OH OH OH, GUYS. I give permission to hate this story. I was flipping through my old journal and I found this, with the words "I HATE THIS!" scratched along the dotted page in big angry letters... But ya know, its been a year since i posted so, MERRY BIRTHDAY- oh, darn... never mind. Just review the dang darn thing to give me merry birthday, PLEASE? :D (retarded seal smile)
"It doesn't take a genius or…magic." Artemis said awkwardly.
"What do you mean?" The woman's starry eyes glinted in his direction. "How did you guess?"
He let a small sigh pass his lips, as he stared at the nameless couple in some type of envy. That couple was nameless because Artemis hadn't bothered with introductions. He had just heard her suspiciously listing symptoms to a tired doctor, with pauses and nervous glances at her worried husband, and he interjected casually with a gracelessness only he was capable of.
He took another step in the direction of the perfect couple. Perfect smiles. Perfect hair. Perfect hands with perfect, golden wedding bands…
"There were many clues." Artemis intoned coolly after a pause. "I'm certain you connected the dots on your own…"
Artemis's gaze shifted to her husband as he smiled a charming smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Her eyes followed. Then they were on Artemis again. She prodded him with an eager nod. Go on, it said.
"Erm, let us see…" He began again, "You said that you've been sick in the mornings, ravenous in the afternoons, and aching all over. An additional hint was your thin, healthy figure-" one of the newly discovered father-to-be's eyebrows climbed upward a fraction "-that abdominal swelling could mean one of two things." He chuckled, beginning to enjoy himself. "And I doubt that you two have been camping on the outskirts of Nigeria lately, so that rules out choice number two: parasites."
Somehow, the couple managed to smile through his unglamorous scenario. He waited for any kind of response or dismissal from the two, but was greeted with a few expectant blinks.
"So, logically I concluded that you were…expecting."
The bright young woman brought her hands together, forming a clap. "Amazing!" she gushed.
The un amused doctor, who had been tapping a crater into the brightly colored hospital tile, checked his clipboard, and walked away without a word. Apparently Artemis had done the man's job.
She turned to her husband with puppy eyes and said in a small voice, "I was planning to tell you next month. The committee girls and I had a whole shower planned-"
Hearing it aloud this first time finally made him believe it. He brought his hands slowly up to her shoulders, stared into her eyes, and pulled her close, kissing her forehead tenderly; she was repeating things like, "Just think of it, John" and "OUR FIRST CHILD!"
Artemis had been well away by this time, directing his steps to room no. 328; but the jubilant expectant-parents filled the bustling halls and corridors with their laughter and plans for the future, and their voices had only now started to fade.
Nurses gossiped to each other as they watched Artemis's steps slow and smile turn to a bitterly thoughtful expression.
Everything these days seemed to be warning him that time was passing. His mother, though today's health check results would come back flawless, was nearly fifty, his "old friend" had retired, and his best friend recently settled down; and this couple, barely older than him, had a child on the way? Time, and everybody in it moved along, no matter how many nights he stayed up, wishing it would slow.
He sighed, and everything in him sighed too- his anxieties, his many traumas, and his incomplete state sighed as he wondered when it would be his turn.
"Artemis," Juliet called, leaning heavily in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. "Your mothers exam is nearly over. What were you thinking for lunch?"
Artemis Fowl looked up, startled by the familiar voice of his bodyguard. "Pardon?"
"Alright? You weren't threatened or anything? And hey," she stretched the one syllable into two with a smile. "I'm supposed to protect the Fowlzzz-" she drew a circle around him in the air with a finger, her eyes crafty slits. "That means you, too. Stop running away from me, alright?"
Artemis was soothed somewhat by this teasing, and he smirked his well-known smirk and looked her up and down with his sharp blue eyes.
"Anyway, what about it, Arty? I picked up your gross caviar and those chalky cracker things, but heaven knows Dom and the twins will never put that into their mouths, so we need a compromise here. How about a soufflé?! I've never made a soufflé…"
And so she babbled. Artemis 's heart grew lighter every moment. His smiles and chortled "mmm"s were genuine, and he didn't care what he ate for lunch, not one bit. Artemis Fowl II realized that life wasn't so bad with a person like her for company.
ALRIGHT, THANKS FOR READING! YOUR CHOICE OF EITHER OF THESE LISTED PAYMENTS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED: $100,020,107.00345 (CASH) , OR A HELPFUL REVIEW. Thanks again ;)
