-The One Where The Colonel Gets Drunk-

-o-o-o-

-Ok, guys, this is my very first fanfiction for this book, so please don't judge too harshly. I wasn't going to start writing for this story, but then I saw that there's hardly any fics for it on here! And out of ALL of those fics, there's pretty much NOTHING for this pairing. And so, here I am! :)

I hope you like it, though the characters will probably be a bit OUT-of-character. (Mainly cuz I wrote in third-person; if I write in first, like John Green, the characters will turn into me -_-) All credit goes to John Green.

If you like it, or want me to write more, leave a review! They're very appreciated and requests are welcome too. Hope to write more for you in the future! :D-

It took exactly one and a half bottles of "ambrosia" to get the Colonel completely drunk.

He'd claimed he'd made it "special" for Takumi's birthday, and everyone else promptly said they'd drink none of it. He'd then proceeded to gulp down the whole thing (and a lot from more cartons he'd snuck in) and now he was currently sprawled out on Takumi's floor. What a freakin' fantastic birthday.

Takumi was sitting lazily in a chair across from the bed, where Lara and Pudge were. He was trying hard to ignore the incoherent mumblings coming from their friend on the floor, but it was pretty difficult. The whole birthday hadn't been that bad; Lara had gotten him a book about famous music artists, Pudge had convinced all of them to try a great restaurant a few miles away, and the Colonel had bought an expensive pair of headphones. (They were sleek and cobalt-blue, and Takumi had blushed like a moron when he picked them up) Overall, a pretty good birthday.

Except for this.

"Guuuyyyyys," the Colonel groaned loudly. He flopped an arm over his eyes to block out the light. "I don't feel so good..."

Pudge rolled his eyes. "Gee, I wonder why," he said flatly. His floppy dark brown hair fell into his eyes as he went back to reading some new book he'd gotten.

"Don't get all sarcastic with me," the Colonel slurred with a touch of annoyance. He waved a hand as though brushing away the conversation. "I am in NO mood for your sarcasm, Pudge."

Takumi grimaced at the Colonel's jumbled speech. "How long is he gonna be like this?" he asked, jerking a thumb at the drunken boy.

"My guess is he'll sleep it off and be back to normal tomorrow," Pudge replied. "Possibly. He'll have a hell of a headache though, so I'm planning on avoiding him."

Lara, who was resting her head against Pudge's shoulder, gave a mock-pouty face. "Aw, poor Colonel," she remarked in her light, accented voice. "We should take him back to his room. He's gonna fall asleep on Takumi's floor."

The Colonel dropped his arm from his face and gave a huge sigh. "Yes. Sleep. Now. I need a BED."

Takumi fought the urge to smack himself on the forehead. "Oh god, he's gonna get himself caught if he tries to go back," he muttered, dragging a hand through his short black hair. He watched as the Colonel struggled to clamber to his feet.

"Annnnnnnd I'm up!" The Colonel managed to get himself standing, swaying back and forth. He stumbled a step toward the bed. "Outta my way," he ordered Lara and Pudge. "I already EXPLAINED this: sleep. Now. Bed. Out. God, this feels funny."

"Colonel," Pudge said witheringly, "you can't sleep here. This is Takumi's and Takumi's roommate's room."

"Well, then, shit," the Colonel drawled. "That sucks."

Pudge huffed a breath and began to stand up. "Come on, I'll take you back to our room."

To everyone's surprise, the Colonel shook his head. "No. Not gonna happen. Takumi's gotta take me back."

Takumi blinked. "Me? Why do I have to?"

"You're the birthday boy," the Colonel replied simply, as though this made so much sense.

"Don't worry about it, Takumi, I'll take him over," Pudge spoke up. He gave Lara an apologetic glance, who exhaled in disappointment when he let go of her hand and climbed up off the bed.

Well, now Takumi didn't want to break up the happy couple. So he decided why not? How bad could it be, taking the Colonel back to his room? There wasn't that much that could happen on the trip down a hallway, after all. Sure, the Colonel was drunk, but he couldn't cause that much trouble for Takumi. Besides, Takumi would be lying if he said the idea of being alone with the Colonel for just a few moments didn't tempt him. So he pushed up off his chair.

