AN: Okay, so this is the story I said I would write about Cordelia always knowing she's gay and struggling with it throughout her life. I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think please.

Cordelia's POV

1989

The hot water that rushes against my skin is scalding, but that's how I like it. I scrub myself with a washcloth until my fair skin is pink and raw. I like to think that showers like this will wash away more than just dirt, but cleanse me of my demons as well.

As the soap drips from my hair, I let the sound of the running water mask the sound of my sobs. I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish I didn't have these lustful thoughts. Sometimes, I wish I was never born at all.

"Cordelia, time to get out my precious flower! You've been in there long enough, and the water will prematurely wrinkle your perfect skin." Auntie Myrtle calls from behind the bathroom door. The greenhouse and auntie Myrtle are the only things that make me feel good about myself.

Trying to stop crying and make my voice sound normal, I reply. "I'll be out in a second, Auntie!"

I let the hot water run for another minute before getting out of the shower. Covering myself with a towel, I hide my body from my own eyes. This body betrays me, I don't even want to look at it.

Drying my hair, I twist it up in a towel and put on my nightgown. The thin fabric feels cool contrasting the hot, June, New Orleans air. I sigh to myself, feeling a bit better, and exit the safety of the bathroom.

My bedroom is the last on the left. I share it with Lucy Vanderbilt, a witch with the impressive power of concilium. She's been a Miss Robichaux's for years now and there's speculation that she is the next supreme.

But even with all that power, Lucy is nice to me. We aren't exactly friends but we are friendly. Lucy is also the most beautiful girl in school. Her wild, dark hair and ice blue eyes draw me in like moth to flame. She sleeps 10 feet away from me, and I can't stop myself from imagining what it would be like the sleep with her.

It's thoughts like that, that make me hate myself. I even dream about kissing Lucy, so sleep doesn't offer any sanctuary. I'm supposed to have these feelings for boys, but no matter how much I try, I feel nothing when looking at men. There must be something wrong with me.

I hurry down the hallway, eager to relax after a long day. But before I open the door I can tell that something is wrong. Giggling echoes from inside, and I can make out two voices besides Lucy. Abby and Kathrine have always been horrible.

"You have to read this Lucy! It's hilarious."

Oh my god, could they be reading my diary? Every night before bed I pour my heart and soul out onto that diary. It holds all my deepest secrets, confessions, dreams, and longings. It even has descriptions of my feelings for Lucy…

Slowly, with my heart pounding in my chest and my hands trembling, I open the door. Abby, Katherine, and Lucy are sitting huddled together on the floor with my sky blue journal open between them. The two awful girls are laughing hysterically and Lucy is blushing bright red, giving me an apologetic look.

She is just as bad as them. Anyone who watches others hurt people and does nothing to stop them is terrible too. I'm frozen in place, all of my muscles tensed. I can't believe this is happening.

"I didn't know you're a lesbo Cordelia. I wonder if the Supreme knows her only daughter is a freak."

"I can't believe you're hot for Lucy! You're disgusting!" They all snicker and laugh at me. Abby nudges Lucy with her elbow. "Tell her Luc, tell her what a freak she is."

Even from 15 feet away I can see Lucy's hands trembling. I know she doesn't like me back, she has a boyfriend, but I don't think she wants to bully me either. "You're…You're a freak Cordelia. And I'm going to ask Myrtle if I can switch rooms; I don't want to buck with a disgusting lesbian." She doesn't meet my eyes while she talks.

The embarrassment, shame, and betrayal make me feel light headed and sick to my stomach. I barely register the tears streaming down my cheeks as I run from the room. I can still hear them yelling "Freak!" from down the hall.

I can't breathe the air in here anymore. It seems to have thickened and is pressing down on me. I need to get away.

My bare feet sink into the wet earth while I run as fast I can away from the school and the pain inside. The grass feels good between my toes and it's much easier to breathe out here. Bent over, trying to catch my breath, I take in large gulps of air and try to calm my sobbing. After a few moments I'm able to think clearly again.

Surveying my surroundings, I realize that I have no clue where I am. The ground is almost completely mud and mosquitos fly around my face. I must have run all the way to the swamp.

I've only ever been to the swamp once before, a few years ago when Myrtle took me with her to gather eye of newt. It's even more intimidating and frightening than I remember.

A mysterious rustle comes from behind me and I whip around, ready to face any danger. "Who's there?!" I can hear blood rushing in my ears as adrenaline fills my veins. "I'm warning you, I'm a witch!"

Everything is silent for a full minute; even the insects seem to have stopped buzzing. I'm starting to think that maybe I just imagined the noise, but then I hear it again. Out from behind a cluster of overgrown bushes, a young girl about my age wearing a patchwork dress and a million bracelets, steps out with her hands up.

"I have magic too…" Her voice is soft and sounds like music. Her blue eyes are deep and piercing; I feel like she can see right through my soul. "I aint ever met someone else with magic before. What can ya do? What is your name?"

Excitement is written all over her beautiful face. I'm not sure why, but this strange girl makes me feel comfortable. "I'm Cordelia Goode. I'm an alchemist, it's not very powerful magic but it's mine. Who are you?"

"Wow." She says in awe. "An alchemist, you're real special Cordelia and don't let anyone tell ya otherwise." She smiles so brightly that I can't help but smile too. No one's ever called me special before. "I'm Misty Day and I can bring things back to life. I live with my momma and papa a few miles away from here. We're part of the church commune community."

I'm mesmerized by this beautiful, mysterious swamp witch in front of me. Everything about her is unique and natural. I've never met anyone like her before.

Before I can say anything else, a male voice rings through the swamp. "Mist? Come on kiddo, your momma is expectin' us back soon!"

"Shit." Misty sighs, and then looks back at me. "That's my cousin Robert. We came to the swamp to get some special leaves for breakfast tea. I gotta go now. I'm sorry Cordelia"

Misty steps closer to me. I reach out and take her hand. It was impulsive but it feels so right. "Will I ever see you again, Misty?"

"I hope so Cordelia. I really hope so."

So quickly I think it might have been a hallucination, Misty Day leans in and kisses me. it was only a peck, but my lips tingle and warmth spreads through my whole body.