Tris-
My feet are heavy, made of stone. My knees, I'm sure, will turn into a mess of goo and I will collapse onto the ground. My heart pounds, the sound filling my ears and it is all i can feel because everything else has become numb. David stands before me, still, the gun pointed at me, keeping me locked in place.
" I can't let you survive this Beatrice, and you know that." He murmurs, his voice cold and flat like a robot.
" Would you have killed her?" I blurt without thinking, and i can tell this takes him off guard. I am stalling but it won't work for long.
"What do mean?" He says, focusing his attention on the gun.
"Would you have killed her? My mom. I know you loved her, and you most likely still do. So even after everything…" I choke. Thoughts of my mother, the woman I will never get to truly know, my father, and even Caleb, flash through my mind. Quiet nights in the house and humble dinners visualize and the memories fill me with longing. " after she married my father and stayed in Abnegation, would you have killed her? Because if you kill me, you kill her. I am all that is left of her and if you kill me i can assure you she would have never forgiven you. She would have hated you eternally for it." My eyes stare into his, waiting for an answer.
" I would not have killed her, and she is already dead, Beatrice but do you know why? She is dead because she ignored my advice to come back, because she chose to live in a Faction, and it is because of where she wanted to be that she is dead, and you are part of the reason she stayed. If it were not for you she would be alive." He lifts his head, but I can hear the wavering tone in his voice. I know that what he says isn't true and i don't need to reassure myself that it's not. Focus, I tell myself. I need to lower his guard enough to knock the gun out of his hands.
It is working. He is beginning to crack. His fingers, only slightly, shift and i take my chance. i knock the gun out of his hands with my foot, bringing it down on David's fingers. He cries out in agony and I twist towards the wall of countless knobs and buttons. I remember it's the green button that I'm supposed to push and i slam my hand down on it, relieved. But it is short lived. A piercing pain stabs through me and scream, my voice filling my ears. David has regained his posture and holds the gun in his hand. The only difference is that one of the bullets is missing from the slots. He shot me. I waste no time and begin to run for the exit. Another stab of agonizing pain from metal ripping through my flesh appears, fresh. He shot me again. I don't even know where the bullet hit me. Suddenly, gas fills the room, dull and gray ironically like the faction it was made from. Out of the corner of my eye I see David slump in his chair. Dark and gray. That's all I can see. My body begins to tingle, a light sensation and the pain begins to fade away. I can't think, at least not about anything in particular. Rapid images flood my mind, of Christina, Will and Al, all of us laughing in the cafeteria, of Tobias on the Ferris wheel, of my mother, whom I will never get to truly know, my loving father and even Caleb. Like the gas, cold and dark, realization strikes. I understand why my consciousness is slipping, and why the pain is fading. I am dying. The thought doesn't scare me and I surprise myself. This time is different from the others. This time I truly understand what sacrifice is. I am dying for my loved ones, out of necessity. I think of Al, how he ended his life because of fear and desperation, and I pity him because why and how he chose to end himself wasn't brave, and it wasn't for the good of anyone. It was weakness. My last thoughts before I fade, prepared to willingly walk into the cold arms of death, are of my mother. She died bravely, sacrificing herself for the good of her loved ones, out of necessity. I am going to die like my mother. A tear escapes my closing eyes and I smile. I smile because I cannot think of a better or braver way to die.
Tobias-
Christina is still talking about a childhood story. Apparently, growing up as a Candor was pretty enjoyable. If there was someone you didn't like you could say any horrible thing to them and no one would care. I carry some of the supplies we brought along and Peter helps. He's different now, not very pleasant but something i can someday learn to respect. As we walk up the grassy hill I can see something has gone wrong, and the others see it too. Cara, pale and frantic races towards us. When she finally reaches us she is struggling to catch her breath but finally manages to regain herself.
" The gas was set off." She says, hunched over. Christina lets out a sigh of relief, and so do I. It all over, at least the hard part. Although I'm relieved i'm still a bit surprised. Part of me didn't think Caleb would be able to pull it off and we would be right back where we started, only much worse.
