JOJO: The Return of the Pillarmen
A/N: Just to inform everyone I don't own any of the JoJo characters in this story, with the exception of the OC's. Don't steal them.
Meanwhile, Joseph Joestars mind was wondered back to the past. The good old days...
It was Werewolf Smokey Browns gay wedding party, which everyone was invited too.
The party was awesome as always, because Gay Stroheim was hosting it.
Joseph Joestar was pretty drunk that day.
If Joseph Joestar was honest, He couldn't remember much that happened.
Only something about a dress,a rabbi and a traffic cone.
There was one thing that stuck in Him mind though. Something He would never forget.
The Pillarmen.
The Pillarmen was wearing a Jr. Lisa-Lisa mask that night
It was one of the most erotic costumes at the party.
Everyone had come as something or someone else.
No one could recognize anyone else because everyone had bits of their bodies covered;
GAY CAESAR ZEPPELI WAS DRESSed as EMO SUZIE Q.
EMO SUZIE Q WAS DRESSed as JR. LISA-LISA.
JR. LISA-LISA WAS DRESSed as Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar.
Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar was dressed as Werewolf The Pillarmen.
And Werewolf The Pillarmen was dressed as a rock.
Joseph Joestar had no idea which person The Pillarmen was! At the top they were strangers. But they would become much more!
Joseph Joestar was instantly attracted to The Pillarmen in Him costume. The way He moved. The way He way He flicked His hair.
The Pillarmen was doing a Karaoke number.
It was "500 miles". And He was awesome.
He sung like a true audience was miasmarised by The Pillarmen.
Underwear was chucked at The Pillarmen.
Joseph Joestar was soooo turned on.
(and He didn't need that underwear anyway)
Despite His crushing shyness,and fear of people judging him,Joseph Joestar got up and sang too.
When The Pillarmen was singing 500 miles it was like the words spoke to Him. The Pillarmen seemed to be addressing each word of the song just to Him. The room faded away and it was just the two of them. No one else in the world.
They gazed into eachother eyes as The Pillarmen spoke the last lyric.
Then silence.
Suddenly, Joseph Joestar was woken out of the flashback by the present
Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar woke up naked and very horny one spring saturday...
The next time they saw eachother The Pillarmen winked at Joseph Joestar, remembering what happened at the Joestar blushed.
Some of the others giggled. Did they know? Joseph Joestar didn't care.
One night Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar had been drinking too much blood wine.
He felt very nice and enjoyed it very much.
Then all the sudden he saw a stranger walking.
Not just any stranger because real strangers dont exist!
This one was evil!
Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar ran to stranger and hit them, it was Werewolf The Pillarmen!
"How dare you..you.. villain! I kill you by murder!"
"Yes, we fight now!"
"No, I will take over your body and rape you!"
No Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar screamed in agony. and he screamed a lots you know. it really really hurt. the pain that is. Trust me, youd scream hurt!
Our hero took his mighty weapon and went balistik on he.
but not before Werewolf The Pillarmen plunged hismonster errection into the nearest female! "Ouch!" said Emo Suzie Qs sister
"Oh no! It was my friend! And my friend there is really a man!"
"My friend! said Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar, you are a man!" he said and saying he did!
"Yes" he said and he looked with love towards Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar, I am also your long lost mother-in-law."
"but I thought Werewolf The Pillarmen was that?"
"Yes, and we conceived you together, so we are both :D"
"Oh that is good" said Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar
"No it is not! Mahaha!. You see i must kill you because I was told to by my mothers spatula
"But not today!", with that the villianess villian ran off into the sunset.
I was introduced at the others at the base. There was of course beautiful Emo Suzie Q and snarkly Gay Caesar Zeppeli. Smart and clever Jr. Lisa-Lisa and... and Werewolf Smokey Brown.
I too had heard of Werewolf Smokey Brown and had always been a little insecure about my feelings for him
But here he stood before me, stretching and gesturing at drawings on the wall. It looked so manly, so envigorating and virilus.
And when he spoke, he sounded so... I swooned right in front of him.
"We should defeat Werewolf The Pillarmen," Werewolf Smokey Brown said.
"I agree," said Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar, "but I'm not sure."
"We can use your new friend," said Werewolf Smokey Brown. "Werewolf The Pillarmen doesn't know Gay Stroheim. So that should do. We can infiltrate the base like that.
"But Gay Stroheim is still very inexperienced," said Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar, "And I worry about her."
"Don't worry," said Werewolf Smokey Brown, "I know Gay Stroheim can take it on. Trust me on that" And he gave me a wink.
In the corners of my eyes I saw Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar stairing first at me, and then at him. And then in a huff, he walked away.
I walked after Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar and said: "What's wrong?"
"Nutting" Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar said but I didn't believe him.
"No seriously, you can tell me, I'm really good at picking up on these things."
"You're right, you're really good at picking up on those things," said Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar and sighed. He then said: "You know my past, right?"
I thought to myself, yes, yes I do. I heard of everything about you. And I said: "yes."
"Well, it... it... makes it hard for me to make connections with people." Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar said. A single tear rolled down his cheek. It made it look even more pretty than it already was.
"And I feared,' Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar said, 'that when I saw you talk and awke at Werewolf Smokey Brown like that, that you may... you may no longer find me that interesting?"
"But I do!"
'And without you, I don't know if the world is still worth saving," Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar said with a sniffle, "how can I defeat Werewolf The Pillarmen if you won't be with me?"
"Well, uh, I didn't think you'd like me that much," I said blushing.
But then, then Mighty Morphine Joseph Joestar leaned forward and kissed me. And I no longer knew what to do. Can I be in love with both? Why must I choose?
Joseph Joestar had some time before he had to do anything, so He decided to have another flashback.
It was just after the Karaoke. They had stepped of the stage to loud applause and were now looking at eachother.
"Hi" Joseph Joestar said, meekly.
"Hay" The Pillarmen said, also meekly. Their confidence from moments ago had evaporated like alcohol.
"Do you want too..."
"maybe.."
"ok then."
So they walked to the cloakroom.
It wasn't long before their lips were together. Joseph Joestar couldn't remember who made the first move.
He did remember the taste though. The taste of The Pillarmen.
The Pillarmen tasted like cranberry on a summer noon.
Refreshing and salty but also a bit sour.
What had they been eating? Joseph Joestar tried to work out it. It took much tung work.
After a few minutes mouth to mouth pot holing, The Pillarmen guessed what Joseph Joestar was doing.
"I had blueberry for lunch."
"oh"
"you dont have to stop though"
"oh. Good!" Joseph Joestar said, with great relief.
They finally drew away after what seemed a whole november but was only mere minutes.
The taste of The Pillarmen's lips (and other things) still lingered in Joseph Joestar's mouth as they finally looked upon each other with new eyes.
Relieved sighs came from both of them as both embraced, The Pillarmen snuggling against Joseph Joestar's neck as he snuggled upto The Pillarmen's torso.
The Pillarmen went further by clutching Joseph Joestar with his fingers, pulling at the fabric of His slacks to feel what was underneath.
The telltale shape in His leggings stood out between them, especially with the weight it had against Joseph Joestar's thigh.
The Pillarmen moved over Joseph Joestar's body like a serpent and lovenly nuzzled at a peaked abbs.
Joseph Joestar liked this a lot and started making a lot of noise. The Pillarmen joined in. "Owwww...Ahhh...MAHAhhhEEkkk...aakk"
It got pretty noisy from that point on. Both of them had a lot of fun and made a lot of noise!. Joseph Joestar sounded like Moterbike ! The Pillarmen sounded like a heard of Koalas on drugs. They had a lot of..."fun".
"My groinal area are hurting...can we stop? 12 times is enough surely?" The Pillarmen said, pleading.
"No...MORE MORE MORE" said Joseph Joestar, with apparently an insatiable apatite
The Pillarmen finally slapped Joseph Joestar to get Him to stop.
"Sorry about that, I got a little carried away" said Joseph Joestar.
"Thats ok I...enjoyed it." said The Pillarmen blushing in the way they always did.
"Tomorrow?"
"Yes" said The Pillarmen.
"I'll bring some of my toys next time for us to play with" said Joseph Joestar.
And with that they left the cloakroom and returned to the party. The months that followed were fun but eventually they broke up and became enemies.
They saw their enemy in the distance,and they soon stood next to him
"So you have come"
"My aunty is the most ugly witch in the world." said Gay Stroheim.
"Dunno, you see she is lighter than some Crusifixs." replied Werewolf The Pillarmen.
"You know, I think my aunty would be better usefuller dont you think? " said Gay Caesar Zeppeli .
"Yes, but she is gayer than some carpets." declared Werewolf The Pillarmen.
"Your brother is the most amazing wizzard in the city." said Jr. Lisa-Lisa.
"No, but he is colder than some balloons." screamed Werewolf The Pillarmen.
"You know what I would like? A dry banana." said Gay Stroheim.
With him distracted with that our hero stabbed him dead.