"Nah, you guys stay," he insisted. "I'll take him back, make sure he doesn't get himself caught, okay?"

Pudge's eyebrows flicked up and the Colonel pumped a clumsy fist in the air. "YES! I got Takumi! No offense, Pudge, but I got TAKUMI." He grinned, seemingly very proud of that fact.

Pudge sent Takumi a pitying look. "You sure?"

"Yeah," Takumi answered with a shrug. "What's the worst that could happen?"

They made it halfway there before the Colonel stumbled, muttered, "oops; legs out of order," and collapsed against Takumi. How nice.

"Oof—Colonel!" Takumi gasped as the Colonel's full weight fell onto his shoulder. He instinctively looped an arm around the Colonel's back to support him, the other hand planted on his chest. Body heat seeped into him through his black tee and he tried his best to ignore the way his heart fluttered.

The Colonel squinted at his friend in puzzlement. "Wha's wrong, Takumi?"

"You FELL on me, idiot," Takumi snapped. He grunted under the new weight on his shoulder and took a few short steps forward. "And you're freaking heavy."

The Colonel sniffled in feigned hurt. "Are you calling me FAT?" he demanded.

Takumi looked at him then, at those powerful shoulders tapering to a slim waist and a surely-washboard stomach. He swallowed. "No," he answered shortly.

"Just heavy then."

"...yes."

"Good lord, you make no sense."

"You aren't doing so good either, Chip."

"CHIP!" The Colonel whooped suddenly and tossed an arm in the air in excitement, almost making Takumi trip. "Jesus, NOBODY calls me Chip! That made me so happy. Say it again."

"Chip," Takumi sighed, struggling to drag the Colonel along.

"Ha! I love it." The Colonel grinned like a kid who'd just gotten a Christmas present.

"Okay, good for you," Takumi deadpanned. They'd FINALLY made it to the damn room and now he wanted nothing more than to get the Colonel inside. The sooner the moron's weight was off Takumi's shoulder, the better. He could feel it aching by now. "Okay, Colonel, let's go." He turned sideways to shuffle the Colonel through the doorway behind him. Other than tripping once over the threshold, the Colonel made it in without a problem. Takumi thanked every god he'd heard of that THAT hadn't caused an issue with the wasted boy.

The Colonel pointed a wobbly finger at the top bunk across the little room. "There she is!" he announced. "Top bunk, baby."

Takumi's jaw dropped. "There's no way in hell you can climb up there."

The Colonel gasped in outrage. "WHAT? Why not?"

"You're DRUNK."

"So? I ain't driving, am I?" The Colonel sniffed.

"I'm not helping you climb up there," Takumi protested. Because come ON. He'd been through enough of an ambrosia-crazy Colonel. He just wanted to go back to his room and try out those headphones. "I barely made it here without dropping you."

The Colonel moaned in despair. "Aw, please, Tak?" he asked imploringly. His eyes silently pleaded with his friend. "Please?"

Takumi willed himself not to get lost in those chocolate-brown eyes. Then he let out a long breath. "...FINE. Let's get this over with."

With that, he began the long process of helping the Colonel up into that damn top bunk. It was obnoxiously difficult. The Colonel couldn't balance to save his life; when he got both hands on the bed, he simply swung back and forth for a minute, like he couldn't decide where the bed was. Takumi grumbled, and swore, and tried to shove the Colonel up from behind. Well, thanks to the Colonel being more muscle than anything else, THAT worked like crap. So Takumi ended up pulling himself up into the bed first, then reaching down to haul the Colonel the rest of the way up.

"Colonel, you gotta help me out here," Takumi managed, pulling as hard as he could. He was sitting on his knees to get a good grip, but the Colonel had to do SOMETHING.

The Colonel rolled his eyes as though Takumi was asking him to hike a mile right now. "Oh my god, I have to do everything," he complained.

"COLONEL."

"Okayyy, hold on."

