A personal alternative to 4x09. That argument couldn't stay like that!
"I spoke to chief Alvarez"
"After I asked you to leave this alone? After I asked you to trust me?"
"Why should I when you insist on keeping secrets with me?"
"Oh that's very ironic...coming from you. You kept my daughter away from me for weeks."
"I'm not going to explain myself on this again. And this is not about Amanda, this is about us. About how can you can lie to me and demand absolute honesty. Why do you ask me to prove myself over and over again?"
"I've never asked you to prove anything to me."
"You ask me everytime you throw my trust issues to my face, you did it this morning, and you did it twenty years ago."
"I sat ten years in jail alone. What did you prove then? Or did you not know that I was innocent?"
"Of course I knew."
"Then, where the hell were you?"
She couldn't deny he was right. That truth was buried inside of her and no matter how many excuses she tried to put on, it was pointless.
"September 1st, 1993. That date is attached to my memory, I said it to myself over and over, even after it passed and you were in jail. It was the day we were going to take Daniel and Amanda and start our new life together, do you remember?"
"Yes."
"I haven't forgot. I said every time I had to get in bed with a man I hated… Every time I looked into Charlotte's eyes and saw yours. I never stopped trusting you, David. And I'd go with you now, if only you'd ask. Just ask it."
"I'm not going anywhere without my daughter."
Nothing more to say.
"Wait, please" she shot suddenly, like feeling a pressure inside of her telling not to let him go.
She gave those few steps that separated them until she reached him.
"Forgive me, okay? For what I said. You're right, in everything... But please, please just..." This was working. This way of manipulating she had, worked on him even when he knew it was a tactic. "Just don't leave, not again. It was enough of fighting this morning and I can't bear watching how we break each other day after day more."
"We're already broken, Victoria." He started walking away, and her eyes remained to the floor, incapable of accepting what he said. The sound of the door closing took her out of the trance.
And there she stared. To that wood door that survived so many years of so many things. And closed sadly a lot of times. She remembers freshly every single night she left this house with the pain in her heart, with the desire in her soul of never leaving that place and stay with him.
How they got this far? How all became into this mess...
The following hours found her drowned into anguish. She changed the glass of tea for a glass of wine... and that exchange always meant something important. Whether it was good, or bad.
She was starting to feel sleepy, and her eyelids were getting heavier with every minute. But she'd wait for him to come back...
"Still awake?" He asked, walking towards the stairs.
"I was waiting for you" she stood up and started walking behind him.
"It wasn't necessary"
"It was for me... I want us to talk"
"About what?" He entered the bedroom, and she followed him inside closing the door.
"Us."
"Fine. Tell me" He seated on the edge of the bed, and started dressing out to change for sleeping.
"I need to know if you really want to be with me, David"
"What do you mean?"
"Listen to what I'm saying. And look at me!" She raised her voice. He wasn't looking at her and that always made her nerves explode.
She got him to pay visual attention to her. "I know we're not good, okay? We were never since you came back. And probably we will never be again... But I would be able to try" she seated beside him. His gaze became truly honest now. "Just tell me, yes or no. Do you feel anything for me? Do you want us to have something again? Because if you don't, we shouldn't lose more time"
His eyes lowered as if they couldn't look at hers. "That's the problem. A half of my heart still loves you, deeply. But the other half... hates you"
She felt how the tears traveled up her face. "So? What is that supposed to mean?"
"We both know how damage we're doing, Victoria. To ourselves and to each other."
She nodded softly, with her head low and the tears that already came up.
When she lifted her head, noticed that he was in the same position, with the same tears in his face.
"Now I know what you mean. I... I am going to sleep with Louise tonight and... I'll come to pick the clothes that I left here tomorrow."
He didn't answer, just remained there, silent. What she supposed is, that he didn't have the minor intention to stop her. So... she got up and headed to the door.
"Wait" it really surprised her. "Can you stay tonight? Just for the last time."
She laughed softly by incredulity. "You're not serious, right?"
"I am."
"You can't do that. First you say a half of you hates me and then you invite me to stay? What are we gonna do? Talk about the weather, in the state our relationship is?"
He looked at her in silence. "You're right... I'm sorry."
She had just opened the door, but with a sudden movement containing an unstoppable impulse inside, his arm rounded her waist completely and pushed her body against his. Her notoriusly angry breathing was crushing against his lips.
"Let me" she said trying her best to untangle herself from his arms.
"Don't fight, Vee, don't" he hold her the strongest he could.
"Why are you doing this to me? Why to… play with my heart like this?"
"You're not the one who's confused"
"But that doesn't mean I have to stay just to satisfy your wishes. And tomorrow everything will be over between us… Then I am the selfish one, right?"
"You're right"
She was right this time, he had to admit it. But it was like right now, he was talking only because he couldn't leave her talking alone. But actually, he didn't want to let her go… well, half of him.
Maybe he could allow him one last day… before everything that was already broken since years ago, break definitely.
From the other point, she was right, he was being completely selfish. He was only thinking about himself.
"Will you stay or not?"
"Let me." she got to free herself. "See you tomorrow" she threw, hitting right to the half of his heart that still loved her.
She opened the door and left him there, thinking about what just happened.
They deserved a better goodbye, after all these years. Maybe tomorrow they will have it.
