Issue #1: Ripples
(We open on the asteroid belt in an alternate version of the Marvel Universe. The Watcher stands amongst it all, staring into the vast nothingness of space.)
Oattu the Watcher: Greetings. I am Oattu The Watcher. I am part of a interstellar species that is tasked with viewing world changing events all across the cosmos, no matter how horrific or grotesque it may be. The tale I share with you today begins at the conclusion of another. In the Earth 616 event most of you know as "The Age of Ultron," the beings known as James Logan Howlett and Susan Storm Richards, also known as Wolverine and Invisible Woman traveled back in time to attempt to stop the creation of the artificial intelligence Ultron by the scientist Henry Pym, also known as Ant Man, Giant Man, and multiple other aliases. Wolverine killed Henry Pym, much to the dismay of Invisible Woman, which created a domino effect that essentially destroyed the world as they knew it. They traveled back in time again and corrected this by stopping Wolverine from killing Henry Pym, and instead, had Henry create a fail safe that would shut down Ultron before he could effectively eliminate the human race. This constant meddling in the time stream caused a phenomenon that has been dubbed as a "time boom" by many scientists. The energy given off by the constant breaking of the time barrier has caused an upset in many universes and their respective time lines. The occurrence we shall look at today is the result of this event meddling in two universes in particular. One is a variant on what you all know as the Marvel universe and the other is a variant of a universe which is the home of a planet much like Earth: Remnant.
Title card: X-men/RWBY: The Remnant Exodus Part 1
Roll call:
X-men
-Cyclops (leader of the X-men. A.K.A. Scott Summers)
-Phoenix (A.K.A. Jean Grey)
-Wolverine (A.K.A. James Logan Howlett)
-Storm (A.K.A Ororo Munroe)
-Nightcrawler (A.K.A. Kurt Wagner)
-Colossus (A.K.A. Piotr (Peter) Nikolayevich Rasputin)
-Shadow Cat (A.K.A. Katherine (Kitty) Pryde
-Beast (A.K.A Hank McCoy)
-Lockheed (Kitty's pet dragon)
Brotherhood of Mutants
-Magneto (leader of the Brotherhood of Mutants)
-Mystique
-Sabretooth
-Pyro
-Avalanche
-Juggernaut
-Toad
-Destiny
Team RWBY
-Ruby Rose (team leader)
-Weiss Schnee
-Blake Belladonna
-Yang Xiao Long
-Zwei (Ruby Yang's pet Corgi)
(End of Roll Call page. Return to story.)
Oattu the Watcher: To transition from our prologue, we turn to a scuffle between the X-men and The Brotherhood of Mutants. For those who do not know, the X-men is a group of naturally born superhumans known as mutants that was founded by Professor Charles Xavier. Their purpose is to show the world that humans and mutants can coexist. The Brotherhood of Mutants on the other hand are the antithesis of the X-men. They believe that since the Mutants are evolutionarily superior, that they should rule the world and enslave humans and eventually wipe them out entirely. Fights between them are common. They usually are the result of the X-men trying to defend the human race from whatever scheme the Brotherhood has formulated. Today, the target of the Brotherhood is one Robert Brigham. A politician that believes that all superhumans need to have their powers restrained fully as to protect individuals that do not have the same gift.
(A red beam from Cyclops streaks by and is blocked by a levitating piece of road being controlled by Magneto.)
Cyclops: Magneto! Can't you see that this is only proving Brigham's point?
Magneto: It matters not Cyclops. If the humans are willing to put someone in power who wishes to regulate us just for being born the way we are, what will stop them from ordering the Sentinels or their armed forces to slaughter us like cattle.
(A bolt of lightning comes down, but is quickly blocked by another piece of rubble being controlled by Magneto.)
Storm: You must have faith in the human race Magneto. Not all wish for us to be controlled or murdered.
Magneto: Much like Xavier and Cyclops, you Storm, are too naïve to see that the humans do not have any compassion for us.
(Suddenly, Toad jumps onto Storm's back and causes her to lose some control in the air.)
Toad: Oi! What's cook'n good look'n? (His tongue flicks out and licks Storm.)
Storm: TOAD! If this is your idea of flirting, then I am not impressed.
Toad: Aww, what's wrong? Do you not dig the dreads or are ya just not into amphibians?
