Reposted from my old Palaven Blues account


24.9.2186

We had to leave Shep behind. It isn't right. And now we've made planetfall, and no one thinks we can get the Normandy flying again. Not without some serious help, anyway. Spirits! And she's just there, on Earth, waiting … unless she's dead. Oh, spirits, no. Shit, they're calling me. Ready to disembark and see what we're dealing with, I guess.

Back again. It's jungly. Kind of reminds me of home. A little more like home than the rest of the crew is happy about; it appears to be dextro-based. They're going to get hungry before long. They're starting to get snappy already, and EDI's already broken all the food down into half-rations. They're going to tear her apart, I think. The communications are down and she can't seem to get them back up. Although, I think we're getting incoming messages. I swear I heard Shep telling us she was fine, come and find her ….

27.9.2186

Spirits, I'm exhausted. They seem to have tagged me as Captain while Shep's gone. I don't know what to do with that. The last time I ran anything was on Omega, and you know how that turned out, huh, Shep? If these get to you, Shep, we're all okay here. Stop reading.

We're not okay. A ship which was roomy enough just days ago now feels like a tomb, too close and crowded by half. I spent all day breaking up a dozen little fights. Anyone with any bit of engineering skill is working on either communications, shields, or engines. I have to keep shuffling the teams so they don't get too irritable with each other. Scans and scouting teams haven't picked anything up here; the place looks deserted. Still, I'm going out myself tomorrow. There has to be something we can use to get back, or at least to call the Hierarchy. Or the Council or Alliance, I suppose. We have to do something, though. The mood is grim and I'm starting to fear a mutiny. There are already quiet rumblings about Tali and me being able to eat, rumblings which stop once people notice I can hear them.

28.9.2186

We've come to a very strange place. The second day we'd been here, I sent scouting teams out, and they'd found nothing. Today I'm out on my own, and I'm finding signs. Little artifacts, hints that someone was once here. After scrambling down the hill to the west of the ship, I found what looked to be a graveyard of synthetics, whether VI or AI, I don't know. I do know I sent a team in this direction, and they didn't report anything like this when they got back. I checked all the units I could, but they're beyond dead; no power source, and no apparent way to use one. I have no idea what they used to run on, but they're sure not running now. Even if I do have the feeling that they turn their heads to watch me as I walk by.

Past the synthetic graveyard was a path, and that led to the second of my three scares today. I followed the path to find a small brook. Nothing special, but possibly important if we don't get the Normandy's filtration online soon. Alenko was standing at the mouth of it, facing away from me. Now, I've appointed him my second-in-command for the time being—Shepard trusted him, so that's good enough for me—so I thought I had a right to know what he was doing out there. I spoke to him several times, but he never acknowledged me. I eventually got frustrated, but didn't want to approach him in case he was having some kind of freakout. If he is a sleepwalking biotic, I don't want to know.

Except when I got back to the ship, he was there, waiting. EDI confirmed that he never left all day. So which is more likely? That Alenko convinced EDI to go along with this kind of practical joke, at a time like this? Or that some kind of hologram or something had Alenko perfectly programmed in for me to stumble across? Either way, I don't like it. The apparition had even smelled like Alenko, but he didn't seem to be lying when he told me later he'd been aboard the ship.

1.10.2186

I dreamed about Shepard last night. She told me she loved Alenko, not me. Alenko! Smarmy prick. I took him with me today scouting. He didn't deny the oddly-made synthetics, seemingly placed all over this section of the planet. He did deny the whispers. All day, I could hear whispering from just behind the trees, and he doesn't hear a thing, he says. Yet he spoke to them more than once. And I think I heard him say, "Commander;" if he's in collusion with her somehow, I'll kill him. Kill both of them.

No, never. I love Shep. I would never hurt her, no matter what she decided to do to me. Shep, if you're reading this, I forgive you. Leave Alenko. Love me.

