Gon screamed, his shrieks echoing through the empty space, his cage.

He stretched his arm out, desperately reaching for the faint flicker of light at the far end of the room.

Dark shadows shimmered at the ends of his vision, seemingly jeering at him through his wobbly tears.

His vision was cloudy, muddled, his eyes filled with an endless supply of salty tears.

Another scalding hot droplet streaked down his cheeks as he yelled out.

Voices overlapped each other as they grimaced at him, shoving him, pushing him down, but he stayed still, because that was what he deserved.

Through it all, he saw a face. His face, through a tiny black tunnel.

He was bloody, dying, but the only thing coming out of his mouth was apologies. To him.

And for what. For him? For a person so selfish and worthless like him? He was so….. So kind…. But he….. He had…

The scene flickered like a dying memory. And then it was gone….. Lost forever in the whirlpool of pain.

Instead, a different scene took its place.

He was hurting him. Lashing out at him with razor sharp words, layered with poison. But it was a poison that he wasn't immune to. A poison deadlier than anything else.

But, instead of punching him, yelling at him, screaming like he deserved, he just stood there, soaking it all in, but never saying anything back.

Gon punched the ground, his own cruel words ringing in his ears.

Stop!

Make it stop!

The scene quivered for a moment before falling into the eternal abyss of loss.

More scenes flashed through his eyes, still there, bright as day even when he squeezed his eyes shut sadly.

He was screaming, crying, all of his pent up emotions pouring out in a torrent of lament.

He was crying, because of him. It was all his fault.

How many times had he made him cry? How many times had he stayed by his side, putting another smile up for him? Exactly how many times had Gon just continued on with life selfishly, not pausing to even consider how he would feel?

Guilt and remorse were powerful things, slowly rotting him away from the inside. After all, all of this, the screams the pain, the tears….. They were all his own fault.

He screamed, sobbing as he yelled out that he couldn't do anything.

Gon clutched at his heart, screaming with him.

Gon bolted awake in his bed, heart racing as the last of his screams died in his throat, hot, stuffy teardrops covering his bedsheets.

Slowly, Gon calmed down, staring blankly at his blanket as the nightmare stayed fresh in his mind.

How many times had he woken up the same way because of him?

Quietly, Gon looked at the empty bed besides him, dust gathering on the pile of blankets.

Gon felt as if someone had grasped his heart and wrenched away a part of it, burning it in front of his eyes.

He was gone. And it was all his fault.

If only he had noticed his pain. If only he had took a moment to think about someone other than himself.

If only….

But there was no point contemplating, there was no point in wishing, because reality was crue, cold. And no matter what he did now, it was too late.

He was dead.

Gon looked out the window sadly, wishing, hoping, that at least these last few words could reach his ears. He wasn't going to beg for forgiveness, he didn't deserve forgiveness.

But he had to at least send this one last message for him.

"I'm sorry….. Killua."

Alright, for anyone that's confused, in this story, Killua is referred to as him and Gon is referred to as him. Basically, if you haven't caught on, Killua is impacted so much by Gon's well….. Actions, words, everything, during the Chimera Ant Arc that he suicided. This is basically Gon regretting his decisions afterwards.