. "So we can sit here and drink together and just not fight?"
"Yup," she nodded dramatically and he could tell she'd had a few too many. "You can be my drinking buddy." She laughed at this as if it were the funniest thing anyone had ever said.
For twenty minutes, they sat there in silence and drank. Buffy met Spike shot for shot, but neither spoke. Spike would randomly sing along as different songs he'd requested came on and every time he did this, Buffy looked highly amused.
"The only thing different is the way I feel about you...." He sang absently and as his words trailed off, he looked over at the drunken Slayer beside him. She was looking at him a little too longingly and he could tell what she was thinking.
Spike looked at her indecisively, trying to decide what to do. He couldn't just leave her here like this and he couldn't exactly take her home with him. If he left her here, she'd just keep drinking and if he took her to his place like this, he might not be able to resist. His alcohol-fogged mind had conveniently left out the third option of taking her to her own home.
Deciding that she would be safer with him than with the other barflies, he tried to get her to stand. "Come on, love, its time to go." He held her up, her arm around his neck, and they attempted to walk a few steps.
"I'm all jell-o-y," she said, having a hard time standing, "Jell-o-y...that's a great word."
As she continued to muse about her new word, Spike gave up and picked the petite blonde up, carrying her out the door.
"Looks like your night's lookin' up, eh, Spike?" he heard the bartender yell after him.
"Right, mate, because babysitting is so much fun," he mumbled to himself as he made his way to the De Soto.
***
The two blondes entered the crypt a short while later, one carrying the other, this time like a baby, and not for the first time, Spike was thankful he'd gotten rid of Harmony. Buffy seemed to have fallen asleep in his arms, still clinging to his neck. As he approached his bed to lay her down, he felt something tickling his neck. He looked down to see a not-quite-asleep Slayer laying light kisses there. He almost dropped her then, but caught himself just in time. Walking the last few steps, he laid her down, trying to get as far away from the temptation as he could. But when he laid her down and tried to pull away, she wouldn't release his neck from her grip.
"Slayer, don't." He tried to pull from her arms, but she wouldn't relent.
"Come on, Spike. I know you want to." She ran one of her hands across his cheek, and he relished in the small act, but he knew he couldn't do anything with her.
"I can't Buffy, don't you understand?"
Suddenly she looked very hurt and very depressed, dropping her arms to her sides, and turning her head. "Of course I understand Spike. You're just like all the others." He saw a tear make its way down her beautiful face and he cringed. "You don't want me."
He actually laughed out loud as he heard that, startling Buffy as well as himself. "Is that what you think, love?"
"Well, what else could it be?" Now she seemed mad. Maybe laughing hadn't been the best idea, he mused. "I'm laying here on your bed, all needy and willing and you don't want me."
He struggled to suppress a smile. "It's not like that. Actually I want you very much." He couldn't stifle the smile at her look of shock, "But not like this. We are both very pissed and I want to remember every bit of you." He looked away from her eyes. "Besides, if you were sober you wouldn't want this."
There was a very uncomfortable silence and Spike suddenly felt the need to be anywhere else. He stood and looked down at the stunning girl lying on his bed. "I just remembered I have somewhere to be. Sleep this off, alright?" Without letting her speak, he was out the door.
He wasn't ten feet from the crypt before he realized he left his car keys and his smokes. He kept walking, though, not allowing himself to go back for anything. He was seriously banking on the fact that Buffy wouldn't remember any of this in the morning.
***
The next morning, Buffy woke with a headache. Her mouth was dry and her eyes just did not want to open. All at once, she remembered where she was and she sat straight up in bed. "Oh shit." Her head was pounding as though there were a team of clog dancers in there. She looked around, not seeing Spike at all, then looked down at herself. She sighed in relief at the fact that she was still fully clothed. She gathered her things and left the crypt, wondering where its occupant was.
On the way home, she tried to recount what had happened the night before. She remembered getting all mopey during patrol and stumbling on that dive behind the cemetery. She remembered Spike showing up and singing to some punk band she'd never heard of. She remembered Spike carrying her out of the bar over his shoulder, and the bartender saying something about his night looking up. Buffy shook her head, trying to clear it of the idea that she and Spike had done anything. She wouldn't have...would she? She did go into that bar thinking it wouldn't suck to have a ride home. Even if it wasn't her home they went to. She really had been trying to drown her sorrows, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something had happened between them.
