Disclaimer: I (quite obviously) don't own DGM.
Summary: Love over two lifetimes.
Pairing: Yullen.
[grace]
The land was charred, roasted in the fires of the last battle, and ash fell from the sky, blanketing the land in strokes of grey and white. The battle had been ferocious here, a slice of hell on earth. There had been victory for the Order, but a fruitless victory, for too many had given their lives for the sake of safeguarding the future.
Men in beige coats, with bandages wrapped around the greater parts of their faces, walked through this wasteland with stretchers and sacks, to save the wounded and take away the dead. Others strode about with hoes and wheelbarrows filled with rocks and soil, ready to bury the ashes, to wipe away the stench of decay and death.
Allen, meanwhile, stood nearby, watching, though he didn't know for what.
"I ought to help them," he said, to no one in particular.
"No, Allen. You've done enough."
Johnny came forward to stand beside Allen; half his face was covered with bandages.
"Johnny," Allen said. "How are you feeling? The Head Nurse let you out of the infirmary?"
"She has too many patients to take care of," Johnny said. "She won't notice my absence, and anyway, I'm feeling fine."
"You sure about that?"
"Very," Johnny said. He laid a hand on Allen's shoulder. "You've done enough. You ended the war."
"I have," Allen agreed. He turned away and looked again at the battleground. "But I'm not sure the price of victory is worth it."
Johnny tightened his grip on Allen's shoulder. "We knew what we were getting ourselves into, when we joined the Order."
"Many of those who died weren't even exorcists or finders," Allen said. Something cold found its way around his heart, a stranglehold, and sent ice through his vessels. "They didn't think they would die."
"They knew," Johnny said. "We all knew, when we signed up to work here. We all knew that we might die, simply because we worked for the Order. All of us knew it, not just the finders and exorcists."
"I wish I could have saved them," Allen said, allowing bitterness to seep into his voice.
"No, you mustn't think that," Johnny said. "You've honoured their memories by bringing peace to the world."
Allen shook his head.
"Those of us who still live must keep faith," Johnny said. He patted Allen's shoulder. "We must keep faith."
"Johnny..."
"I'll go back now," Johnny said. "Head Nurse might have noticed my absence by now. Come in soon, Allen."
:::
The Order's headquarters was a crumbled castle now, with corridors facing the sky and whole rooms blasted apart. It was mostly empty during the day, for those who still lived were either in the infirmary, working at the battleground to retrieve and prepare the dead, or, in the case of most surviving exorcists, hiding in their rooms.
When Allen returned from the battleground, all that greeted him was silence and long, empty hallways where shadows danced.
He walked a step at a time, slowly, back to his room, listening to the echoes of his footsteps and the quiet wails of grief from various parts of the castle.
I should leave now, he thought. There is nothing for me here anymore.
"Allen," someone called.
Lenalee was there, waiting in the half-light.
"Lenalee!" Allen cried, and ran over to her.
"Allen," she said, and reached out her arms to him.
He bent over to hug her. "How are your legs?"
"Better. The wounds are healing."
He smiled. "And – and can you – can you walk now?"
"No," she whispered.
"Lenalee –"
"Perhaps I will never walk again," Lenalee said. She looked away and rubbed her knees. "The doctors don't know."
"This war has taken too much from us," Allen said. He wiped away an angry tear.
"Don't, Allen. You have to remain strong. We conquered, remember?"
"We've lost so much too."
Lenalee took Allen's hands into her own. "Think of the good things," she whispered. "Don't let the bad things overwhelm you."
"I can't," he said, his hands limp in hers. "I can't. I see the dead everywhere, I have nightmares filled with blood and Akuma – I just can't forget."
"You can," Lenalee said. "You've had these dreams for a long time, remember?"
"Yes."
"And you never let them frighten you. Don't start now."
"I – I will try, Lenalee."
Lenalee patted Allen's hands. "You must try."
Allen nodded.
"Are you staying for the funeral?" Lenalee asked. "Komui wants to know."
"Yes, of course I will." The lie slides naturally off his tongue.
"Good," Lenalee said. "We thought you might run off before that. Stay for it, Allen. Please. We have to say goodbye to all those who helped us win."
Allen wanted to smile at how Lenalee had so neatly cornered him. He could not leave now, not without saying goodbye to the dead.
