He didn't always make me cry. Not when we were little. Before. It seems like it was so long ago. It was only a few years ago. The good times. When he didn't make us cry. My sister and I. Sometimes it was only his words. But they hurt so badly. I wanted him to cry with us. Once, he did. He would yell at us, and we would sob and beg him to stop. And once, he cried too.
"And, you know what? Then he started to cut her fingers off. One by one. And he would grin and toss them over to me. And I was crying and all, like a big baby. She was out cold. She stopped screaming. I thought she was dead. She wasn't, though. Her hands poured blood. It freaked me out. My little sis' was bawling. He put the knife to her neck and just… he slit her throat. She stopped crying. There was blood everywhere. My mother screamed again. She sobbed and screamed and blood kept coming from her wounds. Like it would never stop."
I shudder just thinking about it.
"Stop it, Roxy!" I would sob. Kairi would just cry with her eyes closed. "Please!" I'd scream, tears pouring over my lips and into my mouth, the salty tang waking my taste buds. "Shut up and let me talk, Namine," he would say clearly before striking me. It hurt. I cried even more. I was glad Kairi didn't see him hit me.
I touch my cheek gingerly, as if he had just slapped me. No, it had been weeks ago.
"I had to live it once, and it keeps coming back. Now you get to feel the same way, Nami. We're in this together, remember?" he would taunt. "I… remember… you're promise, Roxas…" I would muster, tasting blood in my mouth. My head would swirl for a few minutes after he hit me. Kairi would hug her knees to her chest and choke out a sob every few minutes. "I have to leave this house soon." He would frown then, running his hands over the wallpaper, feeling the texture. "It's my home. My nightmare." He grinned with vicious fangs.
I woke, startled. It was morning. Huh. It was a dream. I should have known that. They always end the same way. It was a replay. I choked back a sob and prepared for school, but it was Saturday. Roxas day. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I loved him, yeah. In an "I can never leave you," sort of way. Not in a "Let's get hitched!" sort of way, no. Kairi feels the same. She opens my bedroom door a crack and whispers, "I had that dream again." I nod, saying "Me too. C'mere." I invited her to sit with me on the bed. Kairi is only ten, but I'm fourteen. Roxas is fourteen, too. He's been my best friend since we were both in kindergarten, seven years old.
"Namine! Don't run away from me!"
Shudder, sob. Hug Kairi. Stop thinking. Get ready for more nightmares. Saturday. No use in crying until he got here. "Breakfast," I mumbled. Kairi nodded. Too young to understand fully. Too young to know what she knows. What I know. What Roxas knows too well. "I'll be right there," I gasped, suddenly my eyes are wide. "G-go, Kairi, I swear I'll be there." She nodded again and hopped off the bed. Scampered out the door, slamming it behind.
"Namine Fischer, get your ass back over here." He grabbed my arm, pulling me toward him. Too tight. Pain. Overwhelming pain.
"Stop," I whispered to myself. Another day, another horror story. Worse than the slasher movies her father took her to. She had groaned, "Daddy!" but he had still taken her to the awful movies. She sighed now, thinking that would be a sweet release from what she was going to experience.
"Don't cry, Nami, I haven't even hurt you." He locked the door. Kairi had her face buried in her arms, but I could tell she was crying. I was, too. The way he called me Nami, it was heartbreaking. He used to say it with affection and love, but now he said it as if he was smirking. He took me in his arms, embraced me. I felt his breath on my neck. It scared me, he was too close. "Roxas…" I sputtered through tears. I didn't say any more.
Jolt into reality, Namine. It's not real. No, no, no. Just a memory. But it was real, once, Namine. But not anymore, no.
But it will be.