With that, the Colonel planted a foot on Pudge's bed beneath him and shoved hard to boost himself up. Unfortunately, he pushed too hard. He ended up shooting upward, and combined with Takumi's pulling, this sent him tumbling into the other boy. Takumi yelped, startled, as he twisted to avoid being fully crushed under the Colonel. And so, they ended up in an awkward position: Takumi lying in the bed with the Colonel on his stomach across him, half on the bed and his legs dangling. Takumi knew his face was burning by now.

"Hm. Well. That worked." The Colonel exhaled roughly, and braced his hands under him; he rolled off of Takumi in one motion, bringing his legs up onto the mattress as he did. The bed creaked under his weight as he settled down onto his back beside Takumi.

The two of them just laid there for a long moment, side by side.

The Colonel stared blearily at the ceiling.

Takumi inwardly scolded his racing heartbeat.

"I think this worked out pretty well," the Colonel began, breaking the silence. He raked his sandy-brown hair out of his face. "Wanna know why this works out well?"

"Can I please just leave this hell?"

"Answer the question, jackass."

Takumi closed his eyes. "Yeah, sure, tell me why this works out so well."

"Because I'm drunk, in bed, haven't had sex in God-knows-how-long, and you're next to me."

Takumi's eyes snapped open at that. His lungs emptied of all air and he was pretty sure his pulse stopped altogether. He knew that he was now all too aware of the sun-kissed, sexy guy in bed next to him. He had to admit, it was awfully tempting. Then he remembered something. "You're drunk," he reminded the Colonel drily. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"I think I know exactly what I'm talking about," the Colonel flashed back. "Unless you don't get it. I'll explain it again." He shifted closer, until his shoulder was pressed against Takumi's, and went on in a lower voice. "I wanna stay in this bed with you, Takumi."

Takumi felt warmth shoot the whole way down his arm when the Colonel's skin met his. "But you're not even—" he stammered, breaking off uncertainly.

"Gay?" the Colonel guessed. He chuckled, rubbing at his eyes. Some of the ambrosia's effects seemed to be wearing off, just a little. "Shows how much YOU know."

"But you dated Sara for...a long time, Colonel." Takumi propped himself up on an elbow, ready to bolt out of this bed at any minute. He hadn't been ready for this and now that it was happening, he wasn't sure he wanted it. The Colonel was drunk, after all; whatever happened tonight might not be good in the morning.

The Colonel snorted. "Are you kidding me? I hated every second I was with her."

"Yeah, but..."

"Yeah, but what?"

"I mean, Pudge could come in and if we're caught—

"Dammit, Takumi," the Colonel muttered, looking up at the other boy, "you're starting to act like you don't want me." With that, he grabbed Takumi by the front of his shirt and yanked him down into a kiss.

Takumi couldn't help but freeze as soon as the Colonel's lips were on his. It shocked him, the way his body lit up with sparks, the way his breath was stolen from his lungs. He'd never reacted this way with anyone before. He relaxed into the Colonel and kissed back softly. It was slow, and deep, and addicting. The Colonel tasted of ambrosia, but Takumi quickly decided that he didn't care. All he cared about was how good it felt to finally kiss the Colonel. Chip.

The Colonel let out a blissful sound from the back of his throat and nipped at Takumi's bottom lip. Takumi felt all of his control crumbling as he dropped a hand to the Colonel's chest. Chip immediately seized him by the hips and hauled Takumi on top of him. Their bodies molded together perfectly, warmth flooding between them. Takumi didn't know how far this was going to go, but he wanted all of it.

"Ever since I met you—" Takumi broke off, ducking his head to kiss the Colonel's neck. The taste of his skin left him dizzy.

The Colonel purred as Takumi's mouth trailed back to his ear. "Shut up and keep kissing me," he mumbled. His hands found their way under Takumi's shirt and seared the bare curve of his lower back.

Takumi reached the Colonel's ear and tentatively took his earlobe between his teeth. He sucked lightly and earned a low moan of pleasure from the other boy. The sound made him unravel. "God, I want you," he murmured, before pressing their mouths together again.

They kissed desperately, heatedly, hands exploring more skin. Takumi was nearly delirious now. He wasn't even thinking about getting caught anymore. He had gotten the Colonel's shirt off and the Colonel wasted no time in clawing at Takumi's jeans. Growling, the Colonel flipped them over, pressing Takumi down into the mattress. He sat up then, straddling Takumi's hips.

