This is a collaboration with myself and ToboedeidaraLover, who were talking innocently about impossible pairings, like OroDei, when we decided that it wasn't so impossible after all, and decided to write one. A lot of OOC-ness, a very poorly-written semi-lemon, and a mistreaded Dei make up all of the warnings. PLEASE R&R!!

Disclaimer: Neither of us own anything.

Deidara skimmed the trees, the breeze whipping his hair back. The solo mission to Iwakagure was a success, and he was heading home, to the base.

Unfortunately, he had run out of clay, which caused him to need to be on the ground, which was a problem. He rarely ran, always flew. Before he knew it, he was in the Land Of Rice, warily looking around. He had heard of Orochimaru, Danna's former partner, was the Otokage and founder of Otokagure.

He stopped finally, and set up a camp. Which was a sleeping bag, 'cause Kakuzu was so damn cheap!

He fell asleep, not knowing the Oto nins had him surrounded.

In the morning, Deidara was beaten awake by someone with snaky eyes. "Who're you, un?" he tried to say. Because of the gag, it came out muffled. He shoved the gag off and tried again.

"Who am I? I'm your new master. You may call me Lord Orochimaru." Deidara's eyes went wide. So THIS was the ninja who was number one on the Akatsuki's most wanted list! If he could bring back this 'Orochimaru', Leader-sama would be very happy.

First, though, he had to get untied from this ridiculously cheap chair. Hey, ridiculously cheap! That could be used to his advantage…

Deidara looked around, his blue eyes narrowed. He put on his best seductive face.

"Lord Orochimaru! Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are, un?" Deidara fluttered his eye lashes, lifting his chin and smiling broadly. When he was younger, he had sometimes had to seduce his opponents, his feminine looks coming in handy. He hoped this would work . . .

Orochimaru smirked. "No, not recently," he slurred. "Thank you for the compliment though."

"Well, you are," Deidara whined. "And I would love to help you out with that robe, un… it seems to be almost falling off, of you would just untie me, unnn…"

"No no no, little one. That will be unnecessary. If that ever happens, it will be me who is helping you. For now, though, there are a couple of things I would like you to tell me. First of all, about Akatsuki…"

"I will not tell you anything about Akatsuki, un."

Orochimaru's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Well, my dear, I will just have to make you . . . " he smirked as Deidara visibly stiffened. This was not the way it went!

The blonde regained his composure, but not quick enough. Orochimaru gripped Deidara's head and kissed him deeply, straddling his hips. He then started tugging off his cloak. Deidara couldn't struggle, bound as he was. All he could do was kiss back, hoping his captor would free him and allow him to get away. If only he could keep his head straight in this complete bliss that was his captor's tongue, ravishing his mouth and making him moan into the kiss they shared.

Orochimaru shifted his weight, making Deidara release another moan. A smirk appeared on the snake's face, and he seized his opportunity. He bit the blonde's neck, making a seal appear. Said blonde let out a small scream, to be silenced quickly when Orochimaru bathed his lithe neck in licks and kisses.

Deidara whimpered, that seal hurt, dammit! And what was it for, anyway? What would it do to him, make him into? But his thoughts were stolen away as the snake man moved lower, kissing and nipping at the blonde's exposed flesh where his hands tore the fabric away. Deidara moaned again, and blushed, ashamed to be taken this easily.

Orochimaru smirked again, and pushed him down to the ground, pressing him into the dirt. Deidara cried out, clawing at the man. He was to young! He wanted to scream, but he had no voice. Orochimaru curled his legs onto the fully exposed teen, and hissed, "You may be better than Sasuke . . ." he laughed as Deidara stiffened and cried.

Deidara panicked. This couldn't be happening to him, not now, not ever! He had never experienced the emotional panic before; the helplessness, the rage. As Orochimaru flipped him around and ripped the remnants of his clothing off, he gave up on feeling or thinking and just sobbed brokenly into the dirt floor.

As Orochimaru slammed into him, Deidara screamed, nails breaking and paint chipping as he clenched and unclenched his hands. Giving into the emotional pain, he screamed again, as Orochimaru licked his neck and nipped at the curse seal, offering no kind of retribution as his brutal thrusts left Deidara bleeding in the dirt.

When he was done, he buttoned his pants up again, and dragged Deidara down to a dungeon. Deidara, bleeding and disoriented, had no idea what was going on as Orochimaru strung him up by his hands and left him dangling there, gloves suffocating his hand-mouths.

Deidara woke up hours later, and tried to cover his pale skin, but couldn't. Tears streamed from his dirt-covered face. He went light-headed at the suffocation of his hand mouths, and started babbling. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and the seal burned and went up and down in black flames on his skin.

Tayouya, walking in with water and a fresh pair of clothes, ran off screaming. Deidara was bathed in a purplish-green light, with black undertones, miasmic in quality. His eyes had turned a glowing red, with a yellow slitted pupil. The gloves burst off his hands, and the mouths lolled their tongues.

Orochimaru, who sat on his throne, (TDL: idk?) when he felt a disturbance. It had worked! Now Deidara would be his forever… he had known the young blond had it in him. Stalking down to the dungeon, he saw Deidara, red eyes staring nowhere, hanging from the ceiling in a broken position.

Unshackling him, Orochimaru watched as Deidara slumped onto the ground. The jutsu should start its' work soon…

Deidara jumped up, eyes half-lidded, and threw his arms around his captor. "Danna! You're back, un! Where were you? I missed you so much, un! You can't imagine what happened, it hurt so bad, un…" Deidara started to cry into the front of Orochimaru's robe, seeing Sasori where the snake-man stood.

