Important Purpose

Summary: Dean reconsiders his purpose in life.

Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to Kripke, et al. and is so totally not mine – except for the DVDs.

Spoilers: References to Faith, AHBL 1 & 2, Lazarus Rising

AN: I kept hoping someone else (preferably a better writer than me) would explore this idea so it would stop bothering me. It didn't turn out quite like I wanted since my time is limited and I have so much homework it is not even funny… I just had to get this out of my brain first so I could get back to work.

Please review! Otherwise, how am I to improve? Thanks….

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I always thought that my purpose in life was to protect Sammy – to keep him safe.

I've failed him too many times to count, but I kept trying since, after all, I thought it was my purpose. Over time, I thought that it was why I had been born.

When I was healed by Le Grange and told that I had an important purpose, a job to do, and it isn't finished, I had no doubt that I was not done protecting Sammy. That he was meant for great things and that I was supposed to make sure he could do them.

When I failed Sammy in Cold Oak, I wasn't really thinking anything other than I can't do this alone. I sold my soul so that he could live, but looking back I thought I had fulfilled my purpose.

Not too long after that, when I killed the Yellow-Eyed Demon and revenged my mother, I thought I had finished my job. Sammy was alive and the thing that had killed our mother and destroyed our family was dead. I thought I was I done.

But, first, we had to put as many of the demons that were released from the Devil's Gate back into Hell – even if I was going to have to get up close and personal with them again in less than a year. I had to keep Sammy safe until I couldn't anymore.

By the time my deal had come due, I knew that the demons were after my brother. They either wanted him dead or to be their leader, and though we had tried to get me out of my deal, my soul was still bound for Hell. I would fail in my purpose once again. I wouldn't be able to protect Sammy anymore.

Le Grange's words briefly came to mind once again and as the hellhound first dug its claws into my body and started ripping it apart. There was nothing more I could do. I had done all I could do in trying to fulfill my purpose. I didn't regret what I had done. I only regretted that I wouldn't be there for Sammy any more.

When I was resurrected and restored body and soul, I wondered if I still had a purpose. Was Sammy alive? Did he still need me?

The second I saw him, I thought my purpose was yet to be fulfilled. He was alive, I was alive, and I still had a purpose.

When Bobby and I confronted the one who rescued me from Hell, I asked him why he had done it. Castiel said that God had commanded it and that they have work for me to do.

I can hardly wrap my head around it. God saved me because He has work for me to do. How am I supposed to accept that? Why does He give a crap about me?

I always thought Sam was my purpose for being. Or that perhaps my purpose, my job was to kill the Yellow-Eyed Demon. Not this. Never this.

I couldn't help but think again of what Le Grange had said to me when I asked him what he saw in my heart, why he chose to heal me. He had said that I was a young man with an important purpose, a job to do, and it wasn't finished.

I've spent my whole life thinking that I had other purposes, other jobs to do. Never had I thought my job, my purpose was to work for God. Perhaps this is what Le Grange had meant all along.

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Thanks for reading!

AN 2: I was sitting reading my homework last week when the quote from Faith popped into my head. I remember thinking at the end of season 2 that Dean had fulfilled what Le Grange had said by killing the YED. Now I'm wondering if I was wrong….