I am very sorry for the long delay. I had writer's block, then I got distracted writing smut for another fandom and then real life got crazy... Anyway, this is just a tiny start on the road to healing for Katze but after much hesitation, I decided to post it to reassure you guys this story is not abandonned.
"I want to tank you."
Raoul's Doctor voice was firm and assured.
Katze's Sick voice was just as firm, bordering on despairing, when he refused.
"You are dehydrated, malnourished and exhausted." Raoul argued patiently. "A few hours in a med tank will be sufficient to cure your body."
The gorgeous Blondie doctor was serene, his mouth soft under intense green eyes. He seemed very professional, squatting by Iason's bed to address Katze at eye-level. Trustable.
Katze blinked, biting his lip. He didn't dare to answer, afraid that his tattered self-control couldn't contain the surge of emotion seeing Raoul brought after all those cold grey weeks.
Iason was in the room with them.
Katze shook his head mutely, no: he wanted nothing more than to pull the Blondie he loved closer.
His Master loomed by the foot of the bed.
"Later, we can work on your mind." Raoul's voice was too sacharine gentle and it bugged Katze. He didn't want to be treated like a precious thing because he'd gotten overwhelmed.
Katze pushed himself up on an elbow.
"No." Katze's response was gruff, and more than a little agressive.
Raoul didn't even think, placing a soothing hand on Katze's arm and rubbing gently. Damn the clothing the mongrel still wore, and curse Raoul's own gloves. All these barriers between them were intolerable.
Raoul hurt, to see Katze reduced to a shadow of himself. He wanted to inhale the red-head's exciting pheromones, drown himself in the human's heartbeat and taste his tears. He needed to feel that Katze was alive.
Raoul would stop him from slipping through their fingers.
He couldn't indulge in his forbidden urges though. Katze was broken, for now, and he still belonged to Iason.
Raoul allowed himself another minute or two of self-indulgence, massaging up to Katze's tense clavicule in the guise of a therapeutic touch meant to calm his patient. God, Katze was emaciated. His bones jutted against Raoul's strong hand, bird fragile.
Katze's amber eyes were wide and glittery as he pushed himself to a sitting position, curling in on himself. There were dark purple slashes under his eyes, even more startling over his sunken cheek-bones.
"No hospital." Katze's voice was soft and it retained a hint of his usual quiet politeness. His chin jutted stubbornly though and Raoul could see the pulse beat too fast in his throat.
The golden Blondie looked at Iason beseechingly. A day or two in a med tank would be sufficient to heal Katze's battered body. It would take weeks to attempt to achieve the same result without it, and the succes of such treatment would be entirely dependant on Katze's cooperation.
Riki cuddled closer to Katze in Iason's bed. Katze's heavy head turned on his slim neck. His eyes were dead again, flat orange. His hair was lank and hanging in his face.
Raoul carefully tugged a badly bandaged foot to himself, beginning to unwind the stained cotton mostly for something to occupy his hands with while Riki intervened.
Perhaps Katze would listen to a human.
Riki didn't try to argue with his friend. He spoke one word.
"Why?"
It destabilized Katze, wormed it's way into his walls. Katze fought to remain strong and stubborn, but that one word was fracturing all his defenses.
Why?
Riki cared about the answer. Genuinely cared. What was stopping Katze from answering was the intense curiosity radiating from the two Blondies in the room. He bit his lip, fragile control eroding.
Riki waited. So did Iason and Raoul.
The explanation finally burst from Katze, torn from that aching hollow spot in his middle.
"I don't want to be put in hospital. I don't want to go away."
Katze's words spilled faster.
"I don't want to be put under. I don't..." Katze dug his fingers into the sheets, fighting panic.
"Please." He begged.
"I don't want to be reset. Or..." Katze choked, head bowed to his knees, shoulders trembling.
Riki's gaze darted to Iason, helplessly overwhelmed.
"Or... Or... disposed of." Katze's hand made the automatic move he had repeated so often during the epidemic, plunging an imaginary syringe into his thigh and depressing the trigger.
The movement made his foot twitch, tearing the last of the bandage from the wound in the soft flesh under his plantar arch. The cotton had stuck in the clotted blood and as it ripped away, bright fresh redness welled in fat drops between the curled lips of the deep cut.
