OK so this is my 3rd story, I had many ideas for the new story and this was the best, hope you like it, review please :)

Disclamer: I don't own Randy John or any of the persons mentioned on this story, this is fiction, just enjoy

"Come on let's have some fun please, come to the bed with me Johnny, it's been a while since we don't, besides I want you to make love to me here in the Bahamas". . .

"Randy you promised to come with me to make some surfing, I found the perfect place, it's a bit far from here, but it's a private and lonely place, come on baby, you must come". . .

"Look at the clouds it seems that's gonna rain, please let's go back to the hotel"

"No of course it's not, don't be a spoilsport". . .

"Look at the sea waves, they're too big". . .

"No they're perfect. . . stop complaining, if you don't want to be here then go back to the hotel"

"No I'll stay, but please don't talk to me like that Johnny, you make me feel sad". . .

"Randy watch out!". . .

"Randy! Where are you!". . .

"John!. . . John!. . . Joh. . ."

"Randy!. . . Randy where are you!. . . please baby answer me!. . . RANDY!"

John abruptly opened his eyes, he was covered with sweat and was gasping for air, he'd had the dream again, for the third time in a week, since the incident he always brought and slept with the pillow that Randy used, he buried his face in the pillow and screamed as hard as he could, the pillow had Randy's scent, that made John felt even worst, he hugged the pillow and started to cry

"Randy. . . please come back to me baby. . ." John cried harder, gasping

The nightstand's lap had turned on "John this is the third time this week you awake crying" Phil aka CM Punk said sleepily from his bed

"Same dream?" John didn't answer, he hugged the pillow tightly

Phil took a deep breath "John it has been three months since Randy. . ." John looked him angrily

"Yes John you must accept it, it has been three months since Randy died, I know it's hard, it's for all, especially for you, but he's gone, you can't change that John"

"No he's not dead! I can feel it! My baby is not dead, he can't be, I know he's out there" John said, his eyes filled with tears

"John the coastguards didn't find his body, but you heard them, he had no chance to survive, the waves were huge, there was a reef and big stones near there, please don't get me wrong, but if he didn't die drowned. . . he died there" Phil's words weren't helping John, John start crying even harder

"Listen John I think you should to go to his grave, you have never gone" Phil said seriously

"I haven't gone cause his not dead!" John shouted

"That could help you to end this chapter in your life, if you love something let it go, I'm sure that Randy wouldn't want to see you like this"

"I can't go and stand in front of his grave, what am I gonna tell him? it was my fault" John said a bit more calmed but with clear sadness in his face

"Talk to him with your heart, I know he will hear you, you need to, this is killing you"

"Thanks Phil but I'm already dead" John said leaning down on the bed, he knew that sooner or later he would have to go to the place where the tragedy had happened


John was sat in one of the locker room's benches, he was sad, still remembering the dream, John loved the wwe but it also remembered him to Randy, at that time he had started to seriously think about the possibility of leaving the company

"Hey John! John I'm talking to you!" Phil said loud

"Oh sorry man" John said sadly

"You were thinking about him, don't you"

"I'm always thinking about him" John raised his face looking to Phil, a few tears rolling down his eyes

"John I've talked with Vice about you and what's happening, he is very concerned, I told him that you need to go to Randy's grave, he said yes, but under the condition that I must go with you, he don't want you to do. . . something crazy or desperate"

"You mean killing myself" John said quietly

"Eh. . . yes"

"That would end my suffering" John thought but didn't say anything

"John we're going to the Bahamas tomorrow, get your things ready, but most important get yourself ready, see you later John" Phil said placing a hand on John's shoulder


That night John couldn't sleep, he wasn't sad, he was anxious and nervous at the same time, he didn't know what he was gonna do when he stands in front of his boyfriend's grave, John spent the rest of the night replying the words that Randy told him in the hotel "Come to the bed with me Johnny, it's been a while since we don't"

He blamed himself for not attending to his boyfriend's request, he loved to make slow deep passionate love to Randy, as a matter of fact when they were in the same brand they did it every day five or even six times per day, he considered a selfish crap since the day of the tragedy, he was in the mood to give pleasure to Randy, but for some insane reason he decided not to do it, and that reason caused the tragedy, he was %100 sure that id he would have taken a different decision he would be hugging Randy in a king size bed, both naked, looking into his beautiful blue eyes after a long and pleasuring night and not alone in a small and cold bed thinking about going to his boyfriends grave

"If you don't want to be here then go back to the hotel" John replied time after time after time, at that moment John didn't realize that Randy wanted to go out of there cause something was not right, and he stayed cause he wanted to take care of him

"I'm an asshole, I should have never talked you like that baby, I didn't see your true intentions, I should have listened to you" John's eyes started to fill with tears as he thought that

All the beautiful memories came to John's mind, each and every one of them, their first kiss, their first love making together that happened to be Randy's first time too, their celebration after Summerslam 2004, after WrestleMania 21 and all the other countless celebrations they'd had, he wasn't the same, he even wore a black shirt every time he walked to the ring, John was dying inside and he knew it, he couldn't be without Randy any more


"Hey John! John! Hey John my diet soda!"

"Eh what?" Incredibly or not John had fallen asleep

"Finally you are awake, we have to get ready to be in the airport, the plane leaves at three hours" Phil said energetically

"I'm gonna take a shower, your turn is next, hurry up John!" Phil said as he walked to the bathroom

15 minutes later John was in the shower, the warm water falling in his back, he was quietly crying remembering all the times that Randy and him had taken and made love in the shower

"John are you ok?" Phil said after knocking the door

"Almost done!" John said as he grabbed the sponge and the soap, John walked out of the shower, he dressed up, half our later Phil and him had left the hotel and were in the airport

John was sat on the waiting room, alone, he checked his watch "5:00 A.M. just one hour"

"Hey John I brought you something" John raised his head, Phil stood in front of him with a starbucks coffee and a bagle in a small plastic box

"Thanks man" John said with a small grin, Phil had been one of the closest persons to him since the incident, he always tried to cheer him up, John knew that Phil wasn't trying something with him cause his friend was straight, despite that he was an open minded person who didn't judge anyone

One hour ran away and they were at the plane, it took off and John felt butterflies in his stomach, even after all those years traveling by plane he was still afraid, normally Randy used to hold his hand and rub his stomach, but it had been three months since that didn't happen, he closed his eyes and wait the plane to arrive


It was a cloudy day in the Bahamas, John and Phil arrived at 12:00 and one hour later they had checked in

"Do you wanna eat something first?" Phil asked John as he took off his shirt and put on a black shirt and a black a hoody, he was wearing jeans

"No" John said with a cold voice, turning his back against Phil and a few tears rolling down his cheeks, he took off his shirt too, so he was wearing his short jeans and a black shirt

They left the hotel, first they went to a flowery, Phil bought one white rose and John bought with 20 white roses, he cried as he did it, but then he calmed himself, Randy didn't like to see John crying, then they rented a car and went to the place that appeared on John's nightmares

It was really a lonely place, far from the city, the clouds where dark, the waves were huge and the sky was roaring like that day, John even could hear Randy shouting his name in the wind, he felt the tears about to come out, but he push them back, they walked for a few minutes until they finally found the white gravestone, it was hidden near to a group of big rocks a bit far from the beach

I'll publish chapter 2 in a few hours, I know this one was a bit sad, but get ready cause it will get worst, review please!