"I will," Allen said. "I promise."
This time, he meant it. He would stay and see the dead heroes off – that was the only way he could leave the Order with a heart that was slightly less heavy.
:::
The funeral took place on a cold day. The wind wailed as if weeping for the souls in eternal repose, and Allen looked up at the iron-grey sky.
"It's cold," Lenalee said, shivering.
Allen looked down, concerned. "Do you want me to wheel you in first? You should wait indoors until it starts."
"No," Lenalee said, trying to wipe away the tears streaming down her face. She pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders. "I'll be fine."
"Look," Allen said. "Kanda's here. I thought he left after the battle."
"He's been in his room all the while," Lenalee said. "I went to talk to him. He's... it seems like he's in shock."
"Shock?" Allen raised an eyebrow. "I find that hard to imagine."
"It's true," Lenalee said, sniffing. "Lavi's death shocked him. The ending of the battle shocked him. He doesn't know what to do anymore. With his life, I mean. None of us do."
"None of us do," Allen echoed, nodding.
"What do you intend to do, Allen?"
"I don't know," Allen said. "Travel. Perform. Maybe join a circus. Have a family someday."
Lenalee nodded.
"And you, Lenalee?"
"Komui and I are returning to China."
"To rebuild the life you lost?" Allen asked.
"Yes," Lenalee said. "Komui told me that Leverrier said that the Order will build a village near the Asian branch, for those us who have nowhere to go. We will go there."
"That sounds good," Allen said.
"You know, Allen, you could come with us. Stay with us for a while."
Allen shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, Lenalee, but I have to refuse. I need... time in the ordinary world. Learn how to be a normal person again. But I'll drop by your place one day, I promise."
"You'd better," Lenalee said, and she smiled. "Now let's wave Kanda over. I want to say goodbye to him."
"And try to persuade him to live in the village?"
"No," Lenalee said. "He won't. He's leaving, like you are."
"Kanda," Allen called. "Get over here."
The man turned and looked at them, but he didn't budge.
"Get yourself over here," Allen repeated. "Lenalee wants to talk to you!"
Kanda continued to stare at them for a few moments, before he finally started moving towards them.
"You'd better have something important to say," Kanda said, crossing his arms and looking down at Lenalee.
"I just wanted to say goodbye," Lenalee said. "For now."
Kanda raised an eyebrow.
"I know you're leaving after this... so, take care, Kanda," Lenalee said, reaching up to tug his arms out of their locked position. She managed to withdraw one of his hands, and she grasped it tightly. "I hope we'll meet again."
Kanda looked down; his eyes were unreadable as always. After a few moments, though, he pressed Lenalee's hands with his own. "I'll come by some day," he promised.
Lenalee laughed and wiped tears from the corner of her eyes. "You'd better."
"Where are you going from here?" Allen asked, because he wanted to know, because he was unsure of his own path.
Kanda shrugged. "Somewhere away from here."
"That's it?"
"I doubt your answer would be even better," Kanda said.
"Well, maybe –"
"Don't fight, please," Lenalee said. "Look, Reever's coming for us. That must mean the funeral's starting."
Allen nodded.
:::
Allen and Kanda waited together on a bridge, waiting to jump onto an oncoming train.
"So where are you going?" Allen asked.
"I don't know," Kanda said. He gripped his bundle of belongings closer. "Quit asking me that question."
"Why didn't you just stay at the Order, if you don't know?" Allen asked.
"Quit asking so many questions."
"I'm just concerned," Allen said. "If you don't know... maybe we could travel together for a while."
"And why would I want to travel with you?"
"Rent will be cheaper if we can split it," Allen said. "And... it's always good to have someone familiar around."
"Pfft," Kanda said, looking away as the train roared nearby, swinging into view. "Jump."
They landed on their knees, and Allen grimaced as pain shot through his body.
"Getting rusty?" Kanda asked, smirking. He stood up and looked down at Allen. "Get up."
Allen groaned and pushed himself up.
"Come on," Kanda said.
Allen followed Kanda's lead.
A/N: I didn't mean to post this until it was finished, but... I changed my mind. Not too sure how this will go; it's probably going to consist only of a few short chapters.
Thanks for reading!