"That's great! One less problem to deal with now!" Christina says, clapping.
"No. There's… there's more." Cara stands up to face us, obviously struggling with something. There's something important she hasn't told us yet.
" It wasn't Caleb who set it off." Her eyes somberly reach mine. For a moment I'm confused, why wouldn't Caleb go in? Who else would? But the realization of what Cara is trying to say hits me and a growing chill sweeps through my body, paralyzing me.
"Okay, so who did?" Peter asks, finally speaking up.
"Tris…" I say. It barely escapes as an audible whisper. They all turn to look at me.
"Tris?" Christina asks, looking to Cara for confirmation. I don't move, afraid that the smallest gesture will send me off and make the reality of what I'm thinking come true. Of course Tris would go in. But it was more than that. She didn't just go in, otherwise Cara wouldn't look like she was about to say something awful.
"Yes, Tris went in instead. She survived the gas and triggered the gas but David got to her. I'm sorry but, he shot her. Twice. She's still alive, but it doesn't look like… she'll make it." Christina tenses and tears begin to brim the corners of her eyes. I am still paralyzed, but somehow, I am able to take action.
"Tris. Tris!" I yell out, but no answer returns to me. I lunge for the building, nearly stomping over Cara on my way. I rush through the doors and the first thing i see it him. Caleb.
Fear turns to anger as I lunge for him and he screams as i tackle him onto the floor. I begin to strangle him. The only time I pause is when I decide to punch him in the face, hoping that will cause more damage. I am frantic.
"You coward! You worthless piece of trash! You were going to let her die once and now you did again! I will kill you!" I am roaring " I will kill you" over and over again until my throat burns and I feel arms wrapping around mine. I turn to see Zeke and Peter trying to pull me away from Caleb. By the time they manage to, Caleb's face is dripping with blood and covered in bruises. He is swollen and hunched over, trying to keep consciousness. Killing him, I realize, will only tire me out and keep me from Tris so for now, i decide to let him live. For now.
The next thirty minutes or so go by in a blur. Faces that i don't bother trying to put a name to tell me in far away voices that soon, i can see her. I haven't cried since the last time my father beat me, but now the tears emerge and I don't try to stop them. My tris. I'm about to lose her forever, but it seems surreal to me. My first memory of her forms in my mind and i see her, a hunched figure of gray falling through the sky and into the net. She was brave. She is brave. Her petite figure emerges from the net and i take her hand, helping her out of the mesh ropes. Her steady eyes meet mine. At the time I didn't pay much attention to these details, only that a Stiff was First Jumper. I wasn't even First Jumper. The memory puts a faint smile on my face and i realize that it was not the first time i saw her. I had seen her at school and my mother's funeral. Only then, she was just another gray figure unaware of the nightmare I lived in.
"Hey, they said you can go in now." I look up and see Peter leaning against the doorframe of the hallway. I nod and head in the direction he gives me, to where they've put her in the infirmary.
As i walk in to her room, I immediately see her. Her golden brown and blond hair has come loose in the front of her ponytail. Her face looks peaceful, as if she's happy, and it's almost as if she was just calmly sleeping. But the peacefulness stops there. Her right side, to the side of her ribs is bloody and bandaged, and so is the area just below where her stomach would be. This isn't good. She was shot twice, near her lungs and near her stomach and that is very deadly. I remember Cara's words. It doesn't look like she'll make it. Carefully, I take her hand into mine. It is small and soft but, I think with some dull amusement, with a weapon in it can be lethal. I stare at her beautiful face for what seems like ages until i finally manage to croak out a few words.
"Tris. Beatrice Prior. Please, wake up. Don't leave me alone, I...I can't…" My voice begins to crack and once more I feel the rush of tears. " I love you, Tris. You have to wake up." I kiss her hand and hold it. I stay like that. hunched over in the chair next to her bed, for hours until someone pulls me away, telling me to get some rest. The next day I come back. And the next. And the next.
