Author's Notes: Yes, there are spoilers from Toy Story 3 here so if you have not seen the movie then don't read this. Any way, I totally support this pairing but don't throw bricks at me. BuzzxWoody has become more popular since the third movie came out...more BROMANCE PLZ! I have found out that I am not the only one who supports these two together. That aside, enjoy the story and please don't flame me...do not appreciate that. Remember you click the mouse...not me.
Pairing: Woody x Buzz(slash)
Warning: Some depression from Woody, AU and boyxboy love.
Lost
Chapter One: That Feeling
It was something that he knew would come to him one day. That lonely feelings, that hole that grew in his heart over the years. He was a toy but he knew that he had a heart or he would not be able to feel such things as happiness, sadness and anger. This feeling was complicated and it was something that he wish he did not feel. Yet, the old cowboy toy was not alone and had so many friends around him. How could he possibly feel lonely or sad?
Woody knew that Andy would one day leave them but at least he got those years with him. That wasn't the thing that was upsetting the man so much, it was the fact that so many of his friends were gone. What really hit home was when Bo-Peep left, he cared for her greatly and wished he could have hid her so she could have stayed. There was Jessy but she was not interested in him and he learned that quickly. Even with his friends around the cowboy doll sat all alone a lot of the time. The others began to realize this after Andy had left them all with the little girl Bonny.
He was played with more that he had been in years but his heart still urned for something that was not there. Something that was no longer tangible and it ate at the very core of his being. Woody sat on a widow sill in Bonnie's room and looked out over the horizon as the golden sun bid goodnight. It would be another night that he would fall asleep there and wake up just the same. He let out a sigh realizing that he did not find the happiness that he was looking for. Sure he was happy that Bonnie loved him so, but there was always that hole in his heart. It was a void that nothing could ever fill.
Woody shifted slightly when he heard footsteps behind him getting closer with each moment. He was really not in the mood to be bothered and did not bother to look to see who it was. No one seemed to care before but all of a sudden someone had to intrude on his silence. His plastic features contorted in aggravation as he realized whoever was there was not leaving. He was sure that if he said nothing they would grow bored and eventually leave him be.
"Woody?" A familiar voice questioned.
The cowboy's features grew calm and he sighed still not turning his head.
"What's been going on? You have been sitting in this window every night...alone?"
"Buzz...I just want to be alone."
"Every night? Every waking chance when Bonnie isn't around?" The space ranger toy questioned very confused.
"Yes, is there a problem with that?"
"Well, yes...everyone is trying to figure out what's the matter with you. This isn't like you...I would know."
"What would you know Buzz?"
The last words that left Woody's lips were literally hissed out in anger. Buzz became rather upset with the way his friend was acting, it just wasn't like him. He was always worried about the others and sticking together. Now he was sitting alone and avoiding everyone who tried to talk to him or tried to be with him. The space ranger furrowed his brow and decided to answer the question himself.
"I know you are my friend and that these toys believe in you and are worried about you. I know that you would do anything to keep us together and protect us. But what I don't understand is why all of a sudden now you seem to be distancing yourself." Buzz explained.
"Things change...and are never the same." Woody answered flatly.
"Woody there are somethings that don't have to change. Like our friendship and the family that we are all a part of."
"I wish to be alone now."
"Please, talk to me."
"I want to be alone now." Woody grew a bit more stern.
"Listen I'm not leaving until you talk to me."
"Fine! I'm lonely...okay? Is that good enough for you?"
Woody grew calm again and just stared out the window at the now dark and cloudy sky. It was a fitting picture for the type of mood that was set. A stormy night was the perfect medium for the way he felt. He heard Buzz shift his weight but did not leave.
"Lonely? How can you possibly be lonely? We have everything here. A little girl who will care for us, love us and play with us. We have each other and..."
"You have each other..." Woody said cutting Buzz off mid-sentence.
"What?"
"All of you have someone...I'm all alone. You will never understand."
Buzz was confused by the cowboy's words but then after a few minutes he put it all together. Woody was upset because he was all 'alone' in a sense and no one seemed to see that. The space ranger toy took a seat next to his friend but saw he was looking away from him.
"Woody...she had to move on. It was the best for her." Buzz said with a sigh.
"Who?" Woody questioned pretending not to know what he was talking about.
"Bo-Peep. She moved on so that she could have a better life with a new owner."
"I know...its just I never knew it would be like this."
"No one ever said it was easy cowboy."
"Yeah, for me."
"Woody."
"No, its so easy for you!"
Woody got to his feet and turned to his fellow toy with a look of anger on his face. Buzz also got to his feet taken a back by the other man's sudden aggression toward him. He put his hands up letting him know that he did not want confrontation.
"You will never know how I feel! You'll always have it easy but I will always have to fight for everything!" Woody yelled.
