My heart has been shattered into a million tiny pieces. Edward left for college yesterday leaving me behind in Forks, my own personal hell. I thought we would be together forever, but Edward thought differently. He said that being apart would hurt to much and we should cut ties. I feel like a dark hole has swallowed me up and I will never break free. Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. My high school friends have stopped calling and I am surrounded by darkness.
The only light left in my life is Rosalie. She has made it her mission to fix what her step-brother has broken. Every time I see her it's like the sun is shining on me. I look at her today, her long golden hair flowing. She looks like a beautiful statue staring me down with piercing blue eyes. I sigh automatically knowing what is coming.
"Bella, enough is enough. You have stopped taking care of yourself. Charlie is worried sick. You need to snap out of it!" Rosalie snapped at me. I knew she was right, but I could feel the anger and defensiveness rise up in me.
" You think I don't know I'm disgusting, my hair is a mess, my clothes are wrinkled, I have no friends?! I know, but I can't break free, this darkness has swallowed me whole…" I start to cry a little bit. Rosalie's face softens for a moment, but only a brief moment.
"No enough with this self pity crap. You're better than this and looking at you now just makes me wants to kick the crap out of Edward for leaving you like this. He's such a selfish bastard." Rosalie is seething. I wince at the idea of her and Edward going head to head.
" Stop you would never hurt Edward" I mew at Rosalie. She shakes her golden hair and sighs with disgust.
" Get up, get showered were going out today and you're going to act like a real human" Rose snaps at me. I feel a level of anxiety rise in me. The last thing I want to do is go out and see other people, but I know there's no fighting Rosalie. I moan a little get off my couch and head to the shower. The water is cleansing. I can feel my dark mood slipping away and it being replaced with a little excitement, and a lot of trepidation at escaping the house. When I get out of the shower Rosalie is looking in my closet with a sour look on her face. She whips around looking, her eyes sweep down and up my body. I realize I'm only covered in a towel. My hair is a dripping tangled mess and my skin is a sickly looking white especially next to Rosalie's golden bronzed skin. Even in Fork's she manages to get tan, it must be all that beach volleyball she plays. The volleyball uniforms are skimpier than the cheerleaders. Rosalie looks away talking more to my closet than me.
"We are going shopping today. You're a beautiful girl, but all these close are boxy and hide what assets you do have." She glances at me and I blush. Well at least one person finds me attractive. Wait she just said shopping. Uh this is going to be the worst day. I innerly grimace, but Rosalie holds my gaze until I turn away.
" I'll let you get dressed, were going to get your hair styled today. Be prepared to be pampered." She smirks at this last part knowing how uncomfortable it makes me. I come downstairs dressed in a band t-shirt, ratty jeans and tennis shoes. Rosalie's sees me, shakes here golden waves and smirks to herself. The smirks turns into a bright maniacal smile as she speaks. Her blue eyes light up with a lovely glow.
" Soon we'll have you out of those ratty clothes and into something that will attract Edward 2.0" My eyes widen and I snort when she says that. She's absolutely crazy if she thinks I'm ready to date again. Rosalie's large smile softens to a ghost of one that plays on her perfect pout.
"Alright we're wasting daylight." She puts her arm around my shoulder shaking me until I giggle and she flashes a big smile again.
No one is Rosalie's family is related. Dr. Carlisle and his wife Esme met while doing charity work in Eastern Europe. They both respectfully decided they would rather adopt children than have their own. Esme had adopted Alice and Rosalie instilling them in them independence, and compassion. Carlisle had adopted Edward, Emmett and Jasper. He raised them or tried to with gentlemanly manners, but let them navigate their own paths. Carlisle and Esme married when the children were in their early teens. This unfortunately lead to some coupling between the children. Each of them was incredibly good looking and while it initially alarmed their parents Carlisle and Esme allowed them to date. Alice's bohemian attitude suited Jaspers gentlemanly, but stiff personality. Rosalie was a force of nature, but Emmett's fun loving nature relaxed her. Then there was Edward. My Edward. The family had settled in Forks a year before I came to the small town. From the moment I saw Edward there had been electricity. I couldn't believe this beautiful man was interested in me. He was and I was on a cloud, until he left and smashed me into a million tiny little pieces. Rosalie knowing me for over a year took pity and was my last friend in this sad little town. I'm deep in thought when I look over to see Rosalie's piercing eyes on me concern pulling at her mouth.
"We're here" She says shortly. As we get out of the car her eyes burrow deep into my face again assessing the situation.
" We need to get you a date,"She holds up her hand to silence me before I protest. " I know you don't think you're ready, but like it or not Edward has moved on and you need to try to as well". I wince like I've been punch in the stomach and look away from her molten gaze, holding my arms around me so I don't fall apart. She comes around the car putting her arm around me and begins to speak softly into my ear. Her breath tickles my neck.
