A/N: Oh man guys, this one is a bit angsty. I'm not sure how I feel about it, it's a little choppy and I don't know if it went the direction I wanted it to go, but I wanted to post it anyways :/. The title and end lyrics are from the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles, though the feeling of the song and the feeling of this story is slightly different. Enjoy?
For so long Kurt had felt a pull towards Blaine he had hardly wanted to acknowledge himself – too many crushes on the wrong boys had taught Kurt to protect himself behind sarcastic remarks and feigned indifference. But Blaine had approached him as a friend – unthreatening, charming, supportive.
Kurt opened up. And all the while Blaine was closing in on him, seeping into his pores, until there was an invisible thread between them, reminding Kurt that he couldn't walk away.
Kurt pushed it down, the fluttering of his stomach and the way he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, to be held by him, to be with him. And while Blaine and Kurt got closer, Kurt's heart drew further away.
In December, Kurt had trained himself so well that being with Blaine was bearable. It was like being a little thirsty, like a little nagging in the back of his throat. He didn't try to explain why he would go just slightly too far out of his way for Blaine, why he was so dedicated to their Skype study sessions or helping Blaine pass French. No one asked him why, so he never asked himself why.
But suddenly, here they were, actually together.
With an unbearable uncertainty hanging in the air.
Just a week after their first kiss, Kurt was already terrified that Blaine had changed his mind. After being with his annoying, needy, loud self, Blaine had most certainly figured out how terrible of a boyfriend Kurt was and didn't want this…thing that they had anymore.
But every time Kurt was driven insane with not knowing if Blaine still felt the same way – because there was no way he could, right? – He got a glance from Blaine. Just a quick look, fleeting enough so Kurt could not see any particular emotion in his eyes.
But it was like gravity.
And as much as Kurt tried not to let him in, preparing for heartbreak, this gravity was how Blaine welled up inside him, resonating in every part of Kurt's body.
He wanted to go back to the simple feeling of wanting a boyfriend, this shadow of a person that didn't exist outside of his own thoughts. Wistfully dreaming of an epic love like those he saw on Broadway.
He didn't want this feeling that one person could break him to pieces.
He couldn't handle this gravity that held him to Blaine, the feeling of needing to be needed by someone, wishing for a sign that he wasn't crazy, that Blaine felt one ounce of this terrifying feeling.
Kurt was smart, rational, and realistic. But Blaine ripped all these things away from him and left him feeling like a man in battle with no weapons.
Why would he ever want something that hurt him, that terrified him, that left him utterly vulnerable?
Because what was worse, was losing him.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
A/N: I know, right? It's different from what I usually do. Let me know what you thought :)
Goodness though, I need someone to be following behind me with a red pen. Mistakes anyone?