(Magneto throws a piece of rubble at Cyclops while he was distracted by Toad's sudden attack on Storm. He was, luckily, able to dodge.)
Cyclops: Gah! Jean, are you having any luck getting past Magneto's telekinetic defense?
Phoenix: No Scott, though my telekinetic powers are powerful, they can't get past the defences in Magneto's helmet. I'll have a better chance of doing psychic shut off on him if we get his helmet off.
Cyclops: I might be able to get it off, but it's like Magneto will let his guard down anytime soon.
(Cut to Robert Brigham trying to avoid the madness.)
Robert Brigham: Dammit! I just wanted a bagel and a cup of joe! Why can't you take five steps in this damn city without running into an Avenger or Spider-man or some other superpowered delinquent?
Cop: Brigham! This way!
Robert Brigham: Thank God! (He runs over to the cop and they begin to run into an alleyway.) I don't know how you all can stand all these vigilantes! And...and… who's that person in the mask.
Cop: Thanks for the tip Destiny. (She morphs into Mystique)
Mystique: Now we can end this insanity. (She puts a gun up to his chin.)
Destiny: Anything for you Mystique. The spilling of this fascist's blood will make a thousand mutants cheer and, perhaps, light the fire that will start a revolution.
Mystique: Any last words, you bastard?
Robert Brigham: Heh heh. What if I said that I would reconsider the whole superhuman restriction bill for you two ladies?
Nightcrawler: No need to do so Senator Brigham! (He teleports in with a "BAMF" and kicks Mystique in the face, making her let go of Brigham.)
Destiny: NIGHTCRAWLER!!!
Nightcrawler: Oh Destiny! Funny thing about those revolutions: they don't always make everything better. Just ask Colossus about what happened to Russia. (He grabs Brigham and teleports away with another "BAMF")
(Cut to Colossus and Juggernaut clashing in the streets.)
Juggernaut: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE THE JUGGERNAUT METAL MAN?
Colossus: The fact that I will never let evil like you conquer the innocents of this world!
Juggernaut: Oh Ho Ho! I'MMA ENJOY POUNDIN' YOU INTO FRIGGIN' TIN CANS! (Suddenly, Beast jumps onto Juggernaut's back) Wha?
Beast: Oh Juggernaut, It's like we would let you do that to one of our allies. (He pulls off Juggernaut's helmet and jumps off of his back.)
Juggernaut: HEY! MY HELMET!
Colossus: Thank you Comrade McCoy! (He headbutts Juggernaut and then punches him, sending him flying into a building.)
(Nightcrawler teleports next to Colossus with a "BAMF".)
Nightcrawler: Freund Colossus, I teleported Brigham away from all this madness. How is your situation with Juggernaut? (Juggernaut breaks out of the pile of rubble and slams the ground angrily.)
Juggernaut: YOU PIECE OF CRAP!!! I'MMA BEAT YOU INTO ALUMINUM FOIL AND THEN SKIN THAT BLUE FUZZ BALL!!!
Colossus: He just won't stand down.
Nightcrawler: Oof, where's Logan. (Suddenly, Wolverine and Sabretooth burst out of a window. They are both in blind flurry of rage.) (to Wolverine) Freund Wolverine! Do you need aid?
(Wolverine and Sabretooth wrestle into a stalemate)
Wolverine: Don't get between us elf! Go help Beast out with Avalanche!
Sabretooth: Aw Logan. I thought you were into all that power of friendship bullshit. Are you embarrassed about getting help from your buddies?
Wolverine: I'm not embarrassed about them Sabretooth, I'm just trying to concentrate on getting my claws acquainted with your fraggin' brain!
Sabretooth: Ha! Not before I rip your throat out buddy ol' pal! (Wolverine breaks the stalemate and slashes Sabretooth across the chest. The wound quickly heals due to Sabretooth's healing factor and he roars as he pounces on Wolverine to continue the fight.)
(Cut to Beast not being able to get any footing due to Avalanche constantly collapsing the ground around him.)
Avalanche: No wonder you had to bounce and help Colossus. You can't do nothing against me. (Nightcrawler suddenly "BAMFs" behind him.) What the?