She walked in her front door, pushing all those thoughts from her mind and heading straight for her own bed. All she wanted was a few more hours of sleep.
***
Spike had spent the night in his De Soto, outside the cemetery walls. He couldn't drive anywhere else without his keys, but he kept his windows blacked out just for this type of thing. He slept fitfully in the back seat, having dream after dream of the Slayer looking up at him with those big hazel eyes, pleading with him to want her. Sometimes the dream ended with him giving in and just taking her, others ended with a stake and dust. He woke at sundown and decided he had to see her, to make sure she was okay. He first went by his crypt to make sure she'd gone, which she had. He then made his way over to her house on Revello, practicing his words on the way.
"Hey, Slayer, just wanted to make sure you weren't too hung over to patrol...Good evening, Summers, enjoy the tequila? So, Slayer, did we learn our lesson about alcohol *this* time? Hey, Buffy, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
***
Buffy woke up again at around six o'clock, her first thought involving aspirin and her second involving a shower. After taking the pills, she made her way up to the bathroom, thinking. She'd had dreams all day long about Spike and not in the sense of killing him. In the sense of sleeping with him. Her mind had conjured up all kinds of things that they had done in a drunken stupor, or that he could have done with her unconscious body. The weirdest part was that some of these dreams didn't repulse her. Some of them had actually excited her.
She shook her head, turning the water on as hot as she could stand it and getting in. The water felt wonderful on her tired body, washing away all the alcohol and ache. She simply stood under the almost scalding stream of water, letting it flow over her. It was so searing that she became tired and dizzy, but for a few minutes she was blissfully free of thought, and she didn't get out of the shower until it started to go cool.
When she finally got out, she pulled a clean towel around her and headed back to her bedroom, dreading patrol. She wanted to just close out the world where she might run into Spike and sleep until forever. She walked into her room, heading straight for her CD player, put on a K's Choice disc, and hit shuffle. The sound of an acoustic guitar filled the room as she went to her dresser and pulled out underclothes.
**If I could put you in a frame, I'd draw you smiling,
With a cigarette in your mouth and your hands reaching out for something,
If I could...
If I could wear all your clothes I'd still be different.
And if I had your speaking voice I'd never whisper...**
Buffy decided after a few lines that that was not the song she wanted to listen to. Cigarettes and nice voices were the exact things she was trying to avoid. She hit the next button, and went over to her closet.
**Watch me, I'm coming closer, I am the mood you're in tonight,
Pretty poser, perfect Armageddon Bride.
I am a circle, it feels right, I am the one who swallows light.
Multiplying parasite, perfect features, perfect sight.
You who thought you had it all, lost your leaves before the fall,
You should have killed me, you should have tried...**
Laying a green halter and a matching mini skirt on her bed, she quickly changed the song again. Shaking her head, she began getting dressed.
**20,000 seconds since you left, and I'm still counting,
And 20,000 reasons to get up, get something done, but I'm still waiting...**
"Urgh!" Buffy ran over and pressed the stop button. Somehow, every song reminded her of what she didn't want to think about, so she went to change the CD to something with less meaningful lyrics. She stopped, however, remembering one song that would hopefully change her mood.
**Bravely I look further than I see,
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now,
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is,
And there's something right in front of me and I
Touch the fingers of my hand
And wonder if it's me
Holding on and on to
Theories of prosperity
Someone who can promise me
I believe in me**
Buffy sang along to the song at the top of her lungs, enjoying the small affirmation of self that came with it. At the end of the song, fully dressed, she turned off the CD player and turned to grab her jacket. She saw a small flash of movement outside her window and she froze. Without any way of knowing, she knew it was him. She'd seen the flash of blonde and black that could only mean Spike. She forced her worried look away, replacing it with annoyed and went to the window. The small blonde looked out and saw the blonde vampire walking swiftly away from her house, with an almost imperceptible smile on his face.
'Oh no you don't,' she thought, getting mad at what he must have seen.
