Harry Potter: A College Boy Abroad
-1-
Between a Fatty and a Ginge
Harry Potter was used to being in the air. It was where he felt most comfortable. He loved the feel of the wind rushing past him and the dizzying heights. He loved being in the air but this was really too much. These heights were too dizzying and even worse, he wasn't in control. Harry never imagined he would need to get on an aeroplane to get somewhere. Alas, law required that in order to move to America, even to study abroad, he must go through, muggle style.
Harry was cramped between a fatty and a ginger. The ginge (see, he was catching on to that american lingo) was his best friend. Ron was leaning on Harry, moaning and whimpering. The red beard that had taken over the bottom half of his face tickled Harry's neck. Ugh, what had happened to Ron. He'd recently let himself go a bit. He was having trouble getting over the break up. Hermione broke up with him. Twas the night before she was to leave to help poor people or whatever in Africa or something. She and Ron had enjoyed a romantic dinner for two. Ron was having such a wonderful time he hadn't noticed that Hermione wasn't herself. They were back at Hermione's apartment and Ron leaned in to kiss her, hoping this would be the night. To his surprise, Hermione pulled away.
"Listen Ron" She sighed and sat down on her pristine couch. She patted the spot next to her and Ron sat down. A sense of dread began to creep over him.
"What's up?" He stared into her eyes, pleading. He'd known this day would come. He knew she was too good for him.
"I want to break up" She mumbled the words as quickly as she could and then hopped up. She turned to see Ron's expression. He said nothing. He just stared at her.
"I think we should break up because… I'm going away for such a long time and I- you might meet someone and I just think that it's better. I think we should see what it's like to be with other people." He still said nothing.
"Ok?" She was getting worried now.
"Ok" She sighed with relief at hearing his voice.
"Of course that doesn't mean we won't be friends! You are still my best friend, Ron. I still love you. I just need to start experiencing life outside of Hogwarts."
With that she helped Ron up and took his face in her hands.
"You are going to be fine. This will be good for both of us. Will you be able to get home by yourself?" Slowly and as if he were in a trance he nodded. She looked at him skeptically and after a moment she decided.
"I'm going to take you home side-along" She passed him off to Harry, hugged and kissed Harry goodbye and that was the last either of them had seen her before she showed up at their apartment two weeks ago. Now, Ron was snoring into Harry's shoulder while Harry watched a stupid American movie on the tiny screen in front of him. Ron was cradling his wand as he slept. Harry had known that their magic wouldn't work until they had gone through customs and he'd told Ron but it didn't matter, Ron had still insisted on holding it since they'd entered the airport.
Where were they headed? Somewhere they'd never imagined going to do something they'd never imagined doing. They were off to college in America.
-2-
The Big Idea
The craziness of… well, life, had made that summer seem boring. They had all imagined that boring would be blissful after what they had gone through but it was just… boring. Ron and Harry had both agreed to join the internship program offered at the Ministry and they spent their days running around with cups of tea, filing paperwork and doing odd jobs for their employers. After she gave Ron the bad news, Hermione had flown away to do "Service Work" in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Africa with some group called the YWPCA or the Young Wizards Peace Corps of America. While she was sleeping in a mosquito netting tent with the trippiest undetectable extension charm EVER, Ron and Harry were getting the full "Normal Life" experience. Just like Hermione, Ginny felt she wanted to explore the rest of the word and the people it held.
"Harry it isn't that I don't love you or that I don't want to be with you… I just want to explore the world and my options before I decide to stick with one person." Harry was confident that he'd taken it much better than Ron. He was simply going to pretend it wasn't happening and if necessary at any point during that process he would fight a dragon. That was, after all, how he'd handled pretty much every crisis he'd encountered since he was eleven. And anyway, he wasn't going to be thinking about Ginny once he arrived in America. He was sure that his future held many blonde, loose women who had lots of pillow fights and funny accents. He was using that to rationalize his decision. In truth it wasn't much of a decision, he and Ron had simply done what they always did, listened to Hermione. She'd shown up at their flat three weeks ago unannounced.
"What are you doing here Hermione?" Harry asked, turning to see Ron's reaction. This could trigger another bout of binge eating.
"Harry, Ron, sit down, there is something important we need to discuss." They followed orders, taking a seat on the couch. The look on her face told them she meant business (which came as no surprise, Hermione always meant business).
"We're going to America."
"What?"
"While I was with the YWPCA I met an American named Clary" Why did she blush when she said her name? "and she told me about a program at an American university where Wizards could go to university and take some muggle classes and take some Wizarding classes.
"Why?"
"Because I don't know what to do yet and I know neither of you do either. We missed our last year at Hogwarts so none of us are qualified for ministry or Hogwarts jobs. If we do this program we will be."
"That's ridiculous, we defeated Voldemort, I think they'll let us become aurors."
"Harry! You are no longer the chosen one, your life is no longer at risk, you can't continue to expect to receive special privileges! You need to work for something for once."
"Jesus Hermione, what's gotten into you?"
"Nothing, it's just, I really want to do this and I can't do it without my best friends and neither of you have anything else to do anyway so… it's settled, we're going" And they agreed...after several minutes of Harry explaining why becoming an auror was not asking for special privileges and still agreeing to go to America.