Nightcrawler: Why don't you fight on even ground Avalanche? (Avalanche tries to punch Nightcrawler, but Nightcrawler ducks out of the way.) It's almost like you aren't that good of a fighter yourself, ja? (He kicks Avalanche in the gut, causing him to stumble back.)
Avalanche: Why you- Let's see if you can spout out any more smart ass comments when I- (Beast suddenly gets Avalanche in a choke hold and brings him down.)
Beast: Thank you for the help Kurt.
Nightcrawler: You truly live up to your codename Beast, when you actually have something to stand on.
Beast: Your sense of humor is impeccable. Go aid Storm! She seems to have been caught off guard by Toad.
Nightcrawler: Right away freund! (He "BAMFs" away.)
(Cut to Storm being strangled midair by Toad's tongue.)
Toad: C'mon lass, one kiss an' a surrender an' I'll stop. (Nightcrawler suddenly "BAMFs" on top of Toad and starts pulling on his dreadlocks. Toad's tongue instantly recedes into his mouth.) YEEEEEEOWWW! MAH DREADS!
Nightcrawler: Now Toad, what have we told you about keeping your tongue to yourself?
(Storm begins to elbow Toad in the face. She keeps on doing this until Toad lets go of her and Night Crawler is able to teleport both himself and Toad off of her.)
(Nightcrawler and Toad teleport onto the roof of a nearby building where Nightcrawler quickly subdues Toad with a quick punch to the face.)
Storm: Thank you for the aid Kurt.
Nightcrawler: Sie willkommen freund Storm. I'll go and help Scott and Jean with Magneto. Kitty and Lockheed need help against Pyro. I'm sure a sudden rainstorm would come in handy.
Storm: I be over there right away. (She flies off and Nightcrawler "BAMFs" away to help against Magneto.)
(Cut to Pyro filling a whole block with flames. Lockheed is flying above, calling out to Kitty Pryde. Kitty is amongst the fire, because of her mutant power it's able to go through her with no harm.)
Kitty Pryde: JUST STAY UP THERE LOCKHEED! I'LL BE FINE!
Pyro: Not for long lass. You can't keep that matter phasing schlock up forever. You're gonna get tired sooner or later and when you do, I'll burn ya to a crisp! (The block suddenly gets cloudy.)
Storm: Not if I have anything to say about it Pyro. (It begins to rain. The flames slowly suffocate.)
Pyro: Aw shite. (Kitty Pryde is finally able to run up and punch him in the stomach and then finish him off with a kick to the face.)
Storm: Are you alright Kitten?
Kitty Pryde: I'm a little dizzy from having to phase for that long, but otherwise, I'm good (Lockheed flies in and lands on Kitty's shoulder. He begins to nuzzle her.) How's everyone else?
(Colossus suddenly flies into a car and is followed by Juggernaut, who begins to beat down on him.)
Juggernaut (faintly in the background): YOU SUMBITCH! (Colossus is able to beat Juggernaut back and tackle him to continue the fight.)
Kitty Pryde: I think Peter might need some help.
Storm: Agreed.
Oattu the Watcher: As you can see, this battle was set to have raged on for much longer, but then the effects of the time boom finally reached this world.
(Suddenly, Plasma and electricity fill the air. It goes for and seems to grab all the members of the X-men and Brotherhood. Their screams are heard throughout until one final "BANG." They all disappeared. The only person who was left was a single man who seems to have been watching the entire fight.)
Stan Lee: Well that ending sucked. Is there a way I can get my money back?
Side bar: Rest In Peace Stan.
Oattu the Watcher: Both the X-men and the Brotherhood of Mutants were disassembled on a molecular level, transported to an entirely different universe and then, in an instant, reassembled. Their bodies lie unconscious, limp in a lifeless city. The only lifeforms here are those of a supernatural and sinister nature. The people of this world call these demons the Creatures of Grimm. Their sole purpose is to kill any and all humans they encounter, not for sustenance, only to experience the twisted pleasure of murder that only they and other monsters know. Luckily for the mutants, the Grimm hunt solely based on the emotions of fear, pain, and anger. The demons pay no attention to their still bodies. The two groups remain this way for hours until-
Magneto: Ugh…(He slowly gets up and looks around. The other members of the Brotherhood also get up.)
Juggernaut: Holy shit! Did that fight o' ours wreck New York?