***
Spike had really meant to go knock on her window and talk to her about what had happened, or rather, assure her that nothing had. He really didn't want her to stake him because of what he might have done. Instead, he had seen her just as she walked back into the room, with only a small towel around her, and he found himself unable to move away from the window. He watched as she picked a CD and as she blushed and changed the song every time something that remotely dealt with him came on. From the cigarettes in the first song and the 'you should have killed me' in the second, to the romantic twinge in the third, he couldn't help but notice the trend. As he walked away, he told himself he was hearing things and maybe she just didn't like those particular tunes. But the slight flush of her skin right before she would change each song threw him off and he couldn't help but smile. There had to be more to it.
He made his way back to the cemetery not even looking over his shoulder, so lost in his memories of hearing her sing and watching her dance to the last song, of watching her change and put on make up and do her hair. He was amazed how the littlest details of her grooming had fascinated him. When she turned towards the window for the first time, he lost his nerve and left, trying to avoid giving her another reason to stake him.
So wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't hear her run up behind him, but he felt the smack to the back of his head, when she caught up to him.
"Bloody hell, woman, what was that for?"
"Enjoy the show, Spike?" She looked at him with such irritation, but underneath it all, Spike noticed her skin was still a little flushed. Using this to his advantage, he smirked at her.
"Oh, yeah, love, it was bloody brilliant." His tongue slipped out and licked his lower lip, as he looked her up and down appreciatively. "Almost as good as last night." He winked at her and turned to leave.
"EXCUSE ME?"
He took out a fag and lit up, taking his time turning to her and answering. "Think about it, Slayer. We run into each other in a bar, we drink a little too much, we leave together, and you wake up in my bed." He walked back over to her and turned the charm on full blast. He turned his smoldering blue eyes on her, and she could see all the heat and desire of a lover in them. "What do you think happened?"
He watched as color drained from her perfect features. He hadn't meant to mess with her like this, but it was just too rich. She was standing there in front of him, mouth hanging open, and mind struggling to comprehend. When he saw her start to panic, however, the fun wore off, and he decided to come clean. Well, mostly.
"Take it easy, pet. Nothing happened." He paused, deciding a little fun was okay. "Well, not that I can remember."
Buffy was getting angry. "Well did we do anything or not? I'm having a hard time thinking you were completely innocent last night." She was glaring at him now, so he just glared right back at her.
"You know what? I have no idea if anything happened. We were both very pissed, I wouldn't be surprised if we shagged all night and neither of us remember."
Buffy took note of his tone, a little too angry and a little too eager. He sounded as though he wanted to believe what he said as much as he wanted her to believe it. And something about what the bleached vampire had just said bothered her...it sounded familiar but she couldn't place it. She looked up at his face, bathed in moonlight, and suddenly it hit her.
'Not like this. We are both very pissed and I want to remember every bit of you. Besides, if you were sober you wouldn't want this.' He'd said it last night, when *she* had come on to *him*.
Spike noticed Buffy turn bright red, and suddenly she turned and started away, without a word. "What'd I say now?" He muttered to himself as he walked after her, not wanting to end his contact with her so quickly.
***
When Buffy realized he was following her, she began to run. So he didn't remember either? Well, she wasn't about to admit that she had tried to get him into bed. She wasn't about to tell him that he turned her down because they were drunk. She wasn't about to inform him that he had been a perfect gentleman. Now that the one memory had returned, they all flooded back. From her buying him drinks, to her kissing his neck as he put her to bed. From her accusing him of not wanting her, to his sad look as he admitted he did. And finally, him walking out, leaving her alone to sleep it off.
Not for the first time, Buffy found herself wishing she didn't live on a Hellmouth. If she hadn't become the Slayer, she would probably be attending UCLA with her normal boyfriend and their normal life. Not UC Sunnydale, with one boyfriend who had run off to play in the jungle and the other who was the Undead English Patient. Her heart skipped a beat and she started shaking her head. "I did NOT just refer to him as my boyfriend. I did NOT."
Spike stopped short at Buffy's words. He'd almost caught up to her, even though she was running, and he could tell she was really upset at something. He assumed she just thought the worst had happened between them and was embarrassed about it, but when he'd overheard her talking to herself, he had a different idea.
This time, even he didn't miss the smile on his lips.
***
Almost an hour later, Buffy had made a half-hearted attempt to patrol, but her mind wasn't on it. All she was really thinking about was how to avoid Spike for the rest of her life. She knew she'd lost the blonde vampire, but the idea that he could catch up to her any minute was beginning to worry her. She didn't want to go home, for fear he'd be there waiting. She didn't want to stay in the cemetery; afraid he was still searching for her there. She knew that Willow, Tara, Anya and Xander were all at the Bronze, but he would surely look there for her. Making a quick decision, she headed towards the club, hoping he wouldn't approach her with all the Scoobies hanging around.
