Ok, so this idea is a little wacky. I decided to combine two of my favourite TV shows (dr who, dad's army) and this is what I came up with. I'm going to be honest, I have no idea where this is going but it should be interesting! For those of you who read my first two 10/Martha stories, I am working on the story about their life ect, and it should be up very soon.
"What the devil do you think it is, Wilson?" Captain Mainwaring peered through his little, round glasses at the strange blue box standing in the middle of his church hall. It was tall- at least twice that of Mainwaring, but he always had been a very small man. It wasn't quite so many times wide- but you could never have called the Captain a slight man. He rubbed a rough hand over his smooth, bald head in puzzlement.
"I really haven't the slightest idea sir." The reply was one most people would expect to hear coming from a well brought up politician or perhaps a member of some stately family- not a tall, handsome, but none the less common man in badly fitting green uniform.
"Well that's no damn use!" Mainwaring paced along the outside of the box, sucking air in through his teeth as he went. "Slap bang in the middle of where the platoon are supposed to be drilling- they will be disappointed."
"Very," said Sergeant Wilson sarcastically. Mainwaring didn't seem to notice.
"I hope the owner of this box knows whose property he's invading. He's interrupting vital military training!"
"Well it's hardly vital, is it sir," said Wilson lazily. "I mean, today you were planning on giving a lecture on 'why Germans don't play cricket'."
"Hardly vital you say!" growled Mainwaring. "With Hitler poised across the channel ready to strike and it's hardly vital."
"I was just being optimistic sir, of all the days this… thing was planning on butting in like this it was lucky it was today!"
"Let's not have talk like that in this platoon Wilson," warned Mainwaring. "I'll have Corporal Jones replace you. At least he knows some fighting talk."
"Well-" But Wilson never finished his sentence. With a clatter of military boots, an old man dressed in the same green uniform and one stripe on his arms marched in whistling.
"Good evening Mr Mainwaring… Wilsy- blimey what's that then?"
"Good evening Jones," said Wilson with a charming smile. "How are you?"
"I'm very well thank you Wilsy," he turned to his Captain. "That's a bit in the way, isn't it? Looks a bit in the way anyway."
"It is," said Mr Mainwaring. "I plan to find the owner of this box and demand he remove it immediately."
"In the name of the King?" inquired Jones.
"Pardon?"
"Well sir, I've noticed, when you want something done, you put your hand on your hip like this-" he paused to demonstrate. "And you suck in your belly- your stomach sir, and you jut out your chin and you raise you voice and say 'in the name of the King!' - then whatever you want."
"Well, when it looks like the subject is disobedient, I do use the power I received from these three pips," said Captain Mainwaring smugly tapping his shoulder.
"Mmm," said Jones. "Never works though." Mainwaring's outraged retort was drowned out by the noise of two more soldiers' entering the building. The younger of the two rushed over to Sergeant Wilson.
"Uncle Arthur, Mum says you're to go back and tidy up your dirty dishes or she'll throw out your ration book." Wilson threw a hand to his head.
"Good Lord- I did tell the woman I'd be in a rush tonight… why can't she wash up my dishes for me it really is quite ridiculous."
"What ye got here then?" said a second voice. Everyone turned as James Frazer strode over to the strange blue box and rapped on it with his knuckles.
"We don't know," said Mainwaring impatiently. "Some fools dumped it here and interrupted vital military training."
"Why yon Germans don't play cricket," said Frazer sceptically. Mainwaring rose defensively, but the elderly Scotsman had already turned back to his comrades.
"It weren't 'ere this morning," said Jones. "I were here with Mrs Fox, I was and there weren't nothing 'ere then."
"And what were ye doing with Mrs Fox?" asked Frazer.
"I was just sort of showing her round the place, there weren't nothing in it, she was just curious… Mr Mainwaring he's fixing me with a suspicious eye, he always did have a suspicious eye… Mr Mainwaring he's upsetting me!"
"Pull yourself together you old fool," said Frazer sharply.
"Stop insinuating thing, you always did insinuate things…"
"It wasn't here when I arrived," said Wilson. "I've been here from five o'clock, in your office sir, and it wasn't there when I arrived."
"What were you doing in my office?" barked Mainwaring.
"Oh I was just tidying up this and that, sorting out paperwork, completely professional, of course…"
"He was writing Christmas cards," cut in Pike.
"Sir tell him to stop insinuating…"
"That's enough corporal!" Mainwaring barked. "Listen men, we need to get this shifted before the rest of the men arrive."
"But it says police," said Frazer, pointing. "We might get in trouble with the police."