Sabretooth: (He sniffs.) Place doesn't smell right. Doesn't smell like New York.
Juggernaut: No shit it doesn't smell like New York, because we wrecked the whole place!
Sabretooth: NO DOME HEAD! If this was New York, I'd still be able to pick up the trace filaments of it. We're in a completely different city. (He sniffs again) Hell, maybe a different world.
Mystique: Wherever we are, it can't be anywhere good.
Sabretooth: Feels like we're bein' watched.
Pyro: That's because we are, look up on that building over there. (They look up and see a Beowolf Grimm perched on the roof of the nearby building. It's blood red eyes are fixated on the mutants.)
Juggernaut: Izzat a werewolf?
Magneto: I'd prefer not to find out. Come, we must move.
Sabretooth: Magneto. What should we do with the X-men?
Toad: Yeah, they're just lay'n here.
Juggernaut: I'm tempted to stomp on these bastards, never have to deal with 'em again!
Magneto: Do not touch them! They may be useful later. Am I correct Destiny?
Destiny: It's hard to say. Being thrown into this new world has reduced my future gaze to only a blank static. I don't think I'll be able to use it in an accurate manner any time soon.
Avalanche: Might wanna make up yer mind Magneto. I'm see'n more of them monsters' eyes poppin' up.
Magneto: Leave them. If they succumb to the wrath of these beasts, then so be it. We need to focus on finding some sort of shelter.
Sabretooth: Like Hell I'm going to let a friggin' animal kill Wolvie before me!
Magneto: Sabretooth!
Sabretooth: Fine. I won't touch him.
(They leave. Shortly after, Wolverine begins to wake. The Grimm begin to swarm the unconscious X-men)
Wolverine: Ugh...what the hell? (Beowolves creep up on the group, their otherworldly snarl rattles throughout. Wolverine gets up, his claws pop out of his knuckles with a "SNIKT".)
Wolverine (inner thoughts): The others are still out, the Brotherhood are nowhere to be seen. Bastards, probably left us behind so these things can take care of us for them. Well, Mags is gonna be real disappointed when I show up ready to carve him and the rest of the Brotherhood.
(A Beowolf attempts to pounce on Wolverine. Wolverine slashes it, it's cry of pain rings out across the dead city. It's body hits the ground and remains motionless, it begins to disintegrate into black dust. It's blood stains Wolverine's claws. The other Beowolves stay put, they seem to be formulating a new plan of attack. Their growls were like that of normal timber wolf, but deeper with a hideous aura around it as if it crawled out of the bowels of Hell.)
Wolverine: Who else wants some? (The Beowolves lunge forward, prepared to rip Wolverine and the rest of the X-men to shreds. Wolverine lets out a battle cry which is then followed by the sound of his claws cleaving through flesh. More Beowolves and other types of Grimm begin to surround Wolverine.)
Oattu the Watcher: The situation seems "Grimm" for Wolverine and the X-men, but fortunately they and the Brotherhood are not the only sentient beings in this decrepit maze. We turn our gaze to one Bartholomew Oobleck and the student team of trained warriors known as team RWBY. They are taking part in a mission to study this failed city, to see what made it fall to the creatures of Grimm, and how the Grimm who call this city home have changed. That is at least the goal of Oobleck. His students: half sisters Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long, Weiss Schnee, and Blake Belladonna have embarked on this mission in hopes of bringing a terrorist organization known as the White Fang to justice. Their path will soon cross with the mutants and all set events for this universe will be forever shaken.
Oobleck: Strange, there seems to be shortage of Grimm in this area.
Yang: Good, we finally caught a break.
Blake: Unless those things are trying to ambush us. Grimm apexes are usually able to coordinate attacks like that.
Oobleck: Very good Ms. Belladonna. I see you have studying.
Yang: Good to know that you read more than ninja smut.
Blake: YANG!
Weiss: Mr. Oobleck, what's the possibility that the Grimm are being drawn to something else? Like that large "bang" we heard earlier.
Oobleck: That is a possibility Ms. Schnee. Grimm do have a tendency to go towards anything that sounds loud. Knowing how it relates to us humans, negative emotions tend to follow such upsets. It would be the equivalent to a dinner bell to the Grimm.
(Ruby's backpack begins to rumble and a it begins to bark.)