"Woody what are you talking about, you aren't making any sense?" Buzz questioned very puzzled with the whole situation.
"Of course, let me spell it out for you. You and Jessy are really great 'friends' huh? Really close. What about me? I've always cared about everyone else but when will it finally be me? Will I ever cut a break?"
"Woody I..."
"No! No because I am who I am. Just a plain old cowboy doll...I'm nothing special. I've lost...I've lost...something that isn't there anymore. How could I ever...compete with you...I didn't stand a chance...not even a ghost of a chance."
The depressed toy began to walk away from his bewildered friend lowering his head in sadness.
"Woody I never knew." Buzz said sympathetically.
"She see's something in you that she doesn't in me. She can't see me for who I am because...I have nothing left. Nothing..." Woody said trying to hold back the tears of a toy in pain.
Buzz could see his pain and walked over trying to think of something he could say to ease his friend. The cowboy doll only walked ahead and jumped up hoisting himself onto a shelf. He turned his back to his friend and remained that way without another word. For the first time the other toy did not know what to do to help his friend. Even though his heart would not let him he turned around and began to walk away from Woody. He turned his head back again before jumping down to the floor.
"I'm sorry Woody. I really am." He almost whispered.
Little did they know that Jessie was in hiding listening to the whole thing. She hung her head low feeling really bad for Woody. It never occurred to her that what Buzz and her had would affect him in such a way. Why did Bo-Peep have to leave? The answer would not soothe the broken cowboy so it did not matter. The room grew dark as Bonnie tucked in for the night but was unable to find Woody only finding Buzz and the others. Night overtook the daytime and the others began to really worry about the cowboy, especially a certain space ranger.
Daycare was the period of time that Bonnie was not around the house and the toys could be among each other freely. Still, despite this Woody was nowhere to be seen or heard from. The others grew increasingly worried but the one with the most concern was Buzz. Everyone searched for him but after hours of looking all over the house and out in the backyard they gave up. Buzz did not, it was unlike Woody to ever abandon them because it was just out of character. He knew that the man had to be somewhere but was depressed and hiding. He was hiding because he did not want the others to see him in such a way. The cowboy doll had always presented himself as a leader and strong willed. It was not exactly a pride issue but more of a concern for the others. He did not want his friends to concern themselves with his problems and worries.
Yet, Buzz was different and wanted to help his friend in any way he could. Woody had always been there and now he wanted to be there for him. Buzz continued to search and heard a sound from behind Bonnie's dresser. He peeked behind and saw the familiar cloth form with his knees to his chest and face hidden in his arms. The space ranger managed to fit himself in the space between the wall and the dresser making his way to his depressed friend. He kneeled down beside Woody to hear that he was crying but it was barely audible. It shocked the ranger because he had never seen or heard the man cry before. He softly put a hand on the cowboy doll's shoulder and gave him a gentle pat.
"Woody, don't cry. It will all work out in the end...you'll see. It will be all right." Buzz said kindly and softly.
"You don't understand...I always have to be strong for everyone. I don't know if I can anymore...I'm too frayed for that." Woody cried softly.
"Woody, you don't have to do that. You need to take care of yourself now and think about you."
"Its too late for that."
"That isn't true and you know it."
"Buzz, what did I do wrong?"
The man turned to him with tears streaming down his plastic cheeks and eyes full of woe. Buzz tensed at the sight and felt helpless watching his friend literally curl in on himself. He dropped to his knees and just tried mulling over in his mind what happened to cause all of this. Then he thought: Is this my fault?
"This is all my fault." Buzz said to himself.
"No, the last thing I need is for you to start blaming yourself. Please...don't."
"How did this happen?"
"I don't know...but please...don't blame yourself."
"Oh Woody...I hate seeing you like this. It just hurts me."
"I'm sorry...that is why I hid here. I didn't want anyone to find me and worry."
"What can I do to help?"
"There is nothing you can do...I guess that I have to somehow get over it and work it out myself."
"You can't deal with this alone. You need someone here to help you...you need help Woody."
"Help with what?"
"Trying to cope with this depression."
"I would rather you didn't"
Woody wiped away the tears and regained his composure not wanting his friend to feel the need to do anymore.
"Why don't you want me to help? Does this still have to do with Jessie and me? Are you angry with me?"
"Yes, I mean no...I mean ughhh you wouldn't understand Buzz."
"Maybe I could try to comprehend even a small amount of this if you would talk to me. I mean, hiding it all inside isn't going to make me understand it any better."
"I...I can't."
"Why not?"
"I told you, you wouldn't understand! Now drop it!"
Woody's words stung like a thorn that had gone in and broke the skin. Buzz winced at the anger in his friends voice and decided to let it go for the time being. He turned and walked away but said something beneath his breath as he did.
"It's only because I care about you Woody. That is why I won't drop it."