"Police?" A new voice, a cockney voice joined in. "Listen to me, I swear, I didn't mean to it was an accident I was led there on false beliefs…"
Joe Walker, his army hat tilted to one side of his head, a cigarette clenched between his teeth hurried in the hall, looking from left to right. "Tell 'em I went that way or something…"
"Calm down Joe, its not the police," said Pike. "It's a police box." Walker touched his hat to prevent it from falling off his head and peered closely at the blue box.
"What's it for?" he asked curiously. "It's like one of them telephone things. But they're red…" He curled his hand round the handle and tugged at the door. It remained still.
"It's locked," said Frazer mournfully.
"Mr Mainwaring says he's going to move it in the name of the king," said Jones. A clatter of boots told the assembled soldiers that the remainder of the platoon were arriving. Mainwaring snapped into action.
"Jones, fall the men into three ranks. At the double."
"Fall into, at the double, three ranks!" bellowed the old corporal. Mainwaring turned to Wilson.
"Wilson, you will be sad to know I have been forced to postpone the cricket lecture until next week."
"Oh I am disappointed!"
"Please control yourself, Wilson, we don't want you showing to much emotion in front of the men."
"I'll try." Mainwaring turned round and addressed the men.
"Attention!" The men jumped into attention and then, one beat behind everyone else, so did Corporal Jones. He winced visibly. Mainwaring ignored him.
"Properly at ease, everybody. Now, it will not have escaped your notice that some kind of… box has miraculously appeared some time between five o'clock and five minutes ago. We need to get this shifted, or else-"
A sharp intake of breath from the back of the hall made Mainwaring stall and stutter to a halt. The verger, all decked out in his black robes and flat tweed hat, stepped forward.
"You're not allowed to bring unauthorised objects into the vicar's property… that's misuse of the church hall that is!"
"Leave us alone," said Jones. "You always were a trouble maker!"
"I'm not a trouble maker, you're the trouble maker…"
"I'm not a trouble maker-"
"Jones! I'll deal with this!" Mainwaring extracted his gun from his belt.
"Off you go!" The verger looked fearfully from the blue box to the barrel of the pistol, before hurrying off. Mainwaring's chest puffed visibly.
"That's sorted him," he said smugly.
"You did beautifully sir, beautifully," Jones gushed.
"Returning to the issue of the blue box. Now, first of all we need to figure out the best way to remove it."
"Actually sir, we better make sure it's nothing important before we chuck it somewhere, we don't want to be in trouble with the coppers you know what I'm saying?" Walker interrupted.
"Well there is some sense in that," admitted Mainwaring. "First issue… what is it?"
"Permission to speak sir!"
"Corporal."
"Well sir, I have been thinking of this issue for a long time, and I have come up with a solution."
"Go ahead," said Mannering.
"Well, I have deducted, after a long, hard session of thought," Jones paused. "I've forgotten."
"Some fool just dumped it here sir, that's all there is to it," said Frazer impatiently.
"Why is it locked then? And why does it say police?" Walker protested.
"Hey sir! Maybe its an secret weapon of war!" said Pike.
"I think that's highly unlikely," said Mainwaring smoothly.
"Why?" Pike stepped forward. "Shoot it Mr Mainwaring!"
"You stupid boy."
"You're entitled to! Shoot it!"
"It's just a box," he said. "Nothing worth wasting bullets on."
"Sir, has it occurred to you that there may be people inside?" Wilson said mildly.
"Now, there's hardly room, is there Wilson," said Mainwaring sceptically.
"Well you have heard of the Trojan horse… maybe it's bigger on the inside."
"Don't be daft," said Mainwaring.
"There could be spies in there, though," reasoned Frazer. "If you let spies go free," he paused to chuckle. "You'll be shot!"
Mainwaring rapped it with his knuckles.
"In the name of the King, I demand you open this door." No answer. He looked behind him. Back me up, Wilson," he said. Wilson stepped nearer.
"Do as he says… you brutes." Mainwaring rolled his eyes, and pressed his ear to the door.
"I hear movement," he hissed. "Surround it, draw your guns." Taking his pistol from his belt again he rapped on the door.
"In the name of the King-" The lock clicked. Mainwaring leapt back, and clicked back the hammer of his gun. The door swung open slowly, the men closed in…
"Oh!" Peering out the door was a pretty, dark skinned girl. Her hair was pulled back in a shocking bun and she was wearing the strangest clothes Mainwaring had ever seen on a women. She looked them up and down, her eyes lingering on their guns. "Hello."
What do you think? Should I carry on? Please review!