"I'm not saying this to hurt you. I just see how amazing you are and I want you to see that too. It makes me so angry to think how much he's hurt you and I don't want you to hurt anymore. You have to take a first step sometime. Why not today?" She turns me to face her hands on my shoulders. At first I won't look at her. Then she take my chin in her hand and raises my face. She cups it momentarily to wipe away a stray tear falling down my cheek and then she shows me her bright smile.
" Come on you know it's going to me fun" She sings to me. Her energy is infectious and I can't help, but smile back. She puts her arm around me and we go into the mall.
"First stop hair salon" She pulls my hand and we skip there laughing. As soon as I'm sitting in the chair Rosalie and the hairdresser are looking pensively at me while speaking in hushed tones. Then they come over and play my hair trying to figure out the best look for me. Rosalie puts her hands on my shoulders smiling at me in the mirror.
"We're going to chop of the dead and give you a bouncy look. After that were going to warm up you're hair so you don't look like a vampire anymore." She beams at me and I can't help, but smile back.
" I'll be waiting over there reading celebrity gossip" With that she bounces over to the waiting area and the hair dresser comes over. She runs her hands threw my hair and it feels so good.
"I know you washed it before you came, but I want to give you some deep conditioning before we dye it." She leads me over to the sink and lathers my hair in warm water. It feels good. Ok maybe Rose was right I need to get out of this funk. I may not be ready to date, but a little pampering won't hurt me. The next hour are a blur, but the end results are breathtaking. The stylist blows out my hair in soft waves and I look like a new person. My hair falls to my shoulders in satiny waves and it's now a deep chestnut warming up my normally pasty skin. I can't help, by smile and I catch Rose smiling behind me. We pay and leave and Rosalie begins pulling me into the makeup department. I start to back away, but Rose holds onto me with an iron grip.
" Listen Bella, You don't have to do much. You are a beautiful girl, makeup is about enhancing not covering up what you already have." Rosalie makes me sit down and the cosmetic consultant puts on a light foundation, blush, mascara and some lip gloss. I look in the mirror again and bam a new person. My skin doesn't look pasty anymore, but a milky white. My cheekbones pop out with a lovely glow. The mascara makes my brown eyes look deep and penetrating and my lips look pouty and glistening. Alright maybe Rosalie did know what she was talking about. She was a golden goddess.
" Ready for the good part?" Rosalie pushes back my hair, smiling softly at me. I squirm inside.
Rosalie leads me to a lingerie story that looks way, way, way to sexy and super uncomfortable. I feel my whole face blushing and I stop like a statue at the door. She pulls my hand tenderly. Then clear the hair away from my face. She looks down at me speaking in a low voice.
"You know what my secret is what I'm not feeling confident?" The comment makes me smile automatically, Rosalie not confident? In what lifetime? She continues in a low voice holding my gaze.
"Whenever I'm feeling nervous I like to be wearing something really hot under my clothes. Not that anyone will see it, but it makes me feel powerful knowing how sexy I am. I think it'll do wonders for you…" She whispers the last part in my ear and I quiver a little. Then she pulls away suddenly and looks in my face with a smirk.
"Plus that sports bra is doing nothing for your figure. You're a young hot girl, not a grandma. You have to fake it till you make it!" With that she threw back her head and laughed pulling me in the store. The store was filled with lacy black, red, and white bras and panties enough to make me blush. Before I can object Rosalie is getting me measured and picking out a lacy red bra and thong. I laugh when she shows me and she frowns.
"Bella, remember you have to take a first step sometimes, why not a leap into the unknown? Think about how hot you would feel if you were to run into Edward and had this on underneath your clothes. How much confidence it could give you!?" I look at her doubtfully. I'd probably clam up, look down and bite my lip if I ran into Edward. I couldn't really think of being confident around him.
"Why does confidence have to come in such a little strip of clothing?" I moaned and Rose laughed.
"Doesn't it give you confidence to know someone could ripe off you panties easily?" I gasped and Rose smirked. She knew I was a virgin still. That was one of the things that lead me and Edward to break up. He wanted to act all Victorian and not pollute my precious flower. It was the stupidest thing I ever heard. Sweet, but stupid. He knew he was leaving and didn't want to take that and just leave me. Awesome logic, oh wait he just made me feel rejected, broke my heart and then left. Why was I moping over him again? The sudden chagrin made me snatch the lingerie out of Rose's hand and go into the dressing room. The shock on her face was an extra bonus. I undress and put on the lace red push up and barely there red thong. I guess I'm buying it now. The red lingerie casts a glow on my skin making it look pink and beautiful. I begrudgingly have to admit Rosalie was right. I feel so much more confident like I could walk right up to Edward and tell him he was a fool for leaving me. Well maybe that confident, but confident enough to say it to myself. I smile to myself when I hear a soft knock on the door.
"How it going in there, Bell? You didn't break an ankle getting the stuff on did you?" Rosalie laughs from the other side of the door. I scowl.
" I'm not that clumsy" I say in mock anger. Rosalie drops her voice.