***
It was close to midnight when the Slayer and the gang left the Bronze. They'd danced until they were all exhausted and Buffy felt marginally better, having not run into Spike at all. They all went their separate ways, and Buffy finished her walk home alone. She began to think that she had completely overreacted to the whole situation with the British vampire. He was really old, after all, and had probably dealt with more than one drunken girl before. It was probably a very small deal to him, having an inebriated female proposition him. He had also probably made a drunken fool of himself once or twice, so he would understand. All she had to do was hope he didn't remember, and if he did, blame it on the alcohol.
She was glad she'd settled the whole issue and was back to thinking about what a good time she'd had at the Bronze when she walked into her house. All the lights were off, which meant her mom and Dawn were in bed already, so she was really quiet as she made her way to her bedroom.
When Buffy opened the door to her room, she stared around, completely shocked. Thick vanilla candles were alight all around her room, on her dresser, desk and bedside table, warming the space. Suddenly the quiet was broken as her CD player sprang to life, playing a different K's Choice CD. She couldn't help but smile at the choice of song and she began to look around the room for Spike. She knew he was behind this.
She didn't see him come out from behind her door, but she felt his hands take hold of her hips and pull her against him. Before she could speak, his mouth was kissing her neck gently, stealing her words. She felt herself melt, leaning back against his muscular form. His breath was cold on her skin and she felt herself shiver as he ran his tongue up her neck. He stopped at her ear and paused a second to gather his courage before speaking.
"Do you still want this?" He felt her tense at his words, and immediately berated himself. He had debated for the last hour or so whether to speak at all, but decided he wanted to hear her say she wanted him.
He was still scolding himself when she turned around and looked up at him, a look of confusion furrowed her brow. "You remember." She'd meant it as a question, but she already knew the answer.
"Yeah, love, I do. Every detail." He tried to look away from her, embarrassed, but she kept capturing his eyes. "In fact, its been haunting me all day long. Seeing you there, on my bed, just as I'd always pictured it."
"But you walked away. Why?"
She was looking directly into his eyes with an intensity he'd forgotten she was capable of. He wanted to tell her why, wanted to tell her he loved her, but he found himself unable to speak. Instead, he finally broke their gaze and shook his head. "I don't know."
Buffy knew better, though, and put a hand against his face, guiding it back to look at her. The way the vampire leaned into her touch confirmed everything she'd been thinking for the past two minutes. Spike loved her. She found that she wasn't as repulsed by this as she should be, maybe because of his small act of chivalry the night before.
"Yes you do. And so do I." She smiled a little at his surprised expression. "Say it, Spike. I want to hear you say it."
It took him a moment to convince himself that this wasn't one of the dreams he'd had earlier that day. "I couldn't take advantage, pet." He saw acceptance in her eyes, and he took an unneeded breath. "Buffy, I love you."
Her smile widened and she said simply, "Thank you," before leaning up and kissing him full on the lips. Spike was still a little surprised and didn't react at first, but once he realized that she was really kissing him, he responded with all the hunger and passion he could muster.
The song played on repeat as they both fulfilled the dreams they'd had about each other that day. They relished in each other's bodies and company, never considering what everyone else would think, never caring. Talking and laughing like long-time lovers, it was dawn before either fell asleep, and when they did, they slept comfortable in each other's arms.
**Life has always been a pretty song
and pretty loud
You're so beautiful
Why is it fading out
I don't want to live forever
But as long as I do
I'd love to live for real
Now the boy who dried your tears
Is crying all the time
Now the joy I've had for years
Has left me for a while
I don't want to live forever
But as long as I do
I'd love to live for real
With you I might get there
With you I might start to feel
With you I will get there
With you I will live for real
I will breathe the air, I'll dance
And you will wonder why
It's because you made me see
This chance was moving by
Because I'm not going to live forever
But as long as I do
I'd love to live for real
With you I might get there
With you I might start to feel
With you I will get there
With you I will live for real
When a cloud becomes my head
Play your music loud instead
and we'll dance until
the both of us are dead**
The End