Only Of You

Author: Violet Raven

Rating: PG

Summary: Obi-Wan ponders life without his master {post Episode I}.

Disclaimer: Yeah right- if I owned any of this I'd be relaxing at Skywalker Ranch instead of writing this disclaimer, hoping not to be sued. :)

A/N: This was not meant as a slash story, surprisingly enough, but take it as you like.

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My truest friend, my father, my brother- you were my everything. And now, after what seems like a wasted act of salvation, you are torn from me like a rose bud from the stem: brutally and instantly. I suffer these days without you.

I doubt I should ever understand why you were stolen away, but I do know that you're all I see anymore. I look in the mirror and all that is reflected back to me is myself as you saw me, and I take no joy in this. I want so badly to be angry with you for leaving me, but the force, and your memory, forbid me to let go of you in such a cowardly manner. I cannot even despise myself for letting you die when what is perhaps your influence allows me to see my own beauty and innocence through your eyes.

Even your ever-familiar voice lingers in my mind, whispering reassurances to fight my doubts and insecurities. Sometimes while I sleep my skin tingles against your tender touch, though I know you cannot really be with me.

Qui-Gon… Master- Force, I cannot understand this! And despite your presence ever near me, you offer no help, no wisdom which was always waiting on your tongue if ever I needed it.

/Well I need it now./

It is so difficult to carry on without you. The sadness hides in wait behind the Council's stony exterior, but I can sense it; this pain is too great to conceal. All of our conversations wear thin when the rest of the Jedi fear to speak of you to me, as though I were some delicate creature and not a Jedi. No student taught be you could ever be as delicate as they treat me since your death.

/Please, come back to me!/

There is a vast emptiness where I used to hear your thoughts through our bond- I felt it waver as soon as your body hit the ground after Darth Maul's vicious blow. I never believed life could feel as it does: so solitary, such a confusing bombardment of events. Where I once felt you, there is nothing and I am ashamed to saw I know not how to deal with this absence.

Perhaps in time Anakin Skywalker will take your place in my mind and this new bond will be fulfilling. After all, there is a purpose for everything, such as meeting the child.

But I fear I shall never be content as I once was, training under a man whose presence itself could not compare, even to Master Yoda, in the sight of your humble Padawan learner.

Though there are times when I feel foolish enough to discover myself speaking to you, I am sure that my words reach your ears from wherever you may be. Would that you could give me some reassurance. But that is not possible, I suppose.

You may be gone, but through young Skywalker I intend to pass on your memory, your presence.

/You will not be forgotten, Qui-Gon Jinn./

*~fin~*