Raoul hissed a "Sorry" but Katze didn't appear to feel anything. He was numb. Grey.
He watched the blood quickly form a rivulent, trailing ticklish down the inside of his sole.
Cold. Grey.
Dead.
All the fight went out of Katze, the tension that vibrated in him easing as a crimson stain spread on Iason's bedspread.
Riki's throat knotted at the abrupt capitulation.
Resigned.
Katze had just given up, in front of their eyes.
"I'll do whatever you say." Katze acquiesced. "I'll get put under. I'll go to hospital."
Even if I never wake up went unsaid but the thought made Riki reach for a cold hand and squeeze hard.
"I know I'm broken." Katze whispered, touching his scar in nervous, unconscious motions.
"I... I can't be fixed, I think."
His face rose to stare straight at Iason, which was extremely unusual for the devout servant. Katze's weary golden eyes brimmed with all the emotion he kept locked away. Iason's own unnaturally blue Android eyes were inscrutable.
Katze's Master. Always. Cold and unreadable.
Blondie.
God, his aristocratic face was beautiful.
Katze looked away. He felt filthy, weak and pathetic. At least his broken heart still beat, blood bubbling up from the wound in his foot with every liquid contraction.
Hurt.
"I don't want to be fixed. It's part of me. All the people I killed, the emptiness that's been swallowing me lately. I want to be better."
Human.
"To be happy." And there was so much wistful longing in his voice that Riki had to wipe tears from his own burning eyes.
"But I don't want to forget." Katze continued. "Please, I... I need help. I'm not useless even if things happened to me. "
Katze's pink toes flexed. It made his cut gape, a fresh wash of blood surging. It was leaking into Raoul's white glove.
"I know that Blondie's are perfect, and that humans, Pets and Furniture are easy to manufacture new and docile." Katze did not notice how Iason stiffened at his words, nor the very un-Blondie startled blink of Raoul's eyes.
"But I still want to be me."
Heavy silence filled the room when Katze's outburst trailed off.
Iason cleared his throat. His voice was typically brisk and efficient as he decided.
"Fine. You will be tanked for forty-eight hours." Katze slumped wordlessly, face hidden. Riki's mouth opened to protest as Raoul stood, shining gold hair swishing with the graceful motion.
Iason's blue eyes flashed at Riki and he held up a white-gloved hand to stall any arguments.
"I will have a portable med-tank installed here."
Raoul turned quickly, abrupt about-face too fast to be human that made his hair fly.
"You are sure?" He asked mildly. "The cost is... extravagant... for a mongrel."
Iason snorted in a very un-Blondie way.
His voice was frosty and down-right scarily gentle as he asked "You wish to deny the First One?"
Raoul did not seem very intimidated.
He shrugged, back straight then bowed reverently. "Of course not, Your Grace."
Riki had never heard Raoul adress his brother by his title and he wondered if it was a subtle form of mockery. Iason jerked at the polite response as if he'd been slapped.
"It shall be as you say." Raoul bowed again. He kept his right hand curled into a tight fist by his side.
"I will proceed to make arrangements." The golden-haired Blondie broke from formal etiquette to clasp Iason's shoulder tightly with his left hand. Riki couldn't see either of their faces as they stared at each other, just the back of Raoul's head. He wondered what silent exchange passed between them.
"Do not doubt." Raoul's voice rang too loud, suddenly. He was adressing Katze under the guise of reassuring Iason.
"He will get better." Raoul's hand squeezed Iason's shoulder once, then dropped.
"Trust me." He asked, and Katze shuddered beside Riki.
Katze's eyes shut, as he silently mouthed the word again and again.
Trust.
...
Cal watched from the kitchen as Raoul stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. His hair hid his face but Cal hardly thought the Blondie would slip enough to allow his facial expression to change.
The Blondie was a tall imposing figure, utterly motionless for at least half a minute. He slowly brought his right hand to his face, staring intensely as he carefully unclenched mechanical fingers.
The Blondie's pure white glove was stained a wet, clinging red.
Blood.
Katze's blood.
Katze.
Human.
Hurt.
Raoul shook his head and clenched his hand again, hiding the evidence. He was already on the vid-com by the time he reached the door.
Thank you again for your infinite patience.
xxx
FrenchCaresse