Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, other than the fanfictions I base off of them, and I also do not own this song. The real song is called 'Lucy' by Skillet but I thought it'd make sense as an Ayame x Koga story and be sadly adorable.
Author Note: This is just a one-shot, even though I hate doing them. Not very good because it was just thrown together. Some parts are flashbacks, if you're confused.
Ayame
"I love you." Ayame whispered as she gently turned the sparkling diamond ring on her finger. The band was silver, because she never liked gold since she was a kid. I, of all people, would know this because we've been dating ever since Kindergarten when we threw rocks at each other in pure anger and hatred.
I smiled down at her as her eyes sparkled with the ring, better than any diamond could sparkle, and her fire colored hair poured all over the place. She was cuddled up against me on the couch of our new apartment that we finally had enough money to buy and still attend college. The television was on but we weren't watching it at all. At my side was the most beautiful girl and the best thing to watch: my fiancée.
"I love you too." I replied even though it wasn't necessary. Of course I loved her. I'd been telling her that since forever. Neither of us needed to say it, we just knew. Yet there was that aching to get out like the other guys and hop to a new girl, something fresh. I wonder if she felt the same way sometimes, but I doubted it.
Ayame could make friends with anybody. That's just how she was. She'd go somewhere and smile at somebody and she'd automatically brighten their day and make a friend. Plenty of guys would try to make a move on her but her fiery spirit kept them from getting far. She didn't care or want any of them, even though there were millions who tried to sweep her off her feet.
Life was perfect… then Kagome moved in to go to college, starting late. We immediately started talking and became good friends and things just happened after that. Before I knew it, I was bringing her home on days while Ayame was working as a waitress at the club. Kagome knew about Ayame, but Ayame had no idea about Kagome… at least for a while.
One day while Kagome was at my place I had this sickening feeling in my stomach but I ignored it. I figured it was guilt, since I felt that a lot nowadays. You couldn't be with somebody for fifteen years and not feel guilty about cheating on them… yet I loved her too much to dump her.
I was kissing over a naked Kagome when I heard the door fling open and my head lifted up to look at the door, from my place on the couch. Ayame was standing in the doorway in a jean miniskirt, brown leggings, knee-high brown ugg boots, brown tank top, and jean jacket with a fluffy white scarf. The smile I knew she had on when she first opened the door was gone, and soon after so was she.
I will never forget how broken she looked.
"I need my stuff." She whispered. Even her voice sounded broken. Her normally tanned complexion was pale white and her eyes were dull and lifeless. It was like I was looking at a dead girl. Even her hair seemed to have lost its bounce, shine, and loose curls at the ends.
"Ayame…" I said desperately but I knew there was nothing I could say. Why should I deserve to stop her and have her after doing this to her, behind her back, for months. I followed her back to our bedroom. She wouldn't even cry.
She messily threw as much articles of clothing and shoes as she could before zipping up the suitcase and standing in front of me. She paused, looking down at her hand for a minute, before slipping off the ring and giving me this smile that completely tore my heart apart. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes and threatening to fall, but I'd never see her cry.
"This is yours… I'll be back for my other clothes…. You can keep everything else, it's nothing I need." She replied before grabbing the handle of the rolling suitcase and wheeling past my body – which was in nothing but boxer briefs – with her eyes on the floor as she got to the door.
Her body was shaking as she stepped outside of the door and closed it behind her. Kagome even had the nerve to say, "Well I'm open for the position of your fiancée now that she's outta the picture" while she was still in earshot distance.
"I think you need to leave Kagome." I ran my fingers through my hair.
Ayame P.O.V.
With my heart shattered into a million pieces I left the apartment with what little dignity I had left and ventured into the pouring ice-cold rain. How could I have been so stupid to not realize he was cheating on me? But of all times, why did it have to be on our sixteen year anniversary? Fifteen years of being kids who thought they were in love but were just love-drunk and blinded by the fact that it wasn't real.
Yet if it wasn't real, why the hell did it hurt so much? I tried starting my car but the damned thing was refusing to start. With a sigh I got my suitcase back out and wheeled it along with me as I walked along the path of the sidewalk. This had to be God making me do the walk of shame. And he should, since I had been such a fool.
She was a pretty girl and if she made Koga happy that was all that mattered. Sure my life had just crashed head-first off of a towering cliff and into pointy rocks at the bottom and yeah my heart felt like it was made of glass and somebody had just dropped a ten ton weight on it and of course I couldn't stop shaking from the fact that I was mentally breaking down but he was happy. He still could have ended it before he resorted to cheating, though.
With slumped shoulders and feet that felt like they were at least five-hundred pounds each I made my way across the street. I turned my head when I heard somebody screaming my name. Looking at the boy only made me hurt more. Talk about having millions of needles sticking through your body, this was just a sucker punch to the face.
"You and you're bitch can both drop dead!" Kagome screamed nastily as she shuffled into her car on the cold, rainy, pre-winter night. The chilling night was ice in my veins and snow in my heart. It was the kind of weather when you're nose, cheeks, and ears instantly turn pink. I didn't care what she said about me, I was already too hurt to feel anymore pain.