Ruby: Huh? (Zwei suddenly pops out and begins to continue barking.) Zwei, you need to quiet down! You'll attract Grimm! (Zwei suddenly jumps out and and runs towards an alleyway.) Zwei no! Get back here! (Zwei stops at the entrance of the alleyway and begins to bark more.)
Yang: Something wrong with Zwei sis?
Ruby: Oh, he keeps on barking at this alley! I don't know why but- (she hears the faint battle cry of Wolverine in the distance.) OHMIGOSH! I think he was trying to tell me that there is another person here!
Oobleck: Hmm. Perhaps that "bang" is more of an anomaly than what I first thought.
Yang: WELL C'MON FOLKS, IT'S TIME FOR MORE GRIMMBASHIN'!!!
(Cut back to Wolverine. Grimm keep flooding into the area where he is. He keeps slashing at them, Grimm blood and limbs fly everywhere. The Grimm fumble over their fallen and disintegrating brethren just to get a chance to kill Wolverine. One is able to jump on Wolverine's back and bite him on the shoulder. Wolverine grunts in pain and throws the Grimm on his back into the rest. They are knocked over, but quickly writh and whip their bodies until they get back on their feet and continue their onslaught. Wolverine slashes one, cuts another, and then stabs one through the bottom of the jaw and up through the head. As he unsheathed his claws from the skull of the Grimm he just killed more began to shamble towards him like mindless zombies. Wolverine screams like a madman and jumps towards them claws first.)
(Cut to Oobleck and team RWBY running in, Zwei still barking while running along. Ruby scoops up the dog and puts him back in her pack.)
Blake: There they are! (She motions to the unconscious bodies of the X-men)
Ruby: Weiss, Blake go tend to them! Yang and I will- (she abruptly pauses when she sees the macabre being caused by Wolverine. The mutant was currently on the chest of a Beowolf. He was stabbing it repeatedly with an unbridled fury. He finally pulls both pairs of claws out of the dead demon and lets out one last battle cry. His claws retract back into his knuckles. He gets up slowly as the corpse of the Beowolf begins to fade away as black dust in the wind.)
(He breathes heavily, winded from the fight. His wounds slowly heal. He slides his cowl off, pulls out a cigar and a lighter and begins to light it up while slowly turning around to check on the unconscious bodies of the X-men. He looks up and sees the members of team RWBY and Oobleck in shock, awe, and horror. He goes derp face, figuring that they believed that he was responsible for the unconscious bodies of his friends.)
Wolverine: Okay I know this looks bad, but let me explain…
Oobleck: Sir, are you okay?
Wolverine: I need a beer, a smoke, and my friends over there to wake up so you all don't think I'm a murderer, but otherwise, I'm fine.
Ruby: H-how many Grimm did you kill?
Wolverine: How many of "what" did I kill?
Weiss: Please tell me you're acting dumb.
Wolverine: Look, let me just get my mind together for a second! Me and my friends here have been through a lot. We were fighting a terrorist group when, out of nowhere, we were teleported here, then I had to keep these "Grimm" things from killing them, and- Where on Earth are we anyway?
(Oobleck and team RWBY are confounded by Wolverine's last statement.)
Weiss: You can't be serious?
Oobleck: Earth?
Ruby: I thought Earth was just a made-up place in Manga and Movies.
Wolverine: Oh, God. What the Hell did we get into?
Oobleck: BY THE MAIDENS! Students, either we have found a mentally handicapped person-
Wolverine: Don't push it bub!
Oobleck: -or we just came across a group of extraterrestrials!
(Cut to the Brotherhood. Sabretooth cuts down a pair of Grimm.)
Sabretooth: These things are like roaches! Kill one and ten more pop up n' take it's place.
(Avalanche stomps on the ground, and another group of Grimm fall with the collapsing ground.)
Juggernaut: Heh. I don't mind. (He grabs a Grimm by the head, crushes it's skull, and then throws it at another group of Grimm.) It's a good way t' work off steam. 'Specially since Magneto wouldn't let me finish off the X-MEN!!!
Mystique: What good would that do us? (She shoots and kills some other Grimm) These monsters are causing us more problems than they were, and at least we knew that they weren't going to kill us.
Juggernaut: Wuss. (He spikes a Beowolf into the pavement.)