Tris-
Darkness surrounds me. It consumes me. So, I wonder, this is death? There is nothing at all but darkness. Not a sound. No sound of lungs breathing, or blood pumping not even the faintest sound. It is the worst feeling. It doesn't feel like isolation or agony, but something worse. The feeling is nonexistence and I know if i stay here much longer i will go mad. But i will be here much longer. At least forever. I finally hear something. The tiniest echo of a voice and I try to turn around, in any direction, to chase it but i am stuck, unable to move. I hear it again, but this time the sound is much more persistent. It is familiar and welcoming. At first, I think it's my mother, or death itself, calling out to me, trying to embrace me into it's arms. But this voice is low and husky, not high and feminine. I hear it once more before the darkness consumes me and it is gone.
Tobias-
"Tris." Christina pleads. It's no use, there isn't a stir of movement that gives a sign of her being able to hear us. No one visits her much more after that, I supposed they've lost hope but I don't hold that against them. Christina does tell me something on her last visit, however. She tells me of how after she lost Will, Tris told her she would never lose her. She tells me Tris was wrong.
I has been weeks now and Zeke and Hana have made the decision to take Uriah off of life support and we all go to say our goodbyes. The doctors watching over Tris tell me they will leave the decision of "choosing her fate" to me. I tell them that i will never take her off of it.
Today, I go to see her earlier than usual. I hold her hand and simply stare at her blank face. Her hands are soft and warm. I squeeze her hand in mine and she squeezes back. I give a small smile. She always knew when and how to make me feel better. I freeze. I stare down at her hand and a flicker of hope has sparked in me. Did she just squeeze back? My heart is pounding.
"Tris? Tris! Can you hear me?" I am almost shouting with excitement. Her face contorts in confusion and slowly, her eyes open.
"Tobias…" She says quietly."Am, am I dead yet?" She asks, her eyes flickering around the room.
" No you're, you're awake! You're alive, Tris." I say and I am grinning with pure happiness. I call over the doctors and they notify others that she is awake. Christina hears the news and races in crying. Tris. My Tris. She's alive.
Tris-
Tobias fills me in on the situation. He tells me what happened after I lost consciousness and how I was out for weeks. He tells me I am brave and that he loves me and always will. I tell him the same. He tells me about Uriah and thought of him makes me miss him. Sometimes we all go out for a few days on trips, doing things only people who have been in Dauntless would dare to do. We even go zip lining, and Tobias isn't scared anymore. He said that his fear of heights was nothing now compared to what he had felt when I almost died. I build a small memorial for my parents and we make one for Will, Uriah and Tori, too. One night Tobias takes me hiking and under the star filled sky we talk and talk. Eventually that stops because Tobias gets down on one knee and proposes to me. I'm surprised because I didn't expect it to be so soon " Don't you think were a bit.. I don't know… young?" I ask him with a giggle. He replies with a laugh and says "With the way we live I don't think we'll make live much longer." I give him my answer, yes. The wedding isn't too far after that but it is small with only our closest friends. We haven't gotten to even thinking about kids yet but if we have a girl I will name her Natalie to honor my mother. Caleb decided to move away, choosing to find a way to better himself somewhere else. I'm not sure where or when, perhaps back in Abnegation, but he sends us a letter. A suicide letter. He says he has dishonored our family and that our parents would be ashamed of him and that i deserved a better brother than him. I cry for him, we never hear from him again so I don't truly know if he ever did kill himself or decided to live. Everyone is adjusting, David's memory has been erased and Tobias went red and broke one of David's arms while David sat there not knowing what he had done wrong. I'm adjusting well. I choose to continue protecting others and helping out as much as I can. It funny, I think, how I left Abnegation to be braver in dauntless because I had thought i wasn't selfless enough. But now there's no denying that I am a little braver and more selfless than I used to be. I remember thinking how I would never be safe because of my Divergence but really, it helped me. And I am very proud to be Divergent.
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