Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing
Title: What Might Have Been
Author: Moanda
A Note: I got inspiration for this from the song, "What Might Have Been" sung by Little Texas and written by Porter Howell, Dwayne O'Brien, and Brady Seals. If by some crazy way they end up reading this, I love your song and I hope you won't sue me for using it in my story. ~these represent the lyrics~
What Might Have Been
The stars were bright that night as if hoping for a happier conclusion to the awaiting tribulation. Angel was thrust into a large room where fluorescent lights buzzed loudly. They were a poor substitute for the large stars that shone down from the sky.
Angel scolded himself for being captured. He had been around for two hundred plus years; he should be able smell a trap by now. He didn't have much to think about the several men and nets that captured him before a door leading outside opened. It was on the opposite side that he had entered and a very big surprise. The figure closed the door behind him and crossed the expanse to where Angel stood.
"Wesley."
"Angel."
They each said.
~Sure I think about you know and then
But its been a long long time.
I've got a good life now
I've moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been~
Years of repressed feelings, half-truths, and betrayals bubbled to the surface. For a moment the only sound was the hum of lights, perhaps to acknowledge the differences that transpired over the past seven years.
"I knew we would meet again me someday; I just didn't know it would be today," Wesley said cynically, as if he had just told a joke that Angel didn't get. "I was quite surprised when they told me you were here. I suppose you've gotten a little rusty over the years."
"Last I heard, you were out on the East Coast. Surprising to see you back here in L.A." Angel casually widened his stance. He wasn't sure what would happen, but with this strange twist of events anything seemed possible.
Wesley was much different than the ex-watcher Angel had known and considered his best friend, outside of Cordelia. This other man was much more confident, and rightly so. Once fairly lean, Wesley now looked to have put on a few pounds of muscle that could be seen through the jacket he wore.
Angel, in turn, looked the same- one of the blessings and curses of being a vampire.
"Yes, well, I've been in New York. Shortly after joining the firm, they assigned me to head up a sub-division of Wolfram and Hart there. But now I'm back. Being promoted, actually, to Senior Partner. I'll be leaving soon, though, after the rather extravagant ceremony for me." Whereas the old Wesley would never brag, this new man seemed to do it with gusto.
"Seems like you've yourself a good life," Angel commented as he paced a few feet to the right.
Wesley just turned to face the vampire with an air of confidence that suited him well. "I'm sure you have also. It's been a while, but last I checked, Connor had joined forces with you to fight evil and you were in Las Vegas trying to steal Cordelia back from the Powers That Be."
Angel lowered his gaze to the floor when Wesley said Cordelia's name.
Wesley added, "Fred and Gunn were still the happy couple," in a low voice so that Angel couldn't make out the words. But what Angel did hear was the hurt and anger - Wesley's first sign of emotion all night.
Angel looked back up to meet Wesley's gaze. Calmly, he started, "I am very grateful that my son and I have worked through our problems. I get to see him everyday watch him grow into a very good man." Angel paused, then continued, "I failed to 'steal' Cordy back from the powers. But she visits me when they let her, which isn't very often," he said quietly.
"After the accident, Connor and I stumbled across Ryder. He has the visions and he's really smart too."
"Killing two birds with one stone," Wesley interrupted. He was very smug even though he didn't know what Angel had meant by 'the accident.' Wesley expected Angel to continue telling about the gang.
When Angel saw Wesley waiting, he asked, "What?"
"What?" Wesley echoed. "What about the rest of the gang?"
Angel gave him a confused look, but proceeded to give a run-down of old AI members. "Well, Cordelia's up wherever, Lorne's in Las Vegas working of his second album, and Ryder, Connor, and me are here at Angel Investigations."
"But what about..." Wesley stopped when he saw the recognition on Angel's face.
Softly, Angel asked, "You don't know do you?"
Wes just answered with his own confused look.
Angel started, but then stopped. He apparently didn't know what to say. "I guess I'll just say it," he paused briefly." Gunn's dead.
Wesley absorbed the news without changing his expression at all, a necessity in his line of work. After all he'd seen, hardly anything shocked him. He had become cold and detached inside. But this DID shock him, deeply.
Angel continued, "About three years ago. It was a group of vampires. They ambushed him and Fred."
Angel saw Wesley flinch when he said Fred's name. It betrayed his still active feelings for her. "She's okay. She's in Texas with her parents. You call her. I'm sure she'd love to talk. I can give you her number.
Wesley suddenly returned to his earlier visage. "Why would I want to do that? My past is dead." He was cold and distant.
"It doesn't have to be that way..." but Wesley cut him off.
"No, you don't understand. I lost the girl. I lost the job. And I almost lost my life." He laughed suddenly, "But Wolfram and Hart gave me a new life." Wesley sobered and said, "Most of all, though, I lost my family and that hurt more than I thought was possible to bear by one being. But I guess you would know a little something about that.
