Author: Jennifer
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer do not belong to me, but to Joss Whedon and UPN.
Spoilers:
A little while after 'Gone'
Summary:
What's the easiest way to love someone? Buffy thinks and finds an answer.
Feedback: I'd love some : )
Author's Notes: Pointless, short, and redundant. Just some of Buffy's thoughts, in my mind…and my sis tells me the subtlety in the end is something only I seem to get… Love-Hate Relationship

Was she screaming? Did she ever scream? How do you know when you're screaming anyways? Your mouth is wide open and sound comes out? Was she screaming? Yes, she screamed before. Early off, when she was fifteen, when she saw her first vamps. Big, loud screams would erupt from the bottom of her stomach and fear would creep in and around her nerves.

But now, now, was she screaming from fear - because she's scared? No. Well, actually, yes, but not fear from a big bad, or actually yes…but not an actual big bad. He's not even a big bad anymore. Well, not a big bad in an evil sense, 'cause he's not evil anymore. Maybe he is, no, he's not. He's more…semi-evil?

Anyway, she's screaming, but not because she's scared. Well, actually she is scared, but that's not why she's screaming.  Why is she scared? He's in love with her. And that scares the hell out of her. She's afraid 'cause what if she loves him back? She can't, though. Well, that's what she tells herself.

She can't be in love with him, because then he'll leave. Right? That's what always happens when she falls in love. That's what happens when anyone falls in love. Angel. Riley. And Willow's Oz and Tara. See? Proof.

Oh, God. He said it again.

"I love you."

How can three words make someone feel so much? He's saying again…and again. Oh, God. Her eyes are closed now and she pushes back her tears as his whispers intrude into her mind and rests at her heart. He can scare the hell out of her. Is that a good thing? 'Cause everyone needs to scare the hell out of them, right? Is she still screaming?

She decides that she likes the word 'hate' better than 'love.' Love brings pain and heartache. Love leaves you crying and broken. Hate is so much simpler. And she decides that she doesn't love him, 'cause that'll be impossible and if she ever admits that she loves him, well, then…enter: pain. But that'll never happen because she doesn't love him. Right? Right. So she doesn't love him - she decides - she hates him, 'cause hate is so much simpler. She hates him. She hates him so much.

Yep, she's still screaming. Her body quivers from underneath him as her screams turn into quick, short pants. She breathes heavily as she finally re-opens her eyes to see two pools of deep blue. His lips crush against hers, and she can't help but think how much she enjoys the tremors that crawl through her when they kiss. They pull apart, her hands marveling in the coolness of his skin. He trails sloppy kisses all over her neck and she sighs in content.

"Spike, I…"

He pauses and lifts his head from her collarbone. She pulls his head down and recaptures his mouth, relishing the taste. And he pulls back, their foreheads touch and her eyes remain on his lips.

"…I hate you."

Her stare flutters from his mouth and eyes as he laughs quietly.

"Yeah, Slayer? Well…"

His response causes her to settle her gaze against his, daring him to break contact first.

"…I think I hate you, too."

There it is. His stupid grin. And he opens his mouth to talk some more, but she interrupts with another mind-blowing, crushing kiss.

Oh, how she hates him.