When it was over they continued to lie next to each other. Draco pulled Asteria closer as she drew circles on his chest with her fingers, kissing the top of her head before closing his eyes to sleep. He was just about to doze off when Asteria sat up next to him. Draco's eyes blinked open, a very distressed looking Asteria emerging from beneath his eyelids.
"What's wrong?" he asked rather harshly. Sex always made him feel insecure. After hours of pleasure spent beneath the sheets the cockiness and cruelty was at a higher level than usual. Asteria looked back at him, her gaze tight and full of sadness. She didn't seem to have noticed his rude tone, or if she had she didn't mention it.
"We can't do this anymore," she whispered while lightly stroking Draco's knee, "we have to stop." Draco's stomach dropped through the floor and the taste of bile filled his mouth. Although they had only been sleeping together for a couple of weeks, and were by no means in love, Draco had come to rely on nights with Asteria as a brief rest from the horrors that filled his life.
"Can't handle it anymore, huh? This time Asteria glared at his words.
"You don't have to be a prat just because you won't be getting laid anymore."
"Not getting laid? Baby every girl in Slytherin is dying for some of this."
Draco gestured to his naked torso with his signature smirk, though on the inside he was willing himself not to cry. It was odd, he thought to himself. He not shed a single tear when he was forced to become a death eater, not when Dumbledore died because of him, not even when he heard his Aunt torturing people in the rooms he played in as child. But now, this girl, this stupid 5th year girl, had him practically on his knees. Asteria seemed to see through him, as she always did, because her gaze softened and she gently reached for his hand. He gazed at their intertwined fingers longingly.
"It's not about the sex," Asteria said while looking right at him. "It was never about the sex and you know it. But I can't stay in the Slytherin common room much longer or I'm going to get myself killed. Besides, I don't want to pretend anymore. I don't believe in this, I want to help the others fight You - Know - Who. And I can't do any of those things if I'm still involved with you."
Draco sighed. He knew she was right. Asteria was known throughout the house for being very accepting of the muggleborns. Before, it was something that merely opened her up to ridicule, but now that the Carrows were at Hogwarts it was different. Asteria had already been beaten up a number of times for not cooperating with orders to carry out Voldemort's ideology. Pretty soon she would have to deal with the consequences of going against her family's beliefs, consequences that would likely result in violence.
"Can't you just pretend to believe it like the other students do?" Draco pleaded, grasping her hand even tighter. The idea of Asteria getting hurt made Draco want to both punch someone and start puking. Asteria looked down at their hands and after a few seconds, pulled away. She slipped out of the huge four poster that Draco had in the private room he had this year. Draco's eyes lingered as her gorgeous body began to disappear under the clothes she was hastily putting on.
"It's wrong Draco and I'm not willing to give up my opinions so that you can shag me whenever you bloody fancy." At this Draco sprung from the bed, and marched in front of her.
"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME?" he shouted.
"What else am I supposed to think? You ignore me ninety percent of the time and expect me to jump for joy whenever you want to hook up again. It's obvious you don't want anyone seeing us together….."
"TO BLOODY PROTECT YOU!" Draco was practically seething now. "SO THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT VOLDEMORT SHOWING UP AT YOUR HOUSE. I'M TRYING TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU, BUT IT'S HARD WHEN YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND LOOKING LIKE THAT!" His eyes wandered up and down her body as he spoke. When he saw the tears in Asteria's eyes his anger fizzled away and a feeling of deep remorse filled him. He pulled her closer and wrapped her in his strong arms.
"I'm sorry I'm such a git. I shouldn't have yelled. I'm just scared that you are going to end up hurt because of me." Asteria looked up at him with a look of complete surprise on her pretty face.
"Why would I get hurt because of you," she stated curiously.
"Maybe because I'm a death eater who spends his holidays doing dirty work for….him, and if he wanted to hurt me the first place he would look is my thoughts." Draco pulled a strand of hair off of her face. "and they are full of you." Asteria closed her eyes as a lone tear leaked out, making a spiraled path off of her chin.
"I don't care what you've done. I don't care about what he has forced you to do, I know you're not evil. I just don't want to be on this side of the fight. If I'm going to die, I'd like to do it fighting for something I believe in."
Draco's heart was both warmed and chilled by this statement. Hearing Asteria's courage caused him to swell with pride, while at the same time he despaired that she was right. They couldn't do this anymore.