Magneto: We cannot keep fighting like this. (He manipulates the metal in the ground to create spikes that impale more Grimm.) In hindsight, we should have brought the X-men along. There would be little comradery between us, but the aid would be appreciated.
(Suddenly a person in White Fang garb comes running to the group.)
White Fang member: HELP HELP!
Juggernaut: Iz mah eyes play'n tricks on me or izzat a person wit' a pair o' cat ears comin' outta their head?
White Fang member: Thank the Maidens I found some fellow Faunus!
Toad: The Hell is a Faunus?
Juggernaut: Methinks izza fancy term for animals.
Sabretooth: Screw off kid. We aren't the people yer lookin' for.
Magneto: Wait Sabretooth, perhaps we can offer our hand to this person and these "Faunus." (To the White Fang member). What's wrong?
White Fang member: We were on our usual convoy, making sure there was no one scouting out our base when a flock of Nevermores came and attacked us. My group managed to hole up in one of those buildings, and I was able to sneak out and get help. The Nevermores can't get to them, but smaller Grimm are guaranteed to come and finish the job! Please, we need your help!
Magneto: Take us to them.
(Cut to the building mentioned by the White Fang member. A Nevermore is digging it's beak into a broken window, trying to grab the White Fang members as if they were mere grubs.)
White Fang member 2: This it it! This room is gonna be filled with Beowolves any second now!
White Fang member 3: It's been one helluva ride fellas. (The White Fang Member cocks his/her gun) Let's go out fighting!
(Suddenly, the Nevermore screeches in pain. The terrible noise was accompanied by the bending of metal and crunching of bone. Juggernaut is heard grunting as it is assumed that he broke a Nevermore's jaw. A roar is heard followed by the gurgled last breath of another Nevermore.)
White Fang member 3: What the Hell?
(The body of the Nevermore dissolves. Behind it is Magneto hovering in air, ready to greet the survivors.)
White Fang Member 4: Izzat Superman?
Magneto: Stay still. (The ground beneath the White Fang rumbles as any remnants of metal float up and carries them down to the street below. The White Fang cheer and thank their saviors.)
White Fang Member 1: Thank you! All of you!Come back to our base. I'm sure we can convince the higher ups to let you all join.
Magneto: That will be much appreciated.
(Cut back to Team RWBY and the X-men. Nightcrawler is the first of the still unconscious X-men to wake.)
Wolverine: Well look at that. They're startin' to wake up.
Nightcrawler: L-Logan! Where are we?
Wolverine: Not on Earth.
(Ruby squees and she dashes over in to blur of rose petals and starts darting all around Nightcrawler.)
Ruby: IVEBEENWANTINGTOTALKTOEVERSINCEISAWYOUWHATSYOURNAMEAREYOUSUPERNATURALWHATSYOURSEMBLANCEIMEANPOWERORMUTATIONORWHATEVERYOULIKETOCALLIT…(she breathes in) Where did you get these beautifully crafted rapiers?
Nightcrawler: Um...Uh...Gütentaug?
Wolverine: Hey kid, try not to crowd the poor fella.
Ruby: I'm sorry, I just got so excited. I thought you were cool, and a little scary, and then I thought your friends were cool, then I figured out that you all didn't have semblances and auras, which kind of scared me again because the only things in this world that don't have semblances or auras are the Grimm, but then I realized that you all come from a different world that has different rules, so then I realized how much cooler you guys were for being able to fight so many Grimm without semblances-
(Ruby continues to blabber on in the background)
Nightcrawler (whispering to Wolverine): Is she okay? She's barely breathed the short time we have met!
Wolverine: Here I got this. (To Ruby) Hey kid. (Ruby pauses) I need you to chill out-
Ruby: Okay, sorry.
Wolverine: Don't apologize. Breath. The last thing I need is for you to pass out and have your sister over there think I strangled you or something.
Ruby: Yeah, I get a little carried away when I nerd out.
Wolverine: More than a little.
Colossus: Good God Tarvisch! I've never heard anyone talk like that besides Wade Wilson! At least it wasn't vulgar.
Kitty Pryde: I dunno. I've heard Quick Silver rattle off like that before. He never notices when he does, poor guy.
Ruby: Wha? Did I seriously talk like that until they all woke up?