"You see, we're opposites. You were a vampire and did evil until you were cursed with a soul to redeem yourself. I spent most of my life believing that I could make a difference. Then I realized it didn't make a difference one way or the other. It all ends up the same. I just have more fun now."
"We're not opposites," Angel protested. "You have the chance to redeem yourself NOW. Leave Wolfram and Hart and come back to Angel Investigations with me. It's not been the same without you. There's still time."
"No!" Wesley yelled, his emotional wall shattering around him. "We are not the same! Do you want to know the real difference between us?" He asked not waiting for a response. "All the horrible things I've done, the unspeakable pains I've caused, I did them all knowing they were wrong. And for that, I will never be forgiven..." he paused, "But you will be. And that is the difference."
~We could sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes they might be the best days
We will never know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been~
They stood, not knowing what to say next. Angel wanted to say something of comfort to his friend, but didn't know what, so they stood in complete silence. The fluorescent lights buzzed again. Wesley had made it abundantly clear he wanted nothing to do with AI, but Angel still didn't want to give up.
"Wesley, I want you to come back with me," Angel spoke quietly. "I want my son to know the good man that his Uncle Wesley is. The past can be forgiven."
The look on Angel's face made Wesley remember back to a better time. Before the fancy corner office. Before the big pay check. Before he had let himself be misled into betraying his friends. Wes was happy then. Not the pretend feelings he showed for his superiors and colleagues, but actual happiness. He wished so badly to go back. To erase the past eight years and be happy again. But no. It HAD been eight years. There was no walking away from the eternal evil that dictated his life now. No, it was too late for him, but there was a bit of good he could still do.
Wesley headed toward the door he had entered at the beginning of the rendezvous, motioning Angel to follow him. Angel did so and was quietly led outside. They walked a few yards away from the building. Away from the artificial lights. Out into the open night with the magnificent starry sky shining down on them.
"Leave," Wesley commanded.
"You're just letting me go?"
"Yes."
"Come with me."
"I can't."
There was a definitive tone in Wesley's voice. Angel knew there was no arguing.
"Leave," Wesley said again.
~That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away
And try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been~
As Wesley walked away, Angel spoke, "Wes, would this have happened if I'd had the courage to forgive you instead of turning my back on you all those years ago?"
Turning, Wesley answered, "I don't know. I guess we'll never know what might have been."
~NO, WE'LL NEVER KNOW
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN~
Title: What Might Have Been
Author: Moanda
A Note: I got inspiration for this from the song, "What Might Have Been" sung by Little Texas and written by Porter Howell, Dwayne O'Brien, and Brady Seals. If by some crazy way they end up reading this, I love your song and I hope you won't sue me for using it in my story. ~these represent the lyrics~
What Might Have Been
The stars were bright that night as if hoping for a happier conclusion to the awaiting tribulation. Angel was thrust into a large room where fluorescent lights buzzed loudly. They were a poor substitute for the large stars that shone down from the sky.
Angel scolded himself for being captured. He had been around for two hundred plus years; he should be able smell a trap by now. He didn't have much to think about the several men and nets that captured him before a door leading outside opened. It was on the opposite side that he had entered and a very big surprise. The figure closed the door behind him and crossed the expanse to where Angel stood.
"Wesley."
"Angel."
They each said.
~Sure I think about you know and then
But its been a long long time.
I've got a good life now
I've moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been~
Years of repressed feelings, half-truths, and betrayals bubbled to the surface. For a moment the only sound was the hum of lights, perhaps to acknowledge the differences that transpired over the past seven years.
"I knew we would meet again me someday; I just didn't know it would be today," Wesley said cynically, as if he had just told a joke that Angel didn't get. "I was quite surprised when they told me you were here. I suppose you've gotten a little rusty over the years."
"Last I heard, you were out on the East Coast. Surprising to see you back here in L.A." Angel casually widened his stance. He wasn't sure what would happen, but with this strange twist of events anything seemed possible.
Wesley was much different than the ex-watcher Angel had known and considered his best friend, outside of Cordelia. This other man was much more confident, and rightly so. Once fairly lean, Wesley now looked to have put on a few pounds of muscle that could be seen through the jacket he wore.
Angel, in turn, looked the same- one of the blessings and curses of being a vampire.
"Yes, well, I've been in New York. Shortly after joining the firm, they assigned me to head up a sub-division of Wolfram and Hart there. But now I'm back. Being promoted, actually, to Senior Partner. I'll be leaving soon, though, after the rather extravagant ceremony for me." Whereas the old Wesley would never brag, this new man seemed to do it with gusto.
"Seems like you've yourself a good life," Angel commented as he paced a few feet to the right.
Wesley just turned to face the vampire with an air of confidence that suited him well. "I'm sure you have also. It's been a while, but last I checked, Connor had joined forces with you to fight evil and you were in Las Vegas trying to steal Cordelia back from the Powers That Be."
Angel lowered his gaze to the floor when Wesley said Cordelia's name.
Wesley added, "Fred and Gunn were still the happy couple," in a low voice so that Angel couldn't make out the words. But what Angel did hear was the hurt and anger - Wesley's first sign of emotion all night.
Angel looked back up to meet Wesley's gaze. Calmly, he started, "I am very grateful that my son and I have worked through our problems. I get to see him everyday watch him grow into a very good man." Angel paused, then continued, "I failed to 'steal' Cordy back from the powers. But she visits me when they let her, which isn't very often," he said quietly.
"After the accident, Connor and I stumbled across Ryder. He has the visions and he's really smart too."
"Killing two birds with one stone," Wesley interrupted. He was very smug even though he didn't know what Angel had meant by 'the accident.' Wesley expected Angel to continue telling about the gang.
When Angel saw Wesley waiting, he asked, "What?"
"What?" Wesley echoed. "What about the rest of the gang?"
Angel gave him a confused look, but proceeded to give a run-down of old AI members. "Well, Cordelia's up wherever, Lorne's in Las Vegas working of his second album, and Ryder, Connor, and me are here at Angel Investigations."
"But what about..." Wesley stopped when he saw the recognition on Angel's face.
Softly, Angel asked, "You don't know do you?"
Wes just answered with his own confused look.
Angel started, but then stopped. He apparently didn't know what to say. "I guess I'll just say it," he paused briefly." Gunn's dead.
Wesley absorbed the news without changing his expression at all, a necessity in his line of work. After all he'd seen, hardly anything shocked him. He had become cold and detached inside. But this DID shock him, deeply.
Angel continued, "About three years ago. It was a group of vampires. They ambushed him and Fred."
Angel saw Wesley flinch when he said Fred's name. It betrayed his still active feelings for her. "She's okay. She's in Texas with her parents. You call her. I'm sure she'd love to talk. I can give you her number.
Wesley suddenly returned to his earlier visage. "Why would I want to do that? My past is dead." He was cold and distant.
"It doesn't have to be that way..." but Wesley cut him off.
"No, you don't understand. I lost the girl. I lost the job. And I almost lost my life." He laughed suddenly, "But Wolfram and Hart gave me a new life." Wesley sobered and said, "Most of all, though, I lost my family and that hurt more than I thought was possible to bear by one being. But I guess you would know a little something about that.
"You see, we're opposites. You were a vampire and did evil until you were cursed with a soul to redeem yourself. I spent most of my life believing that I could make a difference. Then I realized it didn't make a difference one way or the other. It all ends up the same. I just have more fun now."
"We're not opposites," Angel protested. "You have the chance to redeem yourself NOW. Leave Wolfram and Hart and come back to Angel Investigations with me. It's not been the same without you. There's still time."
"No!" Wesley yelled, his emotional wall shattering around him. "We are not the same! Do you want to know the real difference between us?" He asked not waiting for a response. "All the horrible things I've done, the unspeakable pains I've caused, I did them all knowing they were wrong. And for that, I will never be forgiven..." he paused, "But you will be. And that is the difference."
~We could sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes they might be the best days
We will never know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been~
They stood, not knowing what to say next. Angel wanted to say something of comfort to his friend, but didn't know what, so they stood in complete silence. The fluorescent lights buzzed again. Wesley had made it abundantly clear he wanted nothing to do with AI, but Angel still didn't want to give up.
"Wesley, I want you to come back with me," Angel spoke quietly. "I want my son to know the good man that his Uncle Wesley is. The past can be forgiven."
The look on Angel's face made Wesley remember back to a better time. Before the fancy corner office. Before the big pay check. Before he had let himself be misled into betraying his friends. Wes was happy then. Not the pretend feelings he showed for his superiors and colleagues, but actual happiness. He wished so badly to go back. To erase the past eight years and be happy again. But no. It HAD been eight years. There was no walking away from the eternal evil that dictated his life now. No, it was too late for him, but there was a bit of good he could still do.
Wesley headed toward the door he had entered at the beginning of the rendezvous, motioning Angel to follow him. Angel did so and was quietly led outside. They walked a few yards away from the building. Away from the artificial lights. Out into the open night with the magnificent starry sky shining down on them.
"Leave," Wesley commanded.
"You're just letting me go?"
"Yes."
"Come with me."
"I can't."
There was a definitive tone in Wesley's voice. Angel knew there was no arguing.
"Leave," Wesley said again.
~That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away
And try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been~
As Wesley walked away, Angel spoke, "Wes, would this have happened if I'd had the courage to forgive you instead of turning my back on you all those years ago?"
Turning, Wesley answered, "I don't know. I guess we'll never know what might have been."
~NO, WE'LL NEVER KNOW
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN~