"Cordy and Angel decided to have a night together to celebrate their now solidified relationship, their passion reached new levels of love and intimacy, neither afraid to show their devotion to each other in ways they'd never thought possible.

As they laid in blissful afterglow, the Powers That Be decided to rectify the error made a few years back, they were going to erase the Jasmine snafu and give Angel the family he truly deserved…

As 2 lovers slept, a new life blossomed."

Cut to the beach, and a milky eye slowly pans out to reveal another life that has ended.

"As for Buffy, well, the putrid whore may have had a bullet through her brain and a knife wound in her gut, but if history dictates anything, it's that her gang of misfits always find a way to bring her back, usually undoing a man's hard work in the blink of an eye."

Blade, King and Abby stand around Buffy's dead body; a pool of blood that gave the appearance of black ooze when reflected off the night sky slowly grew in size around her and sank into the sand.

"I thought I had known everything I'd ever needed to know about magic and mystical forces years ago, when my knowledge was limited to how many different types of vampires existed. But ever since I met Cordelia, I've been introduce to a whole new world of weird; a world where death wasn't so much the point where everything ends as it was just an excuse to take some time off until you're ready to come back."

The trio glanced up at each other at the same instant as if they could read each other's thoughts.

"Not this time. We were going to redefine the phrase 'dead'; restore the very nature of the word. No two months of basking in the sun for this venomous cunt. She gets the permanent vacation."

Blade unsheathed his sword, bringing it down with a violent swipe towards Buffy's soulless body.

"Besides, even if they wanted to leave the bitch dead, as far as I was concerned, a funeral was just too damn good to waste on her."

(10 minutes later)

Blade is packing a severed thigh into a garbage bag, then tying it closed, Hannibal King and Abigail, respectively, are seen behind him, each holding a filled garbage bag of their own. They look down at the dismembered and decapitated remains.

"We decided that the torso was too big and awkward to try and slice apart--"

Cut to the torso set ablaze inside a large furnace.

"So we took it to the local crematorium."

Cut to the reflection of the smoldering corpse in Blade's sunglasses.

"Oh well, at least 30 of her gets the quote-unquote "proper post-death treatment"…granted the remains weren't so much used for occupying an urn on someone's mantle--"

Cut to daytime next day, a group of construction workers are laying in the foundation for a new road. Ash is being screened to create the necessary metallic materials.

"As bottom ash for highway construction."

Blade slinks past a worker while his back is turned and dumps the ashes into the combustion chamber.

"We divided the rest of the parts between us. A mixture of hands, feet, forearms, upper arms, thighs and lower legs."

We see the trio dumping the various bloody parts into the garbage bags. Blade picks up the last piece from the ground, and stares at in, a look of pure abhorrence etched on his features.

"I got the head…

The trio of outcasts glance at each other without words, just stoic expressions. Cut to Blade and Abigail taking of on motorcycles in opposite directions. Hannibal drives off in his jet black RV in another direction.

"We take our portions and go our separate ways for about two weeks. Along the way we distribute the parts in ways we see fit. We had three simple rules. Rule number one, make each distribution unique…"

Cut to Blade tossing a thigh into a dog yard back in New York, watching as the ravenous Dobermans tear away the flesh until they've picked it clean.

"Would have liked to just dispose of all the pieces this way, but Christ knows, they'd probably just resurrect her from the shit."

Flash

Cut to Abigail, tossing a forearm into a vat of nuclear waste in a nuclear plant in South Texas, then covering her face with a cloth as she steps away to ensure she doesn't breathe in the toxic fumes emitted as the flesh dissolves from the muscle, the muscle from the bone, the bone from the marrow, until the rest settled to the top and then sank into the glowing green slime.

Flash

Cut to King, handing the…er, hand, to an old voodoo woman in a wood bayou shack somewhere in New Orleans, she thanked him for the offer, and in gratitude gave him a bracelet made from old bones extracted from various animals from the surrounding swamp. She stated that it was used to bring him good luck on his journey in life.

Flash

Cut to Blade dumping a foot into a vat of quick dry cement, then pouring it into a block used to shape a column for a basement garage for a developing shopping mall in Calgary Alberta, Canada.

Cut to Abby on a fishing boat she rented from a fisherman somewhere in Minnesota to travel to the border of the ocean declared as shark infested, and tosses a lower half of a leg to the waters, then beat a hasty retreat.

Cut to King, portraying a deliveryman contributing an upper arm to a medical school in Monterrey, Mexico for dissection and research.

Over the next few days, Buffy's gangrenous body parts were dealt with in very… inventive ways.

"Rule number two: Do not give updates on your progress. Establish no contact, do not let each other know how you dealt with your share or where."

Cut to Blade, holding Buffy's head in his hand. Standing on an icy edge of a snow-encased landform in Alaska. Staring out into the vast ocean of floating icebergs. He swings the head by the hair as if it were a primitive slingshot used in the battles of ancient mythology and hurls it into the waters, consuming the most recognizable portion of the former slayer into its frigid depths, encasing it in an icy tomb.

"Rule number three…"

The trio reconvenes back at their base at the docks of New York, staring at each other in mute confirmation.

"When it's done, take the secret to your grave, reveal to no one any details of what you did."

Now, you may be asking, how did we get from Cordy and Angel consummating like bunnies with jungle fever to Buffy's gruesome death, and what could have pushed a trio of supposed good guys to not only kill, but sadistically butcher someone who was considered to be one of the ultimate good guys?

Well…it all started around two months ago…"