Author: Dany
Rated: PG-13 (for now)
Spoilers: So far none.
Summary: Some things can only be seen from a distance. Some people can only be loved, when they were hated first. D/H SLASH
Disclaimer: I do not claim or own the characters. I'm just borrowing them :)
Feedback: Sure, mail me/review and tell me what you think :)


Part One: Everything Stays Different


I watch you as you enter the Great Hall, my eyes following your every move. You look tired and worn, your eyes slightly bloodshot and still half-closed. It's not the first time you come to breakfast like this. It's been like this for the past two years.

You think I don't notice. But I do. I always noticed everything concerning you, right from the moment I met you. Of course you never knew because all I was to you was just another thorn in your side. Well, that was then this is now.

I'm not saying things have changed between us because god knows it would be a lie. And I may lie to others but I do not lie to myself. I never have. You always do.

Your friends ask you if you're okay and you look at them for a moment considering if you should tell them the truth or not. Nightmares you finally whisper and although I can't hear from this distance I know you've said it. Because you say it most of these days. Sometimes you lie but I know these nightmares are haunting you every night.

You stopped speaking to most people long ago and I often see you alone in the library, reading for hours and casting everyone who dares to disturb you dark glances. And I know if I could see your eyes at that moment, they'd be empty.

Your friends worry but I know you brush it off with I'll survive or You worry to much. I've never heard you utter those words but I know you say them often. Don't ask me why, I just do.

So now as you drink your coffee and eat your toast I know the peaceful atmosphere at your table is not going to last long. It never does once you arrive. Granger asks you something and you just scowl at her, snapping at her No I don't.

Even from a distance I can see Weasley's hair turn a brighter shade of red as his temper rises. Don't talk to her like that, he says and I know you are narrowing your eyes. Leave me alone, it's none of your business, you say in a tone that makes both your friends and the rest of the table recoil from you. You don't need to swear anymore to scare people because your voice sounds dark and unpleasant nonetheless. It's like there's no emotion in it.

God, how I hate your voice.

The shock of your house'mates' wears off quickly and it doesn't take much time for you and Weasley to start another fight. Granger tries to sort things out but like always no one listens to her.

Someone nudges me in the side and I scowl. It's starting again the voice whispers in my ear but I pay no attention to it. As if I wasn't the first to notice. I always am. I always was.

I watch as you jump up from your bench, and so does Weasley and his sidekicks. Who do you think you are?! Weasley screams but you barely react. He doesn't notice and continues. What is wrong with you?! He asks again, trying to grip your shoulders to probably shake you but you flinch away from his touch like you're burned.

Even from a distance I can see the hurt look in Weasley's eyes but when you turn and I catch a glimpse of your eyes, they show nothing. There's no fire and no emotion.

And I know that I hate your eyes more than anything.

Finally the staff members can separate you and Weasley – or more like Weasley and the rest of Gryffindor from you. Like always you don't say a word, simply glare at everyone before you pack your things and leave the table.

I crank my neck to follow your departure with my eyes. Potter finally lost his knickers for real, Blaise says loudly to the table and I turn away from your retreating form to look at Zabini.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, I say and hear the closing of the door.

***

The next morning is slightly different which isn't bad since the last few weeks have always been the same. I lay awake last night because I had a lot of thinking to do and so I'm late for breakfast today.

I enter the Great Hall and stop dead in my tracks as I see the all to familiar scene played out before me. Some of my housemates look up, Blaise rolling his eyes mouthing It's getting old and I nod but dare not to move.

Your back is turned to me and you stand a few feet away. I can see the way your body tenses when they taunt you but all I do is stare. I don't even think your Gryffindor fellows noticed me arriving.

I watch as they complain about your behaviour as usual but my eyes narrow when I hear you speaking back to them – really speaking back to them for the first time and I grit my teeth in anger when I notice your voice is still shallow and empty.

Don't pretend to know me. Because you don't.

The Gryffindors are momentarily shocked into silence and you turn your back on them, ready to leave. Your eyes are cast towards the ground – lately you seem to find the floors of Hogwarts fascinating – and you walk towards me and then walk on by.

It's in that moment that I snap. How can you not notice me even if I stand right before you? Even when my eyes pierce into your back, searching for your soul – knowing it is miles away – somewhere hidden in a dark room just waiting to be found.

Without really thinking about it – without really planning to – I whirl around and catch your wrist in my hand, feeling you flinch at the harsh touch. And it seems like hours when you turn your head back towards me, your eyes slowly flickering up to meet mine.

For a moment these eyes are startled and surprised and I inhale a deep breath as I see a flicker of green in them. But in a second those eyes are empty again and the blackness startles me and I'm not sure if this flicker of green was reality or just my imagination.

I don't know what possesses me to pull you towards me but all I know is that in the next moment we're closer than we've ever been before in our lives. Our bodies are inches apart and I look into your face, your eyes are black and my grip tightens. I can feel you tense even more.

The need to see those green eyes again, to see them sparkle and shine with anger, overcomes me, it blinds my senses enough to make me a mad man when I'm in your presence.

Stop it, Potter.

I hear myself tell you, loud and clear, but in reality I don't know what the hell I'm about to say. It seems my brain too has stopped working around you. It's a shame, really.

Or I'll be the one saving you.

Before I can even really comprehend what I just said I'm shocked by the bright green light in your eyes, the way they widen slightly as if they'd recognized what I was meaning long before I even did. You look confused for a moment as if you'd just woken up from a dream and found yourself in the Great Hall and I guess that's just what you have.

Scared - because for a moment there, you lost control and forgot to hate me (to hate everything) – you tear your eyes away from mine, turn around and run out of the Hall.

And as my eyes watch your departure I just wished I had confronted you sooner because I know I could have saved you from falling all along from the very beginning.

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