A/N: Spoilers for Season 4 to Present. Again, I was inspired by a lovely painting over on dA by Angela-T of Castiel sitting on the steps in the light of a sunset. Couldn't help but write. Hope you enjoy! Reviews are Love people!
Disclaimer: Wish I may, wish I might…but I don't.
There were decisions to be made. He couldn't keep walking this line between two worlds forever. He knew he had to choose. But, which one did he belong in now? How did he decide between what he was and what he believed he should be? Once decided, there would be no going back, he knew that. And so he sat, alone, in the fading sunlight and contemplated his options while hoping for some sign to tell him which way to turn.
He could remain as he was. It was a good existence, there was no denying that. Being an Angel of the Lord, working in His name to bring about His will was all he had ever known. It was not his place to form opinions or make suggestions. It was his place to serve and obey. And, until recently, he had never questioned that life. But…lately…he found he was having doubts, questions…feelings about what he was being asked to do.
It was probably the influence of the humans he was spending so much time with. He had tried to convince himself that that was all it was. But, he had to admit, at least to himself, that there was more to it than that. Yes, they were obstinate, strong willed, hard headed and pushy but were they really influencing him? Did they have that much power over someone who was supposed to be above temptation? No. If he was honest with himself he had to admit that they were only reminding him of the thoughts that he had already recognized within himself.
There was something about spending time in their world that had opened his eyes to a different side of the equation. He had been taught that there was good and evil, black and white, no in between. But, now he was seeing that nothing was as simple as that. There were good people who did bad things because they had no choice. There were even bad people that occasionally found themselves working for the greater good. Black and white had blurred and now all he could see were shades of grey.
There was a time when he would have come upon Sam Winchester and smote him from existence simply because he carried the stain of demons in his blood. That alone would have marked him as the evil that all of Heaven worked to crush. But now, he had spent time with Sam, had come to know him. He had seen this "evil" creature fight against overwhelming odds to save the life of one small child for no reason other than that it was the right thing to do. Even now Sam was resisting the lure of Lucifer's call to serve…could any truly evil person do that?
Then there was Dean. Dean Winchester was an enigma to him. He had yet to be able to completely figure the man out. He had been assigned to locate the man in Hell and bring him out for the sole purpose of serving as Michael's Sword. They didn't bother to tell him why Dean was in Hell, for what reason he had been sent there. It hadn't been necessary. After all, he had been ordered and, even if he was confused as to what a former denizen of Hell would be doing serving as his brother's vessel, it was not his place to question, it was his place to serve.
And so he had fought his way into the abyss. He had located the man in question and was shocked to find that he was working for Alistair. If he had not been ordered to retrieve Dean he would have fled back to Heaven at the mere sight of this man flaying the hide off of some poor soul damned to be tortured for eternity. The thought of even touching such a person disgusted him but he did as he was ordered, never wavering in his faith that his orders were righteous.
Eventually, he had found out why Dean had been in Hell. He had heard the story from both brothers and knew the extremity of the sacrifice that Dean had made for his brother. He had looked inside Dean's mind and he knew what the man had been put through in his time below. He understood that all had been preordained. Dean had no more choice but to make that deal than water did to be wet. He was destined to trade his soul, destined to break the first seal…destined to be used as a tool in the upcoming war.
That brought him to the crux of the issue…the upcoming war. It was always known that his brothers would meet in battle and that the battle would purge the Earth of all mankind. Michael and Lucifer had been set against each other now. The wheels were in motion and the possibility of stopping the inevitable showdown was slim. He was not supposed to have any feelings about this. He was supposed to prepare Michael's vessel and urge him to see the purpose of accepting his place.
But, somewhere along the line, he had begun to realize exactly what this battle would mean to humanity. He had come to form friendships with not just Sam and Dean but others who would be devastated by this fight. No, he wasn't supposed to have feelings about it, but he did and now he wasn't sure that he wanted to be a part of the process that would end this world. He had come to the realization that, in fact, he wanted to stop the fight and that would be unacceptable to his brethren.
He had spent quite awhile now watching these two strong willed brothers and had come to see that there were other options. He had always thought that Michael and Lucifer had to fight. There was no other way. There had to be a winner and a loser in this conflict. But now, he'd seen how Sam and Dean worked together to resolve their own brotherly conflicts and he knew that it didn't have to be all or nothing. If only he could make his own brothers see that there was a way to compromise…but, they weren't like him and he had little confidence that they would listen.
So, here he sat, alone in the last rays of another dying day, torn between two worlds and searching for answers. Should he give up on the impossible and accept that the apocalypse was going to happen? Rejoin his brethren in Heaven and forget everything he had seen and experienced here on Earth? Or, should he join what was sure to be the losing side in this battle and fight for humanity's right to exist? Stand beside the Winchester brothers and turn his back on the last ties he had to his celestial life? Futilely, he prayed to his Father for a sign, begged him to show him the right path…
"Hey Cas. We're heading down to the diner for some dinner. I know you don't eat and all but…if you wanted to come along…I mean…well… I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know this has been hard on you. Being alone…man…no one should ever have to be alone. We just wanted you to know that…well…you aren't really alone Cas, not if you don't want to be. After everything you've done for us, for me, you're family now Cas and we Winchester's take family pretty damn seriously. So come on, get your ass in the car and let's get moving before all the pie is gone!"
He wasn't sure he could readily identify the feelings that he was experiencing. It was the most he thought he had ever heard Dean say at any given time and he was touched by the depth of the feeling he knew was hiding behind the words. He stood up slowly, dusted off his overcoat where he had been sitting on it and gave Dean a nod of acceptance. Then, as he followed him to the car where Sam was waiting for them, he sent a quick prayer of thanks to his Father. He had been given his sign. He knew where he belonged now.