A/N: R&R FaceBook pen name on Profile

Disclaimer:I don't own the char's but this is mine

Life is a cruel and fickle bitch. The pain it cause's should be limited by the person's ability to handle the shit dished out. I for one have to much going on that adding even one small bit of drama will through me off balance and put me in a tail spin of misery not to say Im not already in misery as it is.

I feel as though a dark cloud is looming over me always the shadow faithfully at my side. Even if I can't see it. I feel it there following me. I can't run nor hide because it's part of me.

The pain that's inside of me is of my own doing. I've done it to myself. I knew what I was doing. I knew it would lead to the crushing pain I feel now. I allowed it to happen. Grasping onto it like a life vest. I needed it. But the blunt of the sorrow I felt my reason for allowing it is now gone. But I held onto it. My love is my curse. And I hate myself for it. While saving myself from drowning I pulled somebody else under the surface. Caused so much pain that I'd once was blind to. But im facing it now. I want so badly to make it right. Not to undo the love to wipe it clean like it'd never happened but to ease the pain to do right by the person im slowly killing because of my inability to give what I'd so greedily taken. And yet I find myself still unwilling to let go.

I should profess my love by walking away. The last cruel and painful thing I would ever inflict on you.

I know it's the right thing to do. I know the pain of me walking away will weigh heavy on you're heart but it's the best way for me to save you from this slow death.

I promise the heart wrenching pain will fall upon me. Soon you'll feel love again a love untouched by sorrow pure as It should have been in the beginning.

You'll wake up one morning and though you'll miss me you'll understand that my absences in you're life was the best gift I could have ever given you.

Please forgive me. Please try and understand I never meant to cause you pain. And believe me when I say the pain I caused you isn't nearly as much as I caused myself.

Im not trying to do right for myself by telling you good bye. It's the most painful thing i'll ever do to myself. But it's the best gift I could ever dream of giving you.

Please don't fight me on this please don't beg me to stay. I know you'll try and make excuse's proclaiming you can live with it. Move past it and We can still be in each others lives but as much as you promise and swear by it every time I look in you're eye's I'll know the pain lingers. An ecko of what once could have been. If it was only me to suffer the pain I'd stay. I would endure the pain with a smile because seeing you happy would be worth every bit of pain it inflicted on me.

I would smile and laugh and listen for hour's about the woman you love. Help you plan detail's of the life you'd want with her. Stand by you're side at you're wedding. Even if it killed me inside. You'd never see the painful tear's left unshed. But that can never be.

Remember how much I truly do love you. Remember all the time's we had. Smile when you think back on it. But It's in the past. You have a future to live for.

I love you

Goodbye Jacob

Alway's

Bella