Safe Side
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It was cold from the heavy autumn rain. The digits on the digital clock glowed red; 3:47 AM. A few hours before sunrise; that early, but she was already awaken by the loud, however inconsistent knockings on her door.
She stumbled forward and grabbed the doorknob for support, muttering a soft "Yes, I'm coming," to acknowledge the visitor outside. The impulsive pounding, however, just kept growing more and more desperate. Just whoever it was trying to shake the door off its hinges? It was when she twisted the cold metal knob that she came to her senses; it was not very wise to open the door without knowing who it really was on the other side of it, but it just shoved open.
And he charged in without a warning, almost knocking her off her feet.
"Yu," she said, her face contorted with shock. Her drowsiness just went away by then.
He lunged towards the coach and clung there, slack-jawed and slumped over. He was drenched, having been out in the rain, his hair somehow disarrayed. His soaked shirt stuck to his skin; the fabric was almost see-through, showing off a large portion of his torso. It took her sometime to examine him before she finally snapped out of her trance and lifted her gaze off him, slightly blushing. She slowly shut the door behind her, letting the heater warm the room up again.
Silence lingered as he tried to get hold of himself; only his heavy breathing, and her quiet one, filled the air. She bit her lips, refusing to say anything; afraid that it would be something that she would regret over later. But it made him feel angry, tenfold even, that she did not come and try to say something to ease his aching heart. She was always like that, he thought. Always on the safe side.
"Say something," he croaked, his voice sounding just as tired as he was. "Don't just stand there, say something."
Minako knew it all along. She just knew it. He went out drinking and came back home completely wasted, just so he could get a little more of her attention. She wasn't too oblivious to see it, how he constantly tried so hard in making herself worried over him, but she shrugged off such attempts. She just wanted him to realize one thing. It wasn't the right way; and what he was doing was childish and insensible.
But was she right to remain silent? Could he really see it on his own? Unlike some people, Minako hated to confront people. She was way too safe for that.
"Damn it, Minako," he said under his breath, pressing his palm to his throbbing forehead. His breath smelled strongly of alcohol, and his teeth, somehow wine-washed with purplish shade of color. "I'm tired of being the only one trying to make us work out."
He coughed and tilted his head backwards.
"Was there really us anyway? All this while it's just me. It's just me all along, bitching, so I could get you to care about me. But you're never there."
"I don't want to talk," she said.
"Minako," he grunted roughly and held her face. "Look at me."
She avoided his eyes. No, she couldn't let him intimidate her.
"I said look at me. Please."
"It's wrong," she said under her breath. "It's just wrong."
Yu put his arms around her, pressing her against his chest. He wanted her to feel the fire in his heart; how the fire was slowly burning himself down to ashes. She's right. It's wrong. "Everything's wrong," he whispered, burying his face into her shoulder. "Tell me how to make it right, Minako."
She hated how cold and sticky he was, but she wanted to stay that way. Communication was always the way out. Yes, this was what she had always wanted. It was so selfish of her, waiting at the end of the maze, when he was stuck; lost in it. But it wasn't she who refused to lead him. It was him who refused to ask for help; taking so many risks to reach her when all he could do was to try and talk to her.
"Let's forget about all of this, Yu," she said calmly, slipping out of his embrace. Let's forget about this shit.
He swallowed a gasp of air; feeling his chest tightening, his muscles tensing up. Those eyes… Have you finally decided that it was the end of us? Heartless. Minako, were you always like this?
Please, don't do it. You can't do this to me. You're not leaving me, no.
He wanted to open his mouth and plead, but the pain in his chest just won't let him do so. He saw her taking a really deep breath, letting silence take over the room again. Tears fell from the edge of his eyes. It just hurt. Looking at her, it hurt.
"Yu, Let's forget about all of this and get a brand new start," she finally said, reaching for his cheek, slowly caressing it. "The new us."
He slowly lightened up. He reached for her hand and looked at her, straight in her red eyes. "Minako…"
"Let's start taking risks together," she told him, smiling bitterly. "No more secrets. No more being on the safe side. We blurt out what we feel about each other, from now on."
He held her face. "I love you," he said and pressed his lips against hers before pulling away again. "I love you, yes. That's what I feel about you, Minako."
She smiled again, and he had never felt so glad to see it.
"I love you too," she whispered.
And he realized his mistake all this while. It wasn't her attention that he needed.
It was her.
It was always her…
Just her, Minako Arisato.