7.10.2186

We've failed to get the Normandy running. No one harbors any hope of leaving this place any longer. The crew has been giving me dark looks all week.

Especially Alenko.

Well, fine. I'm sure they're just a few days away from killing me and Tali, just because we won't starve here. So I left them. I tried to convince Tali to leave with me. I've always loved Tali, even when she was infatuated with Joker. That's right, isn't it? Anyway, she wouldn't go. She tried to give me something to make me sleep, and I realized she was with them. I'm alone now, except I'm not alone. Everywhere I go, the severed pieces of long-abandoned robots, left by some unknown race, watch me. They whisper, telling me things. They keep me apprised of Alenko's plans against me. I brought a tablet with me, to keep these journals still. Someday, someone will find them, and they'll know what happened. I just have to stick nearby the ship so I can see what's going on.

9.10.2186

The synthetics told me a joke today. What do you call a pyjak in a blender? Meatshake! I needed that.

12.10.2186

The crew is dead to a man. I had no choice. The synthetics now whisper quiet, hateful condemnation at me; or perhaps that's the trees. The trees here do have a certain knowing look about them; not like the synthetics with their curiously disinterested stares. Curse Joker for leading us here! No, I don't curse Joker. Shep loved him, so I loved him. Not for anything would I have him find out about the stolen moments I spent with his EDI … I think he knows, now. The bodies of my crew are not where I left them.

15.10.2186

I saw the Illusive Man walking through the clearing where the Normandy crash-landed. He wanders around, silver eyes gleaming, looking for me. Spirits, he won't find me. I'll kill myself before I let that happen. Although, I'm not sure that will stop him. I've seen several of the crew since they died. Alenko's eyes shine like the Illusive Man's do.

Why won't the synthetics stop whispering to me?

17.10.2186

Fuck! Someone keeps turning on all the mayday signals. Every night, I have to sneak back and turn them all off, usually several times. I hear the crew talking as I creep through the ship, desperately trying to disable what's left of the communications before they lure someone else to this awful place. The ship tries to lure people to the planet, and the dead crew tries to lure me to the Illusive Man. I don't sleep any longer. I rest briefly to make these notes, but otherwise I'm on the move. They're still looking for me.

21.10.2186

Spirits, she's dead. I'm sure of it. I saw Shep last night. Shep and Alenko both, plotting against me. I know Alenko's dead, I killed him myself. So that must mean Shep's dead, too. Oh, poor Shep. I'll never find another like her.

22.10.2186

Shep's definitely dead now. She found me while I was sleeping, finally just dropped from exhaustion. But she'd forgot she's never beat me in a spar. Spirits, it was hard killing her. Even though I know she's dead already, I almost couldn't do it, looking into those grey eyes. I burned the body. Maybe she can't come back again. She's already risen from the dead what, two? Three times? No more. No, she can't plague me like this anymore.

28.10.2186

I'm getting tired of the food here. I had rations until the last few days, and now I'm stuck with what grows here. No animals bigger than insects, and all the fruit is either too rotten to eat, or too bitter. Turians don't typically eat fruit, anyway; we're carnivores.

Proved that earlier when I ate Alenko's heart from his chest. Made me ill, but that'll show him not to keep coming back. Burned that body, too; haven't seen Shep, so I think burning the bodies works.

31.10.2186

I'm sending my journals out, now. No matter how many times I stop the damn ship from transmitting, it keeps repairing itself when I'm not there. I can't stop it, but I can send these. Please, don't anyone come here. It's too late to rescue anyone here. I've taken care of the rest of the crew, they won't be coming back again, but there's still something frightening and dangerous here. For spirits' sake, if you see these, stay away.

4.11.2186

S.O.S, mayday, etc. Garrus Vakarian, Spectre Candidate, blah blah reporting. The crew's safe for now; I've got them all through. Please send help soon, as there's not much to eat here. Crew getting a little restless.

We'll be anxiously awaiting your arrival.