Rated T for: language, violence, etc.
Notes: This was certainly a fun thing to write, I've gotta say. The idea came along one restless night, and bam. There it was. Poor Devi just wants a chance to escape from the constant fear that she is subjected to while in the same town as Nny, but she doesn't seem to be so lucky. All alone, miles from civilization, with a homicidal maniac/ex-boyfriend. What could go wrong, right? Tons of fun to come. I hope the title makes you giggle.

I own nothing of JTHM.


"Devi, I think you need to get out more."

Yeah, like she hadn't heard those same words out of Tenna's mouth before. What the hell made her think that her answer would be any different than the day before? She hadn't stepped a foot outside for almost a couple of months ever since that disastrous date that must not ever be spoken of again.

Devi glared. "Fuck, Tenna. This is getting old."

The other woman pouted. "But Deviiiii. You never have fun anymore! You're always just cooped up here in your apartment."

"I'm not risking running into him again. You know that." Devi drew her legs up to her chest. She was curled in a ball on one side of her couch, hoping that soon her friend would drop the subject already.

Tenna stood before her, in front of the television. Truthfully, she had interrupted one of Devi's shows that she watched. It still was playing behind the darker girl, enabling Devi to only hear snippets of dialogue when Tenna wasn't blabbing. She sighed. It was almost routine now. Tenna would barge in with the spare key to Devi's apartment that she "borrowed," insist that they head out to do something, then eventually give in and order Chinese or pizza. This was the part she disliked especially, though.

"Well, dearest Devi, if you actually watched the news, opposed to…" She turned and squinted her eyes, trying to find out what Devi had been watching in the first place. "…this dumb show about people making houses out of sticks, then you would've heard what's been going on in the news."

Devi's heart suddenly began beating faster in excitement. This is what she had been waiting for this whole time. Finally, finally she could go to the grocery store without fear! "Did…did the police finally catch him? Did they arrest Johnny?"

Tenna looked to her strangely, as if her nose was replaced with half of a sandwich. "Noooo…but the killings have just kinda stopped. No warning, no slow decline. A few days ago, they just quit happening altogether. I think he left or something." Now that she thought about it, Tenna did feel like eating a ham sandwich. With lots of cheese.

Well, that wasn't the news she was going for, but it was sure as hell good enough. Devi released a heavy sigh, a weight feeling as though it was lifted off of her shoulders. Johnny was gone. It almost seemed to good to be true. She could live a normal life. She could see a movie, go out to eat, resume her job at the bookstore, walk around town to get some exercise…

"Soooo…yeah. That's not all, though." Tenna grinned madly, doing an excited little dance. She hopped from foot to foot like a two-year-old.

Blink. "Um, okay. What is it, then?"

"You have to guess first!"

Of course. How could it ever be that easy? "Right. Okay, well…you're going to join the circus, thus fulfilling your life-long dream?"

Tenna rolled her eyes. "Psh, no. It's about you. Besides, you know that I can't deal with those bearded chicks. They give me the willies."

Devi buried her face in her hands. Her fingers had some remnants of black finger nail polish, but most of it had chipped off. Her purplish hair had fallen out of her pigtails a little, ending up in her face. She'd been dressing like a lazy bum for a number of days on top of that. It wasn't like she was going to ever see anyone besides Tenna, up until now…

"I give up. Tell me already."

Tenna let out a shrill squeal. "I got you a ticket for a cruise to Hawaii!"

For probably five minutes Devi could do nothing other than just stare. It wasn't until Tenna actually procured the ticket and waved it in her face did she actually grasp the reality of the situation, opposed to sitting in stunned silence. She crushed Tenna in a hug.

"Tenna, you're probably the coolest person in the world, you know that?"

"Uh, yeah. How long did it take you to figure that one out?" She grunted, trying to pull herself free. "Owwie. Anyway, you should pack, since your plane will leave for California tomorrow morning. That's kinda where the ships departs and stuff. Oh, and Devi, can you let me go now, please? My spleen is about to rupture…"

Devi, who was now the grinning fool, gladly obliged. "You're coming, right?"

"Nahhh." She waved a hand dismissively. "This is all you, Devi. Your time to relax and enjoy yourself begins tomorrow. And who knows…maybe you'll bump into some hottie on the ship or on the island." She nudged her while wiggling her eyebrows ridiculously.

Devi rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh. Now, are you going to help me pack or what?"

xXx

She breathed in a heavy dose of air, then exhaled. After hours of flying, going through airports, and dealing with taxi drivers, she was finally here. Caffeine was the only reason why she was even conscious and able to make it through, actually. Devi slipped her sunglasses back on, taking in the sight of the monstrous cruise ship and the sparkling ocean before her. It smelled salty and the seagulls were pretty obnoxious, but she could've cared less. She was in California and about to go on an expensive cruise to Hawaii, and she was going to enjoy it, goddamnit.

It was quite a switch for her to be in such summery clothes. Typically she was clad in dark tones, showing little skin, save for the occasional skirt or v-neck top. Now, though, she sported comfy floral shorts and a tank top, flip flops on her feet. Well, she hadn't been the one to pick these things out, but who was she to say what she needed for a tropical cruise vacation? It was pretty warm out, she had to admit.

Getting onto the ship wasn't much more efficient than it was getting onto the airplane. You had to stand around forever with your luggage in line, go through paperwork, security checks, more lines… She eventually pulled out her iPod and began to listen to some music in an attempt to lessen the effects of the excruciating torture. A trip up an elevator was next, and a whole family squeezed in before her, leaving zero room for her and all of her crap.

It would be another half-an-hour after that point until she actually would step foot onto the ship. Sweet Jesus, was that lobby something! A huge chandelier hung from the ceiling, and all that artwork and flooring and…just everything. She gaped there stupidly for a minute or so before finally realizing that she should actually locate her cabin. Devi could wander the ship and look at it later, after all of her things were unpacked. She slowly managed to weave through the throngs of families and whatnot doing the same, feeling as though she was trapped in a herd of cattle.

Once out of that mess, she dug around in her purse for her room key card. She narrowed her eyes, trying to make sense of it. Well, she was only a floor below the Promenade deck. That was pretty good, since that's where all the food was, basically. Tenna had even mentioned that she had a balcony, all to herself.

After navigating to the stairwell (she wasn't going to wait for that elevator again), Devi quickly located her cabin and slipped inside. She the door behind her, promptly flopping onto the bed. With all of that madness over, the fun was finally going to begin.

xXx

Scratch that. The fun was going to begin in ten minutes. Now she was standing in another crowd of loud vacationers on one of the decks outside with an obscenely large orange life-vest on. Bored, she decided to head toward the railing and leaned on it, staring out to the ocean.

"I swear, if I have to go through a fire drill or some shit like that next…" she mumbled to herself. It wouldn't surprise her.

She contemplated a couple of things while waiting to get permission to go back to her cabin and tear the ridiculous thing off. For instance, would she manage any sort of tan while on this vacation? Was the food going to be absolutely delicious, or would she toss her cookies? Moreover, there now was this new issue of getting her sea-legs. Sure, the ship didn't rock as violently as a small boat would, but she certainly wasn't on solid ground anymore.

What had Tenna told her to do while out on vacation?

"Oh, right. 'Get me a snow globe from Hawaii! My collection is almost complete! Oh, and don't get one of those cheap-o plastic ones, yo ho.'" Devi smirked.

Sure enough, the captain's voice came back on the intercom system and told the cruise ship passengers that they could go back to their rooms and get rid of their life vests. Devi let out a sigh of relief. She turned and began to go on her merry way, but stopped dead in her tracks.

It was just a quick flash, nothing more than a blur. A particularly thin man seemed to round the corner to the bow of the ship about thirty or so feet away from her. Plenty of people were in the way as well, still trying to fit through the entryway to the now over-flowing stairwell.

She shook her head. "Damn it, Devi. Why would he even be on a cruise ship, let alone yours? He doesn't strike me as a guy who wants to go get a tan out on the beach, sipping some drink out of a coconut… He just left and went somewhere else, and who knows if he's even alive…right?"

xXx

There were to be no more weird sightings after the first one. After grabbing a quick bite to eat at a pizza corner on the main deck, she lounged out by the pools in her rarely-used swim-suit. She had never been much of a swimmer, but she kind of felt bad for not wearing it more. It was a black with cute little pink skulls bikini. The whole food deal was pretty awesome, too. She didn't have to pay for a single thing with cash, save the occasional drink or souvenir. She spent a while in the hot tub later, then cleaned herself up to go see one of the stand-up acts that went on in the evening before dinner. Despite not being a full day at sea, it was pretty damn awesome so far. She had absolutely nothing to worry about.

Nope. Not a single thing.

Instead of making one of the formal dinners that most everyone went to, Devi decided to skip out the first time. The night was getting pretty chilly with the sun gone, so she pulled on some jeans and a comfy hoodie. Well, it wasn't so much that it was cold that it was she was a sissy when it came to non-warm weather. Oh well.

With more of that delicious pizza on a plate and a martini in hand, she headed out to the starboard side to eat her dinner. Now with civilization far, far away, she could see the stars clearly up in the sky. She sat at a lonely little table, chewing and staring skyward.

"Shit!"

Devi stopped eating immediately, a half-eaten piece of pepperoni pizza still sitting in her mouth and drink forgotten. She knew that voice. She had thought about it every day, heard it in her dreams… It could never be him. She was in the Pacific Ocean, far away from that psycho. What were the odds, right? Nervously she swallowed, reaching for her martini.

"Ugh, of all of the times for the goddamned match not to light…"

She choked on what she was swallowing his time. After hacking profusely, she tried to determine where the person's voice was coming from. Her heart was beating madly in her ears. Inhaling deeply in an attempt to calm herself, she stood. It wasn't him, it couldn't be. She would simply meander over to the sound of the seemingly familiar voice, see that it wasn't him, and return to her dinner. All would be well in the world of Devi again.

Shakily she stood and tip-toed toward the mysterious person, being able to pick up on a continuous stream of quiet obscenities. When she was sure that they were just around the corner by some lifeboats, Devi very carefully peered over to steal a peek.

"Ha! There we go. You lose, Mr. Matchbox."

No. No, it couldn't be.

Johnny wasn't supposed to be on her ship.

He wasn't supposed to ruin her vacation, he was supposed to be hiding in another state or dead or something.

Instead, he was standing only ten feet away from her dropping a match onto a suspicious looking trail of liquid. It immediately caught fire, the flame running down the trail with blinding speed. He rubbed his hands in delight.

"Oh my god…" she whispered silently.

It took just that to capture his attention. He whipped his head around, his dark eyes catching sight of her. Devi felt like her heart stopped for that brief moment, snippets of her life flashing before her eyes. She was fucked. However, he seemed to look at her in almost equal terror.

"Shit… I, uh... Devi, I'm not going to… Please don't hurt me." He began to slowly back away from her, his voice weak.

Now the adrenaline had kicked in. "Johnny, get the fuck away from me! I swear, I'll kick your ass again!" She was screaming like a madwoman, now fully facing Johnny instead of hiding behind the corner.

He shirked away some more at this. "Uh, well…"

"Well, what? Why aren't you fucking gone yet, anyway?"

"Devi, I don't think you should stay on the ship..."

She looked at him with the utmost of confusion. What the hell was he talking about? He wanted her to just quit vacationing not even a day into it? Wait, he was going to take another shot at killing her. That was it. Of course he would go to the lengths of getting on the same ship that she'd be on to get another chance. Sadly, she overlooked the long trail of fire behind him for another moment or so.

"Of course I shouldn't!" she shrieked. "You came all the way here to try to do me in, right? Shit, why didn't you just walk up to my door or something to save us both the trouble?"

He balled his fists, exasperated. "You don't get it, do you? If you stay on this ship, you're not going to survive!"

"Well, of course I'm not, because you're-" Oh wait. There was that whole fire thing going on, wasn't there? Her words had immediately dried up, eyes wide.

Johnny crossed his arms. "In roughly half-an-hour the entire ship will be engulfed in flames. Moreover, I think I maybe harpooned the captain in the face a couple of minutes ago…" He scratched his chin in thought.

"You WHAT?" Okay, she hadn't lost her voice for very long.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter! I have a lifeboat ready over there," he said, pointing to the railing, "and you can stay and die or come with me. It's your choice, but make it quick. I don't plan on getting toasty."

Devi stared at him incredulously, unable to find any good outcome in whatever scenario her brain could come up with. She was in the middle of the ocean on a soon-to-be-burning ship with a deceased captain and she didn't know how to swim or where to go if she could even figure out one of the lifeboats. Would a more than probable death with Johnny be preferred over certain death on board? Decisions, decisions.

True to his word, he was already getting his things onto the spacious commercial lifeboat. It would easily fit two dozen people, she thought absently. Once situated, he looked to her, annoyed. "Well? I want an answer now."

Before she even knew it, she found herself seated on the opposite end of the lifeboat. Johnny ignored her for the time being, slowly lowering the vessel toward the water below. She gripped the sides until her knuckles were white, each movement of the little boat causing a wave of panic to go through her. Some screams started sounding from the ship, mostly far-off. Johnny smiled to himself, the action visible due to the light from the ship and the bright moon. It made her shiver.

Devi tried shifting in her seat to distract her thoughts, not wanting to really look at him any longer. She felt her flip flops touch something wet and sticky on the floor. It looked sort of reddish, causing her to forget how to breathe for another moment or so. She swallowed afterward, trying to find her voice.

"Nny…what…what exactly is this sticky stuff on the flooring of this boat…?"

"Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?" He was still focused on lowering the ship. They were mere feet away from the water now.

"No!"

"Hm, well…fine. It's the lovely elderly couple in the cabin across the hall from yours."

"Nny!" She quickly drew away from the horrible puddle of blood, leaving her tainted shoes there.

He gave her a strange look. "They were taking all of the crescent rolls."