"Let me in, I want to see how it looks" My eyes widen. I think I look good, but not next to Rosalie. I groan and poke my head out the door.
"I look ok, nothing special." She pulls the door open and I jump in the room covering myself so no one can see.
"Relax, people have better things to do than to stake out lingerie dressing rooms." She laughs and I stand awkwardly in the corner, one arm around my breasts another around my stomach. Rosalie smirks holding out her hand to me. I grab it and she pulls me towards her and in front of the mirror. She runs her hands down my arms making me standing attention. I slightly lean on her as she holds my wrists both of us looking in the mirror. Her mouth is next to my ear.
"See Bella, you're a beautiful woman. You're breast look how they should perky and round. And this red does wonders for your skin. It looks like your blushing. Men love that." Her touch is electrifying and I feel very warm in my cheats. The warmth travels down my breast, to the pit of my stomach and then into a deeper wet part of me. Rose is holding my wrists and I am stiff as a board. My heart quickens and I forgot to speak. She lets go and whirls me around.
"Earth to Bella, what do you think?" I stammer looking for the right words.
" Ya I think I look hot" Rosalie laughs a triumph laugh and leave the dressing room.
"Hurry up, we have one more shop to hit before we head back." My whole body is tingling and I have to dress slowly so I don't fall over. We pay for the lingerie and begin walking to Rose's favorite clothing shop. It feels normal between us again, maybe I imagined the electricity. To create normalcy again I try to bring up normal topics. How is volleyball going? How excited are you to go to FIT? How excited am I to go to Columbia? By the time we reach the store I feel no more tingles. The store is Rose incarnate. Edgy and sexy, not at all my first choice. I see some band shirts, but Rosalie steers me away bringing me over to the dresses.
"You've got some sexy lingerie now you need some sexy clothes" I groan and am about to throw a teenage hissy fit when Rose buries me in dresses.
"Aren't you going to try anything on?" I look at Rose skeptically.
"Isn't Emmett coming back from school this weekend?" I want to ask about Edward, but I won't.
"Yes, but I don't need new clothes for that.."
"Right because you don't wear clothes when your with Emmett" I spit out embarrassed I even said that. Rose and Emmett were infamous for their sexacapades, how they got away fucking so many places I don't know. I was always secretly jealous that Edward didn't show me the same passion Emmett showed Rose. Edward and I were very intense, it just never translated to sex, which was frustrating. Rosalie's laughter pulled me out of my thoughts.
"Yes we really didn't ever where clothes in private or public if we could get away with it, but no I don't need anything special because we broke up" She said it so bluntly my jaw dropped. She looked at me comically.
"Come on Bella, Emmett is a sweet guy, but he's not very smart and I am definitely the jealous type. I couldn't deal with him being with all those girls up there. You know he's probably getting a new girl every night. No, I'd rather be single than waste my time on that." I think my jaw was still open because Rose started laughing at me. I regained my composure and gave her a dirty look.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I stammered feeling betrayed. Rose stopped laughing.
" I didn't want to make it into a big deal, you've been in this depression I didn't want to make you sad about anything else." I winced thinking about it. I was too fragile to be told about someone else's break up. That's pathetic. I shot Rose a side ways glance and she smiled. I realized her taking care of me was probably helping her too.
"Alright lets try on some clothes" I squeaked. Most of the stuff Rose brought me was tight and showed off more skin than I was used to. But what the hell I was doing this for the both of us now. Seeing Rose happy over my transformation made me happy even if I thought it was dumb.
We left the store arm in arm laughing.
"So I have the perfect guy I want to set you up with" I stopped in my tracks and looked at her incredulously. This was all a well laid trap to get me on a date! Rosalie looked at me questioningly.
"What? I'm not letting you let all this stuff go to waste. He's really hot, he just transferred to our school from the Indian reservation." I quickly remembered who she was talking about. He was really hot, but way out of my league and too much of a badass for my father. Charlie didn't even like Edward and he was the most well mannered man on the planet. Maybe he knew he was a heartbreaker. I was daydreaming and Rosalie was starring again, I quickly responded.
" The guy with the motorcycle?! If he's so hot why don't you date him?" I scoffed. Rosalie put on her determined face and I knew I was in trouble. A little smirk played at the corner of her mouth.
"Because he's not interested in me. He asked me about you. If he was interested in zombie you, he'll fall down on his knees and worship this Bella!" My mouth fell open for a moment and I thought about how amazing that would be, but then my rational mind came back.
"No, I'm not going, It's not happening. I'm not ready!" I let out in a huff. Rose suddenly frowned and the determined look on her face was back.
"Oh you're going. I just broke up with my boyfriend and seeing you go on this date will make me happy." I was taken aback. I can't believe she played the guilt card! Ugh I guess I have to go now. I drop my head and roll my eyes. Rosalie sees I surrendered, smiling widely she pulls me to the car. What have I gotten myself into?
