Part 1: House's Regrets
When they lay down the fish will swim upstream Crashing through the parlor doors
And I'll contest, but they won't listen
When the casualty rate's near 100%
And there isn't a pension for second best
Or for hardly moving
What was your first reaction?
Screaming, drunk, disorderly: I'll tell you mine
You were the one
But I can't spit it out when the date's been set
The white routine to be ingested inaccurately
~ Company Calls Epilogue by Death Cab For Cutie
House sat in his lonely apartment. All month he had to deal with the fact that Lisa Cuddy was going to get married. All the news that he heard, the random conversations all had something to do with the wedding. The ones who were invited were asking the ones who weren't what they should wear and people were asking each other what gift to get. He knew that couldn't have been all that everyone was talking about, but it was all that stuck out to him.
Today was going to be no different. He still had to go into work and face all of it again. The wedding was going to be tomorrow, so at least it would be the last of it for a while. Next, he knew though, everyone would be talking about how the wedding went, then the honeymoon. It would take a good few months for everything to completely blow over, but that wasn't even what was bothering him, it was the fact that things would never be the same again. He and Cuddy wouldn't be the same ever again.
The phone was right there next to him, all he had to do was call off sick that day. Of course, that would have lead to further talk, not that he cared what people thought about him, he just didn't want every moron there asking him questions. He also knew that he had to get used to what was going on. It wasn't going to go away after one day, so that sick day would do nothing for him. "Let's go get this over with," he said to himself as he got up off the couch and headed towards the door.
At work, it was all the same thing that had been going on for the last month. As he made his way through the lobby, he saw Cuddy in her office, standing over her desk with a box in her hand. She was packing. After a month of avoiding each other, she was packing up. He wanted to go in and talk to her. Most people say that they wanted to at least say goodbye, but at the moment he was having a hard time understanding how someone could say that, making the goodbye part sound so easy. To him, the easiest thing really would have been just to say hello. No 'I'm sorrys' or 'good lucks' or anything of that sort. Those all lead to the revelation of hidden feelings. There was no way he could just go in there and talk to her, especially after what had happened between them the night she announced her engagement.
(House was about to walk into his office, but saw Cuddy standing before his team. He didn't know it at the time, but she had been looking for him. Since she couldn't find him, she announced it to them. He caught on. Standing there, he blankly stared through the glass as he watched Cuddy hug people, smile, show off her engagement ring. He wanted everything to just go in there and tell her what he had thought about it, but there was a sparkle in her eyes, an irreplaceable joy of some sort. He couldn't ruin it. There were so many times in his life that he had been selfish, but this was one time that he just could not go through with.
Avoiding her, he went over to Wilson's empty office and out onto the balcony area outside. He needed to be by himself.
Cuddy looked up from all the excitement inside and saw him standing there with his back to her. Without a second thought, she excused herself from the rest and went out to show him her ring. "House?" she gently asked to get his attention.
House looked over, his expression failing to show any amusement what so ever. "Yeah?" he gruffly asked. He could see the happiness in her eyes, and it made him cringe. He wanted her to be happy, but he also wanted to be the one to make her happy.
Cuddy stopped and studied him for a minute. "Something wrong?" Her smile had faded, and was replaced by concern.
"What you really mean is why aren't I jumping for joy over your engagement?" He asked and then turned to face forward again. "If it hasn't occurred to you yet, I don't really care what you do outside of work, just as long as you show up wearing those skin tight little outfits that make me love both the twins and the ass equally."
The words stung her. She could easily pick up on the jealousy and bitterness that lined his voice. "I just wanted to let you know that you're invited to the wedding if you wanted to come." It was hard for her to even be standing by him at the moment, let alone talking to him after what he had said. She had known that he hadn't meant any of it, but it still hurt.
House looked back over to her. For some unknown reason to him, she looked more gorgeous than ever. The dim moonlight shown down on her glistening grey eyes, and her ebony curls. Her expression was hopeful. Somehow, this caused him to feel more guilty and pitiful than he had ever felt in his life. "I guess any reason's as good as any to get drunk for a night."
Cuddy bit her lip and closed her eyes in a desperate attempt to hold back her tears. "Right," she said and then rushed off. )
He had always known that she had hurried off to cry, but had never said anything to her. It was awkward enough to talk to her strictly about business, let alone about what had happened that night. Coming out of his deep thought, he had realized that Cuddy had noticed him. Now he had to say something. Gathering everything he had within himself, he walked into the office and stood before her halfway cleaned off desk.
"Something wrong?" Cuddy asked as she set her box down. There was a small hint of the old playfulness that he used to find so amusing when ever they would banter.
"I'm running a scientific experiment. Trying to see what view of you bending down causes the heart rate to go up faster, the frontal or rear," House said. He saw Cuddy roll her eyes to him. "Hey," he said shrugging. "Gotta respect science." As she was ignoring him, he reached down and grabbed a folded paper off her desk and stuck it into his pocket.
"Not today House, I'm busy, so if you don't need anything important," she started, but was then cut off by the statement that would cause her to stop.
"I think you're making a mistake," House stated.
It took Cuddy a minute to absorb what had just happened. "What?" she asked as she turned around to him.
"Actually," House stated as he stepped closer to her. "I don't think it's a mistake, I know it's a mistake. You're marrying Lucas because he was willing, not because you love him."
Cuddy was taken aback by what she had just heard. She set her box back down and placed her hands on her hips. "You're against my marriage!?" she asked with complete disbelief. She then walked over to him and stood before him. "Listen to me House, I don't give a damn what you think. I'm not a little girl and you are not my father. You no right what so ever to come in here and tell me that my life decisions are wrong. Who the hell do you think you are to tell me how I feel and why I'm getting married?"
"You're not even going to ask why?" House asked.
Cuddy just sighed, "if it were anyone else, I might." She let her arms drop to her sides and watched him for a minute. "I know that you're against the wedding because you're jealous, but…"
"Of course I'm against it!" House yelled. "But not just out of jealousy! You can think that as long as you would like! But you know I'm right! You were scared and you jumped into the first opportunity of security that presented itself! You don't love him, you're just trying to make sure that you have some one for you and the kid." As soon as he had finished, he looked up and saw tears starting to rim her eyes. It hit him, but he still had to yell at her like that, he had to allow himself to separate from her. "You don't love him, you love the idea of loving him."
"And you think that I love you?" Cuddy asked. Her face was starting to show the signs of weakness and defeat. She usually got this way whenever she just wanted to stop talking and get back to whatever she was doing.
"Hey!" House said. "You were the one that wanted a relationship with me! Then I go crazy so you decide that maybe you should give up! Then, here comes some one that you used to date! And look at that! He still has feelings! Who cares what you think cause hey, he's here and willing to stay with you!" He let a minute of silence go by before he said anything else. "Think about what you say before you say it," he said and then turned and left. As soon as he got to the empty elevator, he pulled out the note and unfolded it, only to reveal that she had to call the movers to get her things to New York.
Now, was the time where he really felt like a jerk. "Goodbye Cuddy," he said and then crumbled the paper and shoved it back into his pocket.
This is supposed to be an extremely short story, only one or two more chapters. Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy it.