As soon as she'd beaten them down, Hermione graced them with the details. Soon they would be attending Marie Louveau University in New Orleans.
"It's a liberal arts college and it's very good. To be honest I'm not sure you two would have gotten in but the way our grades translate into the american muggle system is a little odd and gave all three of us the same grade point average." She was clearly miffed at this.
-3-
Welcome to Witch City
As they were exiting the plane Harry was hit with a rush of hot air. He thought it was a rush until he was standing outside waiting for a bus. 30 minutes later He and Ron were still melting out of their skins.
"I don't know why you two are being so dramatic, in Africa it was twice as bad as this, sometimes worse." Harry restrained Ron who was ready to strangle Hermione for a variety of reasons. It was night and they sat for an hour in the hot, muggy air. Hermione cast a spell around them to keep out mosquitoes but ironically their British magic did nothing to help with that American heat. Finally, they heard a noise and as if out of thin air a big, rusty, yellow school bus appeared down the road and slammed to a stop in front of them. On the side was written "Big Easy Night Bus, Here to Make Your Night Easier" the door shuddered open and Stan Shunpike jumped out.
Harry nearly fell over when he saw him. After several minutes of confusion the conclusion was reached that it was in fact, not Stan but his twin brother, Billy Bob Shunpike who had been raised in America. He spoke in a thick, twangy accent and there was a Confederate flag embroidered, like patches, on each sleeve of his jacket. Hermione glared at them while Harry and Ron wondered why she was being so cold to Billy Bob. On the drive he yelled over the the loud noises of the bus.
"Down hear the most important thangs tuh remember are the HISM and Swamp Sirens! Both of'm'll rip yur head off if they git the chance!"
"What's the HISM?" Ron looked really worried, Harry was trying to keep his own fear hidden. Hermione just looked at them all like they were idiots.
"It's a magical creature. It looks like a cross between an Alligator, a skunk-"
"And a fuckin' huge swamp rat!"
"Yes, and a giant Coypu"
"But why is it called HISM?"
"That's short for Honey Island Swamp Monster. But really Ron, there's no reason to look so afraid, we handled much worse just in our first few years at Hogwarts. Clary told me all about them."
"Who is Clary?"
"I told you Ron, she's the girl I met in the YWPCA. She's the whole reason we're here! She's meeting us once we get to campus." She was blushing again… "She's really nice… I think you'll like her a lot. She's a spell composition major and she's from California"
"She sounds like an idiot."
"Ron! She is not! You don't even know her and you had better be nice to her because… she's my girlfriend!"
GASP!
"What?!" Harry couldn't control himself anymore, he was angry but he was also confused, he'd heard of… gay people before but never at Hogwarts, he thought it was a muggle thing. "What do you mean your girlfriend? You mean you fancy girls now?"
"Well… I suppose I do! And don't take that tone about it, love just happens!"
"Love?!"
That was it, he didn't care if she fancied girls or gillyweed, all he knew was that all the women in his and Ron's life felt like they could walk all over them, just stomp all over their hearts and he wasn't taking it anymore.
"How dare you bring Ron and Me into this only to tell us that you have a new girlfriend after we get off the bloody airplane?!"
"Oh Harry, I'm sorry! I just couldn't tell you! I didn't even mean to do it now it just, slipped out."
"Billy Bob! Stop the bus! Ron and I are getting out! We'll go stay somewhere for the night so that Hermione and CLARY can have some ALONE TIME."
"Have it your way bud but just be careful… you're lucky we're right close to the French Quarter, that's where you'll want to go to cool down and loosen up. Just head down this street to Esplanade (He pointed to the left) and then walk down Esplanade to Bourbon, just follow the lights and music down Bourbon, y'all'll find what you need."
-4-
Bourbon Street
Harry dragged Ron out of the bus with him and before Hermione could protest or even process what was happening, the bus was gone. Harry steamed in the moonlight while Ron stared at him.
"What did you do that for?"
"What do you mean? She was disrespecting us! Bringing us all the way here to dump us for Clary. What the hell?"
" She didn't dump you, she dumped me."
"What? She was going to just leave you and I for a girl!"
"I mean I'm pretty upset that she's with someone else but you're being a bit homophobic, don't you think?"
"What are you talking about?"
"It's not a big deal mate, it's ok. If Hermione wants to be with a girl, it's ok."
Why was Ron being so reasonable all of a sudden? He'd been binge eating and crying at odd moments for the past two months! And now he wanted to be the sensitive, reasonable one?
"Lets just go before I forget the directions." Harry muttered to himself "Git" and "Being so noble." Harry stomped all the way to Bourbon street, several feet ahead of Ron. When they got to Bourbon street Harry almost kept stomping on past their turn.
"Harry."
"What?"
"Our turn mate."
"Oh, yeah."
"Listen I know you're mad and all but, let's just get a pint and not think about the women in our life." Harry struggled against Ron's uncharacteristically wise words. They stood in silence.
"Fine… let's go… get a pint." In truth, this idea of "getting a pint" and drinking your troubles away was new to them... wizards, save for the unruly ones like Hagrid, did not drink like muggles and rarely to drunkenness. Alas, they were not prepared for the evening ahead of them.