This is my first twilight Fanfic, so please be gentle.
Preface
I could still hear her soft sobs in this quiet room, echoing through it like a church bell. I could hear her calling my name over and over and over again. I can still see her face crumble slowly as it dawns on her I was leaving, that I didn't want her. The fact that she believed it so willingly make my dead heart clench in pain. I felt my hands curl into a fist and my body lurch forward as another dry heave took me over. It's been a month and I still can't get out of this dingy hotel room in Rome.
I didn't fly or take a bus, I walked then ran, then swam to Europe as far from the Cullen's and as far from Washington as I could get. I couldn't stand to be around anyone any longer than I had to. Their smell, the different flavors and scents of humans were being to make me sick. Because they weren't her. It wasn't her smell. Her beautiful, mouth watering smell that I can still taste on my tongue from when I saved her life.
Saved her life. Shaking my head with a bitter laugh I roll onto my back on the hardwood floor, hearing it creak and groan beneath me. I saved her once and then what happened? Does the constant danger I put her through day in and day out with my mere presence make up for that one significant, gallant action on my part? Was it even that worth mentioning? I got to taste the sweetest thing in my existence and nearly killed her because I couldn't control the monster within me. Because that's all I am, a monster.
The phone vibrates against the hardwood for the thousandth and thirty fourth time. It's actually surprising she's called me so little. I know that she's just worried, my sister Alice but, I can't face them. I can't talk to them without thinking of her.
Seeing her beautiful face again makes me want to claw my eyes out and just set my whole body on fire. It would be what I had coming to me anyways. A life like this, laying on a dirty floor with rats scurrying underneath the floor boards and the dank smell of onions and sweat in the air is more than fair for me, aside from death. Death would be a welcomed thing, a beautiful relief, something I do not deserve.
A new smell of garlic, tomatoes and a hint of calla lilies crawls its way to me slowly before a soft knock raps at my door. I look up at it for a moment from my sprawled position on the floor before a soft clearing of a throat breaks the echoing silence.
"Mi scusi signore…" (Excuse me sir) The soft melody of her voice made my eyes clench in pain. Her thoughts were nervous but sweet as my face flickered through her mind. I could hear the desperation in her thoughts. She hadn't seen a face like mine in some time and it made her nervous and excited. She of course thought I was beautiful and that made me even more aggravated.
How could they not know? How can humans be so stupid.
"…La cena è quasi pronta, se volete unirvi a noi questa sera?" (Dinner is almost ready ... if you want to join us this evening?)
"No grazie." (No thank you) My voice sounded unfamiliar and gruff. I heard her heart pick up and sweet blood start to flow faster in her body. Venom filled my mouth as I left my eyes close and remembered how the warmth of fresh human blood gush into my mouth tasted. Wonderful, unimaginably satisfying.
My phone vibrated again, stopping after three and started again, just twice, then again once more. She was trying to warn me with Morse code. I laughed softly and got to my feet, walking slowly to the door. I couldn't stop myself even if I tried. Her smell was too much.
I opened the door probably a little faster than I should have and her face registered shock and took a step back from me.
"Mi dispiace signore, io non volevo disturbare. Tornerò più avanti con la biancheria pulita."(I'm sorry sir, I do not want to disturb. I'll be back later with clean linen.) I smiled at her nervous behavior. Her hands twisting in on themselves her face looking at her small feet as they poked out from beneath her sundress. My dead heart would have clenched in pain again if it were there when a small blush crawled up her chest, to her long exposed neck, to the round fullness of her cheeks. I couldn't help but to reach out and let the warmth of it tingle in my cold hand.
"E 'veramente nessun problema a tutti. Voglio chiedere scusa per il mio comportamento."(It's really no problem at all. I want to apologize for my behavior.) I let a small smile go over my face. The memory of me stomping past her and her sister as they washed clothes nearly three weeks ago played in her mind. My face again played the main focus and I could see how contorted in anger it was, how closed off I came off as. But, I couldn't bring myself to really care. They were merely here as my cover for complete seclusion and self loathing. Her heart raced again and another rush of blood filled her cheeks.
I felt venom coat my mouth as I swallowed the burn slowly. She was pretty, but nothing at all what I wanted. What I wanted was sitting back in Forks, far away from the possible threat of danger that I could force into her life.
She was familiar though. This small delicate human before me. Her frame was similar, and her chocolate waves that ran down her back and over the tops of her breasts was nearly too much. However her eyes, the icy blue that they were studied mine and shock covered her face but, was replaced quickly by sadness. I could smell fear on her as her hand reached out steadily upward to my face. My phone began again behind me, rattling slowly across the floor and I knew what Alice saw, I had made my mind up.
"Avete così tanti problemi nei tuoi occhi …" (So much sadness in your eyes…)
I wanted to step back and slam the door in her face and beg for her to leave me alone but, the monster wanted something for all the torment I have put him through. All the nights laying beside that beautiful girl and never once letting him have her, in any way he wanted. To reach out and touch her. Cup the soft, heavy skin of her breasts. Feel the warm pulsing heat of her sex, taste the fresh, delicious blood coursing through her veins. He got none of it. He deserved none of her.
The blue eyed human girl's warm hand cupped my cheek and I closed my eyes as the scent of her blood filled my senses from her delicate wrist. One quick turn of my head and the monster would be more than happy, sated. He would win, but what else do I have? I left every bit of me with that small, beautiful girl back in Forks and I wish for none of it back. She deserves ever last good part of me. There's nothing but a monster left.