"Colonel..." Takumi's fingers trailed over the Colonel's stomach; deliciously toned muscle rippled under his touch.

"Don't call me that." The Colonel knotted his fingers in Takumi's shirt and pulled him up so that their faces were inches apart. "I get so freakin' sick of never hearing my name." He kissed Takumi hard, one hand slipping up into his hair. It went wild fast, both of them wanting more. Takumi's hands were at the Colonel's hips, but he lifted them when the Colonel pulled at the hem of his shirt and let him strip it off. The Colonel planted his hands on Takumi's chest and pushed him back down onto the bed again.

Takumi shivered as the Colonel shifted to sit down below his knees. "Ch—Chip," he stammered when the Colonel bent to kiss the place just below his navel, above the waistband of his boxers.

"You want me to stop?" the Colonel asked lowly, his voice husky and weighed down by ambrosia. His fingertips traced the line of Takumi's waistband.

Takumi inhaled sharply and shook his head. He curled his hands into the sheets, trying to keep himself grounded. He still let out an awful whine when the Colonel ran his tongue along him once, over his boxers. Pleasure danced through him like flames and he found himself lifting his hips for more. The Colonel's mouth quirked into a smirk, as he licked Takumi in slow strokes over the fabric and drove him crazy. Takumi arched up off the mattress, moaning brokenly. His mind shut down when the Colonel closed his mouth over him and sucked hard. "Dammit, Chip," he gasped out, wishing there was no clothing between them at all.

The Colonel growled in response. "Screw it," he muttered, and started to undo his own jeans.

And for the first time, Takumi felt a flare of uneasiness. They were close to going somewhere they maybe shouldn't go. The Colonel was drunk (or had been. The ambrosia was still effecting him anyway). Takumi was here, in Pudge's room, above Pudge's goddamn BED, and had his friend's roommate all over him. What if this really did end up sucking in the morning? What if the Colonel realized that this had been a mistake?

Bracing himself up on an elbow, he took a shaky breath. "Colonel," he said, "we should stop."

"What?" The Colonel looked at him drunkenly, adorably confused and disappointed. Yep, the drug was still kicking in. "Why?"

"Because you're still a little out of it and I don't wanna be the one you hate tomorrow. Okay?"

The Colonel groaned in exaggerated despair. "Oh, come on. I am NOT that drunk anymore." He tried to sit up straight to prove it and ended up nearly banging his head on the ceiling.

"Yeah, I think you are," Takumi replied wryly. Dragging a hand over his face, he sat up and looked for his clothes.

"You're no fun." The Colonel gave a dramatic eye-roll and flopped down onto his back, off of Takumi. Heaving a loud breath of frustration, he rubbed at his temple with tentative fingers. Hissing, he mumbled, "think I'm getting a headache..."

"Exactly." Takumi manage to get back into his jeans again and tossed the Colonel a sideways glance. "Sleep it off, like Pudge said."

"I don't wanna sleep," the Colonel complained.

"You will soon."

"Whatever." The Colonel's hand fell from his head and despite himself, he yawned. His eyelids were beginning to droop.

"Told you," Takumi flashed back, shrugging into his shirt.

"Screw you," the Colonel returned. He grudgingly closed his eyes.

Takumi moved to swing his legs over the side of the bed. He paused for a moment. An uncomfortable feeling twisted in his stomach. Glancing over his shoulder, he gazed down at the still form of the Colonel. "Listen," he began quietly, "if you want to forget about this whole thing...that's fine."

The Colonel made a soft sound in his throat and fidgeted sluggishly as sleep dragged at his mind. "I don't wanna forget," he breathed, almost absently.

Takumi couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. "Okay," he murmured. "Okay." He fell silent as the Colonel's breathing slowly deepened. The way his eyelashes twitched told him he'd fallen asleep. Takumi watched for a few minutes, feeling something new, and silly, and lovestruck light up inside of him. He swallowed. "I love you, Chip," he whispered very softly.

And of course, there was no answer from his sleeping friend.

But he knew the words weren't wasted.