R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.
I have a horse name Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Don't spell part backwards.
It's a trap.
I saw and ad for burial plots and thought to myself, that's the last thing I need.
Don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
I'm glad I know sign language.
It's pretty handy.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Thanks for explaining the word 'many' to me.
It means a lot.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Don't worry, he woke up.
Daredevil walked into a bar.
And a table, and a chair.
I just wrote a song about tortillas - actually it's more of a rap.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.
Does that mean 1 enjoys it?
My math teacher called me average.
How mean!
A book fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't enjoy fast food.
What do you have to do to have a party in space?
You have to planet.
How do trees access the Internet?
They log in.
This morning a clown opened a door for me.
It was a nice jester.
Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
How do prisoners call each other?
Cell phones.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
I used to be a banker.
Then I lost interest.
Justice is a dish best served cold because if it was warm it would be justwater.
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own?
It was two tired.
I hate insect puns.
They really bug me.