Orochimaru stroked Deidara's cheek, then hissed, in Sasori's voice, "Then why don't you go back?" Deidara stiffened, then whimpered.

"W-what do you mean Danna, un? Didn't you m-miss me, un?" he trembled.

Orochimaru then whispered, "We all hate you! Who would love a freak like you? Those hands, that scope, your hair! You are nothing." In that moment, Deidara broke down in tears, and curled up in ball. He was shattered.

"Fine, Danna, un. I'll leave." Collecting himself, Deidara stood up. Eyes turning back to their normal blue, he timidly tugged on Orochimaru's sleeve. "Lord Orochimaru-sama?"

"Yes?"

Deidara whimpered, that seal hurt, dammit! And what was it for, anyway? What would it do to him, make him into? But his thoughts were stolem away as the snake man moved lower, kissing and nipping at the blond's exposed flesh where his hands tore the fabric away. Deidara moaned again, and blushed, ashamed to be taken this easily. Deidara whimpered, that seal hurt, dammit! And what was it for, anyway? What would it do to him, make him into? But his thoughts were stolem away as the snake man moved lower, kissing and nipping at the blond's exposed flesh where his hands tore the fabric away. Deidara moaned again, and blushed, ashamed to be taken this easily. Deidara whimpered, that seal hurt, dammit! And what was it for, anyway? What would it do to him, make him into? But his thoughts were stolem away as the snake man moved lower, kissing and nipping at the blond's exposed flesh where his hands tore the fabric away. Deidara moaned again, and blushed, ashamed to be taken this easily.

Deidara whispered, "I'll tell you everything." And he did.

AKATSUKI HQ

Sasori sat in his and Deidara's room. He was worried, but wouldn't show it. The other artist was late getting back. The door suddenly burst open, to reveal a flustered (if possible) Pein.

"Leader-sama?"

"Deidara has betrayed as, Sasori-san."

"WHAT?! Deidara would never betray us!"

"It seems he did. Now calm down. I know we thought his faith in you could live through anything Orochimaru threw at him, but it looks like it didn't. We need to retrieve Deidara and find out what happened. If it was a jutsu, we need that jutsu."

"Alright." Sasori sighed.

Back to Orochimaru and Deidara

"Thank you, my dear." hissed Orochimaru, stroking Deidara's cheek again. "I'll get rid of those bad people who hurt you."

Deidara smiled smally, and pressed into the touch. "And that Uchiha is not needed anymore, Kabuto. Dispose of him." Kabuto, who was passing by, smiled and nodded.

Deidara didn't know it yet, but this jutsu was replacing the attachment he had to Sasori with an attachment to Orochimaru. Orochimaru, however, didn't know that Sasori and Deidara were romantically involved.

With a small sigh, Deidara nuzzled into Orochimaru's neck. "Pick me up, Danna, un."

Orochimaru blinked in suprise. Wasn't the jutsu that made him appear to be Sasori have worn off by now He didn't really care. But, why would Deidara want Sasori to pick him up? He did it anyway. "Is that better, Dei?" he asked, stroking his hair. Deidara nodded, snuggling into the snake. Orochimaru, again, was surprised.

Deidara kissed him deeply and, expecting a response, rubbed his tongue along Orochimaru's lips when he didn't get one. Sliding his arms around Orochimaru's neck, the hand-mouths nipping and biting on exposed flesh, Deidara nipped at the closed moth pressed into his.

Orochimaru, by this time, was thoroughly confused. But, if his new pet wanted him, he was happy to oblige. Throwing Deidara onto the floor and "falling" on top, Orochimaru's tongue slithered between Deidara's lips as he gasped.

Suddenly, Kabuto ran in. "Lord Orochimaru! We're under attack by the Akatsuki!"

Orochimaru pulled back as Deidara whined. "Kabuto, can it wait?"

"No. We're already one down, and Kimmimaru's low on calcium."

with Sasori

Sasori blocked a blow from Sakon and Ukon, and sliced and snapped his blades. In seconds, they were sliced to pieces. He cut down anyone in his path as he flashed to the dungeon. He ripped open the door, and raced down the steps, stunned to see Orochimaru on his partner and lover.

Deidara whined when Orochimaru pulled away, and pulled at his hair, not seeing Sasori at all. "Danna… why do you not want me, un? I thought you loved me. I need you, unnnnn…"

Orochimaru put Deidara in the far corner. "Shh, I'll always love you, you know that. It's just that the one who hurt you is here, and I have to go make sure he doesn't touch you."

Sasori's eyes widened in shock when Deidara turned and whimpered when he saw the puppet. He shivered, and whispered, "I went away, like you told me." Sasori felt is heart break, as he looked at from the beautiful blonde to the former's new lover.

Orochimaru smiled and hugged Deidara. "Dispose of him." he ordered Kabuto.

After brutally taking his rage out on Kabuto, Sasori advanced on Deidara and Orochimaru. Deidara whimpered. "Keep him away from me, Danna, please, un," he begged, tears scattering as he shook, terrified. Orochimaru hugged him, and whispered comforting things in his ear.

"You get away from my Dei, jerkoff," Sasori growled.

"Your Dei? I think he's My Dei now," Orochimaru purred.

Sasori was shocked. Orochimaru's lo- I mean, his lover, was clutching that bastard! He growled, and said, "Over my dead puppet body!"

"With pleasure!" Orochimaru stepped towards Sasori.