"Ayame, baby, let me drive you. Please. It's cold and raining and somebody will find you and rape you or kill you or something." Koga called out to me.
I wish I could have said something back, but I could no longer talk. I couldn't move either. My throat was dried up and even though I wanted to say something, my mouth wouldn't open. My feet were glued to the road. There was no way in hell I was going around him. I didn't mind the weather; I was too numb and depressed to feel it. I could barely see him even though he was five feet away.
"Ayame! Damn it! Get the hell off the road, there's fucking headlights!"Koga yelled like he was angry at me. None of it made any connection to me at all. I didn't move.
Koga P.O.V.
She spent almost two years in a comatose state before she died. At least, that's what the doctors said. They were wrong. Ayame died the minute she walked in that apartment door. Everything I ever loved at her was gone, she was gone. I was the one who died on that dreary night late into summer. There was no chance of survival for her.
I hit my knees as soon as I reached her grave. I didn't feel anything as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't catch my breath; it came out in these pathetic gasps. I could barely contain the guilt that was taking over my body as I touched her grave, remembering how all of this was my fault. If it weren't for me, she would still be alive.
Hey Ayame I remember you're name,
Left a dozen roses on your grave today.
I'm in the grass on my knees,
Wipe the leaves away,
I just came to take for a while,
There's some things I need to say.
With trembling fingers I managed to drop the roses in front of the grey tombstone. I wasn't sure if I had blinked since I ended up there. I missed her so much that I didn't know what to do with my life. Maybe that's why they put me in a mental institution. I wasn't insane, I was suicidal.
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her,
I'd give up all the world to see,
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me,
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her,
I've gotta live with the choices I've made,
And I can't live with myself today.
The numb, guilty, sensation that consumed by body ever since that night had scarred my life. I had been so stupid, seemingly brain dead, to let the best thing – that I ever had, period – go. All those days I spent in the hospital sleeping by her bed, clinging onto the life I knew was no longer in her, had taken the best of me. It was pretty obvious everybody hated me.
At least they had hated me. Then I wound up in this mental institution and it wasn't hatred anymore but pathetic pity. The majority of people believed I deserved to be unstable after doing something so horrible to a girl who had always been nice. She would help anybody, no matter how they treated her. She had been voted friendliest since pre-school and we had been the cutest couple for senior sweethearts.
The most heartbreaking part was that she would have been 24 today, but never got to live that long. Ayame Leigh Wind only managed to live out 22 years of her life before Death blackened it and took her away.
Hey Ayame I remember your birthday,
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name,
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance,
But all I got are these roses to give,
And they can't help me make amends.
I remembered the day I gave her the engagement ring. She was brighter than anything I'd ever seen before. She glowed like some sort of angel. I could still picture that gorgeous smile, the pearly white one that could blind a person. I could still picture those eyes, brighter than I had ever seen them before. I could still see her hair looking picture-perfect with loose curls at the bottom.
She was in her tight blue jeans (that had that slight flare at the bottom) and a tight white shirt that exposed some of her belly, covered up with a light tan jacket. She never believed in closing any coats or jackets she wore, it wasn't her style. The trees were golden, brown, orange, and pale green. It was a sure sign of the fall season.
It was her eighteenth birthday.
"I always use to dread my birthdays, up until now." She smiled as she tried the ring on her finger. She had this habit of constantly looking or touching it. Even when she didn't notice it she would absent-mindedly play with it.
She had a good reason to hate her birthdays. Something bad always happened. The day she was born, her mother died. Her fifth birthday, her dad died. Her seventh birthday, her grandmother died. Her tenth birthday, her grandfather was placed in a home with personal care. Her thirteenth birthday, her best friend moved away. Her sixteenth birthday, we broke up (it only lasted three days but it destroyed her, and me). Her eighteenth birthday, she almost got kidnapped while leaving work. Her twenty first birthday, I started cheating on her.
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her,
I'd give up all the world to see,
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me,
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her,
I've gotta live with the choices I've made,
And I can't live with myself today.
I remember the night we first moved into our apartment. We thought it was the greatest place on Earth, our own little Utopia. Unfortunately there were problems in paradise. Between a broken air conditioner in blistering heat, rusted pipes, and torn up carpet/walls it wasn't as amazing as we first thought. Then there was the time Ayame flooded the place by starting tub water and laying down until the bathtub would be filled, only to fall asleep.
She apologized forever. And, as run-down as it was, it was still our own little place. It was where we could live together in privacy and feel like a grown-up couple. It was that moment when we finally realized we weren't kids anymore – it was much, much more serious – and we would spend our lives together forever, and always. At least, we thought.
There were more nights than I could count where we'd just cuddle together on the couch, her on my lap and her head on my chest, while I kept my arms wrapped around her and we'd fall asleep like that. Nothing could ever replace the feeling of her in my arms. I had no doubt, not once, about my love for her. That's why I cheated instead of breaking up and things got carried away.
Nothing with Kagome could ever erase or beat the feeling when I was with her…
Here we are, now you're in my arms,
I never wanted anything so bad,
Here we are for a brand new start,
Living the life that we could've had.
"I love it when you hold my hand." Ayame giggled as we walked together on her twenty-first birthday, in the early morning. The sun was a orange/golden color and highlighted everything. She was in this grey – conserving but sexy and clingy – plain grey off-the-shoulder dress that made her figure seem impossibly perfect and ankle-high fashionable suede grey boots.
Besides her incredible personality, Ayame had a knack for fashion. She picked out all my clothes and dressed me, because I have zero fashion sense. I have intelligence and athleticism, not fashion sense. Her layered hair was straight, the ends curling in towards her face.
"I love everything about you and when I'm with you." I smiled back at her and slightly bumped her. She giggled and bumped me back.
"Even when I use the words 'goober' and 'simpleton'?" she questioned, her smile never fading as she spoke and we stopped.
I grabbed her other hand as well and looked into her mesmerizing eyes. I replied before dropping her hands and grabbing her face, pulling her towards me to kiss her, "Especially when you use 'goober' and 'simpleton'."
Yet later that night I got drunk and the cheating began.
Me and Ayame walking hand in hand,
Me and Ayame never wanna end,
Just another moment in your eyes,
I'll see you in another life in Heaven,
Where we never say goodbye.
"Tell me again that you love me." Ayame mumbled as she traced invisible hearts on my chest as we laid in bed. I could feel her silk nightgown against my skin as well as her soft skin that felt just as silky. I turned my head to look at my fiancée who turned large, innocent green eyes up at me.
She was too innocent and sweet to resist. "I love you."
"Do you mean it?" her small voice asked.
"Always and forever." I whispered as I reached a hand to brush some of her messy hair out of her face.
"Then say it again." She urged.
"I love you."
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her,
I'd give up all the world to see,
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me,
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her,
I've gotta live with the choices I've made,
And I can't live with myself today.
"To a new year, but an old love!" One of our many friends cheered and we all raised our cups of alcohol. It was obvious that the toast was to me and my girl. She giggled and clung to my side as we drank down the remainder of what was in our cups and kissed.
"By the way," I bent down to whisper in her ear, "you're killing me with that Santa Baby look."
She smiled and raised an eyebrow before doing a little spin to give me a full view of the outfit, like I hadn't seen it already. She gestured to her attire: a lacey white corset that showed off a little bit of her belly, a red mini skirt, knee-high white nylon-leggings, sexy red heels, and a Santa hat. "Hmm, you like?"
"No way… I love." I smirked and wrapped her up in my arms, pulling her against my body. She had chosen plain blue jeans and a red tee (that exposed my fit figure) for me. She had also managed to force me into a Santa hat.
Somebody yelled out "COUNTDOWN!" and the crowd simultaneously counted "Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… ONE!"
Before she could say the 'one' I drew her against my body again and passionately kissed her. She threw her arms around my neck and I felt her lips pull back, smiling against my lips, and making me smile too.
Here we are now you're in my arms,
Here we are for a brand new start,
I got to live with the choices I've made,
And I can't live with myself today.
"This will be like all those sweet romance movies." Ayame pointed out as I grabbed her hand. Let's just say she was killing me in that lime green and black zebra print barely-there bikini. Her long, thick hair was messily thrown up into this cute messy bun.
"I didn't think you liked romance movies." I questioned as I kicked through the warm sand with her as the sun disappeared below the horizon.
"I don't. They're pathetic and ridiculous. But it's cute because it's us. And the romance between us is good, no matter how pathetic and sappy it may seem." She shrugged.
"Awl how sweet… the two of us walking and having fun on the beach with this romantic scenario. How absolutely perfectttt." I sighed with sarcasm.
"Karma is going to get you for being such a smartass." She pointed out.
"Hasn't yet." I shrugged.
"Well if she won't then I will." She said breezily and, before I knew it, I was flying over a slick foot and face-first towards the sandy ground. Luckily I turned my face and closed my eyes because sand in my eyes, nose, and mouth didn't sound very pleasant.
"I'm so going smack your ass for that!" I yelled out.
"Koga, we're in public!" She said as she blushed but still held her smile. Before turning around and taking off, leaving me in the dust, she added, "And you have to catch me first!"
Me and Ayame walking hand in hand,
Me and Ayame never wanna end,
I've got to live with the choices I've made,
And I can't live with myself today.
I wished the authorities wouldn't have gotten involved and sent me to an institution. I wish my failed suicide attempt would be successful. I had nothing to live for with my entire life in a different place. I couldn't go back in time, but I couldn't wait to die to be with her again. She had been faithful, perfect to me ever since once upon a time and I did her wrong.
I killed her.
Maybe not physically, but mentally. Emotionally I had tortured and killed her within those months she didn't know about and those seconds she witnessed. And now that she was gone physically, too, I couldn't make things better with her.
"Are you ready to go Koga?" my vigil keeper asked.
"No…" I mumbled. I wanted to go, out of this life, but I didn't want to go from her grave. I would stay here as long as I possibly could. Ayame Leigh Wind, I love you.
Hey Ayame I remember your name…