Being in a war changes you, how you look at the world, and how you look at people. When BJ Hunnicut returned home, he wasn't the same man Peggy watched get on a plane so long ago. He scooped her into his arms and twirled her around while onlookers smiled and pointed. There was something different about him though, in the way he kissed her, in the way he kissed their daughter.

She hoped it'd go away, that one day he'd look at their daughter without sadness in his eyes. He explained to her once that when he looked at Erin, he remembered a little orphaned girl who was probably dead by now. It'd broken her heart to hear it, but it broke her heart even more that Erin lost her father because of it. He was still attentive, never missing a dance recital and intimidating each and every one of Erin's boyfriends, but he was absent mentally, going through the motions without much heart. He wasn't the husband she loved anymore.

He was never his old self, but he was closest when someone from the war called. One time a spunky blonde woman named Margaret showed up and he spent hours sitting in his study with her, drinking bourbon and sharing inside jokes. Peggy saw her husband look alive for once and she cried when she realized she could never make him that happy again. Another time, Hawkeye called in the middle of the night, without even a word of goodbye to her he packed up his bag and went running.

Now her husband is dead, an accident in the OR that she still doesn't understand. Erin is devastated, but she's tucked away in a side room of the funeral home with her boyfriend, an aspiring doctor. Peggy is another story, unlike her daughter she's alone, standing on the concrete sidewalk outside the funeral parlor. She wants to hate her husband, scream that he is the reason her daughter has daddy issues. As a child, Erin had raved that she would never marry a doctor. Now her daughter is nearly twenty years old, chasing a man who is just like her father, looking for some scrape of attention BJ never really gave her. Peggy mourns her husband, but she mourns the man she married in place of the one he died as. She loved him, she really did, and that is why she stands waiting for someone, someone her husband loved more than he loved her in the end.

She sees him after a moment, looking so much older than the pictures she's seen. It would be easy to hate him, easy to blame him for her husband's behavior, but she doesn't. She didn't before but she especially doesn't now. His hair is more salt then pepper and there are deep lines on his face. He is mourning as fiercely as she is, she can tell. He's bundled up in a long black coat with a checkered scarf around his neck. He looks terribly old, especially next to the woman that strides beside him. The woman is beautiful, her hair a caramel color that looks softer than silk. She is dressed in mourning colors, but there is a sadness in her eyes that has nothing to do with the deceased. Peggy knows it's probably been there a long time, the woman's eyes match her own, how they've been since her husband returned home.

"Peggy," the man says when he reaches her, he extends his hand, "it's nice to finally meet you."

Peggy looks at him, this man that she could so easily blame for ruining her marriage. She looks into his eyes, sees his despair and the love he so obviously had for her husband. She ignores his outstretched hand. She pulls him into a hug instead, and they both start crying.

"I know Hawkeye, I know."


A/n To clear up any confusion, there was no SLASH, I'm just exploring the bond between war buddies. My cousin returned from war and his wife felt very similar to this. I asked him about it once, and he said it doesn't matter how much you love your wife and children, once you see combat like he has, it changes you. He said he held a child as she died in his arms and then only an hour later he watched a guy in his Unit get shot down. He says he just can't connect properly to someone who hasn't seen that.