Yang: Yep.
Kitty Pryde: Pretty much.
Cyclops: Yeah.
Colossus: Yes.
Storm: Correct.
Nightcrawler: Ja.
Blake (reading a book): I wasn't really paying attention.
Beast: Pardon me, but I was still slightly unconscious.
Weiss: It was actually entertaining in a strange way.
Oobleck: Ms. Rose, we might have discovered your second semblance.
(Note: the last 10 lines were either delivered at the same time or came out in quick succession.)
Jean Grey: So, Logan. Would you mind explaining where we are and who our new allies are.
Oattu the Watcher: After another quick introduction of team RWBY and Oobleck…
Wolverine: So, the matter of where we are. Though this may look like Earth, albeit a version that has been through Hell, and though the people here look like humans-
Oobleck: And we have labeled ourselves as so. We are all humans and/or human subspecies. Just for your information.
Wolverine: Okay, are you done?
Oobleck: Yes, you may continue.
Wolverine: Okay, the whole point I was getting to until Grass Head interrupted me was that this is not Earth. This world we're on is called Remnant. The people here are kind of like the people back home, 'cept they are all able to access some kind of power through training.
Oobleck: Do not forget about Auras Mr. Howlett. Everyone has both a semblance and an aura, said aura powers the semblance and also provides a shield for it's user.
Wolverine: You get it out of your system?
Yang: You gotta forgive him, he drinks alotta coffee. It can make him quite the Chatty CATHIne. Eh, ya get it? Because coffee has caffeine, eh eh?
Wolverine: I never thought I would say this, but Wade makes better jokes than that.
Yang: Ooo, is there a chance I can get a crash course in comedy from this mystical "Wade Wilson" you all keep talking about?
Colossus: No! Your jokes are bad, but I'd rather them stay wholesome!
Yang: Who said that they were all wholesome?
Wolverine: DAMMIT! (Gesturing to Oobleck and team RWBY) Can you five shut up so I can explain how your friggin' world works to the people I had to protect from literal demons earlier today? Or would you all rather explain it?
Oobleck: No Mr. Howlett, I believe it would be better for your fellow "X-men" to learn about our world through a familiar voice.
Wolverine: Then shut up and let me explain. (He sighs) Our worlds begin to become similar when the Faunus come into play. Faunus are, like us, a subspecies of human. You know that someone is a Faunus by the fact that they have the anatomy of another species juttin' out of 'em in some way.
Blake: That's just the basics. There's a bit more to it.
Wolverine: They only need to know the basics of it for now. I don't really need to get into the whole minushe of it just like how I don't have to get into the whole minushe of mutants besides the fact that, like the Faunus, mutants are discriminated against.
Blake: Honestly, the Faunus are kind of treated equal by most people now, soooo…
Wolverine: Then why did you all tell me that they were oppressed in the first place?
Blake: Well they were in the past, a few people are still racist against them now.
Wolverine: Alright, lemme ask you something: Does the majority of government and ruling power rally against the Faunus?
Blake: There are a few but-
Wolverine: No, I'm not talking about the odd racist jackass, I'm talking about the vast majority.
Blake: No, the majority of politicians are for Faunus equality.
Wolverine: Are there any Faunus in positions of power?
Blake: Yeah.
Wolverine: Are they able to get equal education and work opportunities?
Blake: Most of the time, yes.
Wolverine: Wow, that oppressed group doesn't sound very oppressed to me.
Blake: Well, it' not as bad as it was. There are those who still won't accept Faunus.
Wolverine: Kid, I've been around for a helluva long time and usually, the longer you live, the more you start to see patterns in people. The majority of the jackasses who try to get rid of a certain group of people usually are bit in the ass by the people who are willing to accept the group they're trying to get rid of. Those idiots who don't employ or treat Faunus equally will eventually get their's. (To everyone else) Now, anyone else wanna talk politics? Or am I actually going to be able to explain the rest of this to the people who didn't exist here until a few hours ago?
Beast: I believe you'll be able to continue Logan.
