You

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. But I'm tired. I'm too tired to resist anymore. I'm too tired to contain myself when I see you with other people, so happy. And then I see you alone and I know how you're feeling and I can't help you. I really want to go to you and be your savior. But I can't. It hurts me that I can't be there for you when I know you need someone. It hurts how easily you seemed to have replaced me. Its pathetic how you can send me on a rollercoaster with just one action, one word. Down. Up. Looping. Circling. Dizzy. Scared. Excited. Like how you make my hopes rise and then you bring me crashing back down. And you don't even know that you're doing it. I can't even imagine how badly pained I would be if you really wanted to hurt me, to damage me. You've wronged me like no one else has ever before. I don't even have enough memories to feed off of. And I almost wish I didn't even have those, so that this would hurt less. It's like that time when I was sure that our friendship was going to last forever was spent with a different person. Or when you made me feel special. Needed. Wanted. Loved. I was so damned wrong. Remember what you said? I couldn't wait to leave and now you make me want to stay. Well you make me want to leave. And you know exactly in which way. You don't even seem affected. And look how easily you replaced me. All I know is that even if you didn't mean to do everything you did, I will never be able to trust you again. I will never be able to trust my heart to you. Because when I did, you dropped it in the dust, stomped all over it and left it there. Didn't even bother to clear it up. Or give it a proper send-off. I'm still hanging on by a thread and you don't even care enough to let me go. I'm not yours. I never was. And I will never be.