"Jesus Christ, what else did you do in the eight hours we've been on this ship?" She would immediately regret asking this later.

He rolled his eyes, detaching the boat from the pulley system. Johnny started up the engine on the lifeboat before responding. "Well, I also kind of head-butted some of the little kids off of the side of the ship…gutted the bartender…stabbed some people with parts of the ice sculptures…"

Devi simply stared.

It didn't take long for him to catch on. "Uh, well…shit. Devi, I'm not going to hurt you, okay?"

"Like hell you aren't!" She tried to stand, only to wobble and fall back down on her butt. The lifeboat was up and running now, and if she didn't want to fall over on him or in that puddle of blood…

He flinched. "…and please don't hurt me." His voice was barely a whisper.

The two just sat in awkward silence for the remainder of the boat ride. Johnny didn't even dare to look to her again, which was all the better to Devi. Her stomach was angry at her for not finishing her dinner but she wasn't in any mood to eat. If she had any luck, they'd be on their way back to California. It hadn't even been a day, so it couldn't be far, right? She would leap off of the ship the very second she got the chance and never see the homicidal maniac ever again. Well, if she survived the trip. Devi shivered, looking up to the sky again. She didn't feel particularly inclined to try to look back to see the ship, or what could be left of it…

A question suddenly posed itself in her mind. A feeling in her gut told her to dismiss it, but her mouth starting going anyway. "Nny, were the other passengers able to get onto the rest of the lifeboats?"

For a while, she thought he hadn't heard her or decided to ignore her question. However, he quietly spoke, almost scaring her out of her wits again.

"Well, those are probably at the bottom of the ocean. I put lots of holes in them."

xXx

Devi narrowed her eyes, catching sight of some land nearing. Once she had figured out that it wasn't best to talk to Johnny anymore, another long bout of silence had followed. This, however, was probably cause to break it again.

"Nny, is that an island close to California…?" So far her navigator had avoided any violent episodes, so she decided not to agitate him anymore. She couldn't exactly jump into the water and swim away… Even though he had displayed that he was genuinely frightened of her, it still seemed sketchy.

"No."

That was not what she was wanting to hear.

Her voice cracked, "E-excuse me?"

"Well, the ship was roughly eighty or more miles away from the coast of California. We don't even have enough gas to make it half-way there. So, I had decided to head to this little island. No one really lives there, so we should be pretty safe…"

She sat there numbly. "No one there…no civilization for miles…"

"Yep."

It was times like this that she wished she'd gotten a gun license so she could have a pistol on her or something.

"Hey, Devi… Are you okay? You stopped blinking a couple of minutes ago...and maybe breathing, too."

She buried her face in her hands. If she got back to her apartment after this ordeal, so help her she was going to strangle Tenna. Never again would she listen to her ideas, however tempting they might end up being. She could spend the rest of her life in her apartment, right?

"Um, Devi…. Devi?"

"What?" she snapped. She'd zoned out for a while, not really caring about what was happening anymore. She had pretended she was back in her plush cabin bed in her pajamas, letting the ship moving on the waves rock her to sleep…

"We're here."

"Oh…" Devi looked around finally, finding that he'd gotten the boat mostly ashore. There was some vegetation and trees and stuff some ways ahead of the beach, but she could see little else in the limited light. Johnny hopped out with his backpack, leaving her to get out herself once she gathered her wits.

Her bare feet touched the sand, squishing beneath her toes. Well, this was the best she was going to get. No white sands of Hawaii or anything like that. Johnny had started off towards the smaller trees rather than the large palms, pulling a monstrous machete out of his pack. He started hacking away at the defenseless vegetation. She mutely watched him, not quite wanting to get close to the murderer when armed with an enormous deadly weapon. Yes, distance sounded pretty appealing.

Somehow the thin man managed to carry all of the wood onto the sand of the beach, chopping the trees into little logs and sticks. So he was making firewood, huh? Once he got to the actual lighting the wood part and the knife was safely tucked back into his things, she went a little closer to where he was crouched.

"Nny, I want you to listen for a second. This is important." Her voice wavered, fighting to remain calm.

"Gah!" Johnny stuck his thumb in his mouth, seeming to have burned it. He glared at her.

She flinched, but just slightly. "I want you to stay at least twenty feet away from me, got it? If try to break that rule and make any sort of move to touch me, I swear to you…I'm not going to leave you in as good as a state as I did last time. Got it?"

He dropped his flaming match into the pile of wood. It quickly caught fire, smoke rising from the portion that the match had fallen on.

"Yeah." He slowly stood back up, his backpack several feet away from the fire. "I'll be back in the morning."

Before she could get another word in, he seemed to have already gone off somewhere. Devi sat down on the sand, trying to get warmth from the flame. Something told her she wouldn't exactly be getting any sleep tonight.