Wolverine: Great. I only gotta get one other thing outta the way. So when I woke up, I just happened to meet the things that the girls here are studying to kill. I also had to save you poindexters from possibly becoming their lunch. They're called the creatures of Grimm. No one knows where they come from, no one knows why they hate humans. But they're here. If I had describe 'em, I would say they're almost like anything that could crawl outta Hell or that Dark Dimension place Dr. Strange always goes on about. They're bad news, and for all they know, there's nothing that can be done about them. (Oobleck raises his hand, but before he could speak) They also hunt mainly by sensing negative emotions. There, you happy lawn for brains?
Oobleck: Besides the same petty insult you keep addressing me with, yes. You did a decent job of summarizing the world that we live in.
Wolverine: Get used to it bub. I don't do formal unless I'm feelin' nice.
Beast: I can vouch for that. If I recall, he didn't stop calling our mentor, Professor Xaivier, "Chuck" until the one year anniversary of the second X-men team. Even then, he rarely addresses him with "Professor."
Wolverine: Him being promoted from Chuck to Charlie was his anniversary gift.
Colossus: At least it was better than what Mojo "gave" us for our team anniversary last year.
Yang: And what was that?
Colossus: Twenty consecutive hours of arena battle for his foolish reality show that he airs for the residents of Mojo World. At least our foes were only modified Sentinels.
Storm: You make it sound like that the fact that they were Sentinels was a good thing.
Kitty Pryde: It especially wasn't fun when they adapted to my phasing and became impossibly dense when I tried to dismantle them.
Nightcrawler: Oh yeah, you were knocked unconscious because of how hard you face-planted into one of them.
Kitty Pryde: Ugh. (She cups her face in her hands in embarrassment.)
Storm: Don't feel embarrassed Kitten. We all have been tripped up by a Sentinel at one time. Just be glad you were lucky enough to live to tell the tale.
Wolverine: Hell, we all almost didn't live. If it wasn't for Deadpool and Cable sabotaging the security, Mojo would've had us all fight 'till we died then bring in the Avengers to continue the show.
Cyclops: Yeah I was glad to see him, then he brought up the time we fought the Avengers, were almost brought to extinction by the Inhumans, and then he tried to make sexual advances towards half the staff at Xaivier's.
Jean Grey: Look at it this way Scott: at least you're not Cable (she whispers in his ear) Wade constantly tries to date him. Cable doesn't even know if it's a joke or if it's genuine.
Cyclops: (He cups his face in his hands almost in the same fashion as Kitty) Oh God, why did our son have to end up as some murderous schizophrenic's babysitter?
Weiss: (unimpressed) Well, that was unorthodox.
Blake: I have the feeling that, in order to understand all of that, I have to do at least an hour of research.
Ruby: Hey Wolverine, you never really told us much about your world besides who you and your friends were.
Wolverine: Well, I was waiting for Jean to get up to explain that to you all. She could explain it better than I ever could.
Jean Grey: Logan, I-I don't know. In order to telepathically communicate anything to anyone, I need to venture into their mind. I don't exactly feel comfortable with doing that now unless it's with people I'm already close with.
Wolverine: Well, unless you wanna physically lecture them and risk havin' them think we're just a bunch'a weirdos runnin' around in spandex, I'd say you'd better start getting comfortable with our new compadres here.
(Cut to the White Fang base. The Brotherhood is walking in with the White Fang that they saved.)
White Fang member 5: Who the hell-
White Fang member 6: Is that lady blue?
White Fang member 7: DAAAYUM! That guy is huge!
White Fang member 8: HA HA HA! Nice outfits dorks!
Pyro: You don't look too shabby yourself. (He makes a subtle hand gesture, the cigarette that the eighth White Fang member was smoking suddenly ignites into a blaze that takes the shape of a generic beast.)
White Fang member 8: Y-YOW!!! (He drops the cigarette as her and a few other White Fang members stumble back in fear.)
(The group finally stops at a tent. The light inside it pierces the darkness, A shadow of a man inside seems to be frantically working on something.)
White Fang member 1: Mr. Torchwick, I think we found a group of people you might want to meet.
Roman Torchwick: Yeah, hold up! (He mumbles before he finally bursts out of his tent.) Alright, this be better important. (He looks at the Brotherhood in shock and confusion before finally letting out a brief snicker at Magneto.) Nice cape.
Juggernaut: Uhh, Izzit jus' me or am I see'n dat guy from Clock Woik Orange